totallyfedup Posted January 9, 2008 Posted January 9, 2008 This is just a rant... an outlet for my frustrations. Hope you guys don't mind, coz I have no one else to talk to about this. I had an affair lasting about 4 months with an MM. We were ex-coworkers, then friends for a number of years after he left the company even though we didn't see each other much. I had always known that he was the flirtatious sort but since nothing physical happened while we were working together, I didn't think much about his flirtatious remarks or gestures. That was until my relationship with the guy I was seeing hit a rough patch, and I started seeing MM more regularly.. first lunch, then dinners and parties. That was when he started feeding me stories about how unhappy his marriage was and how much in common the two of us had...yada-yada. One thing led to another, and we started the affair. I finally ended it when I came across some of his emails with other girls (he'd used my computer and forgot to log off) and I realised that he was using the same lines with them as he had done with me. I don't know whether he was actually sleeping with other pple while he was having the A with me, but it was obvious that he was "lining" them up..keeping them on the sidelines at the very least. I even saw that he was trying to break up a girl's relationship with her boyfriend by playing with her mind. Good lord. Unfortunately I didn't go NC totally right from the start and I didn't confront him. Who was I to do that? I was just the OW and I knew he was a cheater. I still spoke to him when he called me at the office (I have no caller ID) and we met for the occasional lunch. Each time, he calls.. he tells me how much he misses me and actually tells me how upset he is that I can pretend like nothing ever happened between the two of us. I just brush whatever he says aside and try not to let it bother me, even though it's so so hard to not let it affect me. I think about whether he actually means it..whether I had actually misunderstood him. But still, I told myself that there was no way in which we cld carry on, so over the last 6 mths, I've tried my best not to answer his text messages or e-mails. I can't say I'm 100% over him, but I'm almost there. I am together with the guy I was seeing previously, and we're building up a good relationship, and I really want to keep that going. Still, just yesterday, MM called me at the office again and told me all sorts of sh*t about missing me terribly, wanting to hear my voice, and that it hurts and deeply upsets him that I chose to ignore our relationship. As usual, I just skirted the issue. And today, I bumped into him at lunch with one of the girls whom he was "lining" up! And he actually pretended that he didn't see me, which was impossible. I'm just so angry with myself...for actually having had the affair with him..for being so stupid and believing one lie of his after another..for letting him play with my mind. And also with him..for thinking that he can just play with other peoples' emotions like that, for treating women as his toys. Why do some men do that? I don't think I'll ever know. But I hate it. For all those women who are thinking of becoming OW.. my advice is "no". Don't do it. Your fairytale may never come true, and all you might be left with is despise for yourself and a hurt which takes a long time to heal. I'm sorry.. I know some of you OW have actually found true love with your MM, but somehow I do think you're just the lucky few.
imstunned Posted January 9, 2008 Posted January 9, 2008 I'm sorry that you are feeling so fed up. I can relate. I just think you are so very lucky to have bumped into him with another woman and he ignored you as I think it has woken you up to who he really is again, where you may have been giving in to his constant "I miss you"'s etc. Dont give your self a hard time about it, whats the point. These men are very good at what they do. My exmm lied to me for an entire 8 months - I thought he was SINLGE!! Expert liars. Just thank the lord its not you who is married to him. x
Author totallyfedup Posted January 9, 2008 Author Posted January 9, 2008 I'm sorry that you are feeling so fed up. I can relate. I just think you are so very lucky to have bumped into him with another woman and he ignored you as I think it has woken you up to who he really is again, where you may have been giving in to his constant "I miss you"'s etc. Dont give your self a hard time about it, whats the point. These men are very good at what they do. My exmm lied to me for an entire 8 months - I thought he was SINLGE!! Expert liars. Just thank the lord its not you who is married to him. x Thanks I know. It really was such a coincidence bumping into him today, and I can almost swear that from the corner of my eye, I saw that he saw me and he had almost wanted to walk in the opposite direction so that he didn't hv to walk DIRECTLY past my back. Considering that it was just yesterday when he last called and give me his load of BS, and today when I bumped into him.. I'm just feeling the "rage" at how men like him get away with their sh*t. And how he can spout his lies without so much as a blink or a stammer. As far as I know, his wife is still in la-la land, even though a part of me thinks that she knows about him but is totally either taken in by his lies or has chosen to close one eye about it. They are actually expecting their first child now. I was obviously not his first A and neither will I be his last. A part of me secretly hopes that he'll either get inflicted with some nasty STD or gets knocked down by a car... or just something BAD happening to him. Here I am feeling like sh*t and there he is happily leading his cheating life, and being hailed by his staff as a great boss and what-not. At the same time, I wish I had the guts to give him a piece of my mind..to say what an ******* he really is. But oh well, considering the fact that I only communicate with him when he calls me in the office and I don't have a nice big room all to myself.. I've never quite done that.
