Lizzie60 Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 Have you told your best friend, some family members about your A? Have you told details about him/her? Do you trust these people to keep your secret? Do you know if your MM/MW has told anyone about the A? If you keep it secret... do you feel it's 'heavy' for you to not talk about it? Just wondering...
GirlZilla Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 Have you told your best friend, some family members about your A? Yes...Best Friend...We have so much stuff on eachother over the past 15 years, we talk about everything. Have you told details about him/her? Yes....EVERYTHING!! Do you trust these people to keep your secret? Absolutely...without question Do you know if your MM/MW has told anyone about the A? No one that I am aware of..... If you keep it secret... do you feel it's 'heavy' for you to not talk about it? It does feel better being able to share it with someone...but only someone who you trust completely. Just wondering... Interesting thread Lizzie, I look forward to seeing everyones answers. GZ;)
Author Lizzie60 Posted January 9, 2008 Author Posted January 9, 2008 Have you told your best friend, some family members about your A? Only 2 of my friends know about my A. Have you told details about him/her? Yes I did... I even showed one his picture... Do you trust these people to keep your secret? Yes absolutely Do you know if your MM/MW has told anyone about the A? I think my young lover has told one guy he works with... he came over with him once.. I'm sure this guy knows... If you keep it secret... do you feel it's 'heavy' for you to not talk about it? I have to confess that it is hard to keep the secret... sometimes I wish I could talk about it to more people... but I know I can't so... Sometimes I wish my colleagues would know about my MM from work... LOL Just wondering... .................
lost4ever Posted January 9, 2008 Posted January 9, 2008 I told a couple of my Friend's those I have known since high school. I haven't told any family or any "couples" friends. None of them would have ever told, they know all about him and think I am/ was a fool....but they don't know him like I do:lmao: My XMM said he told one of his friends, one that was trying to pick me up when we all went out.....I don't think he got the reaction he was hoping for though, it was never brought up again......the last time I seen XMM he asked if I ever dreamed about telling anyone at work (I would NEVER) but he said he thinks about it all the time....he just wants the knot in his belt
KATANYA Posted January 9, 2008 Posted January 9, 2008 (edited) Awesome thread......should be very interesting! I never told ANYONE about the A and I know exMM did not either. There is one joint friend who we are both very close to who travels quite frequently with us and I think he always 'knew', so to speak, but has never said anything. He is a good friend to both of us and just never went there. As awful as this is gonna sound, once when we were travelling everyone decided to go to a strip club (which in my mind was no big deal and I'd been once before with my exH)....one of the strippers came over to talk and asked me which of the two men (my exMM and the friend mentioned above) I was 'with'. I told her the truth because I really wasn't concerned about ever seeing her again - she told me she figured it was him because he was the only guy with our group that would not go for a private dance. lol - perhaps I ruined the mood for him!!! I would never tell even my closest friends and certainly no one in my family......some things, IMO, are best left unspoken. Thank God for this site though - including LS, I guess I've told however many hundreds of people read this forum!!! Edited January 9, 2008 by KATANYA
GreenEyedLady Posted January 9, 2008 Posted January 9, 2008 Well, my honey knows everyone important in my life... I know his friends and colleagues... He's told his brother about me, too... And that's all I am going to say about that...
Author Lizzie60 Posted January 9, 2008 Author Posted January 9, 2008 Strange though.. when I go out with my friends... my MM (from work) wants to know if I talked about him... he wants to know every thing about me.. where I've been.. with who... etc... I'm going on vacation for 2 weeks this coming Sat... Last year I told him about my fling in Cancun.. he didn't say anything yet..but I'm sure he's not too happy that I'm leaving again... I told my young MM the other day that I spoke about him to my best friend.. he was smiling and kind of 'proud' that I talked about him...
Lyssa Posted January 9, 2008 Posted January 9, 2008 My family, best friend, xBF and colleagues know about him. His family knows about me and 4 of his golf/poker buddies. I've met his dog too.
Meaplus3 Posted January 9, 2008 Posted January 9, 2008 Have you told your best friend, some family members about your A? Have you told details about him/her? Do you trust these people to keep your secret? Do you know if your MM/MW has told anyone about the A? If you keep it secret... do you feel it's 'heavy' for you to not talk about it? Just wondering... Well first and foremost all of you here, lol!IRL, I had told my mom, and my very best Girlfriend and ofcourse my H after I confessed! Xmm did tell me that he told his very best friend about our ea. Beign that I don't know him that well, I sometimes wonder if his friend would leak it out? That would not be a good thing, especially for mm. My cat's out of the bag, so no worries on my part! AP:)
Gwyneth Posted January 9, 2008 Posted January 9, 2008 Have you told anyone about your A? Yes--friends, coworkers, and his coworkers know as well; some family (sister, cousin) Have you told your best friend, some family members about your A? Yes--see above Have you told details about him/her? I don't kiss and tell, but I have shared some sweet things he has said to me. Do you trust these people to keep your secret? Yep. Who they gonna tell--his wife? We don't even know the wife's name. Do you know if your MM/MW has told anyone about the A? His coworkers, and one of these days he will Have to tell wifey. She's beyond suspicious. If you keep it secret... do you feel it's 'heavy' for you to not talk about it? There are a few friends of mine that I was unable to tell he is married. For one, they are either married themselves, or in a very committed relationship, and I don't want them worrying that I'm going after their husband next. Also, I just cannot get myself to tell them all the details about the extent of what we had (past now...). It's really no one's business anyway.
