anotherother24 Posted January 9, 2008 Posted January 9, 2008 So, somewhere in my screwed up mind, I decided it might be a good idea to call MM, ok, maybe I didn't think it would be a GOOD idea...but...regardless, I felt like I needed to. So...My mom and I were going fishing tonight( no pun intended lol) and MM lives on the river and we passed his house and both cars were gone. Which means...Him and the W weren't together, atleast not in the same car. lol I don't think they were together anyways but that's beside the point...Anyways, we stopped to get some bait and I used the payphone to call him( I didn't want to call from my phone because it would cause more problems...and he probably wouldn't answer or else she would kill him for sure lol ) So...I call...he answers and it basically goes like this from what I can remember... Me: Hi, I'm sorry to bother you, I just wanted to talk to you MM: Okay...hold on a second Me: Ok. Holding Hi, I'm on a payphone...time is ticking lol and i have no more quarters on me.. ( I didn't say that LOL but I'm thinking...he put me on hold for like..a minute he was talking to some guy in the background) MM: Okay Me: I just wanted to say I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, I never wanted to cause a problem for you...I'm just hurt and I don't know, she called and said some really mean things to me and I just couldn't help it. I'm sorry though... MM: Alright, You keep calling her though and sending her text messages... Me: SHE called me first, I never called her unless she called me... MM: I don't believe she would call you... Me: Did you HEAR the things she said to me? the voicemails she left me? Where you there with her? MM: No... Me: ...and it also made me upset that you sent ***** over to ask me if I would marry him MM: I did not, I swear, he's a f*cking liar...I wouldn't do that( possibly, he prob. knew i might consider it much more if i thought MM suggested it) Me: Okay...so do you like hate me? MM: I...I don't know...I just know you caused me alot of problems and I'm in alot of trouble right now. MM: I can't call you, I lost the store and everything...I'm still surviving though...but I'm really f*cked up right now. Me: Yeah, I heard...I'm sorry to hear that. Well, I just wanted to say I'm sorry...and maybe you can call me one day. MM: Alright, god bless you, have a good night Me: I..I..love you, bye...and I hung up real fast. THEN freaking bi-ch from hell aka W...calls me about 15 minutes later. I didn't answer, I just picked the phone up and hung it back up...twice. Then my mom called her back and told her to just leave me alone and told her a bunch of crap about how he's a lying cheater and how he came to her and asked to marry me and how I was a virgin and he took that from me. She tried to tell my mom it was a one night stand...yeahright. she knows better...maybe she's trying to make herself calm down but she KNOWS better. my mom told her is that why you jumped out of a car? and you stood right there with him when i asked him to tell you that he didn't love *****(me) and he wouldn't do it...do you not remember that? my mom said she was yelling and then she got real quiet and just listened. SO I can imagine things are perfect over at their house tonight...I just can't believe he told her I called, I guess he's got enough and he doesn't want to risk me possibly telling her later...or he's turned into mr.honest... I just want to punch him. lol So...I sent him a text message, I said :::: thank you, I just tried to say I'm sorry. listen to your voicemail and tell your wife to leave me alone. she should be happy...she got mr.perfect honest man haha what more does she want?? she called me first. believe what you want though, it doesn't matter. god bless YOU. you need him very bad. and....hopefully that's the end of this drama. my heart feels like someone ripped it out, stomped on it and put it in a blender. I feel a little bit relieved though. Atleast I got to apologize to him...and he didn't say he hates me, he just sounded so stressed out and upset...I feel bad for him. Even though, he's made me feel so hurt...I love him but I guess I just need to let it go...maybe he'll call one day...possibly he won't...but I said all I can say to him for now.... I sent the voicemails from the W to our "secret" phone...so maybe he'll get them one day and see what this b*tch said to me to make me so upset to say these things...but I'm trying not to care anymore...which, I should of done a long time ago...but I think I got some of the closure I felt like I needed...even if it wasn't the best. I miss him so bad but I think the guy I miss...it's not him. it's who i thought he was...and that hurts like h-ll....
whichwayisup Posted January 9, 2008 Posted January 9, 2008 He's asked you not to call him so don't. Leave him alone and move on. This situation is FILLED with fireworks and intense dramatic feelings, for EVERYONE involved. Lives are ruined, everyone is in pain and suffering...Do yourself a favour and don't bother calling him or his wife anymore. His marriage and what goes on between them isn't your business.
