Simplistic Posted January 9, 2008 Posted January 9, 2008 i'm confused and found this website..... While working on a special project for work, I met a committed man three thousand miles away from me. We started out as business relationships and eventually we became good friends. When I was feeling down, he would be there to listen and to guide me through my problems. Slowly, I started to have feelings for him. At this time, I found out that he's 17 years older than me (I'm 26) and has a gf living 10 miles from me. They dont see each often but every other months. I expressed my feelings to him but he told me that it would not work because of his obligations and our age difference. Then, I took a trip over the holidays to see him and it turned out to be a mess. We had sex but then he told me no string attached because of his committment. Occassionally, he would tell me that he's attracted to me. His gf is visiting him now and he refused to pick up my calls or answered my emails. I'm hurt so I left him many messages. Finally, he called back and said that I have irritated him. Please help me understand what has gone wrong?
SeraBella Posted January 9, 2008 Posted January 9, 2008 He wanted nothing more than to have sex with you. Which he stated. It doesn't even appear that he lead you on. He has a girlfriend and told you that. He said he couldn't have anything with you because of that. You should have stopped there. But you continued to talk to him, and pursued him, regardless. He said no strings attached, but it's difficult for most women to do that. Then you kept calling him, while he was with his girlfriend, that he told you about, and he told you he couldn't have a relationship with you. I'm sorry, but the only thing that went wrong is you kept after an unavailable man. You need to leave him alone, and move on.
Mino Posted January 9, 2008 Posted January 9, 2008 how about it was a one night stand, nothing more. Just because one has sex does not mean they want a relationship, very simple, nothing to be confused about, he told you this before you had sex, Sex is not going to change his mind
BlueEyedSarah Posted January 9, 2008 Posted January 9, 2008 Simplistic you need to step back from this guy and leave him alone. He is happy with he's girlfriend and will not leave her for you. Your the only one hurting yourself because he told you how is is - it was no string attached. You need to accept and respect he does not want to talk to you - you have gone too far by hasseling him. Leave him be.
OWoman Posted January 9, 2008 Posted January 9, 2008 i'm confused and found this website..... While working on a special project for work, I met a committed man three thousand miles away from me. We started out as business relationships and eventually we became good friends. When I was feeling down, he would be there to listen and to guide me through my problems. Slowly, I started to have feelings for him. At this time, I found out that he's 17 years older than me (I'm 26) and has a gf living 10 miles from me. They dont see each often but every other months. I expressed my feelings to him but he told me that it would not work because of his obligations and our age difference. Then, I took a trip over the holidays to see him and it turned out to be a mess. We had sex but then he told me no string attached because of his committment. Occassionally, he would tell me that he's attracted to me. His gf is visiting him now and he refused to pick up my calls or answered my emails. I'm hurt so I left him many messages. Finally, he called back and said that I have irritated him. Please help me understand what has gone wrong? What has gone wrong? 1 - you developed feelings beyond friendship which he didn't share. 2 - you told him about your feelings and he told you he had someone else, and that it would not work. 3 - you visited him nonetheless and had sex with him, knowing he wasn't interested. 4 - he told you the sex was meaningless because of his commitment. 5 - you persisted in hounding him with calls and emails, despite knowing that. 6 - you hounded him when his girlfriend was visiting, despite knowing she was his girlfriend and that he wasn't interested in you. 7 - when he ignored you, you left "many" messages. 8 - he had to phone you to tell you to leave him alone. What has gone wrong? You've totally ignored anything he's had to say and pushed your own agenda regardless. He's said from the outset he's not interested, and you've refused to hear that. Of course he's irritated - you're lucky he's not slapped you with a restraining order to get you to back off! So he had sex with you after you forced yourself on him - that doesn't make him owe you anything, especially after he'd repeatedly made it clear that he wasn't interested and that the sex was meaningless. If you chose to throw yourself at him regardless, you must deal with the consequences of that rejection. He has a girlfriend. He has told you he is not interested. Respect that and back off before you turn into an outright stalker and find yourself on the wrong side of the law.
whichwayisup Posted January 9, 2008 Posted January 9, 2008 You are heading down a very scary path and if you don't stop your behaviour (calling him obsessively) he WILL take drastic measures to get you out of his life. I hope you understand that calling someone so many times is displaying freaky behaviour. I understand you are jealous and upset that he did not answer your call(s) but he was with his girlfriend. You knew from day one he was involved already, so you made a choice to have an affair with a guy who already has a girlfriend. Please end it and walk away. You deserve better! If you choose to continue to chase him, all it's going to do is hurt you more and more, eventually ruining your life, let alone who YOU are. *drastic measures meaning, calling the police and filing a harrassment suit against you or even a restraining order.*
Author Simplistic Posted January 9, 2008 Author Posted January 9, 2008 Thanks for all of your comments! Now, I fully understand my problems...
child_of_isis Posted January 9, 2008 Posted January 9, 2008 I think you got your feelings confused with his. Maybe because you were feeling it and he was willing to step out of his commitment (for sex)...you assumed that he was feeling it also. When in fact, he was very straightforward with where it was all going.
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