Ariadne Posted January 12, 2008 Posted January 12, 2008 Oh yeah, To be specific... Have you told details about him/her? Every single detail, of course I made him a God in every detail. Do you trust these people to keep your secret? I couldn't care less if they kept it a secret or not, they could scream it to the world for what I cared. Do you know if your MM/MW has told anyone about the A? He told a few people that I knew of. If you keep it secret... do you feel it's 'heavy' for you to not talk about it? That's all I talked about, if I didn't talk about him I'd just rather not talk to people at all. Ariadne
Author Lizzie60 Posted January 12, 2008 Author Posted January 12, 2008 Poor you... I have read a few of your posts now.. and I feel sorry for you... really... Maybe you need a vacation or something or.... maybe a ONS...
Ariadne Posted January 12, 2008 Posted January 12, 2008 Poor you... I have read a few of your posts now.. and I feel sorry for you... really... Maybe you need a vacation or something or.... maybe a ONS... Oh, That MM afair was over 10 years ago. That was not Denver guy, but I have bad luck with men etc. I give up Ariadne
RCCDMA Posted January 12, 2008 Posted January 12, 2008 The only person who knows about myself or the MW is her best friend. I haven't met her but she does know. With both of us being married it has been very hard to say the least. I trust my best friend like a brother but just do not feel the need to talk to him about it.
scaredinlove Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 The whole world knows about my affair, including family, friends, co-workers. After almost 6 years it become rweally hard not to share......
White Flower Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 Have you told your best friend, some family members about your A? Only my best girlfriends. Have you told details about him/her? A few;) Do you trust these people to keep your secret? Absolutely. Do you know if your MM/MW has told anyone about the A? He only told one friend that there was someone special and would he take my number and call me should something ever happen. He says guys have a hard time telling because men typically think lowly of women who cheat and he wants to protect me from slanderous words. If you keep it secret... do you feel it's 'heavy' for you to not talk about it? Sometimes. I wish I could tell the world about him. Just wondering... Very interesting thread with some great responses.
OpenBook Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 He only told one friend that there was someone special and would he take my number and call me should something ever happen. He says guys have a hard time telling because men typically think lowly of women who cheat and he wants to protect me from slanderous words. I sometimes wonder if men take an equally dim view of single women who engage in A's with MM's. That ol' double standard, still so alive and well - it's all right if they do it, but not if a woman does.
OWoman Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 He says guys have a hard time telling because men typically think lowly of women who cheat and he wants to protect me from slanderous words. Ooh. Red flags here, IMO. "Men" typically think lowly of women who cheat? This kind of reasoning is known in the vernacular as the "third party effect" - kids do it a lot. Ask them if they use their cell phones to send naughty pictures to each other and they'll tell you no, but "other people" do, and they do this and that - with this tone of excited horror in their voices. Oh no they'd NEVER do that themselves... but OTHER people do! But they know about it... how? Either by hanging with others who do - and thus tacitly approving or at least not challenging that behaviour - or, perhaps... doing it themselves? Is there the faintest hint in this "men typically..." statement that indicates he himself has some issues here? I'd be wary! And he "wants to protect you"? Hmmm. You poor vulnerable soul, let me protect you against my darker side. That I'm indulging by being with you. The side I can't express with my W, but the side I'm not entirely comfortable owning up to because "men typically" would have issues and I couldn't face that kind of judgment spilling onto me. Perhaps I'm over-reacting, but this makes me edgy.
GreenEyedLady Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 I sometimes wonder if men take an equally dim view of single women who engage in A's with MM's. That ol' double standard, still so alive and well - it's all right if they do it, but not if a woman does. So why tell 'em? Do they really need to know?
White Flower Posted January 16, 2008 Posted January 16, 2008 Ooh. Red flags here, IMO. Is there the faintest hint in this "men typically..." statement that indicates he himself has some issues here? I'd be wary! And he "wants to protect you"? Hmmm. You poor vulnerable soul, let me protect you against my darker side. That I'm indulging by being with you. The side I can't express with my W, but the side I'm not entirely comfortable owning up to because "men typically" would have issues and I couldn't face that kind of judgment spilling onto me. Perhaps I'm over-reacting, but this makes me edgy. I'm not so sure that I would call it a 'darker side', yet I do feel he fears facing judgement from his peers. He has a pretty saintly reputation and news of us would definitely tarnish that. But I was happier believing the protecting me story:rolleyes: I'm curious, don't most MM not tell? Why should I be wary specifically? Is it that you think he's ashamed of himself?
OWoman Posted January 16, 2008 Posted January 16, 2008 I'm not so sure that I would call it a 'darker side', yet I do feel he fears facing judgement from his peers. He has a pretty saintly reputation and news of us would definitely tarnish that. But I was happier believing the protecting me story:rolleyes: I'm curious, don't most MM not tell? Why should I be wary specifically? Is it that you think he's ashamed of himself? WF I think MM typically don't tell because they're worried about what others will think of THEM. They don't try to pass it off as worry about what others will think of their passion partners. I think he has issues reconciling who he'd like to think he is, with what he's doing.
White Flower Posted January 17, 2008 Posted January 17, 2008 WF I think MM typically don't tell because they're worried about what others will think of THEM. They don't try to pass it off as worry about what others will think of their passion partners. I think he has issues reconciling who he'd like to think he is, with what he's doing. So I asked him about this today. He actually told more about me than I was previously told and he felt he needed to explain that things were not what they appeared to be at home to his friend. I suppose he needed to justify his reason for being with me. I think you're right though; he was probably the guy who stereotyped cheating women before he fell in love with one.
OWoman Posted January 17, 2008 Posted January 17, 2008 So I asked him about this today. He actually told more about me than I was previously told and he felt he needed to explain that things were not what they appeared to be at home to his friend. I suppose he needed to justify his reason for being with me. I think you're right though; he was probably the guy who stereotyped cheating women before he fell in love with one. ...and is probably in denial about BEING a "cheating man" himself I was listening to an old CD yesterday, it had Nina Simone singing about "the other woman" and it just cracked me up! The bit about the other woman crying herself to sleep, and how she "will never have his love to keep" and will spend the rest of her life alone? I suppose it's stereotyping like that that feeds those kind of perspectives, that then catches people off-guard when they actually find themselves caught up in / with something or someone that is entirely not what they'd imagined!
White Flower Posted January 20, 2008 Posted January 20, 2008 ...and is probably in denial about BEING a "cheating man" himself I was listening to an old CD yesterday, it had Nina Simone singing about "the other woman" and it just cracked me up! The bit about the other woman crying herself to sleep, and how she "will never have his love to keep" and will spend the rest of her life alone? I suppose it's stereotyping like that that feeds those kind of perspectives, that then catches people off-guard when they actually find themselves caught up in / with something or someone that is entirely not what they'd imagined! Yes, I think we both found ourselves surprised by this A. We both overcame our own stereotyping for sure. I just came from another thread where someone said that usually after discovery the A partners anihilate each other. I asked MM what he would do if we were discovered and he said he would tell the truth; that he fell in love with a warm, intelligent, woman who was right for him. God, I hope that's true. Disclaimer: this thread is banned to any and all except OW! lol
Recommended Posts