Racquel Colette Posted January 12, 2008 Posted January 12, 2008 I don't think you're being spoilled about this at all - if you're allergic to smoke, and required the experience of being exposed to it to discover this. It's not your fault After all if you were allergic to shell fish or peanuts he wouldn't force you to eat it or leave it lieing around to come into contact with. I see that as being no different to a boyfriend I had who was dreadfully allergic to my cat. He didnt' know it at first. He'd never really been exposed to cat. In the end I invested in a neally good vacum cleaner that sucked/washed everything out of everything, washed the little bugger every week and kept one room (bedroom) completely cat free. We still spent more time at his. I think cat ownership is now on that guys list of non-negotables. But I did what I could to limit his expsore whilst at mine. What's the difference between that and being allergic to the smoke ? I'd look at air-purifiers for his place - and ways to make your space more comfortable for him (including an outside space for him to smoke in) There is a huge difference. Owning a cat is not having a nasty, gross habit like smoking.
Nemo Posted January 12, 2008 Posted January 12, 2008 There is a huge difference. Owning a cat is not having a nasty, gross habit like smoking. sCATology Just to get things in perspective.
Storyrider Posted January 12, 2008 Posted January 12, 2008 IMO, the only card you can play is insisting that you go to your apartment at least half the time. Oh, and about the cat thing...kitty litter smell is just as noxious as smoke smell when it gets bad.
Ariadne Posted January 12, 2008 Posted January 12, 2008 Like this morning, all I could think about was getting out of there...walking out of there, like I am walking out of a nightmare. (lol).....
Author Kamille Posted January 12, 2008 Author Posted January 12, 2008 (edited) I posted about non-negotiables and then started wondering about them. If I had had no smoking as a non-negotiable, I would have never gotten to know this guy. And THAT really would be a sad thing. I guess the question is, how much do we chose who we fall in love with? Once you are in love, how do you deal with the differences? I feel like a lot of people treat falling in love like a business decision and I guess, in this case, I felt more drawn into it then anything (he pursued me a lot - was convinced from the get go that we were meant to be together). No matter what happens I will never regret having him in my life. As long as he holds my hand when I end up in the hospital with whatever diseases you get from second hand smoke. I hear they're loads of fun. If the case be reversed, I promise to hold his hand whilst saying : your pack of cigarettes told you so. (This is my very wry sense of humor). Rationnally, I have to agree with everyone here who says that I should have just walked out the minute I realized smoking was going to be an issue. Emotionnally, the argument is moot. We are different. He smokes and I have a hard time with it. Moralize all you want. The fact is we are looking for a compromise because we want to be together. The hepa filter and more time spent at my place are the best suggestions so far. I know my mood swings about smoking aren't fair to him and the choices he made in life - just as my being exposed to second hand smoke is unfair to me. I do walk out and go home. Often. He doesn't like it. I wish it were different. But I just don't know what else to do. Edited January 12, 2008 by Kamille
Racquel Colette Posted January 12, 2008 Posted January 12, 2008 Honestly if he loved you that much he would quit smoking altogether.
Author Kamille Posted January 12, 2008 Author Posted January 12, 2008 Honestly if he loved you that much he would quit smoking altogether. Can't that line of reasoning go both ways? I mean, I don't think one partner should have to do all the compromises to please the other. I really think Mystifiedbymen has a valid point when she says my growing intolerance to smoke is unfair to him (since I knew from the get-go that he smoked. Inside). I guess I didn't make an informed decision. But, like I stated previously, I consider myself fortunate that I didn't. I am happy to have him in my life.
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