KenzieAbsolutely Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 (edited) Yes but are you now with these exes? Nope. So they DIDN'T work out. You know why? Because the "relationships" started out on false pretenses in a way. It was all based on the physical aspects at first and by the course of the relationship it was realized that that was really all there was, nothing more substantial. nobody ends with their exes, that's why they're exes. if everyone ended up with the first person they dated and it worked out, that would be a lovely world, but in reality, that doesn't happen. no offense, but you don't know why we broke up. as i mentioned, some of these relationships were years long. they worked for the time they worked and we broke up for several different circumstances...not to mention i was always the one who ended things, not the other way around. sometimes the relationships turned out to just be better off left as friends. sometimes there were other reasons that aren't your concern, but had nothing to do with how we got together. oh, and one, i'm currently engaged to. it seems convenient to tell someone "well this is obviously why your relationship didn't work" but you couldn't possibly know, especially when you don't know anything about either person involved. you said in another post "He is really genuine, and we are dating exclusively, having discussed that, and he is very much into me. Ladies, don't give it up too soon and don't settle to be a human sperm recepticle (I.E. FWB)." i could very easily say to you 'he is lying to you get you into bed. he's not really into you, he's just biding his time until you put out, then he'll leave you. he's just saying he is dating exclusively, he really isn't, so when you finally become his human sperm receptacle, he will move on. your relationship will end because you were naive enough to believe him.' could it be true? of course. does that mean i'm right? no, because i don't know anything else about you or your relationship. good luck, though, i hope it works out! Edited January 11, 2008 by KenzieAbsolutely
SeraBella Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 People need to be stronger emotionally... They also need to move on when they're not happy in a relationship. simple.... lol...yes...simple. lol
Racquel Colette Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 Methinks I hit a nerve, LOL. Why so defensive? ha ha. nobody ends with their exes, that's why they're exes. if everyone ended up with the first person they dated and it worked out, that would be a lovely world, but in reality, that doesn't happen. no offense, but you don't know why we broke up. as i mentioned, some of these relationships were years long. they worked for the time they worked and we broke up for several different circumstances...not to mention i was always the one who ended things, not the other way around. sometimes the relationships turned out to just be better off left as friends. sometimes there were other reasons that aren't your concern, but had nothing to do with how we got together. oh, and one, i'm currently engaged to. it seems convenient to tell someone "well this is obviously why your relationship didn't work" but you couldn't possibly know, especially when you don't know anything about either person involved. you said in another post "He is really genuine, and we are dating exclusively, having discussed that, and he is very much into me. Ladies, don't give it up too soon and don't settle to be a human sperm recepticle (I.E. FWB)." i could very easily say to you 'he is lying to you get you into bed. he's not really into you, he's just biding his time until you put out, then he'll leave you. he's just saying he is dating exclusively, he really isn't, so when you finally become his human sperm receptacle, he will move on. your relationship will end because you were naive enough to believe him.' could it be true? of course. does that mean i'm right? no, because i don't know anything else about you or your relationship. good luck, though, i hope it works out!
fishtaco Posted January 12, 2008 Posted January 12, 2008 I'm confused. FWB's are sex based relationships. If you want a real one it wouldn't be FWB?? Some people (men or women) can handle FWB, but I would call it alternative type of relationship because it's so unstable that most people aren't looking for it. In fact one night stands are easier to handle because then there won't be any drama since, well you won't see the person again ever, hopefully. Everyone need to know what type of relationship they want and not be duped into something else. It's their own responsibility. Some men will trick women into sex by promising relationships, some women will trick men into various services by promising sex. Sometimes they just want a baby (I've seen it happen, unprotected one night stand with stranger, then keeping the baby, then child support. That's one expensive lay, what a stupid guy). They are called users. You can't deny there are plenty of users of both genders. I bet there are plenty of gay & lesbian users too. Also don't put so much importance on sex. It's something consensual adults do for pleasure. Using it as punishment or reward is just wrong. Once you've gotten past the motives (make sure they're not users), then really if you have sex sooner or later (within reason) won't have an impact on the outcome of the relationship. If a relationship is destined for failure, having sex won't save it. If a man is just a user douchebag, not having sex with him won't suddenly turn him into prince charming. Sure you've protected yourself, but once you've determined his douchbaggery, why even keep in touch? Sex should be miles away from even being considered. And in the case where the man truly wants you, after proven your sexual compatibility, he'll only want you more. Again, the issue here is the hidden motive, and it's not tied to if you have sex or when you have sex. Go with the flow. There are times when the men isn't ready yet for sex and women end up having to wait. When women look at men for a relationship, they consider the whole package. Not just he has rock hard abs or a great career. That same "whole package" concept should be applied to this too. Don't get all riled up over the issue of sex or no sex. Sure it should be considered, but it's only one facet of the relationship. Seem like the main point of the OP's post is basically staying away from douchbags. Well of course. But it has nothing to do with FWB's, and nothing to do with sex. It's not like if sex isn't involved then suddenly it's okay to hang out with crappy people.
