Author a4a Posted January 11, 2008 Author Posted January 11, 2008 This is the type of frustration I experienced with my ex husband. He would promise to make changes and it would last about a week, then he would be back to his old tricks. Good thing for you is that you don't have kids- and you're not putting up with it anymore. I have 50 kids. So not like I can just be a free wheelin' single. I have massive amounts of investment here. Time and Money... blood (literally) sweat, and tears. Just not having human kids doesn't make anything any easier. (dont make me start a thread on the kid card people play) One of my kids just peed on the floor....... No, I am putting up with it, I just am attempting to not let it bother me.
EnigmasMuse Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 Knowing A4 it would be more appropiate to tell her to hang out rather than hang in Which ever way. But I was just saying hang in there as far as its going to be ok, and not neccisarly with him.
Author a4a Posted January 11, 2008 Author Posted January 11, 2008 Which ever way. But I was just saying hang in there as far as its going to be ok, and not neccisarly with him. Thank you..... this is not an emotional issue for me but a financial one with a serious issue of putting a couple of 2,000 lb horses in a apt and just moving out. If it was just that simple...... it would be that simple.
JackJack Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 One of my kids just peed on the floor....... ~Its not that naked mole rat is it?
JackJack Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 Thank you..... this is not an emotional issue for me but a financial one with a serious issue of putting a couple of 2,000 lb horses in a apt and just moving out. If it was just that simple...... it would be that simple. Wonder if you could get him to leave?
Author a4a Posted January 11, 2008 Author Posted January 11, 2008 One of my kids just peed on the floor....... ~Its not that naked mole rat is it? No not Ted. I cannot blame the kid for pissing on the floor as I piss in his water bowl. Or what he seems to think is a water bowl.
Author a4a Posted January 11, 2008 Author Posted January 11, 2008 Wonder if you could get him to leave? Nope..won't happen.... I did tell him it would be nice if he just hiked up the mountain and shot himself. Yeah I did say that. Only one emotion I have - anger.
sb129 Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 I don't get it how so many men can just go to sleep without resolving a fight. I can't sleep either. WB and I try to make up before we go to sleep if we are arguing. a4a, do you love your H? Sounds like you would be happier if he did leave- you hardly ever say anything nice about him.
Author a4a Posted January 11, 2008 Author Posted January 11, 2008 I don't get it how so many men can just go to sleep without resolving a fight. I can't sleep either. WB and I try to make up before we go to sleep if we are arguing. a4a, do you love your H? Sounds like you would be happier if he did leave- you hardly ever say anything nice about him. As a person he is very nice...... love him? How could I? You are with someone because you get something out of it. They provide you with something. I am not getting what I need so there is no love. Now he says he loves me and never ever wants me to leave...... I asked for sep. papers, he won't agree. Just have to's, and this or that must be done. Work....... work...... work....... problem solve.... I am the pack mule. So I do provide him with something. I told him to feel free to see other people. He won't....... that would take effort.
JackJack Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 As a person he is very nice...... love him? How could I? You are with someone because you get something out of it. They provide you with something. I am not getting what I need so there is no love. Now he says he loves me and never ever wants me to leave...... I asked for sep. papers, he won't agree. Just have to's, and this or that must be done. Work....... work...... work....... problem solve.... I am the pack mule. So I do provide him with something. I told him to feel free to see other people. He won't....... that would take effort. Well that must be frustrating. So if YOU presented him with seperation papers he doesn't have to sign them at all? If he is not willing to change some things about himself or at least try, and not for a few days but longer or permanetly, he wont give you a seperation, it just seems to me he is all about control. He knows exactly what it is he is doing. Control is the only thing at this point that I know he is getting from doing this. So he is going to hang on to you by not giving you a seperation knowing you would like one, its just absurd on his part. Does he take pleasure in hurting/pissing you off?
