PerfectXPretty Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 Okay so here goes... (ill try to make a long story short) .. I've been off and on with my boyfriend for 3 years now.. I fell inlove with the guy who liked to go out/ do things & have fun!! .. .. Little did i know/but yet learn he likes his computer games .. Littlet did i know that he doesnt seem to really like to go out and do things because he wants to be on his computer ... On very numerous occasions he'd be on his computer & act like i'm not there .. he said he's "bored and angry when i'm there.. but yet when i leave, or he's alone hes relieved & he hates it" .. however i'm the one who's been trying to get him off the computer, the one who's been trying to get him out the door.. hell i drive to his house almost everyday.. well i used to anyways. Whenever i try to talk to him about a problem he kind of shrugs me off & isnt there for me.. .. I had a family situation on Saturday that just passed.. he basically told me that it was my own problem, he wouldnt even comfort me.. nor has he called me.. however i feel he's trying to get to me because he hasnt changed his status on his myspace or anything but yet if he's so tired of me i dont get it? i feel as if he's using Projection... The things he does.. twisting it and making it me and my fault... He's just not the guy i thought he was.. i just dont understand.. he's always been spoiled, always gotten whatever he wanted from his parents.. i'm 22 he's 23 .. he's 8 months older than i. He has a little temper on him so when things dont go his way he gets mad at me.. and ignores me and plays his World of warcraft .. .. I feel as if i'm being neglected for no reason, i'm the one doing all of the work & Putting my whole heart and everything into it for him to treat me like dirt.. i'm a good girl, genuine with great qualities.. i dont understand why a person would do this to me.. Everytime we break up... he'll say he's wrong and he's sorry and this and that and then when he finally gets me back and gets comfortable again he turns into his mean old self.. can anyone help me out here? that was the jist of it.
Teuen101 Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 sounds like he is into him self maybe you should try dating othere people ? lets be honest do you think you could be with some one who isnt willing to give you the time or day or meet you're needs you're better then that. I know it's hard to walk away. becasue you've put so much time into him and you cannot understand why, when in fact its simple he is selfish and really do you want some one like that ? Trust me i know i just got done the same way by some one it sucks.but im learning to walk away and meet some one worth my time.
Author PerfectXPretty Posted January 11, 2008 Author Posted January 11, 2008 Everytime i try to walk away... for some reason i miss him & i wonder if he's gonna end up changing & give someone that time of day he should of ended up giving me ; but i guess that will never happen. Hes had girlfriends in the past.. maybe 3-4? that he just didnt last long with probably because he's selfish.. .. I guess i'm still holding on to the good times we've had together .. i hate being so soft hearted .. always seeing the best in people... i wish i could do something about it... but everytime.. it just doesnt stop.. Do you think he has a fear of committment? .. I feel like once i really let go of him.. i'm gonna have some type of fear from being hurt so much.. i'm the kind of girl who will do anything for him if he needed it... and i am also the kind of gal that is there if he needed an ear to listen to .. thouogh he didnt really show his emotions much.. hell .. we're still 'together i think' but what an A**
Lee725 Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 i'm a good girl, genuine with great qualities. Believe this and leave him. A good girl with great qualities would not allow herself to be put second place to a computer. you have expressed your concerns and attempted to communicate your needs. If he will not listen nor take notice of your needs then he has reiterated your position in the pecking order. A person who cares for you would be there during your time of need, at a minimum call you to express concern and offer assistance. Find the strength within yourself to realize you deserve better than this man is capable of providing at this time.
Author PerfectXPretty Posted January 11, 2008 Author Posted January 11, 2008 Are there actually Nice/Unselfish/guys who will be there when you cry that will comfort ya actually out there, The ones that'll take ya out and do things with the family & all of that without a hassel?? I must be missing out
Lee725 Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 .. I guess i'm still holding on to the good times we've had together At 22, i can assure you entirely that you have many more good times to come with other people, based on what you have written of this man i would say sensationally better times ahead. Do you think he has a fear of committment? I am not entirely sure (despite how much you love him), that being committed to this man long term would provide any real solid relationship. It seems he does not have room enough in his computer animated life for a real relationship. .. I feel like once i really let go of him.. i'm gonna have some type of fear from being hurt so much.. As you read the threads on this forum you will struggle to find someone who does not think this way. Life is about taking a chance, many of us do it & come back here, some never come back because they find "the one", & with that happiness. You will love again without the fear, you just need to open your heart to the possibility that it CAN happen. i'm the kind of girl who will do anything for him if he needed it... and i am also the kind of gal that is there if he needed an ear to listen to .. thouogh he didnt really show his emotions much.. hell .. we're still 'together i think' but what an A** And where was he when you needed him? You have these great qualities, there is someone out there who you can share them with and have the reciprocated. Change that thought of: "we're still together... i think" to "I don't need you and i will have better in my life". Good luck.
s_n_d Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 You need to give this guy a reality check. One day hes going to wake up and realize that his world of computer games IS infact just a GAME and that he should not have ignored the great woman who he was with.. && There are good men out there. I promise. Their just hard to find. When I was with my ex, Not once did he choose to watch the hockey game(His favourite thing to do) over being with me. You deserve a man who will treat you like your a queen.
