eknchick Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 About 4 years ago one of my longtime close male friends moved away. We still keep in contact however we rarely see eachother. Them... About two and a half years ago my best friend/lover was required to move interstate due to work and family reasons, promising to return and visit. Upon his leaving we decided that long distance commitment was risky so we decided to see other people and support each other in doing so. There was never any major problems with that. Over the next year we kept in contact. He grew more and more unhappy and angry. I suspect family issues and substance abuse (which began after leaving) were the main problems he was facing. Long story short, he ended up committing suicide just over a year ago. Following his passing I didn't communicate very well and had significant problems coping. I had a series of about three unsuccessful relationships, falling apart because of my inability to commit myself to making things work. Eventually I reached out to a family member alerting them of my struggle and over time found my feet again. However as much as I hate to admit this sequence of events has taken it's toll on me. Now I have found a great guy. We have been friends with him for quite sometime. Things have never felt so right and if it weren't for one thing I would be jumping at my chance with this guy. However as it turns out there is one big red light. He's going to the USA for a year, maybe two. He has promised to stay faithful to me even though we are not in a relationship... I cannot convince myself to even consider trying because I'm just so tired of empty promises and people leaving me (as in moving away). I'm just feeling empty and like I'm missing out. I don't want to start anything as I don't want to have to go through the pain of him leaving. But for the first time since my friend died I've actually found myself falling for someone. I just .. ARGH... Don't know anymore Note:This is not my profile but I am using it for the next couple of weeks. Thankyou for reading, if anyone has any feedback please do not hesitate to reply. Sarah
s_n_d Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 Dont rush into anything with him.. Just continue being friends with him for the time being and then when your ready to, you can take things from there. You need to be comfortable enough to move forward. If you arent, then itll end up hurting YOU more in the end.
Lee725 Posted January 12, 2008 Posted January 12, 2008 He's going to the USA for a year, maybe two. He has promised to stay faithful to me even though we are not in a relationship... I cannot convince myself to even consider trying because I'm just so tired of empty promises and people leaving me (as in moving away). I'm just feeling empty and like I'm missing out. I don't want to start anything as I don't want to have to go through the pain of him leaving. But for the first time since my friend died I've actually found myself falling for someone. You have had a very traumatic time & now at the end of this you have found that there are other people who can make you feel the way your friend did, that is the important thing. There will be others beside the new friend also. In this situation i cant contribute any advice on your on-going friendship with the new man, that will have to be something you decide. There are honest, good people out there, but it is a big call for him to say that he will stay faithful to you while he is away (2yrs?) although you are not in a relationship? I would have sincere doubts, he probably does not want to hurt you but realistically the chances of something happening while he is O/S is very high. I am sorry that you are feeling all this pain and you are so lost at the moment, but i would not be allowing a relationship with this new guy to develop when you know already the stage is set for more heartache.
Author eknchick Posted January 12, 2008 Author Posted January 12, 2008 I am sorry that you are feeling all this pain and you are so lost at the moment, but i would not be allowing a relationship with this new guy to develop when you know already the stage is set for more heartache. I think that is exactly what my gut instinct is telling me. There's just that little part of me saying that I should go for it even though I know it won't be a lasting thing, but I won't indulge that thought for my own wellbeing. I suppose there are some positives to be taken from all of this though. I seem to have been able to make it over every hurdle I've faced so far and I know this will be no exception. It's weird feeling this emptiness while still feeling so strong and hopeful. As for this guy I was talking about, I'm gonna miss him and I'm already quite angry/frustrated that I found a person that I click with and they are leaving me like others have done. I'm probably going to regret that I didn't act on these feelings I have, fingers crossed that the knowledge that I did the 'wise' thing will be prove to be sufficient comfort. If not, a block of chocolate and a coupla bad movies and surrounding myself with good people should do the trick! Quite seriously though, the sequence of events I've been through I hold quite close to me and being able to put my situation, thoughts and confusion out there has really helped. Thankyou s_n_d and Lee725.
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