Author anotherother24 Posted January 9, 2008 Author Posted January 9, 2008 He never asked me not to call him....but I won't be calling him again, I got what I wanted basically...which was to be able to tell him I'm sorry...there are alot of intense, hurt feelings for all of us, even though she says it doesn't bother her, I know shes lying to me....and I plan to just leave it alone from here...let it all calm down...atleast on my part and let them do whatever they need to do and stay out of it...he made it pretty clear that he can't call me anymore....so I'm done. I'm going to try to work on getting myself over this...somehow. He's asked you not to call him so don't. Leave him alone and move on. This situation is FILLED with fireworks and intense dramatic feelings, for EVERYONE involved. Lives are ruined, everyone is in pain and suffering...Do yourself a favour and don't bother calling him or his wife anymore. His marriage and what goes on between them isn't your business.
whichwayisup Posted January 9, 2008 Posted January 9, 2008 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t140831/ Stop being curious about this too, what you said in your other thread.. All that will do is bother you and make it harder to get over him. If you are having trouble dealing with the loss and letting go, seek some counselling. Hopefully soon you will feel better and be able to move on with your life, meet a man who is single and available, and will be able to love you in everyway possible, not just stolen moments.
Author anotherother24 Posted January 9, 2008 Author Posted January 9, 2008 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t140831/ Stop being curious about this too, what you said in your other thread.. All that will do is bother you and make it harder to get over him. If you are having trouble dealing with the loss and letting go, seek some counselling. Hopefully soon you will feel better and be able to move on with your life, meet a man who is single and available, and will be able to love you in everyway possible, not just stolen moments. yeah, thank you. I had no idea...everyone says to stop...but how exactly do you do that?? lol I'm thinking counseling could help but I can't really afford it. So, I don't know... thank you though, i hope so also. it just makes it so hard because i feel like he just got away with it, if she stays with him....but i think a part of it is that she doesn't want him to be with anyone else and be happy so she's sticking her a-- there. I even heard her say to him that she didn't love him anymore and she was only there to make him miserable. So, I think it's possible she will leave him when she knows I'm gone. I guess that isn't my problem though...and I'm trying to forget it. This is my first "real" relationship though...and I was a virgin...and I trusted him and I'm just feeling really confused and upset over this whole thing...
whichwayisup Posted January 9, 2008 Posted January 9, 2008 It is her choice if she stays with him, and honestly, he has ruined all the faith and trust she's had in him so his life will not be peachy and happy. He didn't get away with it as he is paying for it now. Your best revenge is getting over this and living a happier and healthier, non stress-filled life. Change your routine, stop doing driveby's and checking to see what they're doing, if they're home etc. Take a new route. Push thoughts out of your head about him, distract yourself. Be busy, go out with friends, family and start new hobby's. Join a gym. And, again, who cares now what happens in his marriage. HIS marriage is his business so in all fairness how they handle it is really not your place...Right? Just tell yourself you are better off without a liar, a cheater and a man who is unfaithful, a man who broke his vows! You can do better!!
child_of_isis Posted January 9, 2008 Posted January 9, 2008 I'm not liking this statement at all. He is not taking responsibility. He is blaming you. Also, the "I'm in a lot of trouble"...like he is a child who got caught with his hand in the cookie jar. This reeks of immaturity. MM: I...I don't know...I just know you caused me alot of problems and I'm in alot of trouble right now.
