JackJack Posted January 9, 2008 Posted January 9, 2008 Yes the good pattern lasts from 4-9 days then back to jerkland. His shrink did not return his call.... I know he called because it was on the cell bill. This is futile to continue. Or I can hang and just do my own thing. Which would be easier on me. You do whatever you feel you need to do. It does seem quite futile to continue to bang ones head against the wall over and over again and to expect different results. Not saying people can't change because they can, But it would seem, in his case maybe he simply doesn't want to. And really, thats not fair to you or the marriage.
Author a4a Posted January 9, 2008 Author Posted January 9, 2008 You do whatever you feel you need to do. It does seem quite futile to continue to bang ones head against the wall over and over again and to expect different results. Not saying people can't change because they can, But it would seem, in his case maybe he simply doesn't want to. And really, thats not fair to you or the marriage. I don't want to dig new post holes!!! Really that is the reason I stuck it out. I don't want to have to rebuild what I have. Luckily we have no joint finances. My choice. The dude is slick - he wore me down. Blamed me again this morn as no matter what he does it is not good enough..... well this is true because he has done nothing I have asked him to do. Amazing.
Sassy Posted January 9, 2008 Posted January 9, 2008 I can't stand the silent treatment. It drives me crazy. I absolutely cannot sleep if I am fighting with my partner. Me either !! Guess that is why I am pregnant ..
Author a4a Posted January 9, 2008 Author Posted January 9, 2008 Me either !! Guess that is why I am pregnant .. Not sure what that means? You have sex with him so he will talk to you?
JackJack Posted January 9, 2008 Posted January 9, 2008 Not sure what that means? You have sex with him so he will talk to you? I think she means, he has been so silent lately because he has not had time to talk from all the sex they are having, therefore thats why she is pregnant. Anyway, a4, what was it he blamed you for?
whichwayisup Posted January 9, 2008 Posted January 9, 2008 I can't stand the silent treatment. It drives me crazy. I absolutely cannot sleep if I am fighting with my partner. We have a rule in our house, never to go to bed angry with eachother.
JackJack Posted January 9, 2008 Posted January 9, 2008 We have a rule in our house, never to go to bed angry with eachother. I have heard others say this before too. But let me ask you this, lets say you're not angry but he is, or vice versa, and no matter what you do or say or don't do and don't say, that person is still angry. Do you just sit up till the break of dawn and talk your head off to see if they will stop being angry? Do you sit there is silence in hopes they will eventually talk to you? In other words what if you have one person who will bend and wants to communicate but the other one wont?
PinkRibbon Posted January 9, 2008 Posted January 9, 2008 ???? Where have I heard this before?????? Oh yeah!At home......I think we should hook our spouses up..... It's frustrating isn't it? Some signs of improvement for a few days......then WHAM!!! Right back at it again.......(assuming he's ever improved) Some of the same things I said to my ex spouse. 3 little things that do not cost a thing! Go figure?!
Author a4a Posted January 9, 2008 Author Posted January 9, 2008 I think she means, he has been so silent lately because he has not had time to talk from all the sex they are having, therefore thats why she is pregnant. Anyway, a4, what was it he blamed you for? I was told that no matter what he does it isn't good enough. But that is not possible as he isn't doing anything I have asked for. I take that back.... I blew my top and mentioned the phone bill was coming due... he paid it. Yippie yippie...... 45 blow job points earned. You know the normal things people would do I have to ask, beg, plead for them to happen. He needs to grow up. Our last date was in Nov 2007 I arranged it.... before that Nov 2006.... he almost canceled because his old boss wanted him to work that weekend. but he doesn't want to lose me...... he wuv's me..... yeah whatever.
Author a4a Posted January 9, 2008 Author Posted January 9, 2008 We have a rule in our house, never to go to bed angry with eachother. Yeah cuz the fork can do damage to those that slumber.
