Meaplus3 Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 I would love to know what dating is like in your late 30's. Kid's involved and all? Any suggestion's would be great! AP:)
SYRACUSE03 Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 I wish I knew what it's like. Back in mix after a breakup. Someday i'll know.
Author Meaplus3 Posted January 10, 2008 Author Posted January 10, 2008 I wish I knew what it's like. Back in mix after a breakup. Someday i'll know. If you don't mind me asking was it a marriage, LTR? AP:)
JamesM Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 Interesting question from you. Do you plan on dating? Before or after a divorce? I have no experience in doing it, but I think dating in the 30s would be more real as you know more of who you are and what you want now that you have matured. Dating will be much more than simply a focus on an idealistic marriage. It will also be with the real knowledge of what it takes to make a marriage work. It will also be with the knowledge of what characteristics of men make a good choice for you. BUT...it could also result in choosing someone who is familiar and comfortable...like the previous husband. Never forget that more second marriages fail as do first marriages. So, is this about you?
Author Meaplus3 Posted January 10, 2008 Author Posted January 10, 2008 Interesting question from you. Do you plan on dating? Before or after a divorce? I have no experience in doing it, but I think dating in the 30s would be more real as you know more of who you are and what you want now that you have matured. Dating will be much more than simply a focus on an idealistic marriage. It will also be with the real knowledge of what it takes to make a marriage work. It will also be with the knowledge of what characteristics of men make a good choice for you. BUT...it could also result in choosing someone who is familiar and comfortable...like the previous husband. Never forget that more second marriages fail as do first marriages. So, is this about you? James, After Divorce! What's your advice?? AP:)
SYRACUSE03 Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 (edited) If you don't mind me asking was it a marriage, LTR? AP:) LTR...4 1/2 years. I'm 36 now going on 37 so it's going to be new. Went through divorce prior to that so I haven't had much luck. Hopefully that changes! Edited January 10, 2008 by SYRACUSE03
oppath Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 It's a jungle out there. I wouldn't recommend beating your chest and farting a lot, like some guys do in their 20's .
JamesM Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 James, After Divorce! What's your advice?? AP:) Wait a few months until you regain your "emotional balance." Divorce is supposed to be one of those huge emotional events in life. Take some time to recover. Dating too soon may lead to a rebound relationship which may not be healthy for you. Once you feel ready, wait six more months. No, JK. Then "find" men who are in similar situations. Where? I don't know. I do know that a bar is probably not the right place. You could come to Michigan. Oh, that's right...I am married. The good ones are all married, right?
Author Meaplus3 Posted January 10, 2008 Author Posted January 10, 2008 LTR...4 1/2 years. I'm 36 now going on 37 so it's going to be new. Went through divorce prior to that so I haven't had much luck. Hopefully that changes! Thank's! Funny ! SUV is My Alma Mater! AP:)
Author Meaplus3 Posted January 10, 2008 Author Posted January 10, 2008 Wait a few months until you regain your "emotional balance." Divorce is supposed to be one of those huge emotional events in life. Take some time to recover. Dating too soon may lead to a rebound relationship which may not be healthy for you. Once you feel ready, wait six more months. No, JK. Then "find" men who are in similar situations. Where? I don't know. I do know that a bar is probably not the right place. You could come to Michigan. Oh, that's right...I am married. The good ones are all married, right? Oh Rock a bye sweet baby james! LOL! AP:)
SYRACUSE03 Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 Thank's! Funny ! SUV is My Alma Mater! AP:) Not mine...brother attended and I visited regularly...had a blast!
burning 4 revenge Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 People over thirty having sex is gross
Pyro Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 People over thirty having sex is gross So are you giving up then?
burning 4 revenge Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 So are you giving up then?I didn't know I had a choice
Pyro Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 I didn't know I had a choice You're 32 right? I didn't think that you would attempt to partake in something that you consider to be gross.
LucreziaBorgia Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 I'm completely out of the dating game right now, but even if it wasn't it would still be hard. I was lurking around on other forums looking for how men see women like me: divorc(ing), pushing forty and with a kid. Here is a representative post of what I found: Okay I'm going to agree with the (other person) that single mom's are considered "not worth it" from most men my age (40). It's a simple case of why complicate things. I'm sure I'll get hate mail from all those single women who say they are different, their kid is great, they are worth it, yadda yadda. The truth is they couldn't keep a husband who had all the incentive in the world to hang around why would a single guy, making good money enjoying their freedom want to get mixed up in that. There are pently of hot girls/women who come with no baggage. Nothing buzz kills a relationship faster than having to re-arrange your life to take care of some other guys offspring. Alternate weekends are shot, weekday homework kills dinner plans. Multiday vacations are out. Just not worth it in the best of cases. Now if the kids a brat, which 30% are, welcome to a nightmare. Sorry moms....you'll be relationship materials once the kid reaches 18. Unfortunately you'll be 50 and have to compete with the 30 somethings. Should've stayed married! Now, that is ugly. Horrendous. I hated reading it and it made me angry. But from what my guy friends tell me, that is how a good deal of men think, but they don't generally say it quite so bluntly. It is why my boyfriend dumped me a couple of months ago, only he didn't put it in quite these words. Maybe I'm just jaded right now, but it seems that everywhere I look there it is.
JamesM Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 LB, that is definitely one opinion. I know that mine would be different. But then....who knows? No, someone would be critiqued by their personality and attractiveness to me...not their past history.