Leoni Posted January 12, 2008 Posted January 12, 2008 Seem like the main point of the OP's post is basically staying away from douchbags. Well of course. But it has nothing to do with FWB's, and nothing to do with sex. It's not like if sex isn't involved then suddenly it's okay to hang out with crappy people. This is perfect, except for people who get more attached when they sleep with someone. The idea isn't so much withholding sex from someone else, it's more an emotional self-protection mechanism.
SeraBella Posted January 12, 2008 Posted January 12, 2008 This is perfect, except for people who get more attached when they sleep with someone. The idea isn't so much withholding sex from someone else, it's more an emotional self-protection mechanism. That is a PERFECT description. For some people of course - there will always be the situations where sex is used as power and withheld until said person gets what they want.
Author Mary3 Posted January 12, 2008 Author Posted January 12, 2008 Whooaaaaa.... you're talking to a 'specialist' in FWB relationships here. For those of you women out there who are duped into the Fu** Buddy syndrome or FWB status : Who said we are duped into the FB syndrome? This is true for vulnerable, weak, clingy women... Its fast and easy. Guys have ( and I don't mean to say ALL Guys ~just the ones who are looking for fast sex ) found a way to get it easy and go home. You are confused here... FWB are 'friends' now this is ONS (One night stand) which is very different in my book. They will convince you to get to that level. They will do the whiney , jerk , mean thing and still get some sex from you. The last post I remember it saying " Its like being a whore but the customer does not PAY " LOL... tha's bad... Men do NOT go out with you and * decide * they want a relationship with you. They go out with you many times and then determine this. Women meet a guy , like him immensely and want an instant relationship. Big Turn off for men. They do want to get to know you. Although I agree that no one 'decide' in a second that they want a relationship with you... it does happen... but then again only for 'losers' type. It's also a big turn-off for women to meet a guy who would settle for just about anything in order to have a 'stable' relationship, those are the typical 'losers' in my book... ewwwwww Those of you who boo~boo'd and did the deed too soon you can NOT convince him to now buy you dinner and love you. He operated off of a need and he got it met. He knows you are * easy * and he will come at it again if you are willing. I don't agree with this.. I have seen people marrying after the first night of wild sex... (in fact 3 weeks later in one case)... Those who boo-boo'd are like I said previously, the 'losers' who cling to the first one who pays attention to them... All what you're saying can be applied to women as well.. why always say that only women are getting caught and duped... You have a very low opinion of women in general... sad... I say bring the DATING back ! Let these guys go back to the 60-80's where you took the girl on dates , courted her and then you came into a great relationship. I say.. bring the Dating or leave it as FWB or whatever... the main thing is for people to know what they want right from the start and to deal with the situation. People need to be stronger emotionally... They also need to move on when they're not happy in a relationship. simple.... Even for an unsuspecting women she needs to be aware if he is talking sexual stuff in the very beginning... If there is a rush to get in the bed and the girl is vulnerable , and eats up his attention , then she might not understand what is happening because she wants him in a romantic loving relationship. He has * radar * and can track the wounded lonely birds and he will get as much as he can ( the longer she is in denial, the better for him ) Now this isn't going to happen to her if shes strong. If she gets to know him and lets him WAIT until she realizes its HER he wants , not just her booty. One night stands are different than FWB's . ONS come in and get what they want and are gone. FWB's are on~going and there is level and element of attraction. Likely they enjoy hanging out and the sex is amazing ( been there done that , lol ) Its interesting that you say * loser types * move in fast... I thought about that. The guy that told me he loved me after 2 weeks and wanted an instant