cracked1 Posted January 9, 2008 Posted January 9, 2008 So my wife and i are talking and on friendly terms trying to figure out this mess. She says to me, " well at least what i did is normal, your pornography is disgusting". Yes inside i really hate it. I am compulsive and must stop, i know this. I reply to her " well i think sleeping with a married man is 10 times more disgusting" to which she has no reply. I'm receiving a lot of the blame from her and i have never once blamed her for my problems just because she is prudish,boring and cold. She now wants to separate for 3 months while i seek counselling, give up porn, alchohol, anger etc.... Jack the freakin Ripper is a step above me on the ladder right now and i have a feeling that i would make well more than 1/2 the women on this board happy. I can't take enough crazy pills to catch up to her. Gimme some feedback PLEASE!
s_n_d Posted January 9, 2008 Posted January 9, 2008 I think your ex AND you need to work on your own problems first. Once that is done, then you have to work on your relationship again.. She needs to work on herself too. She needs to see a counsellor as well. What you both did is not right, in my opinion.
Moose Posted January 9, 2008 Posted January 9, 2008 Pornography is a product of the societal norm anymore. You can't even turn your TV on without some form of fornication. What drove her to have sex outside of your marriage?
jmargel Posted January 9, 2008 Posted January 9, 2008 So my wife and i are talking and on friendly terms trying to figure out this mess. She says to me, " well at least what i did is normal, your pornography is disgusting". Yes inside i really hate it. I am compulsive and must stop, i know this. I reply to her " well i think sleeping with a married man is 10 times more disgusting" to which she has no reply. I'm receiving a lot of the blame from her and i have never once blamed her for my problems just because she is prudish,boring and cold. She now wants to separate for 3 months while i seek counselling, give up porn, alchohol, anger etc.... Jack the freakin Ripper is a step above me on the ladder right now and i have a feeling that i would make well more than 1/2 the women on this board happy. I can't take enough crazy pills to catch up to her. Gimme some feedback PLEASE! Good chance she is still seeing this man. Her being defensive is a red flag that an affair is still going on. The 'give me space' is another way of saying 'let me sleep with this guy more without you getting in the way'. You two need marriage counseling, fast.
Mz. Pixie Posted January 9, 2008 Posted January 9, 2008 . She now wants to separate for 3 months while i seek counselling, give up porn, alchohol, anger etc.... Jack the freakin Ripper is a step above me on the ladder right now and i have a feeling that i would make well more than 1/2 the women on this board happy. Do you have a drinking problem?? I gotta be honest with you, a drinking problem, an abusive anger problem or a porn problems would not keep me happy. Why can't you do all of those things while you still live together rather than separate??? I agree with the others, she's hedging her options with this other guy to see if it works out.
LakesideDream Posted January 9, 2008 Posted January 9, 2008 The Pornography thing is a mess. I had troubles "back when" I was married they wern't terrible problems, however the porn did put a strain on the marriage for a number of reason. It did not cause my wife to cheat. She was doing that well before there was "internet porn", although I didn't know it. Advise to anyone in a serious relationship who is doing porn. Stop. Relationships are difficult enough without adding in something like porn that puts a heavy stress on the relationship. As for your wife having an affair "because of porn" that's not true. She had an affair because she wanted to. If she was completely put off by your porn, she should have asked for a seperatation, seperated and done what she wanted... after seperating. All that being said, in my experiance Women keep things to themselves letting the problem build until they feel justified in their subsequent actions. This is just an observation, not an absolute truth.
Nomad1 Posted January 9, 2008 Posted January 9, 2008 Move out and go NC, if you have children go LC. Use the time to deal with any issues you feel you need to deal with, including issues relating to living with a cheating wife. Maybe by the end of the 3 months, you won't want to go back. Whilst I can understand your wife's resentment of porn, it is not the same as cheating. She is redirecting the blame to you because she knows that what she did was wrong and is unable to accept that. Maybe when you move out she will place more demands on the OM and he will not want to leave his wife. She might end up on her own in the end. Nomad1
Chrome Barracuda Posted January 9, 2008 Posted January 9, 2008 Move out and go NC, if you have children go LC. Use the time to deal with any issues you feel you need to deal with, including issues relating to living with a cheating wife. Maybe by the end of the 3 months, you won't want to go back. Whilst I can understand your wife's resentment of porn, it is not the same as cheating. She is redirecting the blame to you because she knows that what she did was wrong and is unable to accept that. Maybe when you move out she will place more demands on the OM and he will not want to leave his wife. She might end up on her own in the end. Nomad1 I co-sign it's her guilt and her projection of it at you. You were right to call her on it! You might need counciling for porn yes. but she needs couciling for her affair!!!!
