Precious K Posted January 9, 2008 Posted January 9, 2008 I know I need mad advice for what it is that I'm doing. I've been out of a bad relationship for a few months now. I tried working it out with my ex and everything failed. Now I know that for some reason I'm learning to let go. I'm able to cope now. But... here's the thing, I met someone ... Great guy! Problem is that he has been out of a relationship for 2 months. That's a red flag! And he's swept me off my feet and I don't know if we are doing the right thing by pursuing each other. He tells me he likes and we have so much fun together. I cant help to think he isn't over his ex. I don't want to be with someone whose hung up on their ex. I don't want to start having feelings for this guy, and I feel I am! I don't know what I'm doing.
ElvenPriestess Posted January 9, 2008 Posted January 9, 2008 Are you over your ex? If you aren't and he isn't', or either one of you aren't, then it isn't a good idea. It could be a rebound. And neither of you needs or wants that I'm sure. You have to be certain on two fronts here. Is he over the ex? Am I over the ex? Then proceed from there.
Author Precious K Posted January 9, 2008 Author Posted January 9, 2008 Are you over your ex? If you aren't and he isn't', or either one of you aren't, then it isn't a good idea. It could be a rebound. And neither of you needs or wants that I'm sure. You have to be certain on two fronts here. Is he over the ex? Am I over the ex? Then proceed from there. Im not completely over him, but Im getting there. I still talk to him but my feelings have changed. Ive asked him he said he is on that road, he hasnt completly but like me he is getting here. I told he still seems hooked on her and to go back to her and he said "no, its better like this". We talk every single day, he tells me how much he misses me. I went out with a guy friend and he got a lil bothered. Its like I dont want to get attached to a guy thats unable to be there for me as I would want him to be. Youre right I really dont want a rebound. But he just makes me melt... corny, I know!
ElvenPriestess Posted January 9, 2008 Posted January 9, 2008 Im not completely over him, but Im getting there. I still talk to him but my feelings have changed. Ive asked him he said he is on that road, he hasnt completly but like me he is getting here. I told he still seems hooked on her and to go back to her and he said "no, its better like this". We talk every single day, he tells me how much he misses me. I went out with a guy friend and he got a lil bothered. Its like I dont want to get attached to a guy thats unable to be there for me as I would want him to be. Youre right I really dont want a rebound. But he just makes me melt... corny, I know! Not at all! Not corny, very sweet of you! But like you say you need to consider that you want someone who's there for you, you have needs. I think from what I'm seeing if NOTHING else, in my experienced opinion, you two will be very close friends. And with the two options out there you have much to look forward to, no matter which way it goes.
Lee725 Posted January 9, 2008 Posted January 9, 2008 I told he still seems hooked on her and to go back to her and he said "no, its better like this". I could have wrote that myself in regards to my last "relationship" (it was short), because i was a rebound big time. He said the same things done the same things (made me melt), i had the red flags and now sitting on the other side i should have listened to my instincts. When it all came to an end, even tho i knew it was a rebound he wanted to be friends, but i could not do that because after i sat him down time and time again to ask if he was ready for me (he kept giving signs that he wasn't eg: conversations about EX), he would look me in the eyes and say he was ready for me, i felt like he had lied to me. My advice, if this is a guy that you could well and truly fall in love with, keep him at arms length a bit longer, i would not get into a relationship with him for a while - at least until the dust has well and truly settled on the last one. Otherwise you will end up hurt all over again. Rebounds very rarely end well.
s_n_d Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 I think its not a good idea to pursue eachother at the moment. Its been two months since my ex and I broke up and I couldnt be more in love with him..Still. I think you both need a lot of time to heal completely or this will be a very short relationship for you both and both of you will be MORE hurt in the end.
PinkRibbon Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 I am not sure how long a person needs to mend before another realtionship but personally I don't want one and can't see myself with another man right now. We have been apart 3.5 months and I still am not ready. Maybe never?
s_n_d Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 I agree with Pinkribbon. I think at this point, its not fair to HIM(this new guy) that you are not completely over your ex yet.
Author Precious K Posted January 11, 2008 Author Posted January 11, 2008 Thanks for the replies... I talked to him last night and he said he still loves his ex and I told him to work it out with her. That he shouldn't be stubborn and go for her... I left the conversation a lil hurt. I cut it off really quick. I told him this morning that I didn't want to talk to him anymore and he said his heart stopped. I told him that we miss each other and that's like weird. I don't want to miss him. Anyway we talked and he said that it felt like I was breaking up with him. I felt so bad. He talked to me about having the same feelings for me. Its like the more excuses I gave him the more he didn't want to let me go. He said he cant stop thinking about me and about his ex he said he isn't trying to be back with her. I just can't believe him, I don't want to end up hurting. So I'm stuck because he said everything a girl wants to hear. How should I go about this?
Author Precious K Posted January 11, 2008 Author Posted January 11, 2008 I could have wrote that myself in regards to my last "relationship" (it was short), because i was a rebound big time. He said the same things done the same things (made me melt), i had the red flags and now sitting on the other side i should have listened to my instincts. So why is it that when we know the red flags are up we look the other way??? Like example: -He brought up his ex in the conv -He had a call and he said to mess with me it was his ex, then he said it was his brother jokingly -He still calls his ex -He loves her I think I like him and this is turning out to hurt me... $$$$hhhhhT
Lee725 Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 So why is it that when we know the red flags are up we look the other way??? Like example: -He brought up his ex in the conv -He had a call and he said to mess with me it was his ex, then he said it was his brother jokingly -He still calls his ex -He loves her I think I like him and this is turning out to hurt me... $$$$hhhhhT Because we want to be loved, held, cared for & wanted. We see things in these men, good honest things, we see a future with them. With me at least, the desire to have a forfilling loving relationship overwhelms the negatives which jump on my head and rattle my brain. Love can lack logic and make the strongest most stable people like jelly. That is why we look the other way. My red flags went from REPEATED conversations about her, the exchanging of text messages, they have a 2.5YR old so they saw each other EVERY week day for parent change over - every day there was something new for him to talk about re: her, he asked me for advice on what went wrong with them (he even did this after we broke up ), it went on & on & on, i could write a page about it but i will spare you guys! If the path you are taking is parallel to mine, spare yourself this. It hurts terribly, but to listen to all the words which convince you that what you are feeling is real and the relationship in their eyes can work as much as you want to believe it yourself and then to have to walk away when finally they admit they are not ready or they push you away is much worse. I sincerely hope this works out for you, i don't want to seem all negative and just because it happened this way for me does not mean it will for you. However you go about this just protect your heart as best you can. Good luck, let us know how you go.
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