ABrokenWing Posted January 9, 2008 Posted January 9, 2008 I have had a thing for a guy who lives far away ( met online ) and he is married but separated ( though not legally that I know of ) Sometimes we go months at a time without talking, then go months at a time where we talk a lot. There is a possibility of meeting very soon, and I'm so torn at what to do. I do want to meet him, My hormones tell me I want to sleep with him, although my head is yelling at me that I shouldn't. I've never been someone who would think that they would be involved in something like this, yet, here I am and I'm so confused as to what to do.
Lizzie60 Posted January 9, 2008 Posted January 9, 2008 I have had a thing for a guy who lives far away ( met online ) and he is married but separated ( though not legally that I know of ) Sometimes we go months at a time without talking, then go months at a time where we talk a lot. There is a possibility of meeting very soon, and I'm so torn at what to do. I do want to meet him, My hormones tell me I want to sleep with him, although my head is yelling at me that I shouldn't. I've never been someone who would think that they would be involved in something like this, yet, here I am and I'm so confused as to what to do. Flip a coin... I don't know if you're looking for advice or what? Hormones are probably more powerful than your head...
whichwayisup Posted January 9, 2008 Posted January 9, 2008 Why are you aiming so low - You sound too excited to become the OW! Think with your head, not what's between your legs. Sorry, but this man may be separated yet you really do not know what is going on either way because you live far from him and don't talk to him for months at a time sometimes. He could be making up stuff to keep you as an online fling. Have you two actually met or spoken on the phone? Or is it just online. Does he have children? I've never been someone who would think that they would be involved in something like this, yet, here I am and I'm so confused as to what to do If you are this confused, then do not do it. Don't become the OW just because this guy makes you hot.
Frances Posted January 9, 2008 Posted January 9, 2008 I have had a thing for a guy who lives far away ( met online ) and he is married but separated ( though not legally that I know of ) Sometimes we go months at a time without talking, then go months at a time where we talk a lot. There is a possibility of meeting very soon, and I'm so torn at what to do. I do want to meet him, My hormones tell me I want to sleep with him, although my head is yelling at me that I shouldn't. I've never been someone who would think that they would be involved in something like this, yet, here I am and I'm so confused as to what to do. When you conduct a relationship online you can just give the other person the information about you that you wish them to know. It is really a fantasy relationship. They can give you a completely false picture of who they are. They may not mean to do this but who really points out their bad points. He maybe telling you a pack of lies. I am not saying he is but be aware that he might be. Do you talk on the phone? You would need to be very carefull what you are doing. If you go ahead with meeting him then meet in a public place and make sure you are in a position to get yourself home. Play safe
Jordane Posted January 9, 2008 Posted January 9, 2008 To avoid the emotional turmoil and mental exhaustion that you will most likely go through if you do become the OW, you should probably find someone else who get you all hot and bothered...someone who is single and truly available.
child_of_isis Posted January 9, 2008 Posted January 9, 2008 Spend a lot of time reading the OW threads about what emotional trauma they go through. Then make your decision.
frannie Posted January 9, 2008 Posted January 9, 2008 I have had a thing for a guy who lives far away ( met online ) and he is married but separated ( though not legally that I know of ) Sometimes we go months at a time without talking, then go months at a time where we talk a lot. There is a possibility of meeting very soon, and I'm so torn at what to do. I do want to meet him, My hormones tell me I want to sleep with him, although my head is yelling at me that I shouldn't. I've never been someone who would think that they would be involved in something like this, yet, here I am and I'm so confused as to what to do. I met my MM online, and it stayed online and phonecalls for almost a year before we met. By that time we were already very involved emotionally, and meeting in person just confirmed what we already knew from conversations, and it quickly became a PA. That was almost three years ago *sigh*. What I would ask of you is are you sure he is separated and has no intentions of going back to his W? I'd say that was almost impossible for you to answer, and yet it is putting yourself at an enormous risk. IF you meet him and fall in love (or even have sex with him and bond in that way) and he's been lying to you about his status you face a very complicated, heartbreaking situation which you could still avoid. Even if he is separated, you would still be setting yourself up for a LDR, which is never easy. Personally, I'd say don't do it. But what use is 'advice'..?
