Mary3 Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 For those of you women out there who are duped into the Fu** Buddy syndrome or FWB status : The biggest thing you should know is that men have learned ( in the last 10 years , due mostly to the Internet Dating sites ) that they can go and meet up with a women and in some posters replies meet up at her house and he convinces her to have sex with him. There is no Romantic Dinners , no flowers , no dating whatsoever, There is only sex. Its fast and easy. Guys have ( and I don't mean to say ALL Guys ~just the ones who are looking for fast sex ) found a way to get it easy and go home. They will convince you to get to that level. They will do the whiney , jerk , mean thing and still get some sex from you. The last post I remember it saying " Its like being a whore but the customer does not PAY " So the best answer is this. If you WANT a relationship , a serious one , with a man , do NOT have sex with him until you have had some dates and determine what feelings you might have for him. Men do NOT go out with you and * decide * they want a relationship with you. They go out with you many times and then determine this. Women meet a guy , like him immensely and want an instant relationship. Big Turn off for men. They do want to get to know you. Those of you who boo~boo'd and did the deed too soon you can NOT convince him to now buy you dinner and love you. He operated off of a need and he got it met. He knows you are * easy * and he will come at it again if you are willing. I say bring the DATING back ! Let these guys go back to the 60-80's where you took the girl on dates , courted her and then you came into a great relationship.
KenzieAbsolutely Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 Those of you who boo~boo'd and did the deed too soon you can NOT convince him to now buy you dinner and love you. really? i've had several fairly long-lasting relationships (from several months to several years) that started off just this way. i guess it could work both ways, and i'm not saying everyone should go out and bone everyone they see and hope for a marriage, but sometimes...it does work out.
oppath Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 Hahahaha. As if it is all on the men! We're the only ones? Girls pull the wool over guys eyes too. Maybe the ratio is 7:3 men:women, but many women have used men. As a man, I prefer a more traditional dating mindset -- minus the dinner$ of course -- and I struggle with it too. My first post college gf made fun of me for asking her to coffee. "You're just supposed to invite a girl over and drink. No wonder you don't get laid." But if you are being used in this way, it is because you allow it to happen. You are culpable and are the common denominator. Many men want a relationship. If that is what you want, don't have sex until you know that the man wants you for who you are as a whole person. It's as simple as that .
Leoni Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 An FWB is only about sex. Why people want it to evolve into something else, doesn't make sense to me. You shag each other and go home to sleep. If you're the type of person who can't separate emotions from sex, don't do it!! It's that simple. Don't use it to bag the guy.
KenzieAbsolutely Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 An FWB is only about sex. Why people want it to evolve into something else, doesn't make sense to me. You shag each other and go home to sleep. If you're the type of person who can't separate emotions from sex, don't do it!! It's that simple. Don't use it to bag the guy. amen. it's not called "FWB's with a possible romantic future" for a reason. it is what it is. it's not supposed to turn into something else. if it does, it does, but it shouldn't be counted on. if you can't handle that, then it's just not for you.
LovesDog Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 really? i've had several fairly long-lasting relationships (from several months to several years) that started off just this way. i guess it could work both ways, and i'm not saying everyone should go out and bone everyone they see and hope for a marriage, but sometimes...it does work out. Seriously! I've known several relationships that have worked out from a quick sex encounter. My own situation is working out ok so far. It's going on 2 1/2 months. It is not necessarily a FB or FWB situation. He takes me to dinner, movies, etc and we eat in and watch movies. But, we don't see each other but about once a week or so. And it started off hot and steamy, quick in the sack (on the 4th date), and it still is hot and steamy.
sally4sara Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 I can get dinner without dating a guy and I'm not in the habit of doling out sex just because someone buys me dinner. Glad this isn't a standard transaction; why an awkward time Thanksgiving would be! NOOO Granny! That must be SOME dinner! Seriously, it doesn't have to be this calculating. I have found that the guys who are most willing to take you out and blow a wad of cash on you are less likely to give you what you really want. Thats WHY they are spending the money. They think it makes the transaction fair. Why not just decide to only sleep with people you find fun and click with? I don't warm up to anyone fast enough for this to happen the same day I meet them.
