Chiquita27 Posted January 9, 2008 Posted January 9, 2008 Ok...today a good friend of mine was being really patient and was listening to my complaining about my ex and my heartbreak and I was telling her how much I miss him and that I wished he came back...and blah blah blah Then she asked....why do you want him back?........ And it got me thinking.....why the hell do I want him back?......do I think that all of a sudden he has realized that he wants to be with me and try a relationship with me??, when we have spent more than a year together already and he has never been able to commit....are things going to change overnight only because I've got out of the picture?....Is he going to find himself needing me to continue living???.....Obviously NO.....if he's had the chance to have me all this time, my presence or my absence from his life won't make much of a difference. I think to pray or to wish that they come back is not the best thing....I think we should focus on what we need to be good with ourselves and learn to have a life away from them because at the end...they honestly don't give a crap. Specially men (sorry if I offend anyone with this)...they are more practical, they honestly move on way quicker than women. However, at the end, the one that is not in love anymore ends up moving on quicker than the one that is left behind with all the emotions and love feelings. Just something to think about
s_n_d Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 I ask myself the same question ALL the time.. Why the hell do I want him back.. And the answer? Things with my ex and I were "flawless" in his words. We were seriously in love with eachother and planned a future together. It was all so unexpected. And I sometimes feel like the last two months was a dream... A blur.. Although its felt like forever since this has happened, at the same time it feels like two months of my life have suddenly just vanished. I honestly dont know where the time went.. And Im still in the same emotional state as i was on the day of the breakup.
DJ Dancer Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 Since you stated this question I just thought about that myself with my ex! Why do I want him back when he wasn't treating me with respect as his girlfriend?? Yeah I miss his company, his singing(he could really sing), him making me laugh, his kisses, his hugs, his accent....But hell I can get that from another guy who will actually respect me, love, and treat me even BETTER.... Thanks for asking that question!
BrianG Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 Sorry other posts under this thread made me sad because I was a fool and did not treat her the way she deserved as other posts have mentioned. I know its not the title of the thread but she was the love of my life and I screwed it up. We all deserve to be treated with respect. It took the unbearable pain of losing her to learn and realize that, but at least I learned from it. I hope those boys learned their lesson as I did, because you seem like wonderful women. If its any consolation I will always feel the pain of losing her and if they were a good person they will realize what they lost in you.
Confused9 Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 oh man...how I wish my x would say the things you just send, Brian. He messed up and cheated but made me feel like I did something wrong. I wish I could hear from him he made a mistake. But, he's with OW and says he's happy. At least he did in the beginning. Kills me everyday. He was the one...or so I thought. He loved me...or so I thought. Now, I'm alone. We were to be married this October...now I'm single. I would love to hear those words come from him!!!
lbj123 Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 I think especially when it comes out of nowhere, it leaves you in a state of "I am in love with him and didnt quesiton it yesterday, but now I am supposed to not love him and erase all of my feelings." I also think not being able to have someone makes you want them that much more. But I never was one of those people who was capable of turning off your feelings just because the other person did. Brian, you just gave me so much hope that there are men out there that can learn and grow and change from their experiences. Do you have any contact with her anymore? Do you think she would give it another try? What made you realize that you messed up?
