Author kimba Posted January 10, 2008 Author Posted January 10, 2008 Besides, he is obviously an ass well said:laugh::D it would be Me taking HIM back. At this point he doesnt even know he is dumped.
PLAYBRAT Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 I think the problem here is that you did everything backward. Men never appreciate anything that is handed to them, no questions asked. Why do you think men find pleasure in fishing? It's challenging for them. If the fish jumped out of the water and on the hook....well, that would comepletely RUIN the whole experience for them!!! Men...whether they ADMIT it or NOT LOVE to wait. And they will wait for sex. Usually the longer the better. The more challenging the more they WILL appreciate it. I am not saying this to make you feel bad. I know where you are coming from. It's just that unless a man has invested himself emotionally on SOME level, he is more likely to be able to separate sex from love. I am not sure there is anything you CAN do to change this guys mind...but truthfully he doesn't sound like he treated you very well...so why would you WANT him?
Lishy Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 She wants him because she cant have him! She wants him for all of the above! If she had him, she probably wouldnt want him at all!
Author kimba Posted January 10, 2008 Author Posted January 10, 2008 I think the problem here is that you did everything backward. Men never appreciate anything that is handed to them, no questions asked. Why do you think men find pleasure in fishing? It's challenging for them. If the fish jumped out of the water and on the hook....well, that would comepletely RUIN the whole experience for them!!! Men...whether they ADMIT it or NOT LOVE to wait. And they will wait for sex. Usually the longer the better. The more challenging the more they WILL appreciate it. I am not saying this to make you feel bad. I know where you are coming from. It's just that unless a man has invested himself emotionally on SOME level, he is more likely to be able to separate sex from love. I am not sure there is anything you CAN do to change this guys mind...but truthfully he doesn't sound like he treated you very well...so why would you WANT him? The reason why we slept together so soon was because we met on an dating site that is more geared towards..er... sex. I have never even had a one night stand before. this was all new to me. We chatted online for a couple of months before we met. So really i was asking for trouble when i got involved with him, and i should have known better and would never have dreamed i would do something like this. But this is the situation i have got myself in and now im trying to get out of it as unscathed as possible. And no he didnt treat me well because i let him get away with it. Half the time i felt like i wasnt really being myself. Selling myself short. Ic ould think of a million things i would like to say to him in an email but i think silence is the best policy. Its my fault, i should never have got involved with him.
Lishy Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 How come you dont know where he lives? have you ever asked him?
Author kimba Posted January 10, 2008 Author Posted January 10, 2008 I know the suburb. God it sounds so bad doesnt it. I would never tell my friends that.. I guess iwas more comfortable at my place and the issue of going to his never came up. If i had a day off he would come by during work hours etc. God its so bad isnt it.
Lishy Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 You know nothing about his man! You only know what he tells you and you dont know for sure it is the truth! Stay away honey! This man is using you and you are too fabulous for that! Don't forget it!
Author kimba Posted January 10, 2008 Author Posted January 10, 2008 If i was so fabulous I wouldnt have got involved.
Author kimba Posted January 10, 2008 Author Posted January 10, 2008 Here is what he said to me about 6 weeks ago: "....So i guess i am using you but not in a bad way" and i still kept seeing him:o
JamesM Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 It sounds like the relationship was set up the way you both agree it would be. Sex and nothing more. But as is often the case, someone begins to want more. And this time it is you. He did nothing wrong, and he is following the rules. I do not judge you, because I know that even as a guy, I would become emotionally involved and could not stop at just sex. It would really bother me if she did not want me as a person...especially if I was not the only one she was having sex with. My opinion is that you do need to step back and seek out a complete relationship. FWBs is not something that fits your lifestyle and personality. You want a person for more than sex. He doesn't.
Lishy Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 Dont ring him! James is right, he has done nothing wrong, it was you who upped the ante, not him. In the same sense, dont continue to sleep with him!
Author kimba Posted January 11, 2008 Author Posted January 11, 2008 It sounds like the relationship was set up the way you both agree it would be. Sex and nothing more. But as is often the case, someone begins to want more. And this time it is you. He did nothing wrong, and he is following the rules. I do not judge you, because I know that even as a guy, I would become emotionally involved and could not stop at just sex. It would really bother me if she did not want me as a person...especially if I was not the only one she was having sex with. My opinion is that you do need to step back and seek out a complete relationship. FWBs is not something that fits your lifestyle and personality. You want a person for more than sex. He doesn't. You are right, it was the rules at the outset. but i also told him at the start i was looking for more than just sex , but then we jumped into bed anyway. I know he did nothing wrong (except be a tiny bit of an ass anyway) but I just feel hurt that after 3 months he still (apparently) feels nothing for me (althoughhe has never said either way) How does a guy sleep with someone for 3 months and feel nothing???????????????? and not want more. I just dont get it!!
Author kimba Posted January 11, 2008 Author Posted January 11, 2008 Dont ring him! James is right, he has done nothing wrong, it was you who upped the ante, not him. In the same sense, dont continue to sleep with him! So am I in the wrong? All i wanted was dinner, not marriage. I dont think i am at great risk of ringing him. What can i say anyway
Author kimba Posted January 11, 2008 Author Posted January 11, 2008 Dont ring him! In the same sense, dont continue to sleep with him! I would never sleep with him now, not after refusing dinner. I would lose all self respect. It would be like saying "I'll take any scraps you can give" It would be really really bad sex, knowing he didnt want to go out in public with me. I physically couldnt have sex with him now. Ha Ha so he's lost me. I really dont think going out for a meal is a big deal. i know you think he has done nothing wrong , but you have to admit it is an insult.
