melodymatters Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 Who are single and back on the dating market ! Ok, this is a semi vent, as I am back dating again myself and it seems I keep running into this scenario. I'm 40, my daughter is 15 will be going to community college next year and living in the dorm. I CAN'T WAIT, as she has been a very painy teen. I have met three potential suitors : 45, 46, and 52, and they ALL have elementary achool age kids around 7 or 8. Now, I love kids, run an childrens theatre etc, but I don't want to go back to the t-ball game, run screaming through the house,arranging play dates, cry if you don't get your way, stages again. And thats all BEFORE the horrible, hormonal teen thing begins. Plus to compound things, it seems like because these guys had their children later in life, they are trying very hard to be SUPER DADS, which is great, but there is also a fine line between that, and spoiling them rotten. Obviously there's nothing to be done here, except for to decline gracefully and keep them as friends. And I admire them for being so involved in their kids lives when many men don't after a split with the mom. I guess I was just wondering if anyone else has run into this and what their feelings and experiences were. There is a part of me that's like " Oh, ok dude, so you spent your 20's and 30's catting around, made a bad choice in partners, and now I"M supposed to help you co-parent for the next ten years, NO FAIR !" All right, vent over !!
tanbark813 Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 There is a part of me that's like " Oh, ok dude, so you spent your 20's and 30's catting around, made a bad choice in partners, and now I"M supposed to help you co-parent for the next ten years, NO FAIR !" Maybe they wanted to be more financially stable or couldn't find worthy mates. There are some of us in our 30's who would like kids but the circumstances haven't been quite right. We're not all f**k-ups.
Author melodymatters Posted January 11, 2008 Author Posted January 11, 2008 Your right tan, in that they are all pretty succesful financially ! I certainly wasn't meaning to imply that they were f*ck ups ! Just that having been there and done that, doing it again with somone who is even 10 yrs older than me, is a drag. shoot ! when I saw your name i thought you were going to suggest younger men !
Author melodymatters Posted January 11, 2008 Author Posted January 11, 2008 PS. Plus, if they are dating again, obviously they DIDN'T find " worthy mates, lol ! In fact, I think it might be ego, and realizations of their own mortality, their version of the bio clock, that made them procreate with unsuitable ladies !
tanbark813 Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 Your right tan, in that they are all pretty succesful financially ! I certainly wasn't meaning to imply that they were f*ck ups ! Just that having been there and done that, doing it again with somone who is even 10 yrs older than me, is a drag. Yeah, I totally understand that. I just don't think that it should be assumed that it was for negative reasons that those guys had kids late in life. shoot ! when I saw your name i thought you were going to suggest younger men ! Well I do like older women.
burning 4 revenge Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 Your right tan, in that they are all pretty succesful financially ! I certainly wasn't meaning to imply that they were f*ck ups ! Just that having been there and done that, doing it again with somone who is even 10 yrs older than me, is a drag. shoot ! when I saw your name i thought you were going to suggest younger men ! Would you date guys who were say, like maybe 33? Thats not even really younger
Cobra_X30 Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 Yeah, I totally understand that. I just don't think that it should be assumed that it was for negative reasons that those guys had kids late in life. Or that those kids are not worth the time and effort. Well I do like older women. Who doesn't!
Author melodymatters Posted January 11, 2008 Author Posted January 11, 2008 Would you date guys who were say, like maybe 33? Thats not even really younger Yes ! actually looking younger than my age, coupled with being pretty immature, I have LONGED to meet a younger guy ! Unfortunately, thats just not happening ! ( And sure, ya never hit on me while I was in FL, I move to NY and suddenly " you care" ! lol )
CaliGuy Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 Who are single and back on the dating market ! Ok, this is a semi vent, as I am back dating again myself and it seems I keep running into this scenario. I'm 40, my daughter is 15 will be going to community college next year and living in the dorm. I CAN'T WAIT, as she has been a very painy teen. I have met three potential suitors : 45, 46, and 52, and they ALL have elementary achool age kids around 7 or 8. Now, I love kids, run an childrens theatre etc, but I don't want to go back to the t-ball game, run screaming through the house,arranging play dates, cry if you don't get your way, stages again. And thats all BEFORE the horrible, hormonal teen thing begins. Plus to compound things, it seems like because these guys had their children later in life, they are trying very hard to be SUPER DADS, which is great, but there is also a fine line between that, and spoiling them rotten. Obviously there's nothing to be done here, except for to decline gracefully and keep them as friends. And I admire them for being so involved in their kids lives when many men don't after a split with the mom. I guess I was just wondering if anyone else has run into this and what their feelings and experiences were. There is a part of me that's like " Oh, ok dude, so you spent your 20's and 30's catting around, made a bad choice in partners, and now I"M supposed to help you co-parent for the next ten years, NO FAIR !" All right, vent over !! What was that about childless men not wanting to date single moms? Do I hear the shoe being dropped on the other foot??
