veloria Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 I'm not too keen on my boyfriend anymore. Our relationship started out hot, but it fizzled when I learned more about his personality and aspects of it I don't like. He has a terrible temper, and that's something I have trouble tolerating after growing up with an emotionally abusive father. He's also rather emotionally unavailable. I won't lie. There are certain things about him I do really like, and that's what has kept me around for so long (we've been together almost 9 months). Anyway I've been gearing up to break things off for a few weeks. The reason I started this thread is because I have a crush on one of his friends (have for a long time). The friend and I click really well, and I think we'd make a much better match than me and my current bf. I also know that his friend has described me as "hot" and a "catch" to my bf. Is it possible to pull off a "friend swap"? I realize the stickiness of the situation, but it seems like there must be some way. His friend is single, and I'm pretty sure he likes me. I just don't know how to go about it, or if it's a lost cause. Like after I break up with my boyfriend, and things have cooled off for a couple months would it be really terrible to ask for his friend's number/email? Or what if I tried to contact the friend on my own? Has anyone ever successfully pulled this off? Any insight?
Lishy Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 Hahhahahhaha Hahahhahahahahahahha Oooooooo that has made me laugh! That is what men do all the time so to hear a woman say it is funny! All I can say is would it be ok for him to ask you for your friends number in a month or so?
Author veloria Posted January 10, 2008 Author Posted January 10, 2008 Hahhahahhaha Hahahhahahahahahahha Oooooooo that has made me laugh! That is what men do all the time so to hear a woman say it is funny! All I can say is would it be ok for him to ask you for your friends number in a month or so? Honestly, I wouldn't have a problem with him doing this after we broke up. I just really want to date this friend of his.
Lishy Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 Hahhahahhahahhaa ....... again!!!!!!!!!! If he still likes you alot then you will not be able to, if he feels like you do then maybe you will be able to.
jerbear Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 This is interesting. Almost as bad as pursing the daughter, then dumping her for her mother! Or going from one sister to another. Anyway, sometimes guys would ask the other guy if they can pursue the ex. Sometimes that code is kept and sometimes it is not. Really depends on how close they are to each other.
oppath Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 Best of luck. End it with your boyfriend, and do the right thing and help him realize in your reasoning that your feelings have changed and you don't feel the two of you are right for each other. Be as honest as possible without mentioning his friend, but make sure the reasons you give, he can't go to his friends and say "she broke up with me." "OMG! Why?" "She said XYZ." "XYZ is BS." He needs to know the relationship is over and it has been for a while and that your feelings have changed. Doing that will minimize drama later if you date this other guy.
EYECANDY000 Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 Even though the friend considered you as a "catch" maybe he was just thinking you are a good catch for his friend.. do you think that the friend would be open to dating his friends ex girlfriend? I see it all the time, but I think if its a best friend dont do it!
Author veloria Posted January 10, 2008 Author Posted January 10, 2008 Best of luck. End it with your boyfriend, and do the right thing and help him realize in your reasoning that your feelings have changed and you don't feel the two of you are right for each other. Be as honest as possible without mentioning his friend, but make sure the reasons you give, he can't go to his friends and say "she broke up with me." "OMG! Why?" "She said XYZ." "XYZ is BS." He needs to know the relationship is over and it has been for a while and that your feelings have changed. Doing that will minimize drama later if you date this other guy. I might try that out. The only problem is I don't have his friend's phone number. There's a possibility I might be able to find it after doing some internet digging, but it seems kind of slimey for me to contact the friend without informing my bf first (after we've broken up) and asking if he's okay with it. But then again it would be weird to ask my bf for his friend's number. What do you think?
SeraBella Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 Well, IF you decide to do this, I wouldn't ask your boyfriend for his number or email. I think that would be up to you to do on your own. And if he has anger issues, are you sure he won't do something crazy if he finds out his friend is dating an ex? A lot of people (both men and women) do CRAZY SHHTTUFF when this happens. And wait a few months after the breakup. It's possible in that time you could find someone you're more attracted to than this friend.