Author a4a Posted January 11, 2008 Author Posted January 11, 2008 Well that must be frustrating. So if YOU presented him with seperation papers he doesn't have to sign them at all? If he is not willing to change some things about himself or at least try, and not for a few days but longer or permanetly, he wont give you a seperation, it just seems to me he is all about control. He knows exactly what it is he is doing. Control is the only thing at this point that I know he is getting from doing this. So he is going to hang on to you by not giving you a seperation knowing you would like one, its just absurd on his part. Does he take pleasure in hurting/pissing you off? Yes likely that is part of the PA thing. My theory is that he hates the fact that I get the job done. I have tons of friends.... I am who I am. Jealousy..... he will never admit it. So his way of getting me back is the typical way a PA does. Wish I was a fly on the wall at his shrinky meeting.... if he doesn't find a "excuse" to not go. I really was considering making a movie out of this situation..... it is hilarious. I have gotten to the point of saying " well if this is not done by Jan 5th, what consquences will you face?" I suggested we agree that I get to punch him in the face. Nothing else seems to work. This is business I don't have time to deal with his PA crap.
Art_Critic Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 A4.. It is posts like your last one that really want me to kick his ass.. I'm so sorry that you have to live in this kind of marriage.. ((A4.. Hugs for you))... I hope you get some peace with this soon... on a side note: Wanna see Mr Wiggles do a trick with a candy bar ?..
Author a4a Posted January 11, 2008 Author Posted January 11, 2008 A4.. It is posts like your last one that really want me to kick his ass.. I'm so sorry that you have to live in this kind of marriage.. ((A4.. Hugs for you))... I hope you get some peace with this soon... on a side note: Wanna see Mr Wiggles do a trick with a candy bar ?.. Art I'm no angel...... once pissed gloves are off. Takes a long time to bring me to this point. I make War of The Roses look like childs play. But man I have had it. yes show us that trick!!!
JackJack Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 *Closes eyes while Mr. Wiggles does a trick with a candy bar. Feels it could be dangerous.*
Art_Critic Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 *Closes eyes while Mr. Wiggles does a trick with a candy bar. Feels it could be dangerous.* He accidentally swallowed the whole Snickers Bar... Now he looks like a snake that just ate his meal... Quick.. someone call 911
Author a4a Posted January 11, 2008 Author Posted January 11, 2008 *Closes eyes while Mr. Wiggles does a trick with a candy bar. Feels it could be dangerous.* You can close your eyes but you will still get wet........ like Shamu doing a belly flop at Sea World. (wanted you guys to really enjoy thinking about a Mr. Wiggle spray on ya)- you are so very very welcome!!!
JackJack Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 He accidentally swallowed the whole Snickers Bar... Now he looks like a snake that just ate his meal... Quick.. someone call 911 You should have known better than to choose a candy bar with nuts in it.
Author a4a Posted January 11, 2008 Author Posted January 11, 2008 You should have known better than to choose a candy bar with nuts in it. EWWWWWWWWWWW! lumpy weiner....... but were we not talking about my anger issues? always ends up being Mr. Wiggles doing some ungodly act in all of my threads.......... ahhhhhhhh must be fate.
JackJack Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 EWWWWWWWWWWW! lumpy weiner....... but were we not talking about my anger issues? always ends up being Mr. Wiggles doing some ungodly act in all of my threads.......... ahhhhhhhh must be fate. Guess Mr. Wiggles loves to entertain. Anyway back to your anger issues. I really do not know what to tell you. Sounds kind of like a damned if you do, damned if you don't situation. Every action has a reaction, and the sad thing is, your reaction which is anger is not even hurting him, its hurting yourself more and more. I understand staying for more along the lines of the fiances over the emotional time invested, but its just going to drive you further and further into being more bitter and angry. He might have helped to cause you to feel this way, but in the end its YOU who is keeping the anger festering there by staying. So I guess the time and money invested and staying, is far worth more than your sanity, health and over all well being.