BrianG Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 I think especially when it comes out of nowhere, it leaves you in a state of "I am in love with him and didnt quesiton it yesterday, but now I am supposed to not love him and erase all of my feelings." I also think not being able to have someone makes you want them that much more. But I never was one of those people who was capable of turning off your feelings just because the other person did. Brian, you just gave me so much hope that there are men out there that can learn and grow and change from their experiences. Do you have any contact with her anymore? Do you think she would give it another try? What made you realize that you messed up? Yeah, I am one as well tha can't turn my feelings off like a light switch, but she is pretty good at it. I disagree with other posts in saying people cannot change, you just have to be determined to do so because you can do anything you set your mind too. I am currently in counseling and cognitive behavioral therapy and volunteer at a terminal cancer ward. I never thought I would be doing these things but I am dedicated to correcting my character flaws and becoming an honest and better person. I am deeply hurt for what i did (never cheated, but lied and lost my temper a few times by yelling.) In this time apart has given me a lot of time to self-reflect on various mistakes I made in the relationship (we all make mistakes, but the biggest mistake we make is by not learning from them or they are bound to happen in the future. I know i messed up the minute you broke up with me, but I thought that we could work through anything and I was wrong. I have learned that respect precedes love and not matter what you have to live by that premise. Unfortunately, we have not been in contact since before xmas. I sent her an email (i know other people on here disagree with this) saying that I was deeply sorry for what I did and for taking her for granted and that I loved her so much. I also told her about the counseling sessions and volunteer work so she could see that I was taking positive, proactive steps in my life so they would not happen in the future to show her how hurt i was for hurting her. In the end of the email i asked her to meet up for coffee or something and she declined and said that she does not want to be together or see a future with us so it hurts to say but I dont think she would be willing to give it another try because she is still pretty angry with me two months later and has not forgiven me. We dont even know if we could be friends with each other because I know i will never want to be "just friends" because I wanted her to be my wife and I messed that up and would hurt too much to just be her friend so essentially we will probably never talk again, unless she initiates something because I told her i was sorry and how i felt about her and took the chance of being hurt more by initiating a meeting. I fought and never gave up on my heart so at least a feel a little bit better about that. Who knows what the future may bring for all of us, if you have learned from your mistakes your a bound for a better outcome next time i hope.
lbj123 Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 Brian, good for you!! You are awesome and taking some big steps towards just bettering yourself, which is more important than anything!!
BrianG Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 yeah I am very proud of myself, but very sad and depressed at the same time considering she is no longer in my life to share these wonderful things because she was my best friend and according to this site i am not supposed to contact her anymore. I doubt she misses me as much as I miss her.
lbj123 Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 I totally understand how hard it is and how badly you want to share everything that is going on in your life, big or small, with that other person. I try to tell myself that, despite my feelings of wanting things to work out and us to be happy and committed to one another, that ultimately I don't want to be in relationship where the other person doesn't feel 110% in to me. So I'd rather not be with the person, than be in a relationship with a person who has doubts about his feelings toward me.
BrianG Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 I totally understand how hard it is and how badly you want to share everything that is going on in your life, big or small, with that other person. I try to tell myself that, despite my feelings of wanting things to work out and us to be happy and committed to one another, that ultimately I don't want to be in relationship where the other person doesn't feel 110% in to me. So I'd rather not be with the person, than be in a relationship with a person who has doubts about his feelings toward me. I am 110% into this woman and there is nothing I can do about it. Sometimes you dont realize what you have until its gone because that is my case. I have no doubts about my feelings about her. Now i am so scared that I will never have the opportunity to make things right with her or meet someone like her. She is everything I would want in a significant other and I blew it and I will never be able to forgive myself. I was an immature, selfish idiot and I even pray that I will have the once one day to show her, how pathetic. Still feeling a lot of guilt over things i had control over and hurt a beautiful person such as her. Sorry just having one of those days that i want to contact her even just to say i miss her.
Jasmine777 Posted January 12, 2008 Posted January 12, 2008 Brian...whomever is reading this... I am going though this right now. I said to my ex boyfriend whom keeps calling me all the time, that things will change and I have changed even though there was not anything really bad with me. He acts like there was but through this break up I have changed! I would never take someone for granted again but he will not take me back he says lets see what our future holds...he bugs me sooo much still but won't be back together, what do you think is going on!
Leoni Posted January 12, 2008 Posted January 12, 2008 I think to pray or to wish that they come back is not the best thing....I think we should focus on what we need to be good with ourselves and learn to have a life away from them because at the end...they honestly don't give a crap. Specially men (sorry if I offend anyone with this)...they are more practical, they honestly move on way quicker than women. However, at the end, the one that is not in love anymore ends up moving on quicker than the one that is left behind with all the emotions and love feelings. Just something to think about This is so much more realistic an attitude, than pining away for someone who's gone. It doesn't mean you can't miss them and hurt from it, but realize that you have to get your own life moving forward. The past is the past.
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