Art_Critic Posted January 9, 2008 Posted January 9, 2008 45 blow job points earned. How many points need to be cashed in to get a BJ ?
Author a4a Posted January 9, 2008 Author Posted January 9, 2008 How many points need to be cashed in to get a BJ ? 100 But he is in the Hole (not the hole) for about 1200 points
blind_otter Posted January 9, 2008 Posted January 9, 2008 I have heard others say this before too. But let me ask you this, lets say you're not angry but he is, or vice versa, and no matter what you do or say or don't do and don't say, that person is still angry. Do you just sit up till the break of dawn and talk your head off to see if they will stop being angry? Do you sit there is silence in hopes they will eventually talk to you? In other words what if you have one person who will bend and wants to communicate but the other one wont? In my relationship one or the other person will usually relent. I can't recall a time when we argued for more than a day.
SerenityX2 Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 I have heard others say this before too. But let me ask you this, lets say you're not angry but he is, or vice versa, and no matter what you do or say or don't do and don't say, that person is still angry. Do you just sit up till the break of dawn and talk your head off to see if they will stop being angry? Do you sit there is silence in hopes they will eventually talk to you? In other words what if you have one person who will bend and wants to communicate but the other one wont? When cooler heads prevail, you should first make a pact to "never hit below the belt" aka...throw around words like "done, divorce" and honor that. If things are touchy...you should still (at the least) kiss each other goodnight (confirming love, unity) and then agree that you will discuss the situation when things are calmer....may take practice at first.
whichwayisup Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 I have heard others say this before too. But let me ask you this, lets say you're not angry but he is, or vice versa, and no matter what you do or say or don't do and don't say, that person is still angry. Do you just sit up till the break of dawn and talk your head off to see if they will stop being angry? Do you sit there is silence in hopes they will eventually talk to you? In other words what if you have one person who will bend and wants to communicate but the other one wont? It's OUR rule. And no, we've never stayed up all night till dawn discussing a problem. It never esclates that far anyway. I mean, the last time he was kind of pissed at me was because I had explosion gas problems and he told me that if I let one go in bed one more time he was going to move into the other room. Sure, he was irked with me, but not mad at me. It was more funny than anything as I didn't think he was going to actually take his pillow and move into the guest room! We've never called eachother rude names, we don't swear at eachother or tell eachother to F-off during fights/arguments.
bozwa Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 I mean, the last time he was kind of pissed at me was because I had explosion gas problems and he told me that if I let one go in bed one more time he was going to move into the other room. Sure, he was irked with me, but not mad at me. It was more funny than anything as I didn't think he was going to actually take his pillow and move into the guest room! LMAO!!!!! Oooh that was good. Thank you!
JackJack Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 (edited) It's OUR rule. And no, we've never stayed up all night till dawn discussing a problem. It never esclates that far anyway. I mean, the last time he was kind of pissed at me was because I had explosion gas problems and he told me that if I let one go in bed one more time he was going to move into the other room. Sure, he was irked with me, but not mad at me. It was more funny than anything as I didn't think he was going to actually take his pillow and move into the guest room! We've never called eachother rude names, we don't swear at eachother or tell eachother to F-off during fights/arguments. I completley understand its your rule, and thats cool. People have to do what works best for them. There are some people who both will break, or at least call a truence until the next day. Some really call a truence and really mean what they say about burying the hatchett so to speak before bed. I think too, SOMETIMES at least one will make the other believe things are ok for the time being, to be able get some rest, epscially if one doesn't want the other one to know they are still peeved. NOT all are like that, but yes some. Edited January 10, 2008 by JackJack
Sassy Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 Not sure what that means? You have sex with him so he will talk to you? No ! I was meaning if we are mad at each other we never go to bed mad we work it out..The making up is the best part when you argue. I think life is too short to sit and argue about stupid things . You need to enjoy life and if your so unhappy with him why do you stay? I have been married a long time and to me a marriage is what you make of it. I enjoy being with my h and we have had our ups and downs but we have overcome all obstacles. We been through alot and that has made us even stronger!! I am sorry your so unhappy with your marriage but I am very happy .. I hope eventually you find peace in your marriage and can be happy!
