mikepeters2001 Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 hey I am sort of new to this game, but i got some what I like to think major problems. I have been married to my wife for 2 years now, i love her and our new born son like there is no end. but a few days ago someone hack a few of my old accounts and have been using them and she thinks that its me. she says she don't know what shes wants, I tell her I cant lose her, and with out them I am nothing, and that there are the only 2 good things that have happened to me in my whole life, and I would do anything, and give uyp anything just to be with her, but she says she don't know. she says she loves but shes not in love with me. I am so lost and confused, plus I leave to go back over seas in less then a month, and I don't want to leave with things on the rocks like this. anything that can help me i will take, cause if I lose them i lose everything and really have no reason for anything anymore
Confused9 Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 What kind of accounts were they? What were they doing in the accounts that upset her? Were you having trouble before this? Was she distant or did this just come out of the blue? What else is going on??? Sort of seems like I am missing some details??? Could it be post partum depression? Is she having an affair? Were you fighting? What's the back story. ps...I am so sorry for your pain.
quankanne Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 get thee to marital counseling – you'll be able to air a lot of your concerns and figure out a way to work through this incident and help make your marriage stronger. my guess is that postpartum depression has a large hand in what she's telling you, though if y'all had these problems before, she might be responding from that area of pain ...
Gunny376 Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 I'm assuming by the line "I'm do to go back overseas in a couple of months" that your military. You didn't say what kind of accounts, but having had experience with this sort of thing in the Marine with young bucks of Marine? I'm also assuming that they're checking and savings accounts. First off this isn't just about money. As QK said part of its postpasrtumn depression. I mean you should really read about the roller-coaster ride a woman's body goes through when they become pregno, and afterwards. Its not just a tidal wave ~ its a freaking tusami of conflicting hormones? So I would say that its a safe bet that's a significant part of it. So, first off? You need to get her back to an MD, and then another, and then another. That's right three. Because contrary to popular belief? MD's don't always have their act together? Assuming that you are military? She's probally freaked about that ~ what with a newborn and all. I mean its tough being a young mother ~ especially if she's off from home and alone? And surely your not even thinking about leaving her alone at some military base while your overseas? Obviously money is a concern. The Marines have what is called the "Navy Relief Society" ~ its staffed by the wifes of fellow Marines and Sailors ~ and its volunetary. The Army-Air Force have the equivalent. Take her and make an appointement to sit down and talk about finances and budgets. Take her down to admin and show her that you've provided well for her when it comes to allotments, death beneifits, life insurance etc. Then take her down to your financial institution ~ ask to speak with a fraud investigator. Let them show her your accounts have been hacked. And, what your doing about it, what they can do about it, and damage control.
Navin_R_Johnson Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 she says she don't know what shes wants, I tell her I cant lose her, and with out them I am nothing, and that there are the only 2 good things that have happened to me in my whole life, and I would do anything, and give uyp anything just to be with her, but she says she don't know. she says she loves but shes not in love with me. Your response was 99% normal, as most of us tried similar desperation techniques. It is natural to beg & plead in attempts to hold on to someone/something we love. But, trust me, it is NOT the way to act. You're reaffirming her position of questioning her feelings. She likely has low self esteem right now, and she won't respect anyone who is so centered and dependent on her. Act as if everything is perfect, act as if you will be just fine no matter what she does. Act as if you will be fine with or without her. And listen to her, never never never argue with her feelings, and validate what she says to you (you don't have to agree, but listen and let her know you hear her and understand her). It seems impossible, but go on for now like everything is just perfect in your life. Get a life, be a little mysterious, act like a "friendly neighbor" who is a rock-solid, confident person, and get out and do some things to take your mind off the situation. Bottom line, she has lost respect for you and neediness/begging/pleading will NOT help. Be...or at least ACT...strong and independent!
Author mikepeters2001 Posted January 13, 2008 Author Posted January 13, 2008 well first of all there were old chat/e-mail accounts that I had and never used. i got new ones when me and my wife got married and put those in the past. and it ain't got nothing to do about money. Its like shes got a thing for another guy who is deployed from what i can get the just of. but like right now i ain't done anything now shes acting like she loves me again. I love that feeling and want to ask her if its real but if she says no i don't want to be destroyed. every time I think every things good and clear its like i get slaped back down. am i being paranoid?
Navin_R_Johnson Posted January 13, 2008 Posted January 13, 2008 Keep doing nothing. Distance. Don't be needy. However it turns out, her infatuation with the other man (fantasy) is almost guaranteed to fizzle. Just try not to blow it by pushing her further away by pressuring her. Make yourself more attractive than the alternatives by living well.
Author mikepeters2001 Posted January 13, 2008 Author Posted January 13, 2008 yea but see i have this problem of trying to make her happy, and getting anything I can for our little one skyler
Author mikepeters2001 Posted January 18, 2008 Author Posted January 18, 2008 If you had the choice to stay with your wife and your first born son and have it so that you are happy, and its looks like and feels like you wife is happy, but might not be would you, if not what would you do?
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