Lee725 Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 Are there actually Nice/Unselfish/guys who will be there when you cry that will comfort ya actually out there, The ones that'll take ya out and do things with the family & all of that without a hassel?? I must be missing out Yes, there are & when you find them, pass one on to me HUH
Author PerfectXPretty Posted January 11, 2008 Author Posted January 11, 2008 My parents keep telling me the same thing, Just to get over him already & find someone else. . i always hated being the 'bad guy' or for to have a break up & him twist and turn everything to make me look like the one who's causing all of the problems when its him. Maybe if he got off the computer we'd have a real relationship. You see.. his dad sits on his computer playing computer games all of the time & so does his grandpa so he sees it as 'being okay' becuase he's grown up around it.. his mother does other things, his grandmother does other things.. but he and i arent MARRIED... when you're married its a little different.. hell we dont even live together.. he'll never get it.
Lee725 Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 It sounds like he comes from a long line of computer playing, non communicative, serial warcraft participants! WOW, What a catch LOL.... I bet they have more intense, passionate, communicative relationships with their on line alter egos! Not being very helpful here .. sorry. No one likes to hear "move on", we all want resolution to make our relationships perfect. Unfortunately most of us are on here because that is just not possible.
Leoni Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 My parents keep telling me the same thing, Just to get over him already & find someone else. . i always hated being the 'bad guy' or for to have a break up & him twist and turn everything to make me look like the one who's causing all of the problems when its him. Maybe if he got off the computer we'd have a real relationship. You see.. his dad sits on his computer playing computer games all of the time & so does his grandpa so he sees it as 'being okay' becuase he's grown up around it.. his mother does other things, his grandmother does other things.. but he and i arent MARRIED... when you're married its a little different.. hell we dont even live together.. he'll never get it. No, it shouldn't be different when you get married. You can't make him want to do anything. Even a guy who shows he cares, if he goes out or does things to continually please you, can only be on his best behaviour for so long. What you need to do, is to find someone else who has similar interests, one who isn't hooked on the internet.
Author PerfectXPretty Posted January 11, 2008 Author Posted January 11, 2008 Well he seems to be more like his grandfather, his dad seems really nice & he does whatever his mom wants... though with him he has anger problems and it makes it harder when he wants to do whatever he wants to do... pretty devistating.. its gonna be hard to say goodbye because everytime we break up.. we have contact.. or someone calls the other after a week.. i know this probably sounds pathetic right? i'm still inlove with him.
alwayshurt Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 You see.. his dad sits on his computer playing computer games all of the time & so does his grandpa so he sees it as 'being okay' becuase he's grown up around it.. his mother does other things, his grandmother does other things.. but he and i arent MARRIED... when you're married its a little different.. hell we dont even live together.. he'll never get it. Jeez! it seems like you got yourself a bunch of loosers!!!! jokes apart, i guess you know what to expect from this relationship if you ever end up together with tis guy so the best thing you could do is walk away. By doing so you will help yourself (you will cease this sort of frustration you are experiencing) and him (he will finally wake up and do something with his life iso wasting it in front a PC game). See, the way I see it, this guy does not luv you at all. To him, you represent his shelter, his sexy toy when he's in the mood of something else other than PC games. In fact, when you try to leave him he temporary changes. If you keep on doing this, he knows that he has you in his hands and can do with you all he wants. Perhaps for you it's the same but you just don't see it right now. Also, you guys are so young to even think to a serious relationship, especially in these conditions. My advice to you is to walk away and have some fun. Don't let this bunch of loosers shut the flame it is inside yourself. Because if you stay there you will eventually become like them....lazy a**! And yes! there are really good man out there (I am one ) but I guess right now you should look for something different than a serious relationship. Make some new experiences, date different people and learn what it is right for you, what works for you in a relationship. Cheers
Author PerfectXPretty Posted January 11, 2008 Author Posted January 11, 2008 For reading & advice! heh .. we'll im not the type of woman who'd use a guy for anything, i'm the type who has to be in a relationship & have a connection to be intimately connected & do other things. I have good qualities & morals!
