s01 Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 Hey, im sure many of you are familiar with my story by now, but if not then a little recap will explain things... Just over three weeks ago my partner of 8 years up and left me for a guy she met at work and had only really know for just over two months. We recently purchased our first home together months ago) and were ready to start our adult lives together (26 yrs old). Im devistated and am still struggling with the whole thing. She sent me an email the other night after we accidentallly bumped into each other in town. I couldnt talk so I left as soon as i saw her but this is what she said in the mail... Please shed some light on what she is doing and what im supposed to interpret from this... Hi, I hope you understand why i am writing this... It killed me to see you the other day - and i want to be there for you but i know that i cant... my immediate reaction was to want you back so much, i miss you and i always will... i cant forgive myself for what ive done to you and i dont expect you to,,, Its probably not fair for me to write this but i want you to know... I am just trying my best to put things out of my mind and just get on with life, work, etc ... its not easy, but i hope you are trying to do the same... i have really low points where i hate myself so much and dont want to carry on with anything anymore,,, but then i know i need to snap myself out of it and that eventually everything will be ok and things will feel 'normal' again... Why am i telling you this??? do you really want to know ? - i guess not - but i cant just NOT let you know - i guess really i want to know how you are - probably because i imagine the worst - --- i know ive always been there when you needed me and i know how you can feel and i've felt the same, so low that nothing else in the world can possibly be worth living for ... i only know, that like i've said, eventually things will get better and ... i know youve got your friends and family ... and if i'm really honest... i'm telling you all this probably because i want to know that you're ok, so i dont have to punish myself so much, but i guess thats what i deserve... you have every write to hate me and not care for me at all, but i still care about you and i always will ... even if i dont see you and you were probably right that it wasnt best to see each other - Maybe if you wrote back to me, it would help you to get some things off your chest - but i understand if you prefer not to and to be honest, i know it would hurt to hear from you... but at the same time it hurts not to hear from you... # I'm rambling on now... i had better go - its taken me about an hour to write this... I am staying at my Mum's and am at my Dads on Thursdays and some other ties during the week... I hope this email hasnt made you feel worse, it wasnt meant to... x
timjones0674 Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 I am sorry you got your heart broken, and I know how bad it hurts as I once had a 9 year relationship that came apart. Very hard... Emotions aside, though, I know it was how you felt, but your letter was the worst thing you could have ever sent. To be perfectly honest, a letter like this would make almost any woman in a relationship want to run to the hills.... Please do her and your pride a favor and realize that nothing that you do at this point will do anything other than driving her away forever... Only time apart from you can help at this point.... She did spend 8 years with you, so you will always be a part of her life. Meaning, until the day she dies, she will always remember you, but that must be enough right now... The most important thing you must do at this point is to get your mind off of her. If you ever run into her again, never run away... Meaning, Men never run... If you see her, either do one of two things. 1) Ignore her or 2) Give her a big smile and keep moving.. Finally, you must start doing anything that will get your mind off of her.... And I mean anything... Pick up a new hobby, whatever. Whenever you catch yourself thinking about her, have your buddy punch you and think about something else.... Good Luck!!!
Chrome Barracuda Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 Look she left right, she picked another man right? Then forget her stay NC, and dont reply let her guilt be her downfall!!! She's a weak ass excuse for a woman and you'll do better on your own!
Tony T Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 this was the letter she sent me! Your ex is one confused, screwed up lady. You are sssssooooooooo lucky to be rid of her. Right now she is not of sound mind. If I had to guess anything from reading what she wrote you, she feels guilty as hell but it's very obvious that she's not interested in you. Sometimes people will hang around in a romantic relationship just as if it is rental space until they find another relationship worth "buying into."
timjones0674 Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 (edited) this was the letter she sent me! Holy Crap!! She sent it??? Well that changes everything.. Oh, you have no idea the power you have over this little girl... Just sit back and play it cool young lad. Whatever you do, do not cave into pressure and get emotional about the whole thing. Meaning, the more you appear to not care, the more she will want you. Im short, with that letter above you have nothing to worry about. Just play it cool, go find you someone to have fun with on the side, and wait for her to come back to you... And she will eventually... No Doubt here Also, if she says she wants to be friends... Just say whatever.... Meaning, let her chase and she will want you more every minute.... Good Luck and dont worry!!! She will come around again.... Edited January 8, 2008 by timjones0674
SeraBella Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 She is trying to make herself feel better about the situation. She wants relieved of her guilt. I really don't think you should respond.