Author ABrokenWing Posted January 12, 2008 Author Posted January 12, 2008 I'm not really sure what kind of advice I am looking for, maybe just what you all would do in my situation? Lizzie: I'm sure should I meet him, that hormones would be more powerful than my head. There is the possibility of bringing someone with me so I can meet and have dinner/drinks, hang out etc, but then also go home at the end of night. whichwayisup: We have not met before, we have spoken on the phone a good few times. I am fully aware that he may be lying to me just to keep me as an online fling or a contact me when it's convienient for him, which is what makes it harder for me. Frances: I'm not worried about putting myself in harms way with meeting him, I am a bit worried about emotional scars though. Also, I think if it were up to me, I'd be able to not initiate anything sexual, but should he initiate it, I don't think I"m strong enough to say no. Jordane: You make a lot of sense, really you do, but it sucks when your body is telling you "this" is the person it wants to be with. I'm also certain that it would be a one time thing, unless we plan on traveling, and I"m not certain we would. frannie: How far away did you live from your online man? See, I got emotionally involved with this guy before I found out he was still married, I was under the impression he was divorced, though I never asked. ( which was my bad, but maybe I just didn't want to know *sigh ) I'm sure it would be sex and then back to our own places and that is that. No "LDR" or anything like that. Just two people meeting who have talked online and via phone for a couple years. I'm at a crossroads too, because I never considered myself to be a person to have casual sex, let alone with a MM. I'm sure to get heartbroken if sex happens, yet there is a part of me that wants it so badly. I'm not someone who has tons of guys knocking on my door for me, and this guy wants me sexually and I want him, I just know I'll want more than him after.
whichwayisup Posted January 12, 2008 Posted January 12, 2008 I'm not someone who has tons of guys knocking on my door for me, and this guy wants me sexually and I want him, I just know I'll want more than him after. The part I bolded - One big reason (and the fact the guy is married ofcourse) NOT to go have sex with him and allow something to happen. YOU will get hurt as I think you want more than just to be a f*ck to him. Honestly, you're better off alone than hooking up with this married guy. Go read more threads in this section so you'll see what you're up against IF you choose to allow an affair to happen.
InvisibleGirl Posted January 12, 2008 Posted January 12, 2008 I met my MM online, and it stayed online and phonecalls for almost a year before we met. By that time we were already very involved emotionally, and meeting in person just confirmed what we already knew from conversations, and it quickly became a PA. That was almost three years ago *sigh*. What I would ask of you is are you sure he is separated and has no intentions of going back to his W? I'd say that was almost impossible for you to answer, and yet it is putting yourself at an enormous risk. IF you meet him and fall in love (or even have sex with him and bond in that way) and he's been lying to you about his status you face a very complicated, heartbreaking situation which you could still avoid. Even if he is separated, you would still be setting yourself up for a LDR, which is never easy. Personally, I'd say don't do it. But what use is 'advice'..? I met my married man online as well. We developed an extrmely strong bond prior to meeting as well, It was probably a year and a half of chatting on line and talking on the phone and mailing little gifts here and there to each other before I finally gave in and met him in person. We probably got to know each other better than we would have if we were dealing face to face all that time since people open up more over the computer. I was not attracted to this man when we met but he seemed like a nice guy and I had just been glad to get the face to face meeting over with so we could go on about her lives without him begging to meet every day. Once we met in person our friendship grew stronger and we started to see each other every few weeks. We became more than friends the second time we met, a month after that first time and here we are still having an affair a year and a half later. I have no regrets for having met him but with me things happened that I never thought would or could happen and there are times now when MM will say how sorry he is for making me meet him since both of our lives have become very complicated. So if you meet this guy there is no telling if you will get along in person even but make sure you think it through before you get involved with him.
RCCDMA Posted January 12, 2008 Posted January 12, 2008 If he is truely separated then it should not be a big problem. I feel that you should know the absolute facts prior to consumating the affair with physical contact. Men lie, I should know, I am one. If all that you said is true then it does not matter what you do. You can always smile knowing that my situation is a far cry worse than yours.
GreenEyedLady Posted January 12, 2008 Posted January 12, 2008 I have had a thing for a guy who lives far away ( met online ) and he is married but separated ( though not legally that I know of ) Sometimes we go months at a time without talking, then go months at a time where we talk a lot. There is a possibility of meeting very soon, and I'm so torn at what to do. I do want to meet him, My hormones tell me I want to sleep with him, although my head is yelling at me that I shouldn't. I've never been someone who would think that they would be involved in something like this, yet, here I am and I'm so confused as to what to do. This is my honest advice: I have been an OW (unknowing at first) for three years...Mine is getting divorced now...I would never stand for someone seeing or calling me at their "convenience"...We were always a pretty normal R not typical A... My question to you is: Why would you put yourself into a situation where the other half of the pair doesn't find you important enough to call you or see you on a regular basis? Do not meet with him...Don't contact him...This won't get better, it will get worse...