SeraBella Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 I say bring the DATING back ! Let these guys go back to the 60-80's where you took the girl on dates , courted her and then you came into a great relationship. I agree with bringing dating back. Too many guys just expect girls they meet to put out instantly. And, although they get rejected, it works sometimes...so they can try several times in a night, and eventually score, so they have no need to change their ways.
JosieMcCoy Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 I dont believe in FWB. Just doesnt turn me on
SeraBella Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 I can get dinner without dating a guy and I'm not in the habit of doling out sex just because someone buys me dinner. Glad this isn't a standard transaction; why an awkward time Thanksgiving would be! NOOO Granny! That must be SOME dinner! Seriously, it doesn't have to be this calculating. I have found that the guys who are most willing to take you out and blow a wad of cash on you are less likely to give you what you really want. Thats WHY they are spending the money. They think it makes the transaction fair. Why not just decide to only sleep with people you find fun and click with? I don't warm up to anyone fast enough for this to happen the same day I meet them. lmao. cute
Leoni Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 I can get dinner without dating a guy and I'm not in the habit of doling out sex just because someone buys me dinner. Glad this isn't a standard transaction; why an awkward time Thanksgiving would be! NOOO Granny! That must be SOME dinner! Seriously, it doesn't have to be this calculating.Pretty funny about Granny. Yes, it shouldn't be calculating but the OP is talking about people who get involved in FWBs for all the wrong reasons. I have found that the guys who are most willing to take you out and blow a wad of cash on you are less likely to give you what you really want. Thats WHY they are spending the money. They think it makes the transaction fair. Not from my experience but it also depends on what kind of guy he is. If this is his normal standard of living, you can't gauge him the same way. It's also possible that the guy really likes and wants to impress you. It's not that much of a stretch, for it to happen that way. Why not just decide to only sleep with people you find fun and click with? I don't warm up to anyone fast enough for this to happen the same day I meet them. I completely agree with this, except for people who emotionally invest when they have sex. If so, I advise caution. Take however much time you need to get to know the guy. You could lose him in the process but then, that's okay too because it means he's not a very patient individual.
sally4sara Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 Not from my experience but it also depends on what kind of guy he is. If this is his normal standard of living, you can't gauge him the same way. It's also possible that the guy really likes and wants to impress you. It's not that much of a stretch, for it to happen that way. I speak mainly of when you just met the guy. If he is laying it on like its prom night and its only the first date, something is up. Even if the guy is looking for a relationship, he is likely to be the kind who thinks only one thing matters to a woman. I don't want a guy who buys my love. It might cost him a lot, but its a pretty cheap way to be.
KenzieAbsolutely Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 I don't warm up to anyone fast enough for this to happen the same day I meet them. not all fwb situations involve people who just met, though. the word 'friends' is in there for a reason. sex without a commitment doesn't necessarily mean you don't know the person at all, it just means you're not 'together'. one of my fwb's was a friend for years until we fooled around. we did it a couple more times, and then it ended. another was a friend for a while, then we dated for almost 3 years after. i lost my point. but anyway, yeah.
Author Mary3 Posted January 11, 2008 Author Posted January 11, 2008 I still can't figure out why they call it * friends * with benefits. This guy is not your friend. He is banging you mostly.
oppath Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 This guy is not your friend. He is banging you mostly. Only because the woman agrees to it. Now if a guy is courting a woman and leading her on, when all he wants is to **** her, that is a problem. If someone does that -- man or a woman -- I think it's safe to say that they suck. But friends with benefits is just sex. There may be elements of friendship there; you may sometimes actually hang out before or after sex. And women do treat men this way too.
Racquel Colette Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 really? i've had several fairly long-lasting relationships (from several months to several years) that started off just this way. i guess it could work both ways, and i'm not saying everyone should go out and bone everyone they see and hope for a marriage, but sometimes...it does work out. Yes but are you now with these exes? Nope. So they DIDN'T work out. You know why? Because the "relationships" started out on false pretenses in a way. It was all based on the physical aspects at first and by the course of the relationship it was realized that that was really all there was, nothing more substantial.
