MysticStar Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 Could someone here please explain to me what an Emotional Affair is? And at what point does it become an Emotional Affair? Mystic
BetrayedMM Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 The point where you feel a need to hide it. The point it upsets your SO and yet you continue. The point where sexual tension enters the friendship, and it draws you closer. When any of this happens, it is an EA.
brothermartin Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 An emotional affair is when one person in a committed relationship becomes emotionally infatuated with another person, to the point that the first person is feeling and caring about that person MORE than the person he or she is committed to. Only the lack of sex keeps it as only an emotional affair.
Lucky555 Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 An emotional affair is when you are committed to someone and have feelings for another person. A person my be sleeping with someone and having a relationship but are in love with someone else. Indications of an emotional affair are when discussions of your personal life with the other person become more prominent. You talk to them regularly about your love life, money, basically things you don't normally discuss with just any friend. The person feels a bond with that other person as they would a lover or person of interest but IS with another person. Confiding in a person who is not their partner is when problems arise. its easier for the person with less emotionally attachment to leave the relationship or control what is going on in the relationship because they may care but not enough. I have experienced this and it hurts a lot! Thinking your with someone and then when there is a lack of emotional intimacy and connection with the person but they still "claim to be with you." However, you only feel alone in the relationship and the person becomes more like someone you greet and shake hands with than your best friend and lover. With this missing from the relationship its hard to leave because the person has not "cheated physically" but they have cheated emotionally due to the fact they are not putting their whole self into the relationship.
whichwayisup Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 Is your spouse having an EA or are you in the midst of one? You've started afew threads already, asking various questions about this....
IamASelfishSOB Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 I would add that you are discussing issues with another person that you should be discussing with your spouse. Anything private. Sex, money, disagreements, anything that you wouldn't say with your wife and the in laws is and EA. You see? I don't agree with this. If this is that case, I must be gay, because I'm having an EA with my best male friend (I'm a guy by the way). I really think the infatuation thing has to be there. I think there has to be change in priority in favor of the other individual for an EA to exist. Could it be disrespectful to your spouse to discuss some things with another? I would say this is a very strong possibility. That could be the case regardless of the gender of your friend. On the other hand, it could actually help the person to talk about their problems with another person. The definition of an EA that you gave gives me a lot of heartburn and I just plain disagree.
Author MysticStar Posted January 11, 2008 Author Posted January 11, 2008 No, I've just heard the term so often over the years, but I never knew what defines one, so I thought I'd ask.
Planofool Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 My wife has argued with me that she did not have an EA for these reasons.... She never discussed sex, she never professed to love him. However he did these things and they talked over the phone every chance she got. She initiated the phone calls because as she put it she was the one with a life. That means whenever she was away from me and had the time she would call. She also would sneak off and call. Of course I got the standard, "we are just friends" answer. So if the sexual attraction was one sided does that make a difference? Of course you would have to believe her side of the story.
LifesontheUp Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 My wife has argued with me that she did not have an EA for these reasons.... She never discussed sex, she never professed to love him. However he did these things and they talked over the phone every chance she got. She initiated the phone calls because as she put it she was the one with a life. That means whenever she was away from me and had the time she would call. She also would sneak off and call. Of course I got the standard, "we are just friends" answer. So if the sexual attraction was one sided does that make a difference? Of course you would have to believe her side of the story. So she hid their involvement from you for all those years yet it wasn't an EA. Come on what was she getting out of it then!?! Tell her go read about EA on Peggy Vaughans website. The critical component is the secrecy. Isn't it your wife that has been doing this for over 20years? Wow she must be ill or something if she believes that bs....or she thinks she can get away with it.
Planofool Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 So she hid their involvement from you for all those years yet it wasn't an EA. Come on what was she getting out of it then!?! Tell her go read about EA on Peggy Vaughans website. The critical component is the secrecy. Isn't it your wife that has been doing this for over 20years? Wow she must be ill or something if she believes that bs....or she thinks she can get away with it. 26 yrs she hid there correspondances from me. I have read all of his letters that I can find and she was playing with his emotions for sure. I will look at Peggy Vaughans web site but we don't talk about the affair anymore. She deffinately needs therapy for lots of reasons, but I am not about to drag her there kicking and screaming.
Meaplus3 Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 Could someone here please explain to me what an Emotional Affair is? And at what point does it become an Emotional Affair? Mystic, Here's the best defintion that I had found some where and had saved. An emotional affair is when one person in a relationship is continually going outside of the relationship to another person for their advice, comfort, and emotional support.The friendship becomes an emotional affair as soon as the person begins to pull away from their partner and begin to prefer turning to their friend for companionship, support, and to share their deep and personal secrets. Do you think you might be in one? AP:)
Author MysticStar Posted January 12, 2008 Author Posted January 12, 2008 Hi AP, To answer your question do I think I might be in an EA, the answer is no. EA is a term that I've heard thrown around for a long time, and I never really understood what one was. So when I found this site and saw the term, I figured I'd ask. Thanks for responding to my post. Mystic.
Meaplus3 Posted January 12, 2008 Posted January 12, 2008 Hi AP, To answer your question do I think I might be in an EA, the answer is no. EA is a term that I've heard thrown around for a long time, and I never really understood what one was. So when I found this site and saw the term, I figured I'd ask. Thanks for responding to my post. Mystic. Your Welcome! Glad to hear your not in one. AP:)
Planofool Posted January 12, 2008 Posted January 12, 2008 A lot of people on here think an EA is worse than a PA. If I found out my W's EA made it to PA I think you could put me away....I would never be able to forgive her.
Frances Posted January 12, 2008 Posted January 12, 2008 A lot of people on here think an EA is worse than a PA. If I found out my W's EA made it to PA I think you could put me away....I would never be able to forgive her. I think if it is a PA and not a EA as well some people can get over that more easly. If it is both then the chances of recovering are much less. A EA on its own as you and I know is really difficult to get past. The fact that they where long term EA's is what is taking it's toll on us. If my h had had a PA as well I would have no decision to make it would be the highway for one of us. As it is I do not know if that will be the result of his EA anyway. I am struggling big time and it's 18 months since dday.
Recommended Posts