bestillmyheart Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 I answered his ad in mid Sept., he came to find out who i was where I told him we attend church. He wasnt what I would normally have *gone for* but I was sunk when he showed up there! From then on, I was following his lead. I was his *angel*, the love of his life, his future wife. He felt God brought him there and claimed he prayed for our relationship. He introduced me to long time friends and family. He asked me to marry him, we got rings, I got my dress. We were able to talk about any issues that arose, etc. By end of Oct., trouble is brewing and sure enough, when his first anniversery of his last marriage came along, he got in a funk. He/we continued on until 2nd week of Nov. albeit strained and I just didnt get it and then finally *We need to talk*. Said he didnt think we were compatible, that he loved me but wasnt in love and the love wasnt as deep, that he never meant to hurt me, that he needed some space, that he didnt want anyone else and wasnt going to be looking, that he wanted to be friends, that my touch still made him feel like heaven, that if he got out of his funk and called, would i take him back and then 5 minutes later, that he hoped I would tell him *Too f-n bad, you lost, I found someone else*. I dont want someone else!! I literally wrote down what I wanted in a man on a list to God of sorts and he fit it all and I refuse to believe God *did this* only to remove it. We have been *friends with benefits* at my prodding I guess because I didnt want to lose EVERYTHING I had gotten used to. At one point, he expressed concern that if he did that and never returned to me, that he was afraid I would hate him for using me. He admits to jerking off occassionally and once told me flat out that he thought of us together while he did it! What kind of sense does that make to not want someone but think of them when you do that!!?? I recently told him in an email we had going back and forth that I still love and miss him and he apparently chose to ignore it yet he was quick to lend me some money and will have lunch with me tomorrow in order for me to pay it back. He was putting smiley faces after stuff in our emailing yesterday and i told him I sure would like to meet the gal thats making him smile so much lately and he replied that he would too, whereever, whomever she is. Ouch, that was harsh i said to which he responded that he wasnt trying to be mean to be harsh so i told him my name and where i live and he said *I think I know her* Is that supposed to mean anything or am I just trying too hard? He gave me the ring he bought himself to sell if I could and neither that nor my dress has sold like it is some kind of sign even tho I wouldnt want to use the same items if we did put things back together. This guy is stable, a pillar of the community sort of thing, no ghosts in his past other than *thinking* he still loves his ex-wife who was his first true love he seems to think. The worst thing I ever really did to him was toss out a folder with the exes name on it (just some family pix and recipes he wanted to get back to her). Said that hurt him more than i could ever know, the feeling he got of not be trusted like that but after a couple of days, I was under the impression he had gotten over it because things were back to like in the first. He was abused by his father until he was 16 and I honestly dont think he believes he is worthy of a good love. I have made his blood run cold literally by acting like I got a new man (which i didnt) and then another time he said he was happy for me. People say to quit everything and especially dont let him have *me* sexually but I am afraid it would backfire and he would go *yeah, I knew she didnt mean it!* and never call. Why does he keep all our letters and notes from online? He put the few cards and a teddy bear he had given me away in the closet when I told him i didnt want it around and gave it back. Yes, I know, I am over-psycho-analyzing. If he is playing any games at this point, I honestly dont think he knows it as he is kind of a geeky, dork type. Awhile back when I asked if we were truly over and how did i get over him if so, he wanted to know why it was so hard for me, that other women just dumped him and went on. Does it help my *case* any to continue contacting him or should I just STOP and see if anything will happen. He had mentioned something about seeing if absence would make the heart grow fonder but I havent been able to leave him alone long enough to find out, lol. HHHEEEEEEELLLLLLLPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!??????? I am 39 and he is 38. I'd been alone since 05 and wasnt entirely wanting anyone in my life and he had only been divorced since 1 of 07 after at least 5 years of a marriage in which she was never home (career woman), told him to get porn, she didnt want him but once a month, and walked out on him both times they split before the 2nd time being the divorce.
Author bestillmyheart Posted January 11, 2008 Author Posted January 11, 2008 Yes, this was just last year so if the lack of time spent/involved has you not answering for inability to stop rolling your eyes, lol, well, there is love and first sight and there are people who knew each other very short amounts of time before marrying who are still together........it would have worked out!!
Lee725 Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 I think the lack of answers has a lot to do with the way it is written. It is so crunched together that i almost went cross eyed reading it... Sorry it might be just me and my silly eyes! How long were you with him exactly? (It does matter in reference to advice but not to whether how much love was involved - i do believe in love at first sight - i am a hopeless romantic at heart) Given that he was divorced in Jan 07' - were you with him straight away? Until i know more about the situation in terms of questions asked it will be difficult to give constructive thoughts to you. I will say tho, if he is saying that he is not ready and needs space, pushing him with calls and texts is not going to bring you any resolution, it will only push him further away.