Leoni Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 I speak mainly of when you just met the guy. If he is laying it on like its prom night and its only the first date, something is up. Even if the guy is looking for a relationship, he is likely to be the kind who thinks only one thing matters to a woman. I don't want a guy who buys my love. It might cost him a lot, but its a pretty cheap way to be. Once again, it could be his normal lifestyle or that he really, really likes you. I wouldn't discount a guy, just because he enjoys fine dining or wants to impress you. Gauge per guy. If you get a whiff of the pay for sex attitude, don't let him pay the bill or the entire bill. The first date is key. If you want a follow-up date, let him pay because guys seem to get offended, if you try to pay. It's as if you're challenging his manhood and provider skills or something. If you want this to be your last date with him, you pay or insist on splitting. Anyways, I doubt any guy who's solely interested in an FWB, is going to go all out. Maybe you're describing the ONS guy.
Racquel Colette Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 Currently I am seeing a great man who told me a few months ago he wanted something simple and basically casual. So...I didn't see him again, until about a month ago. He called me and asked me out on a real date. He is really genuine, and we are dating exclusively, having discussed that, and he is very much into me. Ladies, don't give it up too soon and don't settle to be a human sperm recepticle (I.E. FWB).
SeraBella Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 I still can't figure out why they call it * friends * with benefits. This guy is not your friend. He is banging you mostly. I really once had a FRIEND with benefits. It was a guy I was friends with for a few months in college. Then we went on a few dates, but it was right before Thanksgiving, saw each other a couple times after Thanksgiving break, but then got busy with exams, and then semester break...the dating just fizzled. We remained friends, but the next semester I was going to school full-time and started working full-time and didn't think I could deal with a relationship and told him I didn't really have the time. So we just hung out when we had the chance, he was always gentlemanly when we went out to dinner, movies, bars, wherever. We genuinely cared for each other as friends do. And we agreed that if we wanted to be with someone else, we would tell each other. So, I believe (I guess he could have been lying, but not as far as I know) we were only having sex with each other. There was no worry about what he was doing when he wasn't with me, and I didn't care if we went a while without talking. It was very carefree and easy. And then it ended, no drama. No big deal at all. It was kind of perfect. If only everything was that easy. Now though, I know I couldn't do that again. I need something more serious, and I'm not as busy as I was then, so the relationship part doesn't take a back burner. Plus, the idea of starting a family, etc. was the LAST thing on my mind then, so I didn't really care if I had a "boyfriend" or "relationship". But I think a lot of girls agree to the FWB thing hoping the guy will change his mind and want a relationship. And they get upset because that doesn't happen. Mine was different in that case.
Lee725 Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 I really once had a FRIEND with benefits. But I think a lot of girls agree to the FWB thing hoping the guy will change his mind and want a relationship. And they get upset because that doesn't happen. Mine was different in that case. So was mine, we hung out for just under a year, had great times, had to stop hanging out together because we were not going to meet anyone going out together because other girls/guys thought we were a couple. We were definately not meant for each other. Having had a FWB, i really don't recommend it tho, in retrospect although comforting at the time, i feel it cheapened me in some way.
Author Mary3 Posted January 11, 2008 Author Posted January 11, 2008 Only because the woman agrees to it. Now if a guy is courting a woman and leading her on, when all he wants is to **** her, that is a problem. If someone does that -- man or a woman -- I think it's safe to say that they suck. But friends with benefits is just sex. There may be elements of friendship there; you may sometimes actually hang out before or after sex. And women do treat men this way too. Absolutely true . Except for this : Alot of women want a fast relationship , something that comes overnight (almost) if she feels an intense chemistry. So what does she do ? If he makes a romantic move ,she is going to react and likely give in to the kisses and caresses. What she does next determines how much bu** is coming out of his mouth ( I am referring to men who tell her what she wants to hear but really just want to get in her pants ) A secure women will know. A lonely * vulnerable * women might not. Thats the operative word here * vulnerable*. Until the women understands the ways out in world out there, she might succumb to a fast talking guy who is suddenly in her * life * but she notices that she only sees him on certain days but she convinces herself a 100 reasons why he only calls when its convienant for him. This does not include guys who really do want a relationship although it seems that finding T Rex bones in your backyard are more likely to happen than finding someone who wants more than pure sex from you. Regarding the women who * only want sex * Sure she's out there too. But thats ONLY because she has put you in a zone where you don't make a good boyfriend but you are great in the bed.
