HeavenScent Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 I'm happy to know that there is a place like Loveshack where I can get help from strangers online without being judged! Here's my problem - I have a close friend - Linda, we get along very well although there are things that we don't agree on and have different views on. We are a couple of years apart but like I said, we get along great. Linda has had so many boyfriends in her past. She's not promiscuous but she falls in love easily. I don't know if it is a craze now but for her, for the past 24 months she's been falling in love with men over the internet. I know there are some that worked out very well ~ a good example would be her mother and step-father ~ so I have no problem with her meeting these men but she falls easily and is quite naive! Over all, I think she had about 4 or 5 'ex-boyfriends' from all over the world. I see it as ridiculous because how can you call someone your 'boyfriend' when you have not been with him physically ~ that's how I see it anyway. So now, she met Richard about 1 month ago. She can't stop talking about him and it's really nothing new [i have heard it all before]. A few days ago, she 'introduced' us online. We got on pretty well ~ had a 3 way convo and then I had to go. Just today, I went online to see if she was on and I saw Richard. I asked him if he was waiting for Linda and if he knew she was coming online as I needed to ask her something. I couldn't get her over the phone so the other way would be on YM. He said no and asked if he could chat with me. At that time, Linda called me back and I told her I was online with Richard ~ I asked if she was comfortable with us talking online and she said yes. To be honest, she sounded excited. I guess she liked the idea of us connecting. Then as we were chatting ~ work, life ~ I keep mentioning about Linda and he keep saying she's great. A few minutes into the convo, he asked if we could cam ~ I thought nothing of it and said sure until he asked me to stand up. Before he asked me that, he had told me a few times how good I look and went wow a few times. When he asked me to stand up, I felt uncomfortable and told him I had to go cause someone was at the door. He said ok and asked if we could chat again. I said no problem as long as Linda's ok with it.... THEN he asked ~ are you going to tell her? I was like WTF??? So what do you guys think? Is he being a jerk here? What do I do? Do I tell Linda? I wouldn't want to upset her but she's REALLY in love with Richard and all this while, I keep telling her to take things slow but she said "You don't understand how we feel about one another" and so much more to that. Basically, she wouldn't want to listen to those who ask her to take it slow because she falls easily. Be it online or in reality ~ she falls easily. I don't fall easily and I don't go after my friends' boyfriends ~ that is just wrong. I don't want Linda to think that I don't like Richard if they asked me to have a 3 way convo with them again and I decline. I think they are good together but I don't know if he's really genuine.
Author HeavenScent Posted January 11, 2008 Author Posted January 11, 2008 Hi again. Anyone? Advice please? I'm sorry for it to be very long, didn't realize it until I hit the submit button!!!
Krytie TV Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 How much more obvious would you like him to be? The guy's obviousy a creep trying to cyber (that's where it would have ended up) with a friend of his "whatever". Tell her what he did and let her make her own judgments. You owe it to her to tell her, but the responsibility to act is hers.
lovelorcet Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 The guy is a creep and your friend sounds very immature, what more is there to say here?
Lishy Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 Tell her, she is your friend. Then block the creep!
PerfectXPretty Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 Tell her!, she deserves to know! -- some men are really creeppy!
Author HeavenScent Posted January 11, 2008 Author Posted January 11, 2008 How do I tell her when she wouldn't listen to anyone? Another friend of ours has told her to take it slow but no, she chose to shoot my friend's opinion down and still go on with it. She's looking at rings now!
Lishy Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 Oh just block him and if she wants you to do a 3 way convo just say you are busy If she is that naive and dim about these things then let her see it for herself. Although as her friend you should tell her. But it sounds like she is not a friend you can be honest with!
Author HeavenScent Posted January 11, 2008 Author Posted January 11, 2008 Thank you all for your replies. I don't want her to think that I'm shooting down all her relationships but she seriously jumps from one relationship to another. We had a misunderstanding once because she thought I was jealous that she was in a number of relationships and I wasn't ~ I was not jealous at all, I don't see anything to be jealous of when all her relationships don't last longer than a year!
Krytie TV Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 How do I tell her when she wouldn't listen to anyone? Another friend of ours has told her to take it slow but no, she chose to shoot my friend's opinion down and still go on with it. She's looking at rings now! It doesn't matter. Once you tell her, you've done your part. The rest is up to her. She was warned.
Author HeavenScent Posted January 11, 2008 Author Posted January 11, 2008 Thanks you guys! Alright. She's online with me now and I am going to tell her. Wish me luck!
Krytie TV Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 Oh, and best not to chat with that creep again. Good luck.