alwayshurt Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 For reading & advice! heh .. we'll im not the type of woman who'd use a guy for anything, i'm the type who has to be in a relationship & have a connection to be intimately connected & do other things. I have good qualities & morals! sorry! I did not mean to offend anybody. Dating other people does not necessarily mean sleeping with them...if that is what you got from my post. I will definetely say that it helps a lot to find out what is it that you are looking for in your partner giving you th expertise to better choose the person you want to spend your life with. you make diversified experiences which would make you stronger and less vulnerable to what this life has to offer to you. You don't have to use selfishly other people, yet you don't want to be used either...and that is what usually happens to "Nice guy". People here express opinions based on personal experiences. Lots of us have been hurt in the past. Some of us have learn the lessons and now are stronger. Others still get cought in the same trap over and over and...."history repeat itsself"!! The right formula does not exist, every situation is different from another. But one good thing is to learn how to control our feelings and emotions and walk away when things get rough even though our hearts told us to do differently. Go with your heart......I wish you good luck
Author PerfectXPretty Posted January 11, 2008 Author Posted January 11, 2008 I wasnt too sure what you were saying so i wanted to clear the air , because of course i'm not just in it for that.. thats something that comes with being in a relationship with havin that connection, its not something i'd just randomly do because of boredom or because i just met someone out of the blue & say hey lets go! .. .. So its been almost a week since this guy has called, yet he's changed his myspace site around, but not the status or the mentioning that i'm his girlfriend because thats all still there - he has also changed his top list around and i'm still in the same spot, he's a guy that i'll never understand i guess. Ever since we've talked on Saturday... he's been signed on AIM everyday.. i dont know if he's trying to get my attention or see how long i can go without talking to him - nothing he ever does makes sense .. here i am being stupid trying to figure him out.. someone who never does anything for me, only once in a while..which is NEVER!.. because everything's a hassel for him.
LifesontheUp Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 He sounds like he is an addict. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life splitting up, getting back together and then him reverting to his addiction once he thinks things are back on track? You are young, with a full live ahead of you. If he's not willing to get help for what is an addiction then I would say move on.
Author PerfectXPretty Posted January 11, 2008 Author Posted January 11, 2008 You mean an online gaming addict where he puts that stupid game or any other game first. Yeah i believe it.. but he thinks its normal because his dad and grandfather do it so nobodys going to say anything to him. I've called him an addict towards this game, hes probably been playing computer games longer than i've been with him.
LifesontheUp Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 My x was an addict to the internet. He put it before his real life. Typical signs: 1. He would get angry if I bothered him while he was online 2. He would come home from work and went straight on it and was on it all night 3. I would frequently have to wait for him to finish online before we could go anywhere. He'd say stuff life "just a minute"....typically I would be waiting at least half an hour. 4. There were many times we had agreed to go out, he would tell me he didn't feel well and up to it so I would go on my own. I'd find out when I got home that he'd been online all the time I'd been gone. 5. Once the computer broke down and I've never seen anything like it. He got mega stressed out because he couldn't get it to work and ended up borrowing his brothers whilst ours was being fixed.
HeavenScent Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 You deserve better! I can't stand a guy that would rather sit in front of a computer all day than a day or night out! It is not healthy and you should be with someone who would be there for you when you're happy and down.
Author PerfectXPretty Posted January 11, 2008 Author Posted January 11, 2008 Yep them signs are what i've been seeing. I mean i know i like to go on the internet but i wont put it infront of other things, i'll leave the computer .. Everytime we'd want to do something he wont get off the computer, Only if its SOMETHING HE WANTS TO DO, OR SOMETHING FOR HIM.
HeavenScent Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 PerfectXPretty, he is very selfish. Do you really want someone like that in your life?
Author PerfectXPretty Posted January 11, 2008 Author Posted January 11, 2008 No, Because i'm the total opposite.
Author PerfectXPretty Posted January 11, 2008 Author Posted January 11, 2008 A boy like himself, yes i said boy... Isnt man enough to talk to me about anything ever either, he 'gets mad' and then lets it blow over.. I'll confront him about the computer.. he'll get very mad/irritable and then get mad at ME... or tell ME TO LEAVE if he's on it.. its ridiculas. I try to look at everything from every corner & i cant see any of this being my fault, he always makes me look like i'm the problem & all. None of his Friends/Parents/Grandparents dont see this side of him & dont know him like i do.. All they see is the nice/friendly/ whatever you want to call it side of him who's not an a**
sedgwick Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 (edited) Did you ever see that episode of the show "Intervention" about the video game addict guy? He basically did nothing but sit and play games all day. He had this really cute girl who was a friend of his and was interested in him, and he was interested in her, but he could never give her any time because he was always sucked into his computer (or nintendo or whatever.) She would go to his house and try to get him to go out and do something with her and he'd say, "In a minute," and then leave her sitting on the couch while he played. They actually did an intervention and sent him to a treatment center, and the only reason he agreed to go was because of the girl. Then at the end of the show it said that he had returned home and was still gaming, and she'd broken up with him. The thing is, it's a real addiction for some people. It wasn't because this girl wasn't good enough for him. In fact, she was probably *too* good for him. She was smart and nice and good-looking (better looking than he was by a long shot.) It didn't have anything to do with her, it had to do with his addiction. The fact that your bf gets angry when you bring up the computer thing is a sign that it's really out of control and that it's HIS issue. I mean, think about it. If you had a habit that you felt you were able to break, and your SO asked you to break it, you would. For example, a friend of mine who has asthma fell in love with a guy who smoked, and even though it was hard for him to give it up, he did, because he wanted to live with her. Yes, he was hooked on cigarettes, but it wasn't so much of an addiction he couldn't give it up. It really sounds like your bf has lost touch with reality, like there's probably a lot of stuff in his own life that he's trying to avoid that has nothing to do with you. He gets angry with you because he knows he has a problem and feels powerless to change it, so he lashes out at you for bringing it up. Edited January 11, 2008 by sedgwick
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