Author anotherother24 Posted January 9, 2008 Author Posted January 9, 2008 I'm not liking this statement at all. He is not taking responsibility. He is blaming you. Also, the "I'm in a lot of trouble"...like he is a child who got caught with his hand in the cookie jar. This reeks of immaturity. ugh, I know...well, he's blaming me because *I* told his W the truth....she basically already knew, because she suspected it but we always denied it...even with the proof...so, finally I admitted everything to her....which obviously caused him a big problem....but this whole A was HIS idea...I never approached him or suggested it....or anything like that...not to say I'm not guilty....but he needs to realize his part in this..and me telling her...he is very immature acting...which is so weird because he was never this way...
nextel Posted January 9, 2008 Posted January 9, 2008 You sound like you are really young (I stand to be corrected). But here is some advice and I hope you don't take it the wrong way. First and foremost, it is very unfortunate that he is blaming you when he made the decision to start seeing you. Secondly, it is also unfortunate that you mother got involved in such stupidity. Most importantly though, what you must understand about life is this....if love isn't loving you back, let it go. Don't let another human being take away your happiness. You can be unhappy by yourself. I know it is hard, but leave well enough alone. This shall come to pass.
kchiapet95 Posted January 9, 2008 Posted January 9, 2008 Ahh this sounds like my ex MM. While I was keeping my mouth shut everything was fine. When he was hurting me and causing me pain, it was part of the consequences for being in a relationship like this (true). When I finally confirmed his W's suspicions it was, "I can't believe YOU did this. YOU ruined my children's lives. They're going to be homeless because of YOU." In other words, when they have to face up to the consequences, it's all your fault now, even though he had a mind of his own and chose to be part of the affair also. You are dealing with the aftermath of the affair, and so is he. It just so happens he had more to lose. You really didn't have any reason to apologize...these are the consequences for his actions. Don't buy into his guilt trip. It is clear that he feels sorry only for himself. So now you need to focus on yourself and healing. Good luck to you.
nextel Posted January 9, 2008 Posted January 9, 2008 It really is unfortunate that he wants to blame someone else for his own actions. IMHO, goes to show that he is not man enough. Ahh this sounds like my ex MM. While I was keeping my mouth shut everything was fine. When he was hurting me and causing me pain, it was part of the consequences for being in a relationship like this (true). When I finally confirmed his W's suspicions it was, "I can't believe YOU did this. YOU ruined my children's lives. They're going to be homeless because of YOU." In other words, when they have to face up to the consequences, it's all your fault now, even though he had a mind of his own and chose to be part of the affair also. You are dealing with the aftermath of the affair, and so is he. It just so happens he had more to lose. You really didn't have any reason to apologize...these are the consequences for his actions. Don't buy into his guilt trip. It is clear that he feels sorry only for himself. So now you need to focus on yourself and healing. Good luck to you.
kchiapet95 Posted January 9, 2008 Posted January 9, 2008 He was very weak in that area. It sounds like your guy is too, Anotherother. I don't know if you can relate to this but, my ex felt like I needed to understand everything because he had so much more to lose than me if everything got out. It would affect his job, his wife, his finances, his children, his whole life. And because of that, it seemed like a major act of selfishness because I did not consider all he had to lose when I talked to his W. As has been said before, we are all responsible for our own happiness. The only way he could really fault you would be if you told a lie and his W believed it and it ruined his life. The truth can hurt, but that doesn't change its validity. That was a possible outcome of the affair, one that your ex didn't like but one that he needs to "man up" to. We all have to accept the consequences for our actions. Do not blame yourself or feel sorry that he is suffering. If he was so worried about what could happen, he wouldn't have started the A with you, or he would've left his W before, or been honest with her HIMSELF so it didn't have to come from you.
whichwayisup Posted January 9, 2008 Posted January 9, 2008 I'm not liking this statement at all. He is not taking responsibility. He is blaming you. Also, the "I'm in a lot of trouble"...like he is a child who got caught with his hand in the cookie jar. This reeks of immaturity. She is taking responsibility for her part (which is good) in the affair and it is her fault she chose to tell MM's wife. She created the D-Day. She isn't putting all the blame on herself as it takes TWO to have an affair.