EnigmaXOXO Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 Wait a few months until you regain your "emotional balance." Divorce is supposed to be one of those huge emotional events in life. Take some time to recover. Dating too soon may lead to a rebound relationship which may not be healthy for you. I absolutely agree with James. It takes some time to rediscover and define who YOU are outside the familiar comfort zone of a relationship. Once you learn that happiness and self-worth doesn’t revolve around having some guy take care of you ... a new relationship will be something your heart is open to, but not something you desperately “need” in order to feel complete and satisfied again. A good friend of mine was convinced that her two young boys would be a man repellent after she divorced her first husband for cheating. And it didn’t matter what I said to her, she refused to believe that any man would want anything to do with her until the boys were finally grown and on their own. Eight months later, she meets an incredible guy LEAGUES above the drunken dog she was married to, and they end up married a year later. He loved those boys like his own and they have since had another son together. They have been married going on seventeen years now. Dating at thirty-six was WORLDS different than I remember it being at twenty. I had a better idea of what relationships were all about, who *I* was as an individual, had a much better perception about people, knew what I wanted and what I wouldn’t settle for ... and had learned the difference between infatuation and love. I came with a troubled teenager, an ex husband living next door, a nutty family tree, and a SHIPLOAD of baggage from my previous relationship experience. And I never attempted to hide it. You know what man I dated said to me? ... “Honey, we ALL have baggage. It means we have a history and lessons we carry on from our past. I wouldn’t want to date some little girl who had no experience with the world or knew what relationships were all about.” Two years into my legal seperation, I met a wonderful man with matching luggage. We unpacked all our dirty laundry and settled in. One small step at a time, AP.
Author Meaplus3 Posted January 10, 2008 Author Posted January 10, 2008 I'm completely out of the dating game right now, but even if it wasn't it would still be hard. I was lurking around on other forums looking for how men see women like me: divorc(ing), pushing forty and with a kid. Here is a representative post of what I found: Now, that is ugly. Horrendous. I hated reading it and it made me angry. But from what my guy friends tell me, that is how a good deal of men think, but they don't generally say it quite so bluntly. It is why my boyfriend dumped me a couple of months ago, only he didn't put it in quite these words. Maybe I'm just jaded right now, but it seems that everywhere I look there it is. LB, Interesting! Thank's for sharing that. AP:)
Author Meaplus3 Posted January 10, 2008 Author Posted January 10, 2008 I absolutely agree with James. It takes some time to rediscover and define who YOU are outside the familiar comfort zone of a relationship. Once you learn that happiness and self-worth doesn’t revolve around having some guy take care of you ... a new relationship will be something your heart is open to, but not something you desperately “need” in order to feel complete and satisfied again. A good friend of mine was convinced that her two young boys would be a man repellent after she divorced her first husband for cheating. And it didn’t matter what I said to her, she refused to believe that any man would want anything to do with her until the boys were finally grown and on their own. Eight months later, she meets an incredible guy LEAGUES above the drunken dog she was married to, and they end up married a year later. He loved those boys like his own and they have since had another son together. They have been married going on seventeen years now. Dating at thirty-six was WORLDS different than I remember it being at twenty. I had a better idea of what relationships were all about, who *I* was as an individual, had a much better perception about people, knew what I wanted and what I wouldn’t settle for ... and had learned the difference between infatuation and love. I came with a troubled teenager, an ex husband living next door, a nutty family tree, and a SHIPLOAD of baggage from my previous relationship experience. And I never attempted to hide it. You know what man I dated said to me? ... “Honey, we ALL have baggage. It means we have a history and lessons we carry on from our past. I wouldn’t want to date some little girl who had no experience with the world or knew what relationships were all about.” Two years into my legal seperation, I met a wonderful man with matching luggage. We unpacked all our dirty laundry and settled in. One small step at a time, AP. Enigma, This all makes very good sense and I agree with you very much. I am so glad that thing's have worked out for you, that's great! AP:)
Mustang Sally Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 I'm completely out of the dating game right now, but even if it wasn't it would still be hard. I was lurking around on other forums looking for how men see women like me: divorc(ing), pushing forty and with a kid. Here is a representative post of what I found: Holy sh*t, LB! This just confirms my fears that if I were to get divorced, I would probably never have another LTR again. I have to admit, though, I can kind of see the guy's point. But on the other hand...if he's not taken and in his 40s, then WTF is his problem, eh? He must be damaged goods too... It scares me to think of re-entering the dating game at this age (38). I can't imagine there are many "normal" (?) single, eligible men out there? I dunno.
Cobra_X30 Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 Now, that is ugly. Horrendous. I hated reading it and it made me angry. But from what my guy friends tell me, that is how a good deal of men think, but they don't generally say it quite so bluntly. It is why my boyfriend dumped me a couple of months ago, only he didn't put it in quite these words. Maybe I'm just jaded right now, but it seems that everywhere I look there it is. Doesn't it sound as if the guy who posted that doesnt like kids? I think that's the main thing. There are many guys who like kids and will happily accept you and yours. Just keep looking.
CaliGuy Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 (edited) I would love to know what dating is like in your late 30's. Kid's involved and all? Any suggestion's would be great! AP:) Crazy. Insane. Yes, lots of women with kids and an ex or two (of which I normally involved). Lots of confused, insecure people who have no idea where they are going in life and what they are going to do. Lots of people who bring nothing to the relationship other than baggage. (having kids and being divorced isn't baggage to me, it's many different things, mainly just personality issues). Not trying to be negative here. I am single, 38, never married, no kids. I have a great career, my own place, lots of hobbies, plenty of friends, work out regularly (and am in better shape than I was in my early 20s). But most of the women I have been on dates with either don't know what they want or simply are looking for a caretaker. I would much prefer to meet a woman who has a career and a life and I am complimentary to it, not their life. I think dating gets much harder as you get older, not easier, unless you're able to find someone on the same path/plane you are on. Cheers. Edited January 10, 2008 by CaliGuy
underpants Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 AP, Have you considered how you might feel when your husband moves on as well. His dating and perhaps eventual remarrying? Another female(s) influence on your kids?
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