Author melodymatters Posted January 11, 2008 Author Posted January 11, 2008 What was that about childless men not wanting to date single moms? Do I hear the shoe being dropped on the other foot?? ABSOLUTELY ! And that was part of my point in posting ! You hear that all of the time, I thought I would bring up this new angle that I've been encountering and see what happens ! Hmmm, where are all the ladies though ????
Dynamo Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 I apologize for my post doesn't really help you any, but I'm curious - how is your daughter going off to community college at the age of 15? That seems extremely young for a college bound student.
Author melodymatters Posted January 11, 2008 Author Posted January 11, 2008 I apologize for my post doesn't really help you any, but I'm curious - how is your daughter going off to community college at the age of 15? That seems extremely young for a college bound student. No problem. I said next year, when she is 16, as there are great community college bridge programs for those who hate high school. I did the same thing years ago at 16. But still, 15 year olds are MUCH more on auto pilot than 7 year olds. No need for babysitters, they's rather be with their friends, they can make their own grilled cheese, etc... Like I said, knowing it's not for me, I am declining taking anything further, and give them props for being good dads. It's just a new experience for me and wanted to see what the LS community had to add !
burning 4 revenge Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 Yes ! actually looking younger than my age, coupled with being pretty immature, I have LONGED to meet a younger guy ! Unfortunately, thats just not happening ! ( And sure, ya never hit on me while I was in FL, I move to NY and suddenly " you care" ! lol ) You moved to New York? And if I remember right you're the hot Italian actress/teacher I think What did you go and do that for
underpants Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 Well, here is a wrench. I dated (briefly) a younger man (32) that had a small child. This ended in large part due to his unstable ex and his inability to show strength. He really does love his son and that was a big part of what attracted me to him. However, I feel bad for his situation that could be rectified fairly easily. I recommended a good attorney and got him a free consultation and my warmest regards. He still has done nothing in regards to stablizing that kid's future or his own for that matter. Oh well, I do hope they figure out a way and that his ex does not just take off with his son. That would destroy him.
nittygritty Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 The single guys without kids or who have grown kids often want to have new babies so be careful what you wish for...
Lizzie60 Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 I dated a few guys with younger kids or teens... NO WAY.. never again... I'm passed that age to take care of children... I want the guy for myself not to be shared with kids... I love kids... but for a date, I prefer if his kids are grown-ups and out of the house.. LOL I have no patience for young kids anymore, plus it's most of the time the same thing.. the dad are spineless and let the kids do whatever they want... arrrghhh.. this drove me crazy and I dumped them... Now, if they say they have kids, I don't even want to meet them...
Author melodymatters Posted January 11, 2008 Author Posted January 11, 2008 You moved to New York? And if I remember right you're the hot Italian actress/teacher I think What did you go and do that for Oooh, thanks !:love: My first Love shack flirt-off !!! And yes, unders, the not being able to stand up to the mom thing, and or set boundries with the kids is part of the problem. Mr. 52 yrs old has primary custody, and I love his kids and they love me ( we are old friends from before EITHER of us had kids !) But they won't even pick up their bowl and put it in the sink. He's like " it's not a big deal, I enjoy doing things for them", but I try and tell him delicately, that you are not doing THEM any favors if you don't teach them manners, or basic self care ! And yeah, I hear ya NG, but a guy with teenagers who can do the count down with me ( 3-2-1 YEA, they're out of the house !) Doesn't likely want to start again either, and if a younger guy wanted kids, then obviously I wouldn't even go there !
Pyro Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 A little off topic MM but you say that your 15 year old is going to community college in the fall?
