confuused55 Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 Hi, I need closure about something that actually happened a while ago. I went on a group trip out of the country and as part of the trip we had some foreign students from that country join us for part of the tour. I got to know some of the foreign students but there were some that I hadn't really gotten to know well. One day we had a speaker come and talk to us and I made a comment during the talk and afterward some of my friends started telling me that I made a really good comment.... Then, next thing I know one of the foreign students who I hadn't really spent that much time with (but, who, let me say was extremely hot) came up to me and started saying how my comment was so good and he was impressed.... Then that night we all went out to this really crowded place and somehow he saw me in the crowd and started talking to me but was then whisked away by some of the guys in our group. Then the next day he ended up sitting next to me on the bus and I was so nervous. He was just so good looking and on top of that he had grown somewhat interested in me because of something that I had said, because of my mind and intellect. So, we started talking and he asked me a lot of questions about myself.... things were going pretty well until I started looking at him and getting nervous again. And then I started thinking that I couldn't think of anything else to say because of my nervousness and I didn't want to look stupid not saying anything to him and I was so scared of that that I pretended to be sleepy and told him that I was going to take a nap. Right after I did that I felt bad about it but it was too late, I had to fake sleep. After this incident he started paying less attention to me and so I started to think that I was totally imagining everything the whole time and that he had never had a special interest in me, that it was all in my mind. Then, the next day we were moving chairs to sit in the hotel and he was right behind me and he offered to take my chair for me in a quiet sweet voice but I told him that I was strong enough to take my own chair. When I said that he looked kind of shocked and I wondered if I had somehow offended him. I basically just need some objective views and closure on this. I could really use some perspective. Thank You.
Lee725 Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 when you pretended to be tired and asleep, he probably picked up on that. Normally if you are into someone or really want to get to know them you will fight through the biggest sleep attacks just to talk to them, also truly sleepy people have a certain "look" about them. When he asked to help you with your chair, you said no. He was offering to help probably as a way to start talking to you and beside that fact some men like to help a woman if she looks like she is trying to move something awkward or heavy. saying you were strong enough to take your own chair would be a bit harsh (even tho it would be the truth), if this is someone that you wanted to get to know better. i think in this instance you were either to nervous or just did not really want to spend time getting to know this guy (sub-consciously). Either way unless you are still in contact with him now, it is something to let go and scratch up as a "don't do this next time". When meeting new people it can be awkward and sometimes we do not know what to say or do. It is OK, it happens to the best of us. Just my thoughts.
Author confuused55 Posted January 10, 2008 Author Posted January 10, 2008 hey, thank you for the advice. yea, he was pretty smart, he probably realized i was fake sleeping, i was just so stupid back then. i feel really bad about it now because i feel like i may have really hurt his feelings which is the last thing i wanted to do. also, about the chair issue, when i told him that i was strong enough to carry it i said it in a sarcastic tone but maybe because english is his second language he didn't get that i was joking with him? i don't know. maybe he actually even wanted the chair for himself but i highly doubt that, he was too nice.
Lee725 Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 (what i am saying here is no direct reference to the chair statement) This is just in my experience but: It is so surprising how when English is your first language we can use a normally insulting line in a sarcastic manner and others know what we mean & don't take it personally. When English is a second language generally the tone and sarcasm can not be understood the way we intended. Basically when speaking to someone who has English as a second language say exactly what you mean in the tone you mean it. I learned this a long time ago, by making a similar mistake. It happens, it's OK and next time you will know. Don't stress yourself to much over it.
Author confuused55 Posted January 10, 2008 Author Posted January 10, 2008 Can I please get more advice, please. Thank you.
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