tkgirl Posted January 9, 2008 Posted January 9, 2008 Can they co-exist? is it possible to accept that things are over but still have hope that maybe things will change and he'll come back to me? I know... it sounds crazy but it's what I feel like I'm doing! like I feel I'm in this transition where I'm finally ready to accept that it wasn't meant to be and it feels really good! But the thought of letting go of all hope for us in the future makes me really sad... agggh! anybody here ever feel this way after a break-up?
BrianG Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 I think of those thoughts everyday for 2+months since the break-up. Probably an idiot for doing so considering she told me that she does not want to be together or see a future together after 5 years. Problem is I cant see myself with anybody and still thinking of ways I could get in her good graces, but unfortunately NC is the only thing I can do. Also, I am doing NC to heal and at the same time hopefully she misses me. I guess I am going through this break-up all the wrong way.
Confused9 Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 oh man. I am in the same boat as both of you. Are we a sad bunch or what?!?!
CalamitousJane Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 I've been struggling with the same thing, and I've found that the best cure is to replace hope for that specific relationship with hope (expectation, even) that someday soon I'll be in a really, really wonderful, loving, secure and stable relationship with someone. I'm aiming for before the end of this year. It really helps that there are so many awesome guys on Loveshack - makes me feel like they're lurking out there in real life somewhere too - it's just up to me to unmask them. If the ex is capable of stepping up to the plate before someone else does, I guess I could live with that. He was awfully fun to snuggle with.
Lee725 Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 Can they co-exist? is it possible to accept that things are over but still have hope that maybe things will change and he'll come back to me? anybody here ever feel this way after a break-up? Yes, it is possible that they can co-exist, although while there is hope you are never really past the relatiopnship. To accept what has happened is a big step. To loose the hope is the final step. I hope my ex will find his way past his ex and come back to me with a clear level mind. I hope he will not come back unless he is 100% sure that it is me he wants to be with & not use me as a rebound again. In the mean time, i accept what has happened and each day that goes on with NC that hope fades away a little further. I only had a really short Relationship with my EX, so i have no doubt this time it is easier for me to move on than it has been in the past.
s_n_d Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 I believe they CAN co-exist. Thats how I feel right now.. My hope will never leave me;I know it wont. Ill always wish my ex and I could get back together. But I know he has a few insecurities and right now the ball is in his court. But yes I have accepted that its over with us. Im hoping that if we ever work things out, We can start over...ofcourse NOT forgetting the past but learning what we did wrong the first time around.
s_n_d Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 I think of those thoughts everyday for 2+months since the break-up. Probably an idiot for doing so considering she told me that she does not want to be together or see a future together after 5 years. Problem is I cant see myself with anybody and still thinking of ways I could get in her good graces, but unfortunately NC is the only thing I can do. Also, I am doing NC to heal and at the same time hopefully she misses me. I guess I am going through this break-up all the wrong way. Wow, Im going through the exact same thing. EXACTLY the same. Only thing we can do is be strong and hope that itll be better soon.
Author tkgirl Posted January 10, 2008 Author Posted January 10, 2008 Yes, it is possible that they can co-exist, although while there is hope you are never really past the relatiopnship. To accept what has happened is a big step. To loose the hope is the final step. yeah, that's what I'm trying to do... find that balance between accepting it's over but without letting go of ALL hope... which I'm just not ready to do yet. So what I do is keep telling myself "it's okay we are not together now.. he needs time to figure out what he wants etc. I just hope that he realizes that it's ME!" And meanwhile I have to move forward with my life... Anyways, thanks for all responses! maybe it's wrong for me to feel happy that I'm not alone in feeling this way... but sometimes it seems that way, know what I mean? but my hope is for ALL of us to find happiness again, with or without whoever it is that we want to be with... but definitely with the RIGHT person that we are supposed to be with!
frd150 Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 Been going thru it for months....yes its pretty sad. All I can do is accept,I accept that I cant control her but in me there lies a bit of hope,hope that she will come to her senses. Now Since I accept or have accepted all of this I realize that there may be someone great out there for me.Now where is she? Outside of this life is good...finally.
Nomad1 Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 Hope gets in the way of new beginnings. Whilst you have hope, you are still stuck in the past. You hold back when you meet new people, because you want to let the door open for a possible reunion. Suppose your ex comes back? Depending on your shared history, you may feel an anti-climax. You may start thinking about all the negative stuff. I am not saying that it is not possible to start with a clean slate, but it will depend on how much you both want to be together. The same way you fell in love with your ex, you are capable of falling in love with someone new. Nomad1
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