kchiapet95 Posted January 9, 2008 Posted January 9, 2008 Correct me if I'm wrong but I think COI is saying it reeks of immaturity on HIS part to blame Anotherother for all the problems. He said she caused all the problems by telling his W, when in reality the problems were a result of both of their actions stemming from the A, and very likely other problems that existed in the M before the A. At least that's what I got out of it.
whichwayisup Posted January 9, 2008 Posted January 9, 2008 Seems the trouble he is in now IS because she created the D-Day and the affair is now over because now MM has to deal with his wife, rightfully so. The trouble he's in ofcourse IS his own fault as he was the one cheating on his wife, and now his wife knows because she told his wife the truth. For that, well, atleast the lying will stop and either the marriage will be fixed or it will end. No more sneaking around and living a double life.
bentnotbroken Posted January 9, 2008 Posted January 9, 2008 He was very weak in that area. It sounds like your guy is too, Anotherother. I don't know if you can relate to this but, my ex felt like I needed to understand everything because he had so much more to lose than me if everything got out. It would affect his job, his wife, his finances, his children, his whole life. And because of that, it seemed like a major act of selfishness because I did not consider all he had to lose when I talked to his W. As has been said before, we are all responsible for our own happiness. The only way he could really fault you would be if you told a lie and his W believed it and it ruined his life. The truth can hurt, but that doesn't change its validity. That was a possible outcome of the affair, one that your ex didn't like but one that he needs to "man up" to. We all have to accept the consequences for our actions. Do not blame yourself or feel sorry that he is suffering. If he was so worried about what could happen, he wouldn't have started the A with you, or he would've left his W before, or been honest with her HIMSELF so it didn't have to come from you. Kchia, glad to see you posting. I hope your blessings have been many.
Author anotherother24 Posted January 9, 2008 Author Posted January 9, 2008 You sound like you are really young (I stand to be corrected). But here is some advice and I hope you don't take it the wrong way. First and foremost, it is very unfortunate that he is blaming you when he made the decision to start seeing you. Secondly, it is also unfortunate that you mother got involved in such stupidity. Most importantly though, what you must understand about life is this....if love isn't loving you back, let it go. Don't let another human being take away your happiness. You can be unhappy by yourself. I know it is hard, but leave well enough alone. This shall come to pass. I'm 24...so, I'm still a little bit young Thank you though, that's very good advice...and I'm going to try to keep telling myself these things. I think I should write them down and glue them to my eyes! lol I know these things in my head, so well..but my heart...ugh, it has a mind of it's own!! I think I'll get better from here though....I hope!! Thank you!!
Chrome Barracuda Posted January 9, 2008 Posted January 9, 2008 So, somewhere in my screwed up mind, I decided it might be a good idea to call MM, ok, maybe I didn't think it would be a GOOD idea...but...regardless, I felt like I needed to. So...My mom and I were going fishing tonight( no pun intended lol) and MM lives on the river and we passed his house and both cars were gone. Which means...Him and the W weren't together, atleast not in the same car. lol I don't think they were together anyways but that's beside the point...Anyways, we stopped to get some bait and I used the payphone to call him( I didn't want to call from my phone because it would cause more problems...and he probably wouldn't answer or else she would kill him for sure lol ) So...I call...he answers and it basically goes like this from what I can remember... Me: Hi, I'm sorry to bother you, I just wanted to talk to you MM: Okay...hold on a second Me: Ok. Holding Hi, I'm on a payphone...time is ticking lol and i have no more quarters on me.. ( I didn't say that LOL but I'm thinking...he put me on hold for like..a minute he was talking to some guy in the background) MM: Okay Me: I just wanted to say I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, I never wanted to cause a problem for you...I'm just hurt and I don't know, she called and said some really mean things to me and I just couldn't help it. I'm sorry though... MM: Alright, You keep calling her though and sending her text messages... Me: SHE called