MakeLemonade Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 It sounds like she wants you to say, "it's ok you deserted our relationship for some guy you only knew a couple months. I forgive you, now go forth and be happy my love, I only want you to be happy." She feels guilty and can hardly live with that guilt and YET, she would rather continue with the new than face any kind of music if she felt like she might have made a mistake. Did she always kind of have the upper hand in the relationship? Hold the cards? Call the shots so to speak? If so, she knows that is gone and she blew it and now she is going to start over again so she can retain or re-attain that upper hand. She would never have that again, if she tried to come back or get your forgiveness because, well when you cheat on someone and they find out, that usually isn't the way things go if you stay together, there is alot of groveling, and I'm sorry's and questions....But I digress...... Bottom line, I would say she wants you to say you are ok and it is ok and we're all ok and unless that is absolutely how you actually feel, I agree with CB (and I am surprised - as his opinions from what I have seen so far take a harder line than I normally do), let her wallow in that guilt and don't write back. At least for awhile, you may not be able to keep NC forever, I know from past experience how hard that actually is. Unless you have brick wall emotions, and not many people do. But try, if you can, it will boost your confidence and make you stronger for having done it. Also, on an aside - that just really sucks. I am sorry you are having to go through all of this.
Chrome Barracuda Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 It sounds like she wants you to say, "it's ok you deserted our relationship for some guy you only knew a couple months. I forgive you, now go forth and be happy my love, I only want you to be happy." She feels guilty and can hardly live with that guilt and YET, she would rather continue with the new than face any kind of music if she felt like she might have made a mistake. Did she always kind of have the upper hand in the relationship? Hold the cards? Call the shots so to speak? If so, she knows that is gone and she blew it and now she is going to start over again so she can retain or re-attain that upper hand. She would never have that again, if she tried to come back or get your forgiveness because, well when you cheat on someone and they find out, that usually isn't the way things go if you stay together, there is alot of groveling, and I'm sorry's and questions....But I digress...... Bottom line, I would say she wants you to say you are ok and it is ok and we're all ok and unless that is absolutely how you actually feel, I agree with CB (and I am surprised - as his opinions from what I have seen so far take a harder line than I normally do), let her wallow in that guilt and don't write back. At least for awhile, you may not be able to keep NC forever, I know from past experience how hard that actually is. Unless you have brick wall emotions, and not many people do. But try, if you can, it will boost your confidence and make you stronger for having done it. Also, on an aside - that just really sucks. I am sorry you are having to go through all of this. Me, hard line????? No, you dont say! lol. I dont know if I ever did take a hard line with people. I just throw water in people's faces when they need to wake up. I speak as if I'm right there.
Author s01 Posted January 8, 2008 Author Posted January 8, 2008 Why would she write 'my immediate reaction was to want you back' why?
Chrome Barracuda Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 Why would she write 'my immediate reaction was to want you back' why? Cause she's conflicted. She wants what she left behind, she's having second thoughts about it. But you know what she made her choice!!! Let her suffer in it. You live yur life for you and find some new coochie. She' pulled a coward move why are you even considering talking to her? Stay NC!!!
SeraBella Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 Why would she write 'my immediate reaction was to want you back' why? Because, although she left you, it doesn't mean she was completely over you, either. And maybe she was remembering the good times in your relationship, and maybe they outweigh what she has had so far in this new relationship. I'm certain the feelings she has for you are deeper than what she possesses now. And I'm sure a part of her is wishing she didn't hurt you, because she does care for you. So her immediate reaction...the quickest resolution to run through her mind, was to solve that by wanting you back...but she realizes you may not want her back (you surely shouldn't, and if you would take her back if the situation would arise you would lose respect from her)...and she also realizes that she isn't sure she wants to be with you. She is clearly VERY confused right now. She probably feels like she tested the waters with another man and realized things aren't always better on the other side.