JamesM Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 How does a guy sleep with someone for 3 months and feel nothing???????????????? and not want more. I just dont get it!! I don't either. BUT...I can say that the what he wanted was an easy and uncomplicated relationship. A complete sexual and emotional relationship may be still too much for him right now. He wanted sex and nothing more. He did not want to worry about phoning you, listening to you, or having to do the hard work in a relationship. He HAS been honest. Hard as it is....I think you should move on. If he does still have a connection, he will call. And if he does, then you can set new rules. As always, life teaches us lessons many times the hard way.
Author kimba Posted January 11, 2008 Author Posted January 11, 2008 I don't either. BUT...I can say that the what he wanted was an easy and uncomplicated relationship. A complete sexual and emotional relationship may be still too much for him right now. He wanted sex and nothing more. He did not want to worry about phoning you, listening to you, or having to do the hard work in a relationship. He HAS been honest. Hard as it is....I think you should move on. If he does still have a connection, he will call. And if he does, then you can set new rules. As always, life teaches us lessons many times the hard way. I remember talking to you about a year ago and pming about some problems i was having and you always give really sensible advice. How long do i have to wait to find out if he did feel something... Im glad i havent phoned him since. Have managed to keep SOME dignity
mistie03 Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 I gotta say that at least this guy is honest. And, I don't think that your buddy relationship is much worse than the long-term one I am leaving now. Sure we had dinner, trips, exchanged gifts and all, but my ex-bf was just a jerk. He probably cared for me as much as he is capable for caring for anybody, and that's not saying much. He would disappear for no apparent reason and would NOT allow me to ask him about it. To me, that means that we just had a little more than a f**k buddy relationship, except he wanted to make sure I wasn't seeing someone else. Him? Who knows what he was doing when he disappeared. I finally woke up and realized that there has got to be more to life than this! Life is short. I don't want to settle for less. I don't think that you should either. Just think how much better it would be to share your body and heart with someone that wants to share with you too? He's out there, you just haven't found him yet.
Author kimba Posted January 11, 2008 Author Posted January 11, 2008 I gotta say that at least this guy is honest. And, I don't think that your buddy relationship is much worse than the long-term one I am leaving now. Sure we had dinner, trips, exchanged gifts and all, but my ex-bf was just a jerk. He probably cared for me as much as he is capable for caring for anybody, and that's not saying much. He would disappear for no apparent reason and would NOT allow me to ask him about it. To me, that means that we just had a little more than a f**k buddy relationship, except he wanted to make sure I wasn't seeing someone else. Him? Who knows what he was doing when he disappeared. I finally woke up and realized that there has got to be more to life than this! Life is short. I don't want to settle for less. I don't think that you should either. Just think how much better it would be to share your body and heart with someone that wants to share with you too? He's out there, you just haven't found him yet. I feel for you. At least you have realised now, and not in another 10 years. It is all about not settling for less. I dont know why i thought i could change his mind
PLAYBRAT Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 You know what? Sometimes it IS their issue and not ours. I think it is a LOT more weird...or abnormal to have close intimate relations with a person for months..and NOT feel anything. YOU on the other hand are normal. You got involved.Don;t beat yourself up over it. HE is the cold fish here. Seriously. If he could treat you like an inanimate object after several months...well you may as well have been sleeping with a serial killer. Like James said in his reply to you.......if he calls you then YOU can change the rules. Don't feel bad sweetie.........You have done nothing wrong for feeling this way.
blon_dee Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 Where do you live Kimba?? Sounds like my ex boyfriend.. lol.. Kidding.. but im sure hes been out having casual relationships behind my back.... That could be what hes up to anyway...
Author kimba Posted January 11, 2008 Author Posted January 11, 2008 I think it is a LOT more weird...or abnormal to have close intimate relations with a person for months..and NOT feel anything. HE is the cold fish here. Seriously. If he could treat you like an inanimate object after several months...well you may as well have been sleeping with a serial killer.. You have so much hit the nail on the head there. Here's what I think. OK, he's got to a stage now, where he knows what i like in bed, where to touch me, how to touch me, how to do everything with me. After all of that, how does he not feel any emotion for me? The serial killer comment - yes well on Wednesday which was the last day we slept together (excuse the graphic nature of this) he was going down on me (and by the way, how does he not feel something for me after months of doing that to me and loving it) ..and yes he was going down on me and I was looking at his hair and thinking: "Who IS this man? I don't know who he is. I have feelings for him.. But i don't know who he is."
Author kimba Posted January 11, 2008 Author Posted January 11, 2008 It probably is your ex boyfriend Brisbane Where do you live Kimba?? Sounds like my ex boyfriend.. lol.. Kidding.. but im sure hes been out having casual relationships behind my back.... That could be what hes up to anyway...
blon_dee Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 omg.... it very well could be.... i'd been with him for a year until just this monday!!!! hmmm..... whats he look like??lol
Author kimba Posted January 11, 2008 Author Posted January 11, 2008 so are u in brisbane? 6 foot 2 dark hair, well built, blue/grey eyes goodlooking
blon_dee Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 Yep im near Brisbane.. My ex lives very close to the city. but hes shorter than that... and his hairs dirty blonde colour, blue eyes.. still wouldnt surprise me though.. that my ex would be doing that.. Or that your FB probably has a wife or serious girlfriend.. Sorry to say it.. but men are just b*stards!!! i have had a lot of experience with it lately.. lol ;-) Good luck.. You need to cut this one loose.... Dont do it to yourself ...
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