Author kimba Posted January 11, 2008 Author Posted January 11, 2008 I read your thread earlier and i just think SCARED SMARED. seriously cut him loose and he will realise what "Scared" is when he is all alone at 55 or whatever. maybe he is 55 i dont know. but i am so sick of hearing on these boards how men are scared of this scared of that "not ready" "dont want a relationship" Lets just leave them all alone and see how they cope!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Author kimba Posted January 11, 2008 Author Posted January 11, 2008 You need to cut this one loose.... Dont do it to yourself ... Oh I've cut this one loose already, and the beauty of it is that HE DOESNT EVEN KNOW IT. Never show your cards.
blon_dee Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 yeah i know,...... thing is, this guy keeps doing it!!!!!!!!!! Gets scared and bails... then cant live without me and goes totally overboard trying to get me back.. He even asked me to MARRY him last week.. and this week, hes scared again.... ***hole!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I already told him that was his last chance.. it worries me what i will do if he starts the begging AGAIN!!!!!!!!! I hate men at the moment.. lol ;-)
alterego1234 Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 Sorry to say it.. but men are just b*stards!!! Some men are. Not all of us. For a while after my divorce I thought all women were evil just because of the hurt I felt and also because of some things my ex did that were just plain mean. But I'm sure I did mean things as well, and she and I both could probably justify to ourselves those mean things. Personally I don't understand guys like what the OP is talking about. I couldn't do that to a woman. Sorry for the thread-jacking...
Author kimba Posted January 11, 2008 Author Posted January 11, 2008 He sounds nuts The first thing that comes to mind with your is that you are obviously NOT cutting him loose for LONG ENOUGH. He really has to believe its for real and the only way he will do that is if you change the pattern. yeah i know,...... thing is, this guy keeps doing it!!!!!!!!!! Gets scared and bails... then cant live without me and goes totally overboard trying to get me back.. He even asked me to MARRY him last week.. and this week, hes scared again.... ***hole!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I already told him that was his last chance.. it worries me what i will do if he starts the begging AGAIN!!!!!!!!! I hate men at the moment.. lol ;-)
Author kimba Posted January 11, 2008 Author Posted January 11, 2008 Some men are. Not all of us. For a while after my divorce I thought all women were evil just because of the hurt I felt and also because of some things my ex did that were just plain mean. But I'm sure I did mean things as well, and she and I both could probably justify to ourselves those mean things. Personally I don't understand guys like what the OP is talking about. I couldn't do that to a woman. Sorry for the thread-jacking... Its not thread jacking, its all a help to me. I just need to hear from guys like you that what he is doing ISNT normal. I know it was a f buddy arrangement, but still it is bad treatment. A MEAL........
blon_dee Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 Yeah you are right... i am staying NC.. i will ignore him as best i can if he starts the begging again.. and i am sure he will... its only a matter of time.. Its like he wants it., but he doesnt know how to get there.. Then again, maybe he is just a screw loose, con man??? he sure can talk the talk though, so i guess my judgment is a bit clouded... Its soooooooo hard!!!!!!!!!!
blon_dee Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 And sorry Alterego.. i know not all men are like that... It just pisses me.. im an attractive, successful and very giving and loving person, and i keep meeting these awful b*stard men.. I dont know why????????????
Author kimba Posted January 11, 2008 Author Posted January 11, 2008 Whats the time frame here- how long after you dump him does he start the begging? Yeah you are right... i am staying NC.. i will ignore him as best i can if he starts the begging again.. and i am sure he will... its only a matter of time.. Its like he wants it., but he doesnt know how to get there.. Then again, maybe he is just a screw loose, con man??? he sure can talk the talk though, so i guess my judgment is a bit clouded... Its soooooooo hard!!!!!!!!!!
blon_dee Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 umm... last time, i dumped him on the thursday, on the saturday (before xmas) he started begging.... i let him beg for 2 weeks before i decided to give him another chance. And i mean, he BEGGED.... i dont get it.. It only took 4 days of being kind of back together and he said he was scared of commitment again!!!!!! WTF???? btw, he's 34, and im 35...