Author ABrokenWing Posted January 14, 2008 Author Posted January 14, 2008 This is my honest advice: I have been an OW (unknowing at first) for three years...Mine is getting divorced now...I would never stand for someone seeing or calling me at their "convenience"...We were always a pretty normal R not typical A... My question to you is: Why would you put yourself into a situation where the other half of the pair doesn't find you important enough to call you or see you on a regular basis? Do not meet with him...Don't contact him...This won't get better, it will get worse... You make complete and total sense, the seeing part is difficult bc we live far away from each other. He always has some excuse for not contacting me for months at a time, yes, I know these are excuses, but like I said earlier, I don't have a ton of guys out there knocking on my door ( though I've been told it's bc I don't put myself out there )
Gwyneth Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 My first advice to you would be to NEVER and I mean NEVER meet someone you met online; you are almost Always risking your life and it's just very dangerous. Maybe that's my mother speaking in my head. Second, he's married, and although I'm not the person to be telling you not to be the OW (cuz I am / was), keep in mind that you don't even really Know this guy; he's just someone you chat with online like you are with us. Third, I know how strong those hormones can be, but what if you meet him and he's a complete slob? Why waste your precious hormones on someone you don't even know? Chatting with someone online opposed to in person are very different. You are having cyber-sexual feelings right now. Keep that in mind before you meet him--it's just risky, and being in an affair with a MP is risky enough, so why double jeopardize your risks and challenges?
SpanksTheMonkey Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 Why are you aiming so low - You sound too excited to become the OW! Think with your head, not what's between your legs. Sorry, but this man may be separated yet you really do not know what is going on either way because you live far from him and don't talk to him for months at a time sometimes. He could be making up stuff to keep you as an online fling. Have you two actually met or spoken on the phone? Or is it just online. Does he have children? If you are this confused, then do not do it. Don't become the OW just because this guy makes you hot. I agree with everything said here!! Why on earth are you so gung ho to become his OW? You already want to sleep with a man you havent actualy spent ANY time with in real life?? Don't you see a prob with that?? Just goes to prove the dangers of on line life its just not quite reallity!! If I were you I woulden't get involved I hate to sould cliche here but (hes just not that into you) if he only talks to you every now and then hes just keeping you around if other options run out. Not a good catch do yourself a huge fav and block delete and remove this man before he uses and forgets you! I'm sure you would find when you got back from your little love encounter that hes blocked you on line and gotten what he wanted why not avoid that?
SimpleMrT Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 First ..I would make him come to see you..thats how you will know he is serious! Second.. Many , very Many relationships have started online but yes you must be very careful and take the time to check this person out! Background checks are not a bad thing. Also how serious is he about Divorcing his wife? Because after you do meet and have sex...where can it possibly go from here if he is still married! i think you really need to figure out if he just wants sex or if he wants you..and also ask yourself that question! For the people telling you not to meet him ...that is absurd. If You have a chance for True love....don't let him get away....unless its all about sex. Sex is overrated, but everyone needs Love!
twice_shy Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 I have had a thing for a guy who lives far away ( met online ) and he is married but separated ( though not legally that I know of ) Sometimes we go months at a time without talking, then go months at a time where we talk a lot. There is a possibility of meeting very soon, and I'm so torn at what to do. I do want to meet him, My hormones tell me I want to sleep with him, although my head is yelling at me that I shouldn't. I've never been someone who would think that they would be involved in something like this, yet, here I am and I'm so confused as to what to do. What do do? Thats easy. Don't!
whichwayisup Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 You make complete and total sense, the seeing part is difficult bc we live far away from each other. He always has some excuse for not contacting me for months at a time, yes, I know these are excuses, but like I said earlier, I don't have a ton of guys out there knocking on my door ( though I've been told it's bc I don't put myself out there ) People inlove and with REAL feelings don't do that. If he loved you, wanted a real relationship with you then he would come to you. He hasn't and he won't. He is married - His line about him being separated is bullcrap. Hense the non contact for afew months. Even REAL friends don't just up and disappear like that. BIG red flag. So, put yourself OUT there and get self confidence. Sitting and talking to a married man online is not going to get you anywhere. Also, you not having tons of guys out there knocking on your door doesn't mean you have to settle and lower your standards. I'm sorry, but you are better off alone than with this guy who is married, far away from you. Your feelings for him are all based on how he makes you feel ONLINE. You do not know him, you only know what he has told you and who knows if that is the truth...This guy could be a wife beater, an alcholic, a druggy, could be anyone. DO NOT FOOL yourself into believing that this thing you have with him will turn into real life.
Mustang Sally Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 I think that, during the months he's NOT talking to YOU online, he is talking with some other woman or women. My feeling is that you are one of many. Block him from your e-mail and move on. Now there's a good thought. I'd bet luv is exactly correct. Think about it, OP.