PinkRibbon Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 My stbx is porn crazy and strip club nuts. We would get into more heated discussions about that BUT I would not cheat because it that. That is a pitiful excuse.
Author cracked1 Posted January 10, 2008 Author Posted January 10, 2008 Pornography is a product of the societal norm anymore. You can't even turn your TV on without some form of fornication. What drove her to have sex outside of your marriage? My porn addiction and a lack of good sense i guess.
Author cracked1 Posted January 10, 2008 Author Posted January 10, 2008 Do you have a drinking problem?? I gotta be honest with you, a drinking problem, an abusive anger problem or a porn problems would not keep me happy. Why can't you do all of those things while you still live together rather than separate??? I agree with the others, she's hedging her options with this other guy to see if it works out. No i don't have a drinking problem or an abusive anger problem. I am beginning to realize my wife needs heavy duty counselling.
Moose Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 My porn addiction and a lack of good sense i guess.So I take it that out of guilt you've dismissed her infidelity, yet you haven't made any changes regarding your habit(s)?
Author cracked1 Posted January 10, 2008 Author Posted January 10, 2008 My stbx is porn crazy and strip club nuts. We would get into more heated discussions about that BUT I would not cheat because it that. That is a pitiful excuse. Interesting. You know yesterday she asked me if i have ever been to a stripclub or have ever paid for a b***job. I said nope. I never have. I think she really doesn't understand me and has not really tried. She saw what i looked at and thought the worst. Porn is a terrible thing and this has started my cure!!!
Author cracked1 Posted January 10, 2008 Author Posted January 10, 2008 So I take it that out of guilt you've dismissed her infidelity, yet you haven't made any changes regarding your habit(s)? On the contrary, i saw a shrink today, have 3 friends i report to daily and have utterly humiliated myself in order to stop. I have not dismissed her adultery either.
Moose Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 On the contrary, i saw a shrink today, have 3 friends i report to daily and have utterly humiliated myself in order to stop. I have not dismissed her adultery either.Ok, so far, I see no reason why you shouldn't put her on the curb. You have every right to, (unless I'm missing something)
Author cracked1 Posted January 10, 2008 Author Posted January 10, 2008 Ok, so far, I see no reason why you shouldn't put her on the curb. You have every right to, (unless I'm missing something)You're missing nothing. Love, mercy and forgiveness i guess. I am willing to forgive i think but i haven't heard 1 person take her side on this yet. I'm going to see a therapist this week and so is she. The thought of being single again has been very appealing for awhile now. My daughter is going to pay the price here and i hate that.
whichwayisup Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 has your wife shown ANY remorse or regret for her stupid choice to cheat on you? See, the difference is, you have a porn problem and need help for it, to do counselling so you can break the addiction. Her cheating is a different situation all together, unless she's a serial cheater.
Author cracked1 Posted January 10, 2008 Author Posted January 10, 2008 has your wife shown ANY remorse or regret for her stupid choice to cheat on you? See, the difference is, you have a porn problem and need help for it, to do counselling so you can break the addiction. Her cheating is a different situation all together, unless she's a serial cheater. She's been laying most of the blame on me and i finally told her it's not right. Today she actually hugged me and said she was sorry. Time will tell i guess but i'm finding she needs therapy more than i do. She has low selfesteem and this makes her lousy in bed even though she's stunning, it's ridiculous. I have always been a very giving lover and i build her up but the porn thing has overwhelmed her i think. I don't know.
Author cracked1 Posted January 10, 2008 Author Posted January 10, 2008 I feel like it was only a matter of time for this to happen. This was the first real job she ever had working with men. I know she looks like a freaking fishing lure to guys and in the back of my mind i was always worried. I can't wait for someone to unravel me on the couch! This therapy is long overdue.
whichwayisup Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 The porn thing is NO excuse to go help herself to another man. She should have talked to you about how the porn was making her feel less attractive to you, made her feel insecure, like she couldn't compete with it. Two wrongs do not make a right. I hope you both give it your best, for your daughters sake. You owe it to her, as well as to eachother to try to fix things...Keep with the counselling.
Author cracked1 Posted January 10, 2008 Author Posted January 10, 2008 The porn thing is NO excuse to go help herself to another man. She should have talked to you about how the porn was making her feel less attractive to you, made her feel insecure, like she couldn't compete with it. Two wrongs do not make a right. I hope you both give it your best, for your daughters sake. You owe it to her, as well as to eachother to try to fix things...Keep with the counselling. I'm going to do all i can.
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