sundaynightheartache Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 Two years ago, I fell in love like I've never fallen before. It was like, everything before that didn't matter. It became selfish.. in a sense that I wanted him all for myself. Of course, I understood friendships and family. But it was the type of selfish where I just can't imagine him being with someone else ever. We started going on and off after a year because of long distance, but we've always had strong feelings for each other. I hooked up with a other people while we were together, but just the thought of him doing the same kills me inside. Now, after year, we realized that the reason why we haven't gotten into relationships with other people is because we still want each other. I love him so much. And he's the guy I want to be with forever. But my heart aches every time I think about how he did become interested even a little bit with other girls between that time we were on our breaks. And now.. I just feel like breaking down every time I have that thought. I don't know if I could look at him. I feel like our love is tainted. I don't know what to do. Please someone talk to me. I want to get over this jealousy. I'm not like this with other guys. Would it be better if I just let go? And maybe start over and not fall so hard.
s_n_d Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 I think if you both still feel the same way about eachother, you should try to work things out. And then if it doesnt you HAVE to move on..You cant keep dating on and off.
Lee725 Posted January 12, 2008 Posted January 12, 2008 If you cant get passed what happened when you were not together then the relationship does not really stand a chance. Just because he was interested in them does not mean much. He is back with you because he loves you & you him. If these other girls meant so much he would still be with them. Forget the past and start fresh.
Racquel Colette Posted January 12, 2008 Posted January 12, 2008 Yeah, it is time to move on. I would never get back together with an ex after one breakup already. You have been on and off in the past, after the first breakup/makeup and there is another breakup, it NEVER works. (Even Greg Behrendt will tell you this in He's Just Not That Into You.) Also I would never get back together with a guy if he had had sex with another woman in-between, because you are right.....it is tainted and it changes things and it will never be the same with you two again. Cut him out of your life completely, it is time to move on and let the fantasy of him go because of all the things I mentioned, it will NEVER work. You will be "off" again and find yourself in the same on again off again, then what is the point, you have wasted valuable time in looking for a true life partner who will really love you (a man who breaks up with you doesn't in his heart love you.)
bozwa Posted January 12, 2008 Posted January 12, 2008 Okay, um, am I missing something? Did you not just say that you hooked up with people while you were together with this guy? It's okay for you but not for him? Why?
Racquel Colette Posted January 12, 2008 Posted January 12, 2008 No, they were on one of one of their "breaks" and both hooked up with other people then.
MissMaris Posted January 12, 2008 Posted January 12, 2008 Mature love is not based on fantasy, it is based on the realization that you are both HUMAN with FLAWS. You will have to get over his past, plain and simple, if you truly want a relationship with this man. There will be new challenges along the way, as you two forge a path together (if that is in your future). You can't think of love as something that gets 'tainted'. Love is embracing all feelings you have about your partner; anger, frustration, boredom, irritation, passion, friendship, lust, affection, etc. There is no perfection when it comes to human relationships. Talk to him honestly about your feelings, even if you think they're silly. Talk it through and then put it behind you.
bozwa Posted January 12, 2008 Posted January 12, 2008 No, they were on one of one of their "breaks" and both hooked up with other people then. I should have rephrased my question. I do understand they were on one of their breaks, so he hooked up and she hooked up. SHE hooked up. So why is it "killing her inside" that HE hooked up as well? Sounds double-edged and hypocritical to me.
Author sundaynightheartache Posted January 13, 2008 Author Posted January 13, 2008 I should have rephrased my question. I do understand they were on one of their breaks, so he hooked up and she hooked up. SHE hooked up. So why is it "killing her inside" that HE hooked up as well? Sounds double-edged and hypocritical to me. I know that. I know exactly what you mean, and it's not fair. I know! But what I'm talking about here.. is not forgiveness. But getting my mind off the fact that we did hook up with other people and it just breaks my heart that it happened. The thing is.. before we got together, things like that didn't bother me at all. But it bothered him A LOT that I've been with people before him. He gave it meaning. I don't know how else to explain it. So the fact that in our breaks, things happened.. I feel like his values on love have digressed. Does that make a bit sense? I know.. I can try to get over it. I love him. I just want to sort of write it down on here and see what other people might feel about it. I just need to let it out.. you know?
