flosslight Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 I always seemed to agree with those other people that posted you can't be friends with your ex, at least not right away. I kept on changing my mind whether eventually I wanted to be my ex's friend. I figured we would have to keep in some small contact because we have quite a few mutual friends and the same interests. We both agreed to see what happened when our club started up for the New Year which would be after being broken up for 2 months. We are big geeks who like to game - card, board, or role playing. I really wanted to go NC because it seemed to work for me. I called him the day after the break up and a few times within the month and half since the break up. He sometimes called me back but he has never called me on his own. We have seen each other four times in that time span. Once at the last club meeting of last year, where we both tried to be at different sides of the room playing different games. At the two week mark after the break up, I went to see him in person for closure and saw him the next day for dealing with money matters. The closure meeting was sweet and reminded me of why I fell in love with him. The next meeting he hardcore flirted with me, but I knew he was not serious so it just hurt and made me angry. The last time we saw each othere was at a large bar gathering that a mutual friend had both invited us to. He again flirted and tried to touch me, but I still knew that he was just doing it without thinking. We started email conversations through myspace to discuss boundaries if we ran into each so he would not do that. The emails kind kept on going. I thought that since we had so many mutual friends that we would run into each other more, but we have not. It has been glorious. I do not want to get back with him mostly, but there is a small part hoping in the background. I have tried to squash it without success. Now to the mistake, I was having a really good day yesterday where it really felt that I did not care as much. My friends and I were discussing a game that my ex fiance knew the rules. I started to think, I wish I could just call him like it was not a big deal when I thought why not. So I called him and it was a very pleasant conversation. He gave me the rules and I started to say goodbye when he wanted to tell me an awkward story. So he told me a story about his family during the Christmas season. It was a very enjoyable phone call where I was not hoping or thinking about trying to get back with him. I then made the bigger part of the mistake. I invited him to a gaming night that was happening with our mutual friends that I planned for today. He accepted - all good. Or so I believed, instead I had a horrible dream and woke after 5 hours of sleep and it was like he just broke up with me again. I started crying and feeling rejected all again without the distance that I had built up with time. I ended up getting to sleep a few hours later and called him to disinvite him. It was a very short conversation and he sounded startled but I do not care. I had not realized how much hurt was still hiding out. I have hope that we won't run into each other very often. I will not call him again. I blocked him on myspace because he was still on my subscribed blog readers and I kept on hoping he would email me back, which he would but just enough to drive me crazy. Mostly though, I did it to diminish that little part of me that wants to be with him again. I cannot hope that he will contact me, at least on myspace, because I made it impossible. I was the one who contacted him most during our relationship at least in the begining. I told myself that if we ever had another relationship, friendwise, it would because he put the effort into it. Instead, I just invite him back into my life without thinking. I hope to learn restraint from this break up.
PinkRibbon Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 Why in the world would you do that? You invited him on good terms and because of a dream you disinvited him? Good grief. Things seemed like they were going friendly and on good terms and you acted like you were 12. If I was him I would be upset.
vivrantflo Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 Wow, if I was that guy, I'd be sooo pissed. Then again, he would just be like 95% of the guys on this site, that have to deal with their SO or former SO doing a 180 in terms of attitude. Just when I thought I somewhat understood women, one pulls something like this. So tonight, if you have a dream that you and him get back together, get married, and have kids.. are you going to invite him back??
oppath Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 If you are not ready to be friends, you have a right to say that, and he should understand. I'd be annoyed at being uninvited but I'd understand.
Author flosslight Posted January 10, 2008 Author Posted January 10, 2008 Okay guys, it was not the dream that made me change my mind. At first, I was like I do not want him there, but then I was like I did invite him just be cool. Then I was sobbing into my pillow and the enjoyment that I imagined I would get from hanging out my friends was not there anymore. I did not want to go to my own event because I did not want have to see him. It was my event not his. And he broke up with me. Five days before he broke up with me, I left my ring on the counter and he gave it back to me. First though, he proposed to me again. The day he left, we went to look at reception sights. So in my eyes it went from him wanting to be with me for the rest of our lives and the next day, not wanting to talk to me. That is a 180 switch. I went from thinking I could hang out with him to figuring out I was very wrong. I chose my own happiness because I was crushed when he broke up with me. If he cannot understand that, I do not care. And the event is tonight, so if I had another dream it would be to late. Of course, if I had the dream of getting married and having kids, it would just make me cry since that was my dream when I was awake and it can no longer happen at least with him.
oppath Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 You did the right thing, flossflight. It's nearly impossible to be friends after a non mutual breakup; even acting civil in a group can be painful. Some people can't understand that. While it may come off as immature to uninvite him, you do have the right to say "I'm not ready to be friends. Sorry for the invite. It would be better for me if we put some more space between us." That is mature in my book.
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