Trimmer Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 Is it possible that while they are in the EA it is actually helping them cope with their marriage? They get their valadation elsewhere and everything else at home. In my case my wife is getting all the day to day issues taken care of by me and getting her ego boosted and emotional needs from the OM. Then as icing on the cake she gets to have sex and affection from me at home. The OM is miles away but just the click of the cell phone gets her all the valadation or ego stroking she needs. We get along great at home and she can call him to be told how beautiful she is and so on. So she has the best of both worlds. Does this make sense? I'm actually interested in whether it makes sense to you... As you describe it, it sounds like you are OK with it. Interestingly however, given the topic of this thread, you sound like you are looking for external validation...
Planofool Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 Trimmer I'm actually interested in whether it makes sense to you... As you describe it, it sounds like you are OK with it. Interestingly however, given the topic of this thread, you sound like you are looking for external validation... It makes sense knowing my wife. She has always been overly needy in my opinion. Obviuosly I didn't meet all her needs and she went elsewhere to get her validation. According to her it didn't start out that way, it evolved into hundreds of minutes of cell phone conversations a day. No I am not OK with it. As far as external validation for me I think it's more of looking for answers. We don't talk about the EA anymore and the people on here have been a great help for my healing. I don't want to bore people on here with it but it is my only form of getting answers. She probably has the answers but they are hard to get to. Love your signature...he's the man
Mz. Pixie Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 Is it possible that while they are in the EA it is actually helping them cope with their marriage? They get their valadation elsewhere and everything else at home. In my case my wife is getting all the day to day issues taken care of by me and getting her ego boosted and emotional needs from the OM. Then as icing on the cake she gets to have sex and affection from me at home. The OM is miles away but just the click of the cell phone gets her all the valadation or ego stroking she needs. We get along great at home and she can call him to be told how beautiful she is and so on. So she has the best of both worlds. Does this make sense? Absolutely. As a former wayward wife I can agree with this.
twice_shy Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 Lots of people, including my H, say one of the reasons they cheated is because they needed "validation". What exactly does "validation" mean insofar as cheating is concerned? Validation to see if they are still attractive to someone other than their spouses. People like that have no business being married.
Author JustBreathe Posted January 16, 2008 Author Posted January 16, 2008 Wow. Just went back and read all these posts one by one. Some really interesting viewpoints have been presented here. So what it boils down to is cheaters need validation they won't ACCEPT from their spouse because their validation doesn't matter anymore, or they BELIEVE their spouse can't give them that validation while other people can. In either case, the cheater has abandoned the spouse and the marriage before they even began to cheat.
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