oppath Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 Regarding the women who * only want sex * Sure she's out there too. But thats ONLY because she has put you in a zone where you don't make a good boyfriend but you are great in the bed. I'll take that as a compliment since that is what my ex's usually ask of me after they break up with me
sally4sara Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 For those of you women out there who are duped into the Fu** Buddy syndrome or FWB status : There is no Romantic Dinners , no flowers , no dating whatsoever, There is only sex. Its fast and easy. Guys have ( and I don't mean to say ALL Guys ~just the ones who are looking for fast sex ) found a way to get it easy and go home. They will convince you to get to that level. They will do the whiney , jerk , mean thing and still get some sex from you. The last post I remember it saying " Its like being a whore but the customer does not PAY " Those of you who boo~boo'd and did the deed too soon you can NOT convince him to now buy you dinner and love you. He operated off of a need and he got it met. He knows you are * easy * and he will come at it again if you are willing. I say bring the DATING back ! Let these guys go back to the 60-80's where you took the girl on dates , courted her and then you came into a great relationship. I guess these are the two things I'm stumbling with here. I can understand there being no flowers and no romantic dinners, but for a FWB situation to happen, you do have to be friends first right? Who doesn't meet for coffee or go to a movie, maybe hit up Chipotle while running some silly errand - with their friends? Wouldn't you be getting to know them well enough to know if they are the kind of person to toy with you? And if you do end up hooking up and you don't find satisfaction with the relationship, what does it matter if he has bought you dinner? Why let it come down to money spent? If you want something more and they don't, what will getting a free dinner or flowers do to change that?
Lizzie60 Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 Whooaaaaa.... you're talking to a 'specialist' in FWB relationships here. For those of you women out there who are duped into the Fu** Buddy syndrome or FWB status : Who said we are duped into the FB syndrome? This is true for vulnerable, weak, clingy women... Its fast and easy. Guys have ( and I don't mean to say ALL Guys ~just the ones who are looking for fast sex ) found a way to get it easy and go home. You are confused here... FWB are 'friends' now this is ONS (One night stand) which is very different in my book. They will convince you to get to that level. They will do the whiney , jerk , mean thing and still get some sex from you. The last post I remember it saying " Its like being a whore but the customer does not PAY " LOL... tha's bad... Men do NOT go out with you and * decide * they want a relationship with you. They go out with you many times and then determine this. Women meet a guy , like him immensely and want an instant relationship. Big Turn off for men. They do want to get to know you. Although I agree that no one 'decide' in a second that they want a relationship with you... it does happen... but then again only for 'losers' type. It's also a big turn-off for women to meet a guy who would settle for just about anything in order to have a 'stable' relationship, those are the typical 'losers' in my book... ewwwwww Those of you who boo~boo'd and did the deed too soon you can NOT convince him to now buy you dinner and love you. He operated off of a need and he got it met. He knows you are * easy * and he will come at it again if you are willing. I don't agree with this.. I have seen people marrying after the first night of wild sex... (in fact 3 weeks later in one case)... Those who boo-boo'd are like I said previously, the 'losers' who cling to the first one who pays attention to them... All what you're saying can be applied to women as well.. why always say that only women are getting caught and duped... You have a very low opinion of women in general... sad... I say bring the DATING back ! Let these guys go back to the 60-80's where you took the girl on dates , courted her and then you came into a great relationship. I say.. bring the Dating or leave it as FWB or whatever... the main thing is for people to know what they want right from the start and to deal with the situation. People need to be stronger emotionally... They also need to move on when they're not happy in a relationship. simple....
crzyblndstar Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 I had a successful FWB. And we were actually friends. We didn't just meet up and screw. We would go and hang out with friends and have a good time too. We knew that dating was not an option for us because we were just not compatible in that way. We actually had a laugh about that, that we would end up killing each other if we ever tried to get together. We were good as friends and great together in bed. It was never a worry if we were dating other people, as neither one of us cared. We don't have sex anymore because we are both in relationships, but we still talk on the phone now and then just to catch up. It is what was best for both of us at the time. That is the most important thing, that each person is aware of and in agreeance of the situation. Ahh, I miss those days sometimes.... It was nice not having to worry about the relationship aspects, but still having someone around to fullfill my needs.
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