Author HeavenScent Posted January 11, 2008 Author Posted January 11, 2008 Here's the thing ~ she suggested that we have a 3 way chat on this matter. She doesn't believe that he had ask me to stand up and even if he did, it was nothing. The thing is, when a guy asks a girl on cam to stand up ~ it only means they want to check her out or am I wrong??? So should I? I really don't want to get in between this but she's freaking out on me as I am typing this!
Lishy Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 No - You told her Just block him and let her deal with it - You have been a friend there is no more you can do!
Author HeavenScent Posted January 11, 2008 Author Posted January 11, 2008 I blocked him and now she isn't talking to me. I can understand that but why is it that men are such creeps?? They share a blog together and he's been writing on it a lot saying how much he loves her and yet do this to her?
Art_Critic Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 The guy is a creep and was on the verge of asking you to cyber with him.. You are correct that him asking you to stand up was all about checking you out.. he then tells you how good you look.. Creep... You did good.. You and your friend will work this out.. you are friends and she will speak with you again.. Just give it some time and she will come around to seeing things a little differently.
Author HeavenScent Posted January 11, 2008 Author Posted January 11, 2008 Thanks, Art_Critic. Somehow I don't feel like I did good. She's probably hurting right now and I wish I could help her. She's pretty naive and thinks when a guy shows a bit of affection or attention, he loves her.... yes, she's that type of a girl. I have told her over and over again to go slow... not only with him, even before Richard but it falls on deaf ears!
Lishy Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 You did do good. If she puts a guy over you anyway she is not a real friend so its no loss really!
Author HeavenScent Posted January 11, 2008 Author Posted January 11, 2008 You know what, you're right Lishy but how can she blow me off just like that? We've been friends for years now, shouldn't she trust me or any of her friends? He said he'll fly down to meet her, plan was to come in a week and half and yet, he hasn't booked a ticket yet ~ deep in my heart, I feel he's stringing her along until he finds someone he really likes or maybe he already has someone but is just having fun with girls online? How can she know if he's telling her the truth, right? When I read their blog, I can feel the love but when you really love someone and have the money, wouldn't you book a ticket straight away? I asked her what was his reason for not buying a ticket now, she said it had something to do with a dentist appointment. My thoughts were... "what??". I kind of see red flags and when pointed out, she said I don't understand....
Lishy Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 Oh all this patheticness of being on love online! What a crock of sh*t! Just let her get on with it - A friend like that is hard work!
mental_traveller Posted January 12, 2008 Posted January 12, 2008 You did almost everything right. Your friend is blocking you out because she's naive and immature, and so believes her "boyfriend" over her proven friend of many years. She'll realise her mistake eventually - give her an earful then make some joke about what a creep the guy is, and things will be back to normal. In future if you want to tell a friend who is "in love" that their darling made a pass at you, then you basically have to get concrete irrefutable proof, otherwise they won't believe it. At least they won't if they are a typical young naive person. Personally I'd rather tell them and if they cold-shoulder me then that's fine by me, more fool them. But some people don't like that reaction, so if you are like that it's better to be more tactful. And yeah, the guy fancied you and wanted to check you out, have some cyber sex, if you had offered to go round and have sex with him he would have jumped at the chance.
bozwa Posted January 12, 2008 Posted January 12, 2008 He obviously doesn't have as much invested in it as she does. You're not kidding when you say she falls in love easily -- "really in love" at a month in? I suppose that can happen, but usually when BOTH parties in the relationship are totally and completely into it...which he is not. As her friend, I suggest you tell her. She needs to know before she gets hurt even more so than she already will be. Would she get angry with you for telling her this? And do you still have arecord of the YM conversation where he was being a bit creepy? Proof is the best weapon.
bozwa Posted January 12, 2008 Posted January 12, 2008 Ooops, sorry, I should have read the whole thread before I posted. Wow, I can't believe she reacted that way. Once again, do you still have the conversation on Yahoo? To show her? Then nicely ask her if she thought this guy would have asked a MAN he just met to stand up so he could look at him? Doubtful. Very doubtful.
Author HeavenScent Posted January 12, 2008 Author Posted January 12, 2008 Hi everyone and thank you for replying. I couldn't sleep last night cause I was thinking of this situation. I don't know why it bothers me so much and after reading the recent replies, I can't comprehend why I am taking this very hard ~ it must be because I really care for her and don't want to see her getting hurt in the end. I may sound mean but deep in my heart, I just don't feel good at all about this Richard guy and I feel so helpless cause I can't help her to realize that he's a creep. Yes, I still have the chat saved and when I wanted to email it to her, she said to keep it cause she wouldn't know if it was genuine or not. I am hurt by that comment cause how could she trust someone else and not an old friend? I really don't get that. I am sorry if I come across as whiny but I am really sad over all this.
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