Racquel Colette Posted January 12, 2008 Posted January 12, 2008 Your daughter is only 15 and going to college and living in the dorm next year? Wow, I can imagine she is happy to move out. Anyway I do not think you are a good mom and it is good you are sparing these great dads their time from someone like you who places dating before being a parent! You just don't get it! There is a REASON your daughter was a pain, because you weren't really emotionally in to being her parent!
Author melodymatters Posted January 12, 2008 Author Posted January 12, 2008 Your daughter is only 15 and going to college and living in the dorm next year? Wow, I can imagine she is happy to move out. Anyway I do not think you are a good mom and it is good you are sparing these great dads their time from someone like you who places dating before being a parent! You just don't get it! There is a REASON your daughter was a pain, because you weren't really emotionally in to being her parent! You know Raquel, you have nothing but negative things to say on ANYONES post. People like you are the reason people who formally used to like posting here have STOPPED. My kid is in the gifted program and hates the prison like atmosphere, and ,teaching for the test, crap that is prevalent in HS today. I, and my mother before me in the 1960's, doubled up on some subjects and took others in college, and went to college at 16. Now I suppose my MOTHER is a bad parent too ?!? I was exploring another side of the dating/single mom/single dad/ having kids at all, coin that so often comes up here. choosing not to date somone with young children does not make one a bad person. Tomorrow I will be entertaining over 100 children at the the childrens theatre I started. We have done lots with the make a wish foundation,local domestic violence shelters and numerous local charities. I just don't want to RAISE them all at 40 years old. And that is my right. I'd love to debate you face to face, but people like you just come on anonymous boards and sling crap and then run away. Gee, next post why don't you call me fat and ugly too ??? Miserable people try and breed misery wherever they go, intelligent, helpful people post constructive posts, with an attempt to actually help, learn or educate. Guess which one you are ?
underpants Posted January 12, 2008 Posted January 12, 2008 Actually, my sister started University at 16. I started at 17 (I was lazy). It is not that uncommon to accelerate through school. I almost failed an elementary grade because of ...boredom. They figured it out and let me set my academic pace. As far as the topic at hand I am kind of torn. I have no children so I wonder if I am good enough to be a stepmom or if some guy would be disappointed with me if I could not offer him children.
Nemo Posted January 12, 2008 Posted January 12, 2008 Actually, my sister started University at 16. Me, too. I also finished at 16. Talk about gifted... how smart am I!?
underpants Posted January 12, 2008 Posted January 12, 2008 Me, too. I also finished at 16. Talk about gifted... how smart am I!? Oh yea?!!? Well, my nephew at the wise old age of 6 has already achieved his doctorate in Legos and constructed a time machine that allowed him to travel into the future and return to the sacred under the table cave and shared with me all of the prophecies of what he saw. He is a genius, and yes, I drank the kool aid. Kids are smarter in each successive generation. Most of them anyway. Technology and good parenting attribute to this. The education system is slow to catch up to the sponges of youth.
StartingOver07 Posted January 12, 2008 Posted January 12, 2008 Your daughter is only 15 and going to college and living in the dorm next year? Wow, I can imagine she is happy to move out. Anyway I do not think you are a good mom and it is good you are sparing these great dads their time from someone like you who places dating before being a parent! You just don't get it! There is a REASON your daughter was a pain, because you weren't really emotionally in to being her parent! Perhaps Melody's daughter is able to accelerate in school because Meoldy has been a great mom who has nurtured her daughter's academic interests. Just because someone is at a stage in life where she does not want to co-parent young children does not mean she did not do a good job of parenting her own children, nor that she values dating above parenting. Honestly, I have no idea if Melody is a good mom or not, nor whether the men she has met are good dads, but I do find it interesting that from the little she has posted, you are able to conclude that she is not a good mom and the dads are all great. Sounds like you have issues.
Nemo Posted January 12, 2008 Posted January 12, 2008 Well, my nephew at the wise old age of 6 has already achieved his doctorate in Legos and constructed a time machine that allowed him to travel into the future and return to the sacred under the table cave and shared with me all of the prophecies of what he saw. That's what you get for allowing small children to watch Stargate. Unfortunately I failed to get my doctorate in Legos... I had several promising pieces that never quite came together. That might sound like sour grapes, but it's more a reflection on not wanting to waste a lifetime crystallising my imagination into coloured bricks.
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