Author bestillmyheart Posted January 11, 2008 Author Posted January 11, 2008 I answered his ad in mid Sept., he came to find out who i was where I told him we attend church. He wasnt what I would normally have *gone for* but I was sunk when he showed up there! From then on, I was following his lead......I was his *angel*, the love of his life, his future wife. He felt God brought him there and claimed he prayed for our relationship. He introduced me to long time friends and family. He asked me to marry him, we got rings, I got my dress. We were able to talk about any issues that arose, etc. By end of Oct., trouble is brewing and sure enough, when his first anniversery of his last marriage came along, he got in a funk. He/we continued on until 2nd week of Nov. albeit strained and I just didnt get it and then finally *We need to talk*. Said he didnt think we were compatible, that he loved me but wasnt in love and the love wasnt as deep, that he never meant to hurt me, that he needed some space, that he didnt want anyone else and wasnt going to be looking, that he wanted to be friends, that my touch still made him feel like heaven, that if he got out of his funk and called, would i take him back and then 5 minutes later, that he hoped I would tell him *Too f-n bad, you lost, I found someone else*. I dont want someone else!! I literally wrote down what I wanted in a man on a list to God of sorts and he fit it all and I refuse to believe God *did this* only to remove it. We have been *friends with benefits* at my prodding I guess because I didnt want to lose EVERYTHING I had gotten used to. At one point, he expressed concern that if he did that and never returned to me, that he was afraid I would hate him for using me. He admits to jerking off occassionally and once told me flat out that he thought of us together while he did it! What kind of sense does that make to not want someone but think of them when you do that!!?? I recently told him in an email we had going back and forth that I still love and miss him and he apparently chose to ignore it yet he was quick to lend me some money and will have lunch with me tomorrow in order for me to pay it back. He was putting smiley faces after stuff in our emailing yesterday and i told him I sure would like to meet the gal thats making him smile so much lately and he replied that he would too, whereever, whomever she is. Ouch, that was harsh i said to which he responded that he wasnt trying to be mean to be harsh so i told him my name and where i live and he said *I think I know her* Is that supposed to mean anything or am I just trying too hard? He gave me the ring he bought himself to sell if I could and neither that nor my dress has sold like it is some kind of sign even tho I wouldnt want to use the same items if we did put things back together. This guy is stable, a pillar of the community sort of thing, no ghosts in his past other than *thinking* he still loves his ex-wife who was his first true love he seems to think. The worst thing I ever really did to him was toss out a folder with the exes name on it (just some family pix and recipes he wanted to get back to her). Said that hurt him more than i could ever know, the feeling he got of not be trusted like that but after a couple of days, I was under the impression he had gotten over it because things were back to like in the first. He was abused by his father until he was 16 and I honestly dont think he believes he is worthy of a good love. I have made his blood run cold literally by acting like I got a new man (which i didnt) and then another time he said he was happy for me. People say to quit everything and especially dont let him have *me* sexually but I am afraid it would backfire and he would go *yeah, I knew she didnt mean it!* and never call. Why does he keep all our letters and notes from online? He put the few cards and a teddy bear he had given me away in the closet when I told him i didnt want it around and gave it back. Yes, I know, I am over-psycho-analyzing. If he is playing any games at this point, I honestly dont think he knows it as he is kind of a geeky, dork type. Awhile back when I asked if we were truly over and how did i get over him if so, he wanted to know why it was so hard for me, that other women just dumped him and went on. Does it help my *case* any to continue contacting him or should I just STOP and see if anything will happen. He had mentioned something about seeing if absence would make the heart grow fonder but I havent been able to leave him alone long enough to find out, lol. HHHEEEEEEELLLLLLLPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!??????? I am 39 and he is 38. I'd been alone since 05 and wasnt entirely wanting anyone in my life and he had only been divorced since 1 of 07 after at least 5 years of a marriage in which she was never home (career woman), told him to get porn, she didnt want him but once a month, and walked out on him both times they split before the 2nd time being the divorce. What I was attempting to do, Lee was make a long story short so to speak. Does my breaking it down help any? I was really hoping for more insight. We were together from Sept. 19th thru mid--Nov. No, he was divorced last January and had dated one other person since then but cut her loose and I dont think it got very serious at all. She was younger and thought she was going to live off his spoils as he says.
Recommended Posts