Author sundaynightheartache Posted January 13, 2008 Author Posted January 13, 2008 Yeah, it is time to move on. I would never get back together with an ex after one breakup already. You have been on and off in the past, after the first breakup/makeup and there is another breakup, it NEVER works. (Even Greg Behrendt will tell you this in He's Just Not That Into You.) Also I would never get back together with a guy if he had had sex with another woman in-between, because you are right.....it is tainted and it changes things and it will never be the same with you two again. Cut him out of your life completely, it is time to move on and let the fantasy of him go because of all the things I mentioned, it will NEVER work. You will be "off" again and find yourself in the same on again off again, then what is the point, you have wasted valuable time in looking for a true life partner who will really love you (a man who breaks up with you doesn't in his heart love you.) We've both tried so many times. We've tried for a year. Not talking. Trying to be friends. Being cold to each other. I've tried liking other guys.. but I just back off picturing my ex in my life, in my future. And I just can't even seem to look at other guys in that way anymore.. like no one could ever compare. And so I turned to girls. I've always been bi. And I have started liking this girl and seeing a relationship with her. But I feel like I can't go on.. Because my heart really does belong to him. And I hate him so much for it. I don't know why we have this great attraction between us.. me and my ex. We absolutely have nothing in common. I just feel like a fool.. I'd drop everything for him. And he's not a bad guy. I don't know if I've mentioned this.. but the reason why we broke up is long distance and pressures of college work. I don't even know what to ask from you guys anymore. But thanks so much for the input. I really appreciate reading about what you guys think because I want outside thoughts from my fogged up head from people I've never met.
CalamitousJane Posted January 13, 2008 Posted January 13, 2008 Hi sweetie, sounds like you're really struggling right now. Here's one more outside thought, hoping to help you defog.... What I'm finally starting to understand, is that there are all different ways people can connect. We meet people who we get a "buzz" from pretty often. You look at someone on the sidewalk or on TV and you think or say, "I'd do him!" This kind of connection always feels strong when it's immediate and in-person. It can be a little brightness on a cloudy day, or it can turn into a weird mess of sweaty sheets and embarrassed apologies. I've felt these little connections my whole life, doesn't matter whether I'm with a partner or not. Maybe once a week or so, someone has that little something that floats my boat. When I've been single sometimes, in the past, I acted on that little something. The thing is, staying crazy about someone for a whole year, even when you're separated, is a whole 'nother story. It was right and good for BOTH of you to do your research during the time you were apart. You both hooked up with people you felt that little buzz from, and you both noticed how different that was from how you fell about each other. That's the only way you could REALLY know that the connection you have is something special. So now you know, and he knows, and that's a wonderful thing!
Chrome Barracuda Posted January 13, 2008 Posted January 13, 2008 Two years ago, I fell in love like I've never fallen before. It was like, everything before that didn't matter. It became selfish.. in a sense that I wanted him all for myself. Of course, I understood friendships and family. But it was the type of selfish where I just can't imagine him being with someone else ever. We started going on and off after a year because of long distance, but we've always had strong feelings for each other. I hooked up with a other people while we were together, but just the thought of him doing the same kills me inside. Now, after year, we realized that the reason why we haven't gotten into relationships with other people is because we still want each other. I love him so much. And he's the guy I want to be with forever. But my heart aches every time I think about how he did become interested even a little bit with other girls between that time we were on our breaks. And now.. I just feel like breaking down every time I have that thought. I don't know if I could look at him. I feel like our love is tainted. I don't know what to do. Please someone talk to me. I want to get over this jealousy. I'm not like this with other guys. Would it be better if I just let go? And maybe start over and not fall so hard. You cheated when you was together and when your apart he's seeing other people? and your mad about him seeing other girls when you pushed him away with your cheating in the first place? WTF? Your love is tainted, If you want him back and you want to start over, find forgiveness and move on from that. Why are you still resentful after what you both did. It's okay if you do something but not okay for when he does it? Did I read that right?
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