me first, I never called her unless she called me... MM: I don't believe she would call you... Me: Did you HEAR the things she said to me? the voicemails she left me? Where you there with her? MM: No... Me: ...and it also made me upset that you sent ***** over to ask me if I would marry him MM: I did not, I swear, he's a f*cking liar...I wouldn't do that( possibly, he prob. knew i might consider it much more if i thought MM suggested it) Me: Okay...so do you like hate me? MM: I...I don't know...I just know you caused me alot of problems and I'm in alot of trouble right now. MM: I can't call you, I lost the store and everything...I'm still surviving though...but I'm really f*cked up right now. Me: Yeah, I heard...I'm sorry to hear that. Well, I just wanted to say I'm sorry...and maybe you can call me one day. MM: Alright, god bless you, have a good night Me: I..I..love you, bye...and I hung up real fast. THEN freaking bi-ch from hell aka W...calls me about 15 minutes later. I didn't answer, I just picked the phone up and hung it back up...twice. Then my mom called her back and told her to just leave me alone and told her a bunch of crap about how he's a lying cheater and how he came to her and asked to marry me and how I was a virgin and he took that from me. She tried to tell my mom it was a one night stand...yeahright. she knows better...maybe she's trying to make herself calm down but she KNOWS better. my mom told her is that why you jumped out of a car? and you stood right there with him when i asked him to tell you that he didn't love *****(me) and he wouldn't do it...do you not remember that? my mom said she was yelling and then she got real quiet and just listened. SO I can imagine things are perfect over at their house tonight...I just can't believe he told her I called, I guess he's got enough and he doesn't want to risk me possibly telling her later...or he's turned into mr.honest... I just want to punch him. lol So...I sent him a text message, I said :::: thank you, I just tried to say I'm sorry. listen to your voicemail and tell your wife to leave me alone. she should be happy...she got mr.perfect honest man haha what more does she want?? she called me first. believe what you want though, it doesn't matter. god bless YOU. you need him very bad. and....hopefully that's the end of this drama. my heart feels like someone ripped it out, stomped on it and put it in a blender. I feel a little bit relieved though. Atleast I got to apologize to him...and he didn't say he hates me, he just sounded so stressed out and upset...I feel bad for him. Even though, he's made me feel so hurt...I love him but I guess I just need to let it go...maybe he'll call one day...possibly he won't...but I said all I can say to him for now.... I sent the voicemails from the W to our "secret" phone...so maybe he'll get them one day and see what this b*tch said to me to make me so upset to say these things...but I'm trying not to care anymore...which, I should of done a long time ago...but I think I got some of the closure I felt like I needed...even if it wasn't the best. I miss him so bad but I think the guy I miss...it's not him. it's who i thought he was...and that hurts like h-ll.... Why are you mad at his wife, the affair caused all this destruction in the first place. Did you think his wife was gonna stand aside and let you ruin her life? Have sympathy and look at it through her eyes. Stop romantizing it.
child_of_isis Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 I am getting the feeling that if an MM blames his W for an affair (like say for instance, she's cold, spends too much money etc) they will also blame the OW when **** hits the fan. It's all about blaming someone else for their misery. When I finally confirmed his W's suspicions it was, "I can't believe YOU did this. YOU ruined my children's lives. They're going to be homeless because of YOU."
whichwayisup Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 they will also blame the OW when **** hits the fan. In this case, 24 created the D-Day all by herself by informing the wife. So, yes, it's his fault as well as he is the cheater here, but she is to blame for how things are at the present moment. And, it seems she is taking responsibility for that and not blaming anyone but herself, that's a good thing because she knows that she is partially to blame in the affair to begin with. It is MM choice and fault he cheated on his wife, noone held a gun to his head. Not the OW, and not his own wife. Whatever problems that were occuring in the marriage is both him and his wife's fault, but HIS cheating is not his wife's fault.
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