Ms. Red Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 One last question: Is it ok to send this by email, or should it be by mail...I don't want to do it by phone, If we do talk, I want her to be able to process the information before hand.... Why not both to make sure she gets it....
Owl Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 If you send it snail mail, send it registered and require HER signature on it. The one issue with sending it snail mail is that he could intercept it. And he'd probably immediately start doing some 'damage control' and prepare the wife with some story about how 'crazy' you are and that she should believe anything she sees/hears from you. If you want to make SURE that she gets it...registered mail, or CALL her. From a payphone so that he doesn't answer the phone and do damage control. Make sense?
SeraBella Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 Do you have her email address that isn't one that is shared between the two?
Author lost4ever Posted January 10, 2008 Author Posted January 10, 2008 Yes, I have personal and work address,
Author lost4ever Posted February 1, 2008 Author Posted February 1, 2008 Sh*t it just keeps getting worse! I didn't send the email, I figured I would wait until the end of Feb, give me time to think, and waiting would reduce the effects on my life (work related) then a friend died (xmm and mine) and I felt sorry for him but today I find out, he does in fact "purchase" hookers....I have the proof........THe wife has to know, this is just sick. But I keep chickening out!!
Darth Vader Posted February 24, 2008 Posted February 24, 2008 Sh*t it just keeps getting worse! I didn't send the email, I figured I would wait until the end of Feb, give me time to think, and waiting would reduce the effects on my life (work related) then a friend died (xmm and mine) and I felt sorry for him but today I find out, he does in fact "purchase" hookers....I have the proof........THe wife has to know, this is just sick. But I keep chickening out!! Just send the E-mail, letter, whatever, NOW!
Author lost4ever Posted February 29, 2008 Author Posted February 29, 2008 I told the wife about everything I knew. We talked on the phone for over 2 hours. She was one of the most down to earth wonderful people I have ever met. She explained that she has always thought he was doing this (for 13 years) I told her he admitted to 3 others besides me. She suspected those three and caught him on another one and thinks she knows of 2 more. She also got into his email account the other day and seen that he was responding to gay/bi sexual encounters while away on a business trip. She clarified for me the whole situation with them and he is a dirt bag (the worst I have ever heard of) I told her I was sorry for my part in the whole mess, she simply said, there is no sorry needed. She thanked me a million times over, said she knew it was happening but he always denied it and she couldn't leave without knowing 100%. Two of the other 3 that I knew about she said she called and they flat out denied it. We wished eachother luck in life and hung up. She seemed wonderful, he is an idiot. One man that should have never been able to hold onto a women found two and tossed both to the side.
whichwayisup Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 Tell your husband what you've posted here and make sure you use this as your closure, and to now focus ALL your energy into fixing your marriage.
Author lost4ever Posted February 29, 2008 Author Posted February 29, 2008 Already did. I feel like this is the end of that horrible past (that I caused). I feel that I helped the wife get what she needed. I think everyone is at peace (except XMM)........but who cares about that...
whichwayisup Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 Yup. Who cares. He made his choices and now he has to suffer the consquences of his choice/actions. He's a big boy.
Darth Vader Posted March 1, 2008 Posted March 1, 2008 I told the wife about everything I knew. We talked on the phone for over 2 hours. She was one of the most down to earth wonderful people I have ever met. She explained that she has always thought he was doing this (for 13 years) I told her he admitted to 3 others besides me. She suspected those three and caught him on another one and thinks she knows of 2 more. She also got into his email account the other day and seen that he was responding to gay/bi sexual encounters while away on a business trip. She clarified for me the whole situation with them and he is a dirt bag (the worst I have ever heard of) I told her I was sorry for my part in the whole mess, she simply said, there is no sorry needed. She thanked me a million times over, said she knew it was happening but he always denied it and she couldn't leave without knowing 100%. Two of the other 3 that I knew about she said she called and they flat out denied it. We wished eachother luck in life and hung up. She seemed wonderful, he is an idiot. One man that should have never been able to hold onto a women found two and tossed both to the side. Yep, see told you so about telling the OM's wife, but, Oh no, no one ever listens to me! At least now you've told, so OM can get his, which might be happening right about now! Did she say she was gonna drop Dirtbag? Did you tell her about your hubby? Just curious about that last part! OK, OK, you did Good for once. How's things going for you and hubby?