fast relationship. That was infatuation . I learned a hard lesson there... You said you knew people who had great sex, get married 3 weeks later. ? That great sex was lust not love and we all know it takes alot of TIME to get to the stage of real love. Its about the 7th level you obtain and many things need to happen in a relationship before you can call it real love.. This situation also applies to men but I don't know alot of men who said " OMG she used me for sex " ! lol. Someone once said : We all want *something* from eachother . Think about it "~ I did think about that and its true in some ways. You want a man who has a great job , and/or nice car , or is amazing at Oral , lol. The man wants something from you too. A great partner , someone he can talk to , great in bed , ect. So while we may have emotional needs or financial needs , we try and get those needs met . Some do it in * user like * fashion. The girl gets the guy and get him to pay her bills as an example. The guy gets the girl and maybe she is a trophy on his arm 20 years younger. But the main gist of my post was to make aware that there are girls out there who are wondering why the guy only calls once a week , why they had sex so fast , why she is struggling with the sex and not hearing that he loves her afterwards . One of my friends is going through this situation. As I get more experienced in the dating scene I see the signs of a guy moving too fast . How often he is calling . I don't have a low opinion of women . I am referring to women who are out there right now wondering if they are the only * partner * to the guy who they had sex with last night. There are women ( likely ) on these posts who are in a mere FWB but don't truly realize it. For those women this post is addressed to.
SoleMate Posted January 12, 2008 Posted January 12, 2008 Amen to this thread, Mary3! Of course, to the extent that there is a woman out there who truly wants only sex and does not also long to be loved and cherished, then there may be few problems with the FWB model. However, it's easy to see from posts on Loveshack that lots of lonely and vulnerable women have somehow been suckered into FWB that does NOT meet their needs. They even feel shy about admitting that they might want an actual full-deal boyfriend (who provides companionship, affection and monogamy). The FWB propaganda campaign has made some impressionable women unwilling to keep their standards up.
Author Mary3 Posted January 13, 2008 Author Posted January 13, 2008 Amen to this thread, Mary3! Of course, to the extent that there is a woman out there who truly wants only sex and does not also long to be loved and cherished, then there may be few problems with the FWB model. However, it's easy to see from posts on Loveshack that lots of lonely and vulnerable women have somehow been suckered into FWB that does NOT meet their needs. They even feel shy about admitting that they might want an actual full-deal boyfriend (who provides companionship, affection and monogamy). The FWB propaganda campaign has made some impressionable women unwilling to keep their standards up. Thank you Solemate This was truly for the girls who wonder " Why doesn't he call me very often ( ? ) or when he does call he wants to come over ( ? ) and we sure have some great sex but I notice there is not alot of communication during the week. ( ? ) I wonder why I have not met his family or friends ? Why don't I know where he lives ? Why did he blow off xmas or other important holidays ? I must not matter that much to him if I add all this up : " Man this sure hits home with me when I was in an FWB and kept telling myself I wasn't . Sometimes girls really don't know they are being used because they really like the guy and they have an ideal image of him in their mind and it takes a wrecking crane to shake us up and let us know he is not putting us # 1 or # 2 ( number # 2 if he has kids for instance ) But that was 2 years ago and now it bothers me to get involved in an FWB. I'd rather wait it out and find someone who wants what I want
Krytie TV Posted January 13, 2008 Posted January 13, 2008 People need to be stronger emotionally... They also need to move on when they're not happy in a relationship. simple.... Whoa. Wait. You mean we, as people, make our own choices and pay for our own mistakes? Damn... it was easier to blame others!!! Tsh psha...
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