bagelwithbutter Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 if you remember my post from a few weeks ago, one night during a drunken bar hop, i held hands with my boyfriend's friend in the snow. the guilt made me sick and i told my boyfriend what i did. here's the conversation following it. him: so? i'd hope all of my close friends would hold your hand in the snow if you needed it. me: i should be holding your hand. not your friends' hand. him: i don't care. you think i should be mad? i know you won't cheat on me. me: yeah but the only person's hand i should hold is yours. him: it was snowy out. he was helping you. you didn't want to fall. i would have held a close friends' hand if she was walking in the snow. anyway, that's it. i wanted him to care. i wanted to see a reaction out of him and i got none. i secretly want to see him get riled up and worry that other men could take me. i wouldn't go with another man because i love my boyfriend, but....well.... i don't know. i'm crazy
Author bagelwithbutter Posted January 11, 2008 Author Posted January 11, 2008 and yes i had a crush on this friend which is why i probably thought holding his hand was worse than if i held the hand of someone who i didn't care about. oh and then two weeks after it happened, i texted this guy to come to the bar and he actually showed up. but my boyfriend was there too. WHY WOULD HE JUST SHOW UP AFTER A TEXT KNOWING MY BOYFRIEND WASN'T THERE?
oppath Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 You are sabotaging your relationship with this analysis. It's ok that your bf trusts you; that does not mean he does not care. He trusts you with his friends. What you were advised in the other thread was: why did you hold the hand of someone you had a crush on? Was there another reason for it than it being cold and snowy? Now, you are texting guys to the bar saying "my bf isn't here." Why do that? If it is a friend, yes, you can meet a friend for a drink. But why the cloak of secrecy?
Replicant Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 It seems as you just want some sort of selfish validation. To play games bordering on possibly driving a wedge in his friendship with this person is a lame excuse for getting whatever it is you need. I think your boyfriends response to this was a mature one, and is exactly how it should be if he trusts you, his friend and feels it was just something harmless like he mentioned. Yet you push for more, and want him to reach a breaking point on the issue and rail on you for your personal validation and an ego boost along with it. That's not love, that's selfishness.
johnnyj Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 i'm crazy Yes, after reading your post I think you are. Sorry..
SeraBella Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 He trusts you. You are nuts. Are you trying to ruin this relationship?
MystifiedByMen Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 You should really think about how you feel and if you should stay in your relationship. What you are doing is just wrong and immature. Good luck to you!
Lucasarts Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 uhm, you should tell your boyfriend all about these games you are playing...because if i knew a girl of mine was doing this, well then i wouldnt be knowing her for much longer. You seem to crave a constant sort of attention, whether it be from your significant other or from someone else (the difference being, you want it to be more wholesome from your bf, while at the same time trying to comfort yourself that you are still desirable from those you shouldn't be with) Also, a girl trying to create trouble within a close friendship between her bf and his good friends is not a good sign. WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO BECOME A DRAMA QUEEN HERE?!!! WHAT REASON DO YOU HAVE FOR CREATING ALL THIS TROUBLE? FOR YOURSELF AND FOR ANYONE YOU ARE AROUND?! christ, your life sounds like an MTV reality show, only its actually real. and stupider.
fishtaco Posted January 12, 2008 Posted January 12, 2008 Next time you should have sex with his friend and his brother at the same time, film it, then show it to your boyfriend on his birthday. I bet you'll be able to get the reaction you wanted from him. Then you should post his reaction on youtube, kind of like all those 2 girl 1 cup reaction clips. This is fake, no one is that stupidly crazy.
Racquel Colette Posted January 12, 2008 Posted January 12, 2008 I agree with you bagelwithbutter, your boyfriend didn't even get the point that if he cared about you, HE should have been the one holding your hand in the snow so you wouldn't slip and fall. Your boyfriend seems like a jerk. I think if you've made some sort of connection with another guy who DOES care enough to hold your hand in the snow, you should consider that as an option. You're right, he came on over to the bar...unfortunately your boyfriend was there....NEXT TIME TEXT HIM TO MEET YOU WHEN YOU'RE BOYFRIEND'S NOT THERE, DUH.
bozwa Posted January 12, 2008 Posted January 12, 2008 It seems as you just want some sort of selfish validation. To play games bordering on possibly driving a wedge in his friendship with this person is a lame excuse for getting whatever it is you need. I think your boyfriends response to this was a mature one, and is exactly how it should be if he trusts you, his friend and feels it was just something harmless like he mentioned. Yet you push for more, and want him to reach a breaking point on the issue and rail on you for your personal validation and an ego boost along with it. That's not love, that's selfishness. Well said. Why inthe HECK would you have WANTED him to get riled up? You want him to be a jealous overreactor?? You WANT him to not trust you? I just don't get it. Next time, screw his friend. Maybe that'll rile him up and give you the reaction you want.
Author bagelwithbutter Posted January 12, 2008 Author Posted January 12, 2008 I agree with you bagelwithbutter, your boyfriend didn't even get the point that if he cared about you, HE should have been the one holding your hand in the snow so you wouldn't slip and fall. Your boyfriend seems like a jerk. I think if you've made some sort of connection with another guy who DOES care enough to hold your hand in the snow, you should consider that as an option. You're right, he came on over to the bar...unfortunately your boyfriend was there....NEXT TIME TEXT HIM TO MEET YOU WHEN YOU'RE BOYFRIEND'S NOT THERE, DUH. i can't tell if you're being serious or sarcastic. if serious, thank you and i agree with all that you said. my boyfriend is not giving me all that i need and i'm enjoying affection (innoncent affection) from others because it's not there from him. and i was honest enough to tell him what happened. he shouldn't have to hear me tell him stories of me holding the hand of someone but be there to hold my hand.
Author bagelwithbutter Posted January 12, 2008 Author Posted January 12, 2008 the rest of you must be simple people. everything is so black and white with you. life isn't a perfect fairy tale.
a-sweetart Posted January 12, 2008 Posted January 12, 2008 i could have let go of his hand, but i didn't because it felt nice. Did you teel your boyfriend this part of the story? I think he may have reacted the way you expected if he knew the whole story...
bozwa Posted January 12, 2008 Posted January 12, 2008 the rest of you must be simple people. everything is so black and white with you. life isn't a perfect fairy tale. Simple story = simple responses detailed story = detailed advice
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