MystifiedByMen Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 I have done this successfully and pulled it off in a way that eventually we all remained friends in the end. I even dated the ex again afterwards for a period of 2 months. I was with my ex for 6 years who is a twin. He has 2 lifelong friends who are also twins. After I left my ex, we had no contact. During this time, I ran into his friend at a club and we just started making out. His friend was not drunk as he doesn’t drink at all. We ended up dating for awhile but I ended it because he was too possessive and would get jealous too easily. He also asked a lot of uncomfortable questions about his friend/my ex that I didn’t like to talk about. I just started dating the guy. He felt bad so he emailed my ex to ask for permission to ‘hang out’ with me. My ex responded and said, “dude, do what you think you have to do”. There was some period of nasty emails between me and my ex that I never told his friend about. At the time of the emails, he had no idea we were dating. Just hanging out. I got all the bitching from the ex. The friend didn’t. They kinda have this unspoken rule now where they don’t discuss me or bring my name up anymore, but I’m sure it made them distant in their friendship a little. My ex felt betrayed by me, even though he was a lying cheater. Maybe I did it to pay him back for all the ****ty things he’s done to me. Who knows, but it felt good to show him how it feels to be betrayed. Basically, you have to ease your way into the new guy by slowing dropping hints to the ex you’re hanging out. You and the new guy would have to be inkahootz on carefully letting the ex know what’s going on and do it really slowly. In the mean time, you two would be doing a lot of sneaking around. Just treat both guys with care and act like you really take their emotions very serious. Even if you don’t.
MystifiedByMen Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 I might try that out. The only problem is I don't have his friend's phone number. There's a possibility I might be able to find it after doing some internet digging, but it seems kind of slimey for me to contact the friend without informing my bf first (after we've broken up) and asking if he's okay with it. But then again it would be weird to ask my bf for his friend's number. What do you think? Just get the new guys number out of the boyfriends phone when he's not looking before the breakup. I know it sounds really bad, but you avoid the wired feeling of asking the b/f or the friend.
Lishy Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 That all sounds like alot of hard work! Go find another guy it will create less drama! Ps .... there are billions of other men out there!
Author veloria Posted January 10, 2008 Author Posted January 10, 2008 Just get the new guys number out of the boyfriends phone when he's not looking before the breakup. I know it sounds really bad, but you avoid the wired feeling of asking the b/f or the friend. That's a possibility. I actually might just get his email off my bf's computer since it seems less awkward then talking to him over the phone and I can really plan out what I say. The thing is how do I explain in the email how I got his email?
Author veloria Posted January 10, 2008 Author Posted January 10, 2008 That all sounds like alot of hard work! Go find another guy it will create less drama! Ps .... there are billions of other men out there! It's really rare that I find a guy that I like and click with, so I tend to jump on the opportunities I get.
MystifiedByMen Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 That's a possibility. I actually might just get his email off my bf's computer since it seems less awkward then talking to him over the phone and I can really plan out what I say. The thing is how do I explain in the email how I got his email? Tell him that you want his email because you came across something on the internet he might enjoy looking at. Before hand, find something that he would prob. like to see or read. Then he should just give it to you without even thinking about it. Email it to him and then save the email address. Wait a few months and make your move. I would prob. do something like that. If you two get along so well, he should give you his email without hesitation.
Lee725 Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 This sounds like a recipe for disaster, especially if your current BF has a temper. I doubt even in the long run that he will sit back and take it all in his stride. As lishy said there are billions of men out there, maybe have a look around? It has happened a couple of times in my circle of friends and it has not worked out because the way my BF's treated my friends when i was with them was in a different way to how they (the BF) behaved in a relationship. Unfortunately my friends could not be told and had to find out for themselves. If there is any chance of this coming together without to many drama's, you and the current BF would have to be broken up for some months before it starts with his friend.
Author veloria Posted January 10, 2008 Author Posted January 10, 2008 Tell him that you want his email because you came across something on the internet he might enjoy looking at. Before hand, find something that he would prob. like to see or read. Then he should just give it to you without even thinking about it. Email it to him and then save the email address. Wait a few months and make your move. I would prob. do something like that. If you two get along so well, he should give you his email without hesitation. good idea!
Carmen87 Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 I have dated a guy, broke up with him, then dated his best friend. However, I only went after the friend 9 months after I had dumped him. He was mad for about a month, but now he is my best friend.
MystifiedByMen Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 I have dated a guy, broke up with him, then dated his best friend. However, I only went after the friend 9 months after I had dumped him. He was mad for about a month, but now he is my best friend. See.. it could happen. My ex and I are still friends after I did what I did.
Yellowboy Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 I'm not saying this in a bad way, but why limit yourself in finding a boyfriend through your immediate social circle? You girl, will cause a lot of drama for everyone involved, especially if your guy has a bad temper. That's just a recipe for disasters to come.
underpants Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 I does not sound like a good idea. Most likely it will cause a rift between the 2 guys. That is if his friend would even date you. If you and guy 2 don't work out, then they might both conclude that you are not that great. If you no longer want to have a relationship with your boyfriend just break up with him. You don't need to move from one guy to another? Do you?
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