Author kimba Posted January 11, 2008 Author Posted January 11, 2008 so after 3 days he has changed his mind.... he might be a nutcase. but more importantly i have seen friends in this kind of situation, on again off again , volatile relationships, and then they get married...... and it still happens. I dont think this guy is EVER going to change. he really doesnt appreciate your value. If i would you , next time, make him beg for 2 months, not 2 weeks. its obviously not enough to make him really change his ways. he also could be addicted to drama like many women are.
blon_dee Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 Thats true... im certainly not addicted to the drama, i hate it! I just want a normal stable relationship.. Its all i have ever wanted... Thing is, out first 7 - 8 mths were perfect!!! Then he started getting scared of commitment.. Not like i was even pushing him for that... Anyway, the more i think about it, hes done too many dodgy things.. None of my friends or family like him now. hes hurt me just too many times.. So i need i need to just let it go..... :-(
Author kimba Posted January 11, 2008 Author Posted January 11, 2008 I'm just getting these awful pangs of dread at not seeing him again, not having sex. It makes no sense that i swing back and forwards.
blon_dee Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 You cant do it to yourself though... You cant be just something he has sex with!!! Get out there and meet someone who can be more than that for you
Author kimba Posted January 11, 2008 Author Posted January 11, 2008 You cant do it to yourself though... You cant be just something he has sex with!!! Get out there and meet someone who can be more than that for you No I can't and I won't. Not after the no meal thing. If i can pinpoint exactly what has got me so down it is this: a) that I won't hear from him again, because he knows i want more, and this will tell me that he definately doesnt have a scrap of feeling for me.
blon_dee Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 thats right.. you have told him how you feel i guess... if he was really interested in taking it further, let him make the move to do so... God, i should listen to myself sometimes.. im normally pretty good at giving at advice, but crap at giving it to myself.. lol ;-)
Author kimba Posted January 11, 2008 Author Posted January 11, 2008 thats right.. you have told him how you feel i guess... if he was really interested in taking it further, let him make the move to do so... God, i should listen to myself sometimes.. im normally pretty good at giving at advice, but crap at giving it to myself.. lol ;-) the thing that has got me so upset is that he said on wednesday he doesnt want a relationship, along with 'yes" to dinner then "i dont know what i want" then "no" , and silly old me is holding out hope that he is going to call and change his mind. And honestly, he is not going to call is he?????
blon_dee Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 Who would bloody know with men??? Seriously?? I wouldnt think so, but stranger things have happened... Give it a week or so i guess, if you really want to, but i would be trying to get on with your life and finding someone worthy of you. This guy just wants no strings sex... And really, most women cant do it.. I have tried before and i cant do it.. Theres always emotions involved..
Author kimba Posted January 11, 2008 Author Posted January 11, 2008 And whats with him saying "I'll talk to you later" at the end of the conversation. Does he think im really going to call him after that?? He is sooo sure of himself
blon_dee Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 Yeah sounds like it.... GRRRRRRRRR they make me sooooooooo mad!!!!!!!!! Hang in there.. There's got to be some decent ones out there somewhere!!!!!!!???????
Author kimba Posted January 11, 2008 Author Posted January 11, 2008 Seriously that is the last thing he said to me. But the way the conversation was going, for me, in saying that he must see me as a prostitute, it was our FINAL conversation. But he didnt really want to talk about it, and he said "well if thats what you want to think" and then saying"I enjoy your company" and then he said he "had to go" and "I'll talk to you later" I know i am over analysing it, but i do wonder what he expects to happen now.
blon_dee Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 He's probably thinking that you will call him... Were you normally the one to initiate the contact?
Author kimba Posted January 11, 2008 Author Posted January 11, 2008 There was a bit of a pattern going I would usually call every 3 days. So this is since October when we met , and up until Xmas when i went away for 2 weeks and didnt call at all. Got back on Sunday and called him Tuesday and we hooked up wednesday. At one stage last year maybe November I said something about it being me that always calls and he just said 'well thats just how it is at the moment with my workload". He rarely wasnt able to meet up, maybe on 2 occasions, so it wasnt that he didnt want to. But I just wonder what he made of that last conversation. What it means for us and whether he thinks we are just going to carry on as normal...
Author kimba Posted January 11, 2008 Author Posted January 11, 2008 he called very very occasionally, so really he has got very comfortable with that god ive been so stupid
Green Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 yeah I'll say. But you don't have enough fun being stupid
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