Author ABrokenWing Posted January 16, 2008 Author Posted January 16, 2008 ABW- Are YOU married? no, not married or dating anyone.
Author ABrokenWing Posted January 16, 2008 Author Posted January 16, 2008 I agree with everything said here!! Why on earth are you so gung ho to become his OW? You already want to sleep with a man you havent actualy spent ANY time with in real life?? Don't you see a prob with that?? Just goes to prove the dangers of on line life its just not quite reallity!! If I were you I woulden't get involved I hate to sould cliche here but (hes just not that into you) if he only talks to you every now and then hes just keeping you around if other options run out. Not a good catch do yourself a huge fav and block delete and remove this man before he uses and forgets you! I'm sure you would find when you got back from your little love encounter that hes blocked you on line and gotten what he wanted why not avoid that? I'm sorry, I don't mean to sound gung ho, bc I'm really not. I've even gone back and forth with the idea of bringing someone with me so it doesn't go beyong a PG movie rating. (Though I think this is something I should do by myself ) I've never had a one night stand, I've never had casual sex. I feel like I could go there and not initiate anything but should he initiate, I'm not sure I'd be strong enough to stop him, and that does make me feel guilty. Even thinking about it makes me feel guilty. But God help me, I do have feelings for the guy. ( Feelings happened before I knew he was married ) Whenever we have talked it's been great, and deep, and it has been more than just online, we have spoken on the phone as well through the many months I've "known" him. Feelings have been invested, I don't doubt that I like him more than he likes me, but even through all this, I do consider him a friend and the fact that he'll be so close seems like I should take advantage of him being so close instead of 1000+ miles away. As far as him deleting me from online, I don't see that, because he could of done that previously and hasn't.
SpanksTheMonkey Posted January 16, 2008 Posted January 16, 2008 (edited) I'm sorry, I don't mean to sound gung ho, bc I'm really not. I've even gone back and forth with the idea of bringing someone with me so it doesn't go beyong a PG movie rating. (Though I think this is something I should do by myself ) As far as him deleting me from online, I don't see that, because he could of done that previously and hasn't. Whats wrong with takeing some one a good friend with you? elspicaly if you feel you couldent resist temptation?? Far as him deleting you yet thats because he hasent gotten you in the sack yet can't you see that?? why delete a perfectly great chance to get layed untill it happends!! I don't mean to be harsh please belive that but it honestly sounds like others have said here your one of many and your # just came up for some caseul sex. He dosen't care for you people who care for you don't make excuses not to talk to you for monthes at a time even on line. Like others have said here as well so I guess my question to you is are you happy just being his other option for a quick and easy lay?? If you honestly just want a one time fling then this sounds like your chance use protection and have fun! But from how your talking it sounds like you would be expecting more and I just don't see that from this guy. Best case sinario how are you going to feel if you do have sex and he starts ingoring you again for monthes at a time?? You know you would be misrable is it worth that heart ake?? Are you that desprate and can you not see yourself in a happy healthey relashionship with a single and free man who you could start building a life of your own with?? Men don't need to knock down your door you need to work on your self esteem and when you feel better about you the right man will come along! If its just a sexual thing thats why god invented batterys! Think about the sexual risks theres alot of deases running rampant now adays. And hes not going to care if your hoho is iching your brains out when hes back another 1000 miles away!! Ok I'm rambeling a bit here sorry but I honestly want to try to save you the huge heart ake I see comming for you here with this guy. Ask yourself this why hasent he come to visit you up untill this point made a speical trip just for you?? It sounds like you are just an after thought in this one hes going to be in the naborhood so he figured you guys should meet dosen't that put up a red flag for you?? Hes prob going to be meeting a bunch of women and your just again one of many!! This is a bad situation but you sound like a desprate person whos willing to except any attention you can get and he knowes that. Even if it means lowering yourself to being some ones notch in there bed post you misnamed this thread. Cause honestly I don't think your going to get the chance to realy become the OW much past a one nighter. I just hope you can mentialy deal with that once it happends and your yesterdays news! I'll be looking for you next thread " Why isent MM paying any attention to me".. Best of luck.. Edited January 16, 2008 by SpanksTheMonkey
whichwayisup Posted January 16, 2008 Posted January 16, 2008 I've never had a one night stand, I've never had casual sex. Then don't start now. Wait until someone more available and closer to you comes along. Put yourself out there! I understand that you're lonely and this guy has made you feel good, but it's all based on fantasy feelings, even though you've spoken on the phone, there's TONS of stuff you don't know about him, let alone know 100% if he is actually separated. If you ARE willing to take the chance, shield your heart and don't expect anything, if you expect alot you WILL be disappointed and hurt.
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