brokeninside Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 This is my story. Read it if you need some inspiration. Story in short: Dated girl for 2.5 years, cheated on me on 2 week vacation in Cuba after 6 months, after that trust and jelousy issues followed on my part, 1.5 years later take her to my home country in europe for wonderful vacation payed for by myself. 6 months later drops me cold for the partying life. Starts lying about where she is, who she is with. Looses interest in sex as she has another d**k in her life. At that time just got my new job (nearly university graduate, had 2 months to go) and my social circle was really hers also. I never cheated on this girl even thought Ive had many attractive women in my life before, during and after her. Thought loyalty was core, and even when cheated upon thugged it out citing future goals and not the immidiate painful present. Immediate aftermath: Closed myself in. Stayed at home mostly friends couldnt get me out was too embarassed to face the world on how much I got screwed and didnt see it. This went on for 6 months. Lost motivation in all aspects of my life including sports (martial arts instructor), studies (ended up dropping semester) and work (left both jobs). Took a month away on vacation in home country. I am alone and my family is in Europe (doesnt help). Fairly young (22 year old male). Wanted to marry this girl. Saw her as so beautiful (still is, very physically attractive which didnt help in the trust department after she cheated). Did the whole begging/crying. Ended up with more hurt and my self esteem went into non existance. She also left me after I became sick with quite a serious illness which required some hospitalization. Basically, life started to really suck. 6 months later went into definitive NC after being told i was cheap for a european (that cut it for me - the girl lived with me and i payed for everything, didnt exactly have bucket loads left on extra expensive gifts) and she showed her true colors in that one statement. Began a new job. In 3 months had a promotion. Now manager in a small software company. My job is very rewarding. Began opening up. Now going out and am starting to be 'normal self'. Notice I go whole days without thinking about her (or the pain she put me through rather, because I dont think about her as an individual but rather through that other context). Earning real money and just bought a new car, sold my old one which was good but not sports car like the one now. A lot of attractive women (or girls rather im not htat old yet) are interested but I am not. Do not want relationship at this time which turns out to have a side effect of more physical contact with more partners. Have also gone back to martial arts teaching and swimming, something I did in high school and was international competitor in the middle east. Point to prove: When you are dumped/left/cheated on please go NC. If you dont want to save urself pain, then save atleast 6 months of your life. I look at it this way: i wasted 6 months of my life running after something that didnt exist anyway. What a waste. Was summer too. It will take atleast 3 months of NC after serious relationship to see things objectively and the way they should be (ie i didnt deserve to be treated like this, its wrong, he/she is wrong, therefor **** him/her). I admit Im not 100% over as I sometimes still think about this girl, mostly in the car back from work. Mostly I think about the pain I dont feel anymroe and how good that feels. I dont care what shes doing now. I know im 90% there. Summer I will be at 100%. Whats happening in the world today? My parents were childhood sweathearts and they are still together. I was brought up in that model, why are people so self centered these days? "If Im not getting what I want (ie excitement from having a new partner) screw this and im getting out and screw what hes doing for me, i can have him anyway". Karma comes back around. I believe in it, as it did for me when I deserved it. Hold in there guys/girls, we can all do it.
kimba Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 What an absolutely excellent thread. Can I add to that that NC is good for yourself, but also the silence speaks more volumes than any crying or begging can ever do. You are young and wise. Lucky man.
SmileyFace82 Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 Fantastic post and i agree 100% everything you said. It's been 4-5 months for me and i'm obviously no where near the stage where you are but you have inspired me by just reading what you wrote. I felt like i was heading in the right direction anyway and reading your post has convinced me that it is. Cheers bud, SmileyFace82
26 year old Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 Very inspirational. January 10th marked a month of no communication for me and him. Thank you for sharing your story. I sat here with my email open a moment ago and really wanted to contact him. Instead I posted here and am going to bed knowing that I am one step closer to healing. Thanks again to you and everyone that contributes to this forum. It is really helping me. More than I ever thought.
PinkRibbon Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 Great post!!! I like the way you showed how you were in the beginning and how you are now. Very inspirational for us all. Thanks!! 3.5 months for me and I still feel broken but I hope I can get to where you are.
s_n_d Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 Thanks for the inspirational post. I have just started Nc and so far Im doing pretty good..No urges to call or text him today.
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