Author a4a Posted January 11, 2008 Author Posted January 11, 2008 Guess Mr. Wiggles loves to entertain. Anyway back to your anger issues. I really do not know what to tell you. Sounds kind of like a damned if you do, damned if you don't situation. Every action has a reaction, and the sad thing is, your reaction which is anger is not even hurting him, its hurting yourself more and more. I understand staying for more along the lines of the fiances over the emotional time invested, but its just going to drive you further and further into being more bitter and angry. He might have helped to cause you to feel this way, but in the end its YOU who is keeping the anger festering there by staying. So I guess the time and money invested and staying, is far worth more than your sanity, health and over all well being. Eventually I will drive him to hate me then he might just move out? I cannot leave.... I have income coming in with us together... 11 horses that need daily care... and tons more responsibility that makes my physical presence needed. He will not cause me to leave my horse behind.... I love my horses, I love my animals. They are the most important thing in the world to me. Perhaps people that have kids can relate that you just cannot pack up and walk out?
Art_Critic Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 Eventually I will drive him to hate me then he might just move out? I think the more likely scenario is that he will feel driven to hate you and he will not move out.. instead he will stay because his attorney told him to.. He will then tell you to get used to it.. it is his house too.. then you will live out your separation with him 12 feet from you the whole time ... sounds like fun...
Author a4a Posted January 11, 2008 Author Posted January 11, 2008 I think the more likely scenario is that he will feel driven to hate you and he will not move out.. instead he will stay because his attorney told him to.. He will then tell you to get used to it.. it is his house too.. then you will live out your separation with him 12 feet from you the whole time ... sounds like fun... He is not smart enough to hire an attorney. If he did......... Then of course I would make up with him for 6 months and get it all. I have rights to the land here no matter what happens.... corp. lease. Did that before anything happened between us R wise.
Sassy Posted January 12, 2008 Posted January 12, 2008 That is sad that a father and son are no longer on terms. He cannot share the enjoyment of a new step sister/ brother. As for marriage is what you make of it...... that is not possible when you only have one person who does all the work. Side note...... shrink finally called........ my expectations of the outcome are .......................................................................................................................zilch. The sun is shining and it is a super day! (for me as a person) My ss chose to leave because he didn't want no rules and wanted to do whatever he wanted to!! Noone made him leave once he got busted one night for drinking with boys he knew he wasn't suppose to be with he left. His dad figured out he wasn't perfect like he had thought. He couldn't stand it cause mom gives him freedom and no rules. Here he would be grounded and have rules. We trusted him till he gave us no reason to. He said he was doing no wrong. Once caught that was it he didn't want to stay. So we let him go and we never realised how much he came in between us. He choses not to enjoy this new baby . Noone says he can't come over . He mom lets him run wild and he is failing his grades . You say something and he gets mad .He wants to be like his mom and we have washed our hands of it all . If he wants to come here it is his choice were not forcing him. He will be 18 and he acts like he is 30. He had so much going for him now I am not so sure if he will even graduate with the grades he has . He barely passed last yr and since moving in with mom he has gotten worst. Noone made him leave it was him!!!
EnigmasMuse Posted January 12, 2008 Posted January 12, 2008 "My ss chose to leave because he didn't want no rules and wanted to do whatever he wanted." Sounds kind of like a typical teen. So I guess it was best he just up and leave and not try to convince him otherwise by at least trying to find some kind of compromise or common ground? "If he wants to come here it is his choice we're not forcing him." What if he chose to come home. Would that be ok, or do you feel it would cause problems again? "No one made him leave, it was him!!" I understand, especially if he didn't want rules. However that may not be the whole reason.He is a product of his upbringing. He is acting out, failing grades etc because there is a problem and that is his way of crying out for help. He is a teen so more than likely he wont admit to that. He may have chose to leave, but you and your H chose to not find a common ground and try to work with him on whatever was going on in his life. Personally, I couldn't just let my child leave because they didn't like or want rules. I would be trying to find out what else was going on. I wouldn't want my son to leave and I bet deep down inside your H didn't either no matter how his son was acting.
EnigmasMuse Posted January 12, 2008 Posted January 12, 2008 Sorry a4a, didn't mean to get off topic in your thread. Anyway, hope something works out for your situation.
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