Mikey0726 Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 All, Me and my wife have been married for 2 1/2 yrs and together for a total of almost 4 yrs. About 3 weeks ago I found my wife had been having an affair with a man at work. This started by them talking occasionally at work and then happened to go out one night when i was out of town (I travel alot). They went out and one thing led to another with her and then they did it again the next weekend as well when I was back in town but she didnt come until next morning. Well she finally admitted this to me and confessed this was all. She stated that during this first two occasions she did not want to have sex with the OM and just didnt want to get hurt cause she thought i did not love her. Well has you can expect i was very angry, disappointed and betrayed. We have been going through this the last 3 weeks with me asking normal questions about there relationship...how many times, where, when and so forth. Told me it was only twice. well today i found out this wasnt true by her own admission that there were 2 other times as well. this came about by me asking the OM with him telling me the exact times and where it happened. On the first occasion they went out on friday night dinner, drinks and a movie...my wife is not a big drinker so she offered to take him home after movie. she says that she intended to drop him home and go home because she was feeling drunk. But one thing led to another and they had sex inside of vehicle at his apt complex. so after sex she said she was still feeling drunk so she went to hotel and he came with her which they had sex again. all this time she says she did not want to but he was pressuring her too. So the next weekend after i had found out she didnt come home that prior weekend (which we didnt talk all week and she thought i was going out as well) so they went out for dinner then to a going away party at work together... which she then said she was going to just take him home but they eneded up a another hotel and having sex. All this tme she was scared he was going to tell me and thats why she kept going out with him and being nice to him. then i kicked her out that weekend...where does she go? to work and he happens to drive by....which they go to hotel again but nothing happens...even OM states this. So after i beg her to come back and still not admitting to anything she says she wont go out and keep me informned of whereever she is. So approx 2 1/2 weeks later while she is trying to be nice to him so he wont tell me she takes him to a bank and then home where he tells her he will not let her go anywhere until she has sex with him....this happened on all occasions by her admission. So as you can imagine I am having a very emotional day. Background on other male: Prior prison sentence..lenght unknown, drug convictions and so forth... What do i do,,,and does this count as date rape? I admitt i wasnt the best husband (giving attention to her) but i have loved this woman with all my heart and continue too. Please help...I am VERY CONFUSED. I know this story might be a little confusing but i will respond as I can. Thank you.
reboot Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 Uhmm... I got a little confused there. They had sex how many times? 5 or 6 times (that they admitted to) ? And now she wants to cry date rape? Sounds like someone is blowing smoke up your skirt man.
Author Mikey0726 Posted January 8, 2008 Author Posted January 8, 2008 No...had total of 4 times...twice at different locations on 1st night then 1 week later , and then approx 2 1/2 weeks later. Yeah feel the same way ...maybe i am too gullible.
SeraBella Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 I'd have to really hear the truth from her to know if it's date rape, but from what is stated here, I don't believe so. Does she want your marriage to work? She MUST cut off contact with him if she does. And perhaps you should look into some counseling for the two of you. There seems to be quite a bit going on. I'm sorry you're going through this. Good luck to you
Cobra_X30 Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 If it was rape... she will press charges otherwise... she is a liar! Do you want to fix your Marriage... or Find someone who wont cheat on you?
Chrome Barracuda Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 You cannot trust her and shouldnt trust her. If she will not go NC with this man kick her ass out and file for divorce and expose to everyone involved. Your wife is sick in the head. Your only gonna reconsile if she makes every effort to do so, and the first thing to do is to leave this job, and go into therapy. Your wife right now is a dumb B, and you got to get your mind right and see through the bull****!!! Affairs are addictive yes but if you aint gonna put your foot down how will she change? Does she have the capacity to change?
MakeLemonade Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 She was forced to have sex with someone because she didn't feel loved by you? Is that in essence what I read? If you cheat, you cheat - don't blame the other person. If you want a D or to end the R, that can be the S/SO fault, no love, distance - but cheating - that is only the fault of the cheater, I really despise when people try to blame the fact that they had sex with someone else on their partner, just hate it. If she was forced the last several times, or let's just say coerced? Bribed maybe? Why did she omit those times when she supposedly came clean to you? If anything, if that were really the case, she would have wanted to tell you about those times right away to elicit your sympathy and to deflect at least some of the culpability from herself. Sounds like she is LYING to me. JMHO.
KenzieAbsolutely Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 If it was rape... she will press charges otherwise... she is a liar! excuse me? i do not think this person was date raped based on the information given here, but the way your statement reads is that people who don't press charges are lying when they say they're raped. i hope that wasn't what you meant, because that would mean you obviously have no clue, experience, or right to make such a statement. to mikey, you're dealing with a cheater. deal with it or leave her.
Owl Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 Well, you're not going to like my advice. You've been married a short time, and she's already cheated on you. When things are supposed to be in that "honeymoon phase". You don't have any children in the marriage yet. Drinking is clearly an issue for her. Honestly, while I've no doubt you love her, she doesn't sound like someone that is "marriage material". I'd seriously consider telling her that unless she completely changes these behaviors, you're outta here. And I'd mean it.
Cobra_X30 Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 excuse me? i do not think this person was date raped based on the information given here, but the way your statement reads is that people who don't press charges are lying when they say they're raped. i hope that wasn't what you meant, because that would mean you obviously have no clue, experience, or right to make such a statement. to mikey, you're dealing with a cheater. deal with it or leave her. Keep my comment in context. I am speaking only about this specific situation.
Chrome Barracuda Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 Well, you're not going to like my advice. You've been married a short time, and she's already cheated on you. When things are supposed to be in that "honeymoon phase". You don't have any children in the marriage yet. Drinking is clearly an issue for her. Honestly, while I've no doubt you love her, she doesn't sound like someone that is "marriage material". I'd seriously consider telling her that unless she completely changes these behaviors, you're outta here. And I'd mean it. I co-sign. If she cheats when things are stable and good in your marriage, who's to say she wont do it down the line when things are bad!
Bryanp Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 You should be looking for an attorney. How can you feel special about wife who has no problem having sex with another man in a parking lot outside his apartment. Her story is ludicrous. I hope you get tested for STD's. She has been screwing around on you with a total lowlife and putting your health at great risk. Surely you can do better in your life than settle for someone who shows such total disrespect and distain for you and your marriage. See an attorney and move on and away from her.
KenzieAbsolutely Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 Keep my comment in context. I am speaking only about this specific situation. good to know. it might have helped to clarify that in your first post, but thanks for doing it here.
Recommended Posts