Racquel Colette Posted January 9, 2008 Posted January 9, 2008 Don't sell yourself short about getting married. Right now you are feeling not worthy of marriage and you are. This isn't the guy who is going to give it to you, there is no future here. Let this loser go. Seriously. Don't let this guy convince you of what you really want, commitment and marriage. You need someone better than him in your life. Don't sell yourself short, I repeat it because it's important. With this guy you are selling yourself short because of low-self esteem, you think you can't do any better but believe me you can.
phoensam Posted January 9, 2008 Posted January 9, 2008 D-Lish, It doesn't sound to me like he's using you for sex, based on what I've read on this thread. The age gap is crazy huge (good on ya!), but in my experience, there are now lots & lots of guys that are seriously into older women (thank you Ashton!). I have an ex, the most gorgeous, charming, handsome lawyer, I was 6 years older than him, he was crazy about me for years and we stayed the best of friends (I always went back to him for an ego boost when I needed it, til his most recent marriage anyhow). When we broke up he dated a woman years older than me and when I asked him why, he said "she was the most beautiful woman"...he genuinely cared for her (at least until he discovered she was a psycho and had faked a positive pregnancy test on him!). I find I am actually asked out by younger men a whole lot more often than guys my own age lately, often much younger, and they too have behaved like perfect gentlemen. The guy waited a long time before having sex with you...that's not a guy just looking to have sex with an older woman, he could just go to any bar to acheive that in hours. Is it possible you scared him a bit after needing your own time out? That you hurt him and he wanted you to know how it felt, and that's why he did it to you? I hope you have a happy reunion when he returns!
Trialbyfire Posted January 9, 2008 Posted January 9, 2008 I tend to agree with you. Even though his last gf was 35 with two kids.... he still doesn't have the mental maturity to be a lasting love match for me. It's just a fling- I know that. At some point it has to end. Right now, I sit where you sit. Marriage is the last criteria on my list, if at all. Even so, a guy that immature, would scare me silly. I say immature, due to the actions that you've posted about. While a young guy like that has his playful and incredibly sweet sides, he's also got that need to prove himself a man, ego/pride. I've mentioned before to you, that I do have some exposure to quite a few guys this age and while they're so much fun to hang out with, really endearing in their dedication to pursue and be playful, the last thing I would do is to trust them with my heart or for that matter, consider a relationship with them. I can see the appeal though because of their unspoiled sweetness.
randuff Posted January 9, 2008 Posted January 9, 2008 Initially YOU were the one with the cold feet, so maybe he took the 2 weeks to think so that he wouldn't get hurt. He is young but that doesn't mean the way he feels isn't truly genuine. Only you really know how he is. And as far as the text goes he could still be trying to win over your heart but if the both of you text "dirty" things what is he suppose to do? Not be sexual and play along? I dunno I am trying to look at this from both ends here. On the other hand he may still have some immaturity issues. Maybe he wants to "bag" a former lingerie model and thats why he didn't mind the wait. I would have waited 6 weeks at 22 for someone if I liked them enough. And seeing how you aren't looking for marriage maybe you just have fun and let it ride. See where it goes. It will only go as far as you let it.
shockandawed Posted January 9, 2008 Posted January 9, 2008 So- yes, it's possible this guy wants to bag a former lingerie model... I stopped reading this thread at this line..... Yes, the age gap is way too huge..I think you need a more mature man, say right at 43...lol Seriously, I don't see alot wrong here...especially if you are going into it as wide eyed as you claim you are. Initially, I thought his actions, especially sitting outside your place at 3AM were strange, but now I know his age and a little more of the story, I can see a sad and hurt young puppy waiting for you. The patient wait for sex, wanting to take you to the parents and the fact you do alot of things besides shagging tells me that he is interested in you for a relationship, not just sex. The bad thing is if you do get tired of him, it is usually very hard to get puppies to go away on their own. You know the risks with his maturity level..like I said, as long as you don't have your blinders on, I think this could be an interesting chapter in your life. Have fun.
Florida Posted January 9, 2008 Posted January 9, 2008 (edited) No- I don't think we'll get married.... I hope we'll be companions for a while though. Is that bad? Would you invest in stocks that are going to dissolve after a few months? Would you start a job at a company that is in financial trouble and letting go of it's staff? So, Why would you be so responsible towards your finances and job yet knowingly play with your emotions and valuable time like this? Unless you are a writer who is going to use the grist of your life and experiences to benefit from this, by writing a book or an article, then no, it's not a good idea. Unless you secretly hope it turns out to be long term??? Yet you know that most likely that isn't the case here. When you are 42 he will be 29, and that hardly ever works out (Demi and Ashton are exceptions, not the rule). D-lish-why are you playing headgames with yourself? Edited January 9, 2008 by Florida
shockandawed Posted January 9, 2008 Posted January 9, 2008 I thought about this last night and feel I should add something. My post above was looking at this from strictly your perspective. While I still agree with what I said for you, I am somewhat concerned about how beneficial this is for him. You are going into this wide eyed and somewhat realistic, but is he? From the actions you have described, I am thinking he is falling for you alot more than just a casual and fun relationship. I am still in favor of this, as long as you are not only realistic with yourself, but with him as well...from the very beginning. I can see this guy getting devastated.
Lizzie60 Posted January 9, 2008 Posted January 9, 2008 No.. I did the subtraction wrong... I thought it was 17 years.. but it's 13... My last ex and I had 12 years difference... He wanted to marry me with I was 50... We met when I was 45 he was only 32, almost 33... he knew my age but we fell head over heels for each other... we lived 5 years together and my bet is that we'd still be together if I didn't leave him... we were still very much in love when I left. So 13 years is nothing really... especially if it doesn't show... in my case, it didn't show either. He was a very successful businessman for his age.. and he looked a bit older. I have had many long relationships (dating) with much younger guys... one lasted over 2 years, we had 17 years difference... another one for over a year and a half... he was 20 years younger... smart, good looking, black male (looked very much like Denzel)... So if you know it's only for a short term.. then go for it... you know you won't get married with him... you're having fun... just make sure you protect yourself... Good luck... keep us informed..
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