Author lost4ever Posted March 2, 2008 Author Posted March 2, 2008 She did say she was going to leave, but it didn;t sound like she was sure. She said her daughter adores him and she knows he loves her. My H and I are getting on the right path, still difficult but we are closer. Well at least I am closer to him. I feel like I love him more now than I ever have, I still can't believe he gave me another chance. I am so thankful for it. and yes...we should listen to you Oh wise one
NoIDidn't Posted March 2, 2008 Posted March 2, 2008 I am so glad that telling her clarified so much for the both of you. I think you are the poster who talked about him having been fired and others stating that you were responsible in some way. I was and am fully of the opinion that him getting fired was because of his own actions - especially ones that were not seen by you, and it seems that was the case. If I have my stories right, that is. She may never leave him. But, that isn't anyone's problem but hers. I am sure that your H and M will improve now that you have dealt with what was hindering you two from getting past the A.
Darth Vader Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 She did say she was going to leave, but it didn;t sound like she was sure. She said her daughter adores him and she knows he loves her. My H and I are getting on the right path, still difficult but we are closer. Well at least I am closer to him. I feel like I love him more now than I ever have, I still can't believe he gave me another chance. I am so thankful for it. and yes...we should listen to you Oh wise one Don't get all mushy on me now!
Author lost4ever Posted March 4, 2008 Author Posted March 4, 2008 Darth - You don't want me sobbing on your shoulder NID- Yes that was me about the job thing. I knew that was no way my fault but yes people here did somehow believe it was mine. I accept it OW are the cause for all. You know two things hurt a lot that she said to me (I guess two things made me understand how selfish he really is) 1. He always told me she had a child to trap him when they were going through a divorce. She explained that HE begged her to have his child, she wanted to focus on her career and HE wanted her to be a stay at home mom. Him and I talked about this a lot because one of the reasons my H and I were having problems was that I wanted a career and he wanted a family with stay at home mom. I don't understand how he could talk to me about something that hurt so much and pretend to be on my side when he was doing the same thing to his wife. 2. I asked him a number of times if he planned on having more children, he always claimed he was strongly against it. I remember a few times having a conversation saying if he was lying about anything and anyone just make a promise that if he and his wife were at a risk of having a child at all that he would let me know and leave. Of course he was lying about having sex with his wife.....but what really hurts, she went off of birth control while we were together because he begged and begged for another child....I told him if his wife had a child when we were together it would hurt enough to send me to a mental hospital, he promised he would never hurt me that much...more than once he promised...
NoIDidn't Posted March 4, 2008 Posted March 4, 2008 Sounds like this man just likes to have people under his thumb. Its much easier to control the fate of the stay at home mom, than the career woman. It doesn't surprise me that he said those things to you about the child/pregnancy deal. He probably figured you'd never find out the truth. His "real" life was to always be a secret to you. Your being married too was a safety blanket for him. He probably assumed that you were cheating on your spouse for the same reasons that he was cheating on his, and that you didn't want to change the dynamic anymore than he did. Sorry that truth hurt you, but it also gave you more freedom from the grips of the emotional tie to that R. It opened your eyes to the reality of him, not the illusion he (and you) wanted to believe. You sound much happier though. This is a case of a bad situation being turned around for your benefit. Hopefully it will benefit your marriage as well.
Darth Vader Posted March 6, 2008 Posted March 6, 2008 Darth - You don't want me sobbing on your shoulder You never know! J/K! OM did all that stuff to get in your pants! Did his wife get preggers while you were with OM?
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