Lucky555 Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 I am single: However for my own piece of mind since i luv this site and find advise very insightful. Do you have to be friends or even talk to your partners ex?! I don't know but does this all look normal to you? i believe it will actually validate my reasons for having Dumped him all together. Its reflecting for me and putting it to rest. EX: *she tries to get him back *she calls him with her problems and calls at least every week *she dumped him and caused him pain *she still sends cards to his family on holidays *she visits his mom when shes in town! Him: *He picks of the phone *he emails her back when she does email. *He helps her because they are friends *He still meets with her because they are friends This does not seem like a friendship to me. What does it sound like to you? Am i being paranoid or have i been paranoid
oppath Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 My rules. If we have agreed to be exclusive, If your ex calls you to talk, you mention "I'm dating someone and want to see where it goes. I'm sorry if this hurts you. Do you think you can be friends given this information?"If your ex wants to hang out, can I meet him? Basically, if you feel that your partner puts his/her ex's feelings above your's, that is a problem. Since I don't believe in committing to exclusive dating unless a girl is a serious prospect for me, my ex's would be out of the picture unless they were comfortable meeting my new gf. I don't mind the occasional email or phone call, as long as it is clear that my feelings come first. If my gf feels awkward about it, and doesn't want to hurt her ex's feelings, then to me, that means she isn't ready for a relationship or is not serious about me. This guy shouldn't be meeting with his ex unless you've had a chance to meet her, especially considering she wants him back. In fact, if you sense the ex wants you back, and you are in a relationship, you the most kind thing you can do is be a little cruel to them so they know it is time to move on. I will tell my future gf's "I want to meet this person" if she wants to hang out with him. "But it will be too awkward." Well, "Not for me it won't be. If he's just a friend, it will be fine." This does not exclude being friends at all, it's just that if you are serious about me, you will integrate me into that friendship.
Winfield Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 Do you have to be friends with your partner's ex? No - you don't have to be friends with anyone you don't like.
oppath Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 True, you don't have to be friend with someone you don't like. I, however, would pretty much demand that I am given the chance to be friends with my partners ex. It won't make me uncomfortable. If they are uncomfortable, then perhaps they aren't really just friends (or haven't had enough space) or I need a new gf!
Author Lucky555 Posted January 11, 2008 Author Posted January 11, 2008 Thanks for both of those perspectives. I like the answer "no you don't have to be friends with anyone you don't like" I completely agree with this. i see no purpose in being friends or even pretending to be friends with someone I dislike. WHY PRETEND. Yeah meeting exes that are JUST FRIENDS is fine BUT an ex that has feelings for the guy and meeting them. I think that is out of the question how is that even possible without having a horrible time.
confuused55 Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 no, you don't need to be friends with her, and their relationship seems pretty inappropriate. he could be friends with her but she should not rely on him for everything and you certainly have no obligation to be friends with her if she is acting that way.
D-Lish Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 I have been friends with a bf's ex's (plural)... there were a few of them around when we dated. The difference was that these women were not trying to get back together with my bf and I had no issue with being around them- I quite liked them actually. But they also went out of their way to make me feel really comfortable. Your situation is different. His ex is being manipulative- and she is using her problems to remain close to him. I don't blame you for not wanting to be her friend... I wouldn't want that kind of intrusion in my relationship either.
Author Lucky555 Posted January 11, 2008 Author Posted January 11, 2008 Thank you all I SEE THAT *I AM NOT Paranoid. * I do believe in trusting people but these circumstances would make any young woman doubt the guy and his intentions * I knew i could not mention any of the above mentioned because then he would just keep it a secret as usual. He would also say there is nothing going on. And he would say that i am crazy and not trusting. The behavior was inappropriate. I find this putting my mind at ease to know that I was right to think these thoughts. Its not that i didn't trust its that this situation was twisted
Recommended Posts