imstunned Posted January 9, 2008 Posted January 9, 2008 I see my own thoughts in your words, especially about how he got away with it. It sounds like your ex really is a serial cheat. Expecting a baby? God, I feel for his wife. What a jerk!! He isnt happily leading any kind of life. He is probably continuing to betray and lie to his wife - so he knows she is only with him because of the lies he tells her. And the other women, well he probably lies to them too. Knowing that your M is a sham, and that you are a liar does not a happy man make. He is a jerk and he knows it. xx
frannie Posted January 9, 2008 Posted January 9, 2008 (edited) I came across some of his emails with other girls (he'd used my computer and forgot to log off) and I realised that he was using the same lines with them as he had done with me. I don't know whether he was actually sleeping with other pple while he was having the A with me, but it was obvious that he was "lining" them up..keeping them on the sidelines at the very least. I even saw that he was trying to break up a girl's relationship with her boyfriend by playing with her mind. Good lord. I didn't confront him. Who was I to do that? I was just the OW and I knew he was a cheater. I still spoke to him when he called me at the office (I have no caller ID) and we met for the occasional lunch. Each time, he calls.. he tells me how much he misses me and actually tells me how upset he is that I can pretend like nothing ever happened between the two of us. I just brush whatever he says aside and try not to let it bother me, even though it's so so hard to not let it affect me. I think about whether he actually means it..whether I had actually misunderstood him. I can almost swear that from the corner of my eye, I saw that he saw me and he had almost wanted to walk in the opposite direction so that he didn't hv to walk DIRECTLY past my back. Considering that it was just yesterday when he last called and give me his load of BS, and today when I bumped into him.. I'm just feeling the "rage" at how men like him get away with their sh*t. And how he can spout his lies without so much as a blink or a stammer. As far as I know, his wife is still in la-la land, even though a part of me thinks that she knows about him but is totally either taken in by his lies or has chosen to close one eye about it. They are actually expecting their first child now. I wish I had the guts to give him a piece of my mind..to say what an ******* he really is. But oh well, considering the fact that I only communicate with him when he calls me in the office and I don't have a nice big room all to myself.. I've never quite done that. The reason men like this get away with it is all written here in your posts. First of all both his W (possibly), and you (definitely) KNOW what he's like, you have the evidence in front of your eyes. He saw you and avoided you. He used your computer to access his emails to write to other women, lining them up, attempting to split up another woman and her boyfriend. And yet here you are, taking his calls, wondering if he's telling the truth or lying to you (denial of the truth), and meeting him for lunch. It is an excuse (sorry, don't mean to say that in a hurtful way but I can't think of another word) to say you're 'just an OW' and therefore you can't call him on his behaviour. Of course you can. And if some of his colleagues hear it? So what? If you told him to his face what you thought of him he might think twice about pestering you again. Once again, the reason he gets away with it is people let him. (as for his W, well she may not have as much solid evidence as you, and has a hundred times the reason to look the other way, especially with a child coming). Edited January 9, 2008 by frannie adding
Meaplus3 Posted January 9, 2008 Posted January 9, 2008 This is just a rant... an outlet for my frustrations. Hope you guys don't mind, coz I have no one else to talk to about this. I had an affair lasting about 4 months with an MM. We were ex-coworkers, then friends for a number of years after he left the company even though we didn't see each other much. I had always known that he was the flirtatious sort but since nothing physical happened while we were working together, I didn't think much about his flirtatious remarks or gestures. That was until my relationship with the guy I was seeing hit a rough patch, and I started seeing MM more regularly.. first lunch, then dinners and parties. That was when he started feeding me stories about how unhappy his marriage was and how much in common the two of us had...yada-yada. One thing led to another, and we started the affair. I finally ended it when I came across some of his emails with other girls (he'd used my computer and forgot to log off) and I realised that he was using the same lines with them as he had done with me. I don't know whether he was actually sleeping with other pple while he was having the A with me, but it was obvious that he was "lining" them up..keeping them on the sidelines at the very least. I even saw that he was trying to break up a girl's relationship with her boyfriend by playing with her mind. Good lord. Unfortunately I didn't go NC totally right from the start and I didn't confront him. Who was I to do that? I was just the OW and I knew he was a cheater. I still spoke to him when he called me at the office (I have no caller ID) and we met for the occasional lunch. Each time, he calls.. he tells me how much he misses me and actually tells me how upset he is that I can pretend like nothing ever happened between the two of us. I just brush whatever he says aside and try not to let it bother me, even though it's so so hard to not let it affect me. I think about whether he actually means it..whether I had actually misunderstood him. But still, I told myself that there was no way in which we cld carry on, so over the last 6 mths, I've tried my best not to answer his text messages or e-mails. I can't say I'm 100% over him, but I'm almost there. I am together with the guy I was seeing previously, and we're building up a good relationship, and I really want to keep that going. Still, just yesterday, MM called me at the office again and told me all sorts of sh*t about missing me terribly, wanting to hear my voice, and that it hurts and deeply upsets him that I chose to ignore our relationship. As usual, I just skirted the issue. And today, I bumped into him at lunch with one of the girls whom he was "lining" up! And he actually pretended that he didn't see me, which was impossible. I'm just so angry with myself...for actually having had the affair with him..for being so stupid and believing one lie of his after another..for letting him play with my mind. And also with him..for thinking that he can just play with other peoples' emotions like that, for treating women as his toys. Why do some men do that? I don't think I'll ever know. But I hate it. For all those women who are thinking of becoming OW.. my advice is "no". Don't do it. Your fairytale may never come true, and all you might be left with is despise for yourself and a hurt which takes a long time to heal. I'm sorry.. I know some of you OW have actually found true love with your MM, but somehow I do think you're just the lucky few. Hi, Don't beat yourself up here for beign angry. The anger part is normal and it will pass! I was involved in an ea with a mm and he turned out to be just one big player! I have to commend you for not saying anything while bumping into him, that took so much strength, much more strength then I think I would ever have! Feel blessed to be rid of him! Keep up with the NC, your doing a fine job! Good Luck! ((Hug's)) AP:)
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