Mino Posted January 9, 2008 Posted January 9, 2008 Everybody know, my family, my friends, our coworker, and even his wife, Dont want to keep it a Secret, I dont care who knows....
Mino Posted January 9, 2008 Posted January 9, 2008 Everybody know, my family, my friends, our coworker, and even his wife, Dont want to keep it a Secret, I dont care who knows.... I forgot , his friends too:D
OWoman Posted January 9, 2008 Posted January 9, 2008 Have you told your best friend, some family members about your A? Have you told details about him/her? Do you trust these people to keep your secret? Do you know if your MM/MW has told anyone about the A? If you keep it secret... do you feel it's 'heavy' for you to not talk about it? Just wondering... We got together in a pretty public context, so from the start there we lots of people who knew (he, I and his W all work in the same field). Although I'd tried to keep it discreet, he was clearly not concerned about people knowing and wanted to be open. He's highly respected by colleagues and loved by friends (mine and his have become "ours") and from the start my friends were saying, he's a great guy, don't hurt him... He's serious about this, don't mess him around... long before we decided that WE wanted it to become more serious. His family were very supportive and made things easy for us from the start, integrating us as a couple into family things. He spoke to his kids a while back, once we'd decided we wanted to be together, and let them know what the situation was and subsequently they started counselling prior to the split. His wife he told more recently but she's still not believing him on that.
nextel Posted January 9, 2008 Posted January 9, 2008 Have you told your best friend, some family members about your A? My best friend is the only person that knows that he married. Everyone else believes that he is single. Have you told details about him/her? Yes, and she has met him. Do you trust these people to keep your secret? Yes, we have known each other since K. Do you know if your MM/MW has told anyone about the A? Yes, he family knows, and I flew me to meet them. If you keep it secret... do you feel it's 'heavy' for you to not talk about it? not really because he has taken every step thus far to ease the burden by being avaliable and inviting me to different outings. Just wondering... I think that the reason why my answers are the way they are is because, according to him, he no longer wants to be married to the W. He has taken me to places where her friends are likely to see me with him and does not hide his affection for me. His family, including his mother know all about me.
frannie Posted January 9, 2008 Posted January 9, 2008 First of all, we live in separate cities, we don't work together and I know no-one in his life. Have you told your best friend, some family members about your A? Yes all my friends know, and quite a few have met him. The only people in my family who don't know are people I never see and I don't tell them about my personal life anyway whatever is going on (nor they me ). We also made quite a few mutual friends during the time we were together. Have you told details about him/her? Not sure about 'details' but, yes they know he's married with children, and how long we've been together. Do you trust these people to keep your secret? There's no real 'secret' to keep as such. I trust they wouldn't do anything as strange as find out where he lives and call his wife or family, yes. They're not mad. Do you know if your MM/MW has told anyone about the A? Yes, he's told his female boss at work. I think that's because she's quite communicative and has some history of affairs in the family, which affected her recently. He also told a close male friend when he confessed to an affair himself. Other than that no, apart from anything else I think it's quite crass and unfair for everyone but the wife to know. But I can understand how that happens. If you keep it secret... do you feel it's 'heavy' for you to not talk about it? I didn't tell everyone for quite some time. The reason wasn't anything to do with 'heaviness'. It was because for a long time I thought that if he actually left, it would be better if half the people in our life didn't know it started as an affair, because if our families met at some point, the truth would out. After a while, however, I thought... what's the point of that, it's all going to come out one day anyway if we stay together, and if we don't, it won't matter.
precious1357 Posted January 9, 2008 Posted January 9, 2008 Have you told your best friend, some family members about your A? Have you told details about him/her? Do you trust these people to keep your secret? Do you know if your MM/MW has told anyone about the A? If you keep it secret... do you feel it's 'heavy' for you to not talk about it? Just wondering... I told my two best friends...we've been friends so long and I just do not like lying and I can't pretend, so I told them. Funny thing, I know how they both are about affairs...one is married, the other is divorced so they are really strong on commitment to marriage but they love me and they know my MM and they know his wife...so they bear with me.
precious1357 Posted January 9, 2008 Posted January 9, 2008 The thing is, I want to be together with him so badly, I actually hate the hiding and everything that goes with this...I love him so much, its really crazy for me at this age..but I'm trying to hold on...sometimes I think God is teaching me a lesson...years ago I had no patience in a relationship, i could not wait, i wanted everything right away and now, I'm over 50 and I'm waiting...its horrible sometimes.
