Why didn't she think about it first?

[Trinity_49]

Hey, have been floating around this forum for a couple of days now, and thought that maybe I could use a little advise for the predicament that I have gotten myself into. I know that my story isn't as bad/emotional as most of the ones that you would find on here, but to me it really sucks.

 

I think a little background info is essential here, and will probably explain a lot in terms of why I'm so hung up on this woman.

 

Firstly, I've never been very good when it comes to women, and relationships. I've had a few girlfriends here and there, though none that lasted any meaningful length of time. Mostly this has been due to my shy nature, and a fear of being burned again. I'm always trying to improve on these deficiencies.

 

A few years ago, I was in a bad rut. My parents and siblings had moved to a new town a few hours away, I had a bad addiction to pot, which really messes with my head, and I had burnt out in my chosen career. Eventually I decided that I had to change my life, so I moved to the town that my family was in and started an apprenticeship.

 

From the start I threw all of my energy at my new career, realising that this was a second chance and I couldn't waste it. By working lots of overtime, I will be able to be signed off early (in only a couple of months), allowing me to go on with my life. Unfortunately, by working so much, I haven't had the time and energy to make many friends. This hasn't concerned me too much in the past, as I had my family around me at first, and by the time they started moving away (yes, again), I was in a routine, so the lack of social contact didn't bother me too much.

 

That all changed when the new girl started in the office. I think that I liked her from the beginning, but didn't even realise it because I was so close to the end of my apprenticeship and didn't plan on sticking around for too long after I finnished. Then at the christmas party she made it so obvious that she was interested in me, that before I knew what had happened we had arranged a date for the next day.

 

Everything was going so well and she was so keen on me, although it was going faster than I had planned. So fast that by the time I found out that she was only 2 months out of a bad LTR, it was too late to do anything. She said that it had been really breaking down for 6 months but had only been officially over for 2.

 

Anyway, we ended up going away together for a few days over new years, and it was on that trip that things changed. It seemed to happen overnight, she became distant and didn't want to do anything with me. I was expecting her to break up with me when we got home, which she did the day after (on the phone). She said that she had too much on her mind at the moment, and also that she didn't want it to be awkward at work. I think I handled it pretty well, with only one slip of asking if she thought that we might have a chance in the future. She said she didn't know.

 

That was about a week and a half ago, things aren't so bad on the surface at work, and I don't actually have that much contact with her because I am out of the office most of the time, but there does seem to be a bit of an undercurrent there.

 

I'm trying not to let it get to me, I really liked her, even though she did have some traits that I wasn't fussed on. And I think I'm better off without her. Unfortunately I can't seem to keep her out of my head, I have been upset, depressed, and angry that she did what she did. Now I seem stuck on accepting it and yet still hoping that she comes back.

 

My mum and sister-in-law suspect that she went back to her ex. I don't know what to think of that, I'm curious but it's irrelevant and perhaps I'm better off not knowing.

 

I'm doing everything I can think of to get my mind off of her, I have even upped my planned date for leaving town by about 8 months. How do I get through the next 4 to 6? I so, so, so wish that I could have NC, it's always been there before, but now the NC seems to just make it harder when we do see each other and speak to each other.

 

It really sucks to be someones rebound. I hate going from being happy to depressed, all in the space of 10 minutes, with the occaisional bit of anger and disbelief thrown in.

 

Sorry to be so long,

 

Any suggestions, or even comfort, please

[s_n_d]

First of all, You deserve better.

And you will get that in the future.

For now, I think you need to go out and meet new people..Not necessarily women..Just go out and have a great time. It will keep your mind off her for a little while..

[Trinity_49]

I know that I deserve better, and at least I feel that even though this at times seems like a negative experience, I believe that there are a lot of positives coming out as a result of what has happened. For the first time in a long time, I am certain that it wasn't any action on my part that caused it to break down, maybe the demons that I have carried have finally been put to rest. I am looking forward to what the future holds in store for me, have a career that can literally take me anywhere, and I think that I have been broken out of the routine that I was in, even though it was necessary at the time I developed it. Every part of my life seems to be coming together at the moment, except romantically, and that doesn't particularly bother me because I would prefer to be single for the moment anyway. I wasn't even looking for a relationship when I started seeing her, was even trying to avoid one to an extent.

 

I even admitted to my boss that I wasn't going to be around for that much longer, hadn't planned on doing so until I resigned, but he asked if I would be for a professional development event later in the year. And I have never really been able to lie, the truth just sort of comes out instead.

 

Perhaps I should be thanking her for giving me the slap in the face I needed to wake me up and motivate me to prepare to move on to the next stage of my life.

 

I think that things are looking up.

[Jerome84]

It really sucks being the rebound, if that is your case, the only thing you can do is keep busy, avoid her but if you have to come in touch with her force yourself to make it seem as if there was nothing.

 

Also, don't leave time for yourself, don't be alone in this period.

[Trinity_49]

It doesn't seem to matter if I'm alone or not. She is almost always in my head, and sometimes it's upsetting that she is gone and sometimes it isn't. I think that trying to avoid her is going to make me think about her all the more too, in that having to stay out of the office when I am at work will remind me of why I have to when I never used to.

 

And the worst thing is that underlying all of this is that I want her back, even though I shouldn't for the fact that I was just a rebound to her, how she ended it over the phone rather than face to face, and that she may have gone back to the ex.

 

I don't even know what I would do if she did come back, as unlikely as that seems statistically. Could it work given the negative history between us? I hate being used and abused, and I hate it even worse that I'm a sucker for it. The sooner I can get away from here and away from her the better.