Nomad Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 If you are in a position where you interact on a daily basis with a woman you're interested in, is the best move to ask her out immediately, or try to build a relationship over time, letting things happen "naturally?"
Stereogram Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 OVER TIME....asking her immediately would be extremely awkward in your situation.
oppath Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 You don't build a relationship slowly over time, just slowly increase the sexual vibe. Then, invite her to something ambiguous. Is it a date or not? She doesn't necessarily know. But the key is to have created a clear sexual vibe (sexual tension). If that is not there, she'll hang out as a friend when you think it is a date. You have to be DATING before a relationship. So flirt. And in another month or so, make your move.
Author Nomad Posted January 10, 2008 Author Posted January 10, 2008 I agree it could be awkward to do it right away. But I have at least 3 reasons for thinking that the "early ask-out" may be the way to go: 1) I'm of the mindset where I strongly suspect that if a woman's not initially interested, she's PROBABLY (but not certainly) never going to be interested. So, waiting longer only gets your hopes up, and possibly leads to you psyching yourself out when the big moment comes. 2) By getting to know her too well, you run the risk of falling into the "friend zone." Trying to make the transition from friend to lover is potentially much more awkward than asking her out right away. 3) Delay too long, and she may find someone else!
oppath Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 (edited) I agree on all 3 points of yours. You really did not give us enough information. For example, if on your first day of a new job, should you just ask a girl out? Of course not. You meet a girl in class and talk to her for 5 minutes. Should you ask her out? No. Talk to her a few other times FIRST. I'm in this situation myself, and it's time to ask her out. She was an instructor for a hiphop dance class I took. We've been flirting over email. I was attracted to her the first day I met her, but I didn't ask her out at the end of that first week. I've waited and established rapport -- not feelings -- and now logistics are such that I don't care even though I'll see her a couple times a week. She won't be put on the spot at all by it. If it is someone you will see daily it is best to wait a couple weeks, flirting each time. Edited January 10, 2008 by oppath
trueluV Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 I agree with some of the posts. If you're interested, ask her out! If she is not interested in hanging out with you or on a date, she'll let you know somehow, and if she is not interested in you now, there is little chance she'll get interested in you later. So, if you are curious and want to be more than co-workers or friends, I suggest you to ask her out and see how she responds. I had a similar situation that my long time friend didn't have the courage to ask me out for a long time, and once he did, it turned awkward.... So, good luck with you! Follow your guts!
oppath Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 You ask her out when you've established rapport, but with a sexual/romantic vibe. Seriously. If it is your first day at a new job, and you are attracted to someone, it's probably not a good idea to ask her out the first couple of days. If you join a coed softball team and there is a cutie, maybe you should wait until after the 3rd game (3 weeks). In general, no, you shouldn't wait, but in general, you won't be seeing someone daily, so it depends on context. If they are someone you've already talked to a handful of time, get it out of the way. But if you haven't done that yet, if you have not yet flirted and established a fun, sexy vibe while getting to know her just a little, well, to be honest, you might make her uncomfortable or put her on the spot or she might say yes as a friend when you think it is a date.
Recommended Posts