kchiapet95 Posted January 9, 2008 Posted January 9, 2008 Have you told your best friend, some family members about your A? I told my closest friends about it, yes. But no family members. Have you told details about him/her? One of my friends already knew him, and to the others I did give details. Do you trust these people to keep your secret? It doesn't matter anymore, because I told my secret. Do you know if your MM/MW has told anyone about the A? He told me he told his closest friends and a few of his workmates. If you keep it secret... do you feel it's 'heavy' for you to not talk about it? n/a My problem now is that, I'm having trouble dealing with "the end"...the relationship consumed so much of me and was so intense, passionate and dramatic that I'm having trouble just dealing with my life and returning to normalcy. Especially since my family does not know, so I have to act normal around them, and my friends think, "Oh, she finally got rid of that toxic man, so life is normal now." What they don't realize is how much trauma I've been through (few of them know I was pregnant). They don't realize that I don't just want to jump back into dating, though I do want to be loved again. It's hard for me to go out with them, because a lot of them are either coupled up or have kids of their own, and those are 2 painful things for me to deal with right now. So, I end up spending a lot of time alone which is not good either. Sorry to threadjack, it's nice to get some of this stuff out though.
TogetherForever Posted January 9, 2008 Posted January 9, 2008 Everyone knows everything!! Jan. 16th will be 6 years we're living together & it's not considered an affair in my situation. No secrets here. TF
Love is Tragic Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 Have you told your best friend, some family members about your A? Have you told details about him/her? Do you trust these people to keep your secret? Do you know if your MM/MW has told anyone about the A? If you keep it secret... do you feel it's 'heavy' for you to not talk about it? Just wondering... My best friend was really the only one who knew about my now exMM. There were of course a few others who suspected the affair, but didnt know for sure. And at the time, she was having a PA/EA as well, so in a way she was a great confidant-as she and i were both going through the same things together in our affairs. And i trust her with my life, shes been the only person in my life i have put complete trust and faith in. (which means a lot when it comes to me, i have trust issues, lol. ). I know that exMM told his best friend as well, and i think thats about it. As far as keeping it secret, the fewer people who know about it, makes a slimmer chance that the BS will find out about it, so discretion is usually what people want in an affair. Trust is also another issue-many people dont trust anyone enough to dish about their indiscretions. And many people are judgemental, so why bother? We already know its wrong, so why have someone rub our face in it all the time, ya know?
raslers Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 I never spoke to anyone about A and I trusted that Xmm hadn't spoken of A either. Xmm, however, told another gal he was screwing about me when she wondered why I was kind of cold towards her in social situations (I found out about her by accident and worked hard to drop him like a hot potato when I found out and called him out on it-believe me it was very hard!!). I trusted this man and believed what he told me (how important I was in his life, that I was his best friend, that he could tell me things he couldn't tell anyone, etc). I really thought I was the only one. I now know that he only told me what he thought I wanted to hear and my feelings, friendship, and our "relationship" were non of his concern, only his di#k was his concern. I was a true sucker. Married men are too much work (just imagine what their wifes are putting up with at home:p ). Working on myself has given me the confidence I need to know I am better than the bullsh*t that was shovelled my way and so sadly fell for. I do believe I have some true friends that I may share this experience with someday, but the opportunity hasn't presented itself up to now.
indianlover Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 I guess a lot of people know about our A. Since its still an EA - many people know because we'd didn't hide our friendship or affection for eachother. On the other hand, I'm not sure how many people I will tell if it ever becomes more than that. Probably only my mom and two best friends for support.
PoshPrincess Posted January 12, 2008 Posted January 12, 2008 Have you told your best friend, some family members about your A? I told a few friends - those I knew I could trust and who wouldn't judge me (well, not to my face anyway!) I share most things with my closest friends. We also had a couple of mutual friends - one knew from the off and the other one found out later. I told my sis-in-law after a couple of months but no one else in my family knew till much later, by which time I stupidly thought we were going to be together! Both my parents were actually pretty supportive which surprised me. Have you told details about him/her? Yep. I was in 'lurve' and wanted to share it with everyone. Do you trust these people to keep your secret? Yes, without I doubt. I would never tell someone a secret if I couldn't trust them. There were some other people that suspected and gossip about us was rife for a while but it soon died down once people had other stuff to talk about. Do you know if your MM/MW has told anyone about the A? He told his sister and a friend/colleague from work. His sister was the only one who knew how serious it was. One so-called 'friend' suspected and after DDay MM's W confronted him asking about me. Let's just say he didn't act like such a loyal friend then!
Ariadne Posted January 12, 2008 Posted January 12, 2008 Have you told your best friend, some family members about your A? Have you told details about him/her? Do you trust these people to keep your secret? Do you know if your MM/MW has told anyone about the A? If you keep it secret... do you feel it's 'heavy' for you to not talk about it? Just wondering... When I had an affair with a MM, I talked to everyone that would listen. I loved the man and he was my favorite topic, in fact, I didn't care to talk about anything else. Nothing else at all. Ariadne
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