JackJack Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 No ! I was meaning if we are mad at each other we never go to bed mad we work it out..The making up is the best part when you argue. I think life is too short to sit and argue about stupid things . You need to enjoy life and if your so unhappy with him why do you stay? I have been married a long time and to me a marriage is what you make of it. I enjoy being with my h and we have had our ups and downs but we have overcome all obstacles. We been through alot and that has made us even stronger!! I am sorry your so unhappy with your marriage but I am very happy .. I hope eventually you find peace in your marriage and can be happy! I'm glad you finally found some peace and happiness! Sounds like your hubby did a 360 from how things used to be.
Sassy Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 (edited) I'm glad you finally found some peace and happiness! Sounds like your hubby did a 360 from how things used to be. I was meaning it for a4a !! Yeah he did since my ss is gone. He realised that he was causing us so much problems. We been close for awhile. Guess everything happens for a reason . Him leaving made it that much better for us. He played us one against each other alot. Not anymore. He hardly even comes around!! Edited January 11, 2008 by Sassy
Author a4a Posted January 11, 2008 Author Posted January 11, 2008 I was meaning it for a4a !! Yeah he did since my ss is gone. He realised that he was causing us so much problems. We been close for awhile. Guess everything happens for a reason . Him leaving made it that much better for us. He played us one against each other alot. Not anymore. He hardly even comes around!! That is sad that a father and son are no longer on terms. He cannot share the enjoyment of a new step sister/ brother. As for marriage is what you make of it...... that is not possible when you only have one person who does all the work. Side note...... shrink finally called........ my expectations of the outcome are .......................................................................................................................zilch. The sun is shining and it is a super day! (for me as a person)
EnigmasMuse Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 I was meaning it for a4a !! Yeah he did since my ss is gone. He realised that he was causing us so much problems. We been close for awhile. Guess everything happens for a reason . Him leaving made it that much better for us. He played us one against each other alot. Not anymore. He hardly even comes around!! Your h did a complete turn around after his own son left? The fact he left made it better for you all? How so? Because now you both do not have to deal with him? I understand sometimes depending on the situation its good if someone removes themselves from a situation that might not be good, for a bit to clear their head etc, and its no fun if someone is causing problems, but quite another since this is own son. pPlus it might not have been so much his son as it was the fgact youb oth couldn;t get on the same page with him possibly? Its kind of sad to know people think once someone is gone that is the answer or can make things better. I hope secretly deep down inside your H doesn't at some point hold resentment towards you, because you sound happy that he is gone. a4a, I'm sorry your H is being a jerk right now. hang in there.
Author a4a Posted January 11, 2008 Author Posted January 11, 2008 ehh...... he is just being himself. Jimmy smokes crack and I don't care......... or is that cracks corn....... and why is he cracking that corn?
Art_Critic Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 hang in there. Knowing A4 it would be more appropiate to tell her to hang out rather than hang in
Mz. Pixie Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 I was told that no matter what he does it isn't good enough. But that is not possible as he isn't doing anything I have asked for. I take that back.... I blew my top and mentioned the phone bill was coming due... he paid it. Yippie yippie...... 45 blow job points earned. You know the normal things people would do I have to ask, beg, plead for them to happen. He needs to grow up. Our last date was in Nov 2007 I arranged it.... before that Nov 2006.... he almost canceled because his old boss wanted him to work that weekend. but he doesn't want to lose me...... he wuv's me..... yeah whatever. This is the type of frustration I experienced with my ex husband. He would promise to make changes and it would last about a week, then he would be back to his old tricks. Good thing for you is that you don't have kids- and you're not putting up with it anymore.
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