Avalina Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 I met the man of my dreams, but was simply too afraid of expressing my true emotions due to lack of courage, fear of rejection and my insecurities. I asked him to go easy on me because I was so overwhelmed by his intensity, but he would not listen to what I was saying. Don´t get me wrong, I´m a very intense person myself, and because of that intensity I have put some men off in the past. Wouldn´t want to repeat the same mistakes, but as it turns out, this did not apply to this guy! He wanted the intensity, only I wasn´t ready to return the favor quite that soon. Also the fact that he is separated (has been for 6 months now after his STBXW moved back to the UK) and has children made me feel insecure (I´ve had past bad experiences dating a man with a kid). This lead me to become really hurtful and mean to him... saying he wasn´t what I was looking for and that we had no future together, stupid I know. In the early days of our relationship he happened to say that his STBXW was the love of his life... but kindly added "so far". He kept insisting I was the woman of his dreams, his future... I even tried to break up with him so I could get some time to sort out my feelings (this really tore him apart), but he managed to talk me out of it the following day. He said he wanted to spend Christmas with me, and that no matter what, his feelings for me would never change.. Then I pushed it too far with getting upset about him not being able to spend Christmas with me after all... He wanted to, I know he did, but he also had to go and see his son to tell him about him and his mother getting a divorce. The reason he could not see me was because there were no ferries to where he was going on Christmas Day, so it really wasn´t his fault. I acted so badly when he called and told me the news... I completely flipped and said some very hurtful things to him. Very unacceptable behaviour and not something I would normally do... The last time I saw him was before New Year´s when he came by. I gave him a letter explaining how I REALLY felt about him, and that I wished he would give me a chance to prove it. He said I could still call him, but that he needed time. But as soon as he left I tried to call him and sms him that same night and the next morning, but he never answered... I really needed to talk to him, but he got even more upset and said I had pushed it too far this time, and that my last chance had just expired. The reason I wanted to talk to him was because I had found out I was pregnant and really needed his support... My friend advised me to tell him about what was really going on, and why I´d been so extremely touchy for the past 2 weeks. Well, he was shocked and said he didn´t believe it and asked me what I would do? I told him not to worry about it... All this via sms. He now says that I killed how he felt about me, but that he still likes me (?). But that there were too many ups and downs in his marriage and that he doesn´t need that anymore. It is hard for me to comprehend how someone can fall out of love in less than a week. Especially after I did open up to him completely about how I felt... Something that is very difficult for me to do, especially in such an early stage of the relationship (less than 2 months)... I just needed some time to process my feelings. I do not want to lose this man, never did, but I just wasn´t ready to dive in head first. I felt so safe and comfortable with him, but wasn´t ready to open up completely. I rarely fall in love, but when I do, I fall hard and I stay there. Should I just admit my defeat and let him go?
Lee725 Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 Wow, i seem to be saying this a lot on threads lately, but it seems like there may have been some rebounding going on there. For some reason i also think it may have been happening on both sides. How long were you guys together? Him: Clingy and and prematurely intense because he is rebounding from his ex. You: relationship queries and fears based on recent past experiences, hence the response to situations that you normally would have dealt with differently. (over reactions) You have said at the bottom that you are pregnant, depending on your choice regarding the pregnancy, letting him go completely may not be an available option here because he will long term want contact with his child. The thoughts that i would have in regards to your situation would certainly be dependent on your choice re: pregnancy.
Lee725 Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 Something that is very difficult for me to do, especially in such an early stage of the relationship (less than 2 months)... I just needed some time to process my feelings. re: time together. Sorry i just saw this. ^^^
Author Avalina Posted January 12, 2008 Author Posted January 12, 2008 I´m an emotional trainwreck now... As it turns out, my ex (yes, he most definitely falls into that category now) after breaking up with me on 28DEC, went over to my best friends house and then met her neighbor, whom I´m friends with too... and he´s now seeing her (my best friends neighbor)! The really absurd thing is that I was over at her place tonight (!) and we were discussing my relationship and the abortion I had on Monday, and how he did not take responsibility for it, nor did he support me when I needed him the most. I was openly telling her about my feelings, on how much my ex meant to me and how I would give up almost anything to be with him. She even had the nerve to tell me I should give him some time!! After I got home my ex called me and told me that he was seeing her now, and that he was really happy in his new realtionship!!! I feel SO numb. I mean, how can he do that to me? And furthermore, how could she do that knowing he had just broken up with me?!? I feel so betrayed, stupid and hurt. The thing is, he lives in Germany and I live in Belgium - could he not at least have had the decency to start seeing someone somewhere else? What about respecting the fact that our relationship had just ended, and perhaps given some time before jumping into another relationship? He keeps telling me that he loved me, but that I just didn´t respond to his love as he expected me to, and that is why he ended it... He also asked me if I had said something bad about him to his new gf... apparently she wants to have a talk with him tomorrow (Yes, he is coming here to spend his birthday and to be with her...). I mean duh, why would I have said bad things about him...?!? I didn´t even know they were seeing each other! Has he gone completely insane???? Or did I really hurt him so badly that he feels the need to get even with me??? I just don´t know what to think anymore... i´m so confused
Recommended Posts