Chrome Barracuda Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 Because, although she left you, it doesn't mean she was completely over you, either. And maybe she was remembering the good times in your relationship, and maybe they outweigh what she has had so far in this new relationship. I'm certain the feelings she has for you are deeper than what she possesses now. And I'm sure a part of her is wishing she didn't hurt you, because she does care for you. So her immediate reaction...the quickest resolution to run through her mind, was to solve that by wanting you back...but she realizes you may not want her back (you surely shouldn't, and if you would take her back if the situation would arise you would lose respect from her)...and she also realizes that she isn't sure she wants to be with you. She is clearly VERY confused right now. She probably feels like she tested the waters with another man and realized things aren't always better on the other side. Doesnt matter how damn confused she is, she cheated and left him for the OM, game over, it's locked cypher closed! She made her choice in wanting to follow her feelings now she wants a resolution!!!!??? Aww poor her, she's confused. boo -hooo. lol. My ass she's confused. She knew what she was doing when she did it, she took a gamble and bet her relationship. 7 years vs 6 weeks. Yeah she picked a clear winner there.
vivrantflo Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 Hey CB, do you have a link to your original story?? Sorry for hijacking!
Chrome Barracuda Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 Hey CB, do you have a link to your original story?? Sorry for hijacking! Hmmm, my original story? I dont know I got to find it. I didnt post the whole thing I only give people insights to where I have been in my life, I'll see what I can do. Sorry for the TJ
Chrome Barracuda Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 Hmmm, my original story? I dont know I got to find it. I didnt post the whole thing I only give people insights to where I have been in my life, I'll see what I can do. Sorry for the TJ http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t132781/ I think this is it.
Author s01 Posted January 8, 2008 Author Posted January 8, 2008 man I just dont know what to do anymore, every morning i wake up im deressed and pinning for her I have to pop a couple of Prozacs just to get through the day. My heart tells me I want her as there was a lot of good prior to all this and we had built so much together. I am someone who will love unconditionally I was 'Mr Right' for her but she obviously isn't right for me. I have to admit that I enjoy the attention of her contact although it is making me hang on to something which probs isn't there. I know I could never take her back, it wouldn't be the same - but I still love her and seem to be trying to extract positives in hope that something could happen whereby the ball is in my court - what to I do - i am so confused??
SeraBella Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 Doesnt matter how damn confused she is, she cheated and left him for the OM, game over, it's locked cypher closed! She made her choice in wanting to follow her feelings now she wants a resolution!!!!??? Aww poor her, she's confused. boo -hooo. lol. My ass she's confused. She knew what she was doing when she did it, she took a gamble and bet her relationship. 7 years vs 6 weeks. Yeah she picked a clear winner there. I was not saying she deserved sympathy. But he asked why, and I was giving him a possible answer. As stated in my original response, I don't believe he should respond to her. She sent that hoping to erase some guilt from her conscience.
Chrome Barracuda Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 I was not saying she deserved sympathy. But he asked why, and I was giving him a possible answer. As stated in my original response, I don't believe he should respond to her. She sent that hoping to erase some guilt from her conscience. Oh, ok. lol.
SeraBella Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 s01, you know she's not right for you. It's going to take a lot of time to get over her. But contacting her will prolong that. Also, she has not said she wants you back, she just said her reaction was to want you back. Women analyze, and overanalyze everything said to them, and everything they are sending out. Syntax is important when it comes to what you say to a woman, and it is important in interpreting what a woman is saying to you. It's going to be very hard, but find things to do. Find new hobbies, or pick up ones you may have neglected. Get involved with things that interest you, or try to find new interests. Keep busy wth everything you can. Make plans with friends and family as often as possible. Make new friends. Avoid things that explicitly remind you of her. Workout...it keeps you busy, uses a lot of energy, and has great health benefits to it. You can get through it!
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