mistie03 Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 The final straw came at Christmas. He disappeared for a week and did not even call me on Christmas Day. He has always been emotionally distant, but I thought with time, it would get better. I found this site when I was doing a Google search on characteristics of a narcissist. I found an excellent thread about it from a few years ago. Some of the posts by members sound exactly like the relationship that I am walking away from now. In my search about learning about this type of person, I found a list that had 46 characteristics. Out of the 46 listed, he matches at least 30 of them. I also added a few of my own. From the very beginning of this relationship, I knew something wasn't quite right about him. I always just thought that maybe it was because the relationship was new and he just wanted to take it slow. Boy was I wrong! He always gave me just enough to keep me hanging on, but there was always this emotional distance. Then, as time went on, he would make a negative (mean) remark saying that he was just joking. Also, if there was a problem, he never did anything but blame shift. I would ask him if he was saying that everything was my fault and he would say no. There was just a general lack of empathy for how I felt about anything. It got worse over time. In the sex department, he was always very selfish. It was all about his pleasure. There were times that he would show up at my house and demand it. I work at home and it didn't matter to him if I was tired, had a deadline or wasn't feeling in the mood. If I didn't comply, he would leave. One time, he walked out and didn't speak to me for 2 weeks because of sex! During intimate times, he also would want me to tell how how much I loved it. He would want it repeated. It really started creeping me out. There were times when he would just disappear for a week or two. He always had a good excuse ready and never apologized for the pain it caused me. Also, I was a size 4 when I met him. I am now a size 10. He has hinted that I am too fat for him (I am 5'7"). I will lose some weight, but it's not gonna be for him! All of this evolved over time. If it had been that extreme the whole 8 years, there's no way I could have stayed. I cried so hard at Christmas wondering why he would treat me so badly. He had a lame excuse for it and didn't really seem to care. I quit taking his phone calls because I was hurt and devastated. He called last night and left a message asking me to call him back. I thought he might be sorry for being such an ass. I was WRONG. Very wrong. He not only wasn't sorry, he actually blamed me! He said that we never had plans for Christmas and he didn't see why he should call. He also said that I was the one that had said I was single (which is crap -- I was talking about how long I have been divorced). He totally twisted something and used it against me. I have thought about it a lot! I never had the guts to leave him before. Now I do. One problem is that he has a LOT of stuff at my house -- 2 Camaros, Jet Ski, tools, safe, a motor for a '63 Chevy etc, etc. I have a lot of garage space, so I think that I am nothing more than storage and quick sex to him now. How do I move on from a narcissist? Will he let some time elapse and try to pull me back in? I want a loving, caring relationship and this isn't it.
PinkRibbon Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 Run as fast as you can. My husband is a narcissist. (sp) also. And I have that from 2 therapists. Everything about him him him. Drove me insane but I stil love him. I don't know what you ned to do but I was with mine for 6 years and it never one changed and he never once was wrong about anything. Tell him to get his stuff and leave. Oh yea I was a 4 also when we married and he drove me so crazy I went to a 12 and I am 5'7" also. I am now back down to a 4 since he left and I feel great about that!!! I was tired of being told I was fat and how unattractive it was. Well if he wouldn't have driven me nuts with stress because you can never make then happy. They can never be happy. Run!
Lee725 Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 One problem is that he has a LOT of stuff at my house -- 2 Camaros, Jet Ski, tools, safe, a motor for a '63 Chevy etc, etc. I have a lot of garage space, so I think that I am nothing more than storage and quick sex to him now. How do I move on from a narcissist? Will he let some time elapse and try to pull me back in? I want a loving, caring relationship and this isn't it. Hi, I am sorry but i cant offer you much help in the way of dealing with a narcissist - i have very little experience there, but you already know you need to get rid of this guy no matter what. He will only end up destroying more of you than he already has. Somehow get a message to him that if he does not come and get his stuff by a certain date you will have it collected and dumped at the tip. The sooner you can break any bonds you have with this guy EG: the stuff in the garage - the better. This will be a hard move to make and an even harder one to stick with. He obviously does not respect you, perhaps by standing up for yourself and standing strong to your words, say in terms of getting rid of his stuff, he will realize that you are not a belonging to be played with at his convenience. You have to be strong, he is not going to change after all these years, and as time goes by he will take more and more from you until there is nothing left. If you search hard enough within yourself you will find the strength to move on from this. You will also find the strength to re-build yourself.
CalamitousJane Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 I know you're really heartbroken and all, but next time I'd count the total number of the guy's Camaros and Jet Skis. Any number greater than one would cause me to run far away. Seriously though, hang in there. You KNOW you're doing the right thing!
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