Chiquita27 Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 I just realized something that hit me quite hard.... While I'm here feeling guilty, feeling lonely, doubting my decision to cut off my ex for good and feeling bad because I told him I couldn't be his friend. He's out there having a blast, he's out there doing things with his new girl and living life to the fullest. And there I was over the weekend feeling sad and depressed because I missed him so much....meanwhile...he could give a flying f*ck........ Sad...but SOOO true..........He doesn't care about me......why should he?..he only cares about himself...... who should care about me....ME....the same way he only does stuff that is good for him...I should do stuff that is good only for me as well. Man...it's so hard to let go.........
DJ Dancer Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 I understand how you feel...it sucks! I have been feeling like that as well with my ex and I broke it off too..except I still wanted to be his friend and he said he did too but now everytime I contact him he ignores me...
timjones0674 Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 I can sense your pain, and I am sorry.... Chances are that he is not having as good of a time as you think. I have been on both sides of this, and I can honestly say that worst things that ever happened to me never actually happened (Mark Twain quote, by the way). Meaning, what you think he is doing and what he is actually doing are two different things. The biggest thing you can do at this point is to do anything that you can to get you mind off of him. Anything... Meaning, just go out to a bar and start chatting up the first semi-cute guy you see. Chances are you will be reminded quite quickly how much of a hot item you really are...
Author Chiquita27 Posted January 8, 2008 Author Posted January 8, 2008 I have to confess my weak moment........I had deactivated my facebook so that I wouldn't spy on him, however, today I had a weak moment and I reactivated it and checked his page and he has all these updates of things he has done, and I know he hasn't done them alone. I know him well enough to see that he's doing all these things with his new girl. Which makes me reassure to myself that stepping away was a good idea, otherwise I would have to be hearing about all these activities and blah blah blah.....
timjones0674 Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 (edited) I know how guys think because I am one, and I can tell you he knew you were going to check his page. No question there... The key thing to remember is that there are typically two people who are hurt when a relationship comes apart. Meaning, no matter if I was the one that was broken up or I broke up with them, emotional pain is always there. Chances are that if he has no clue on what you are doing and you have not tried to contact him, there is little doubt he is a little sad by it. Either way, it really does not matter at this point. You sound like someone who can easily get a replacement.... Meaning, put yourself in that hot little outfit, put on some makeup and go find the guys... There is little doubt there are guys right now that would absolutely love to help you get over your ex... You just need to get out there and let them know you are now available... Keep your chin up and I promise things will get better!!! As I always say, happiness is always just one thought away!! Good Luck!! Edited January 8, 2008 by timjones0674
Author Chiquita27 Posted January 8, 2008 Author Posted January 8, 2008 Thanks so much for your words......you are so right, I could find a distraction in no time. I have to stop caring about what he does or doesn't do...at the end that shouldn't be my problem anymore.
Confused9 Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 [quote=timjones0674;1483602]I know how guys think because I am one, and I can tell you he knew you were going to check his page. No question there... The key thing to remember is that there are typically two people who are hurt when a relationship comes apart. Meaning, no matter if I was the one that was broken up or I broke up with them, emotional pain is always there. Chances are that if he has no clue on what you are doing and you have not tried to contact him, there is little doubt he is a little sad by it. Either way, it really does not matter at this point. You sound like someone who can easily get a replacement.... Meaning, put yourself in that hot little outfit, put on some makeup and go find the guys... There is little doubt there are guys right now that would absolutely love to help you get over your ex... You just need to get out there and let them know you are now available... Keep your chin up and I promise things will get better!!! As I always say, happiness is always just one thought away!! Good Luck!! Tim, I am going through a break up and my x is acting like this is the best thing that ever happened. Posting things on his myspace and pretending not to care. We were getting married and were together for 7 years. He cheated and was a complete @ss when he broke it off. Can you eblaobrate on that paragraph? PLEASE!!!!
timjones0674 Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 What do you want me to elaborate on? I certainly can answer anything you want... I am going to the gym right now, but will be back about 7:45pm EST and can answer any questions you have. You can also post you question to my yahoo email at [email protected] if you dont want to tell the world...
Author Chiquita27 Posted January 8, 2008 Author Posted January 8, 2008 I say you reply here timjones...I have interest in knowing what you have to say as well......It is always good to hear a male perspective so that I stop feeling like it's my hormones the ones taking over me. Thank you
Confused9 Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 Well not to steal your thread chiquita...sorry...but, here's my situation...short version. My fiance who I was with for 7 years went away for work and cheated on me. I didn't find out for a month. he was acting weird and something told me to check his voicemails so I did. There was a woman's voice and all h*ll broke loose. He denied cheating then finally admitted it saying it was just a kiss. Said he was SO sorry and wished it never happened. Loved me, wanted to be with me but didn't trust himself. He was still away for work. Throughout the next month he ended it and wouldn't give me any answers...still denying there was anyone else and saying it was just a kiss. I was a mess and wanted to fight for us. He came home to visit and was an @sshole. Wouldn't talk to me, yelled at me, then acted remorseful, holding me, telling me there was still a chance but he had to work things out in his head, we hugged, but wouldn't kiss me. He was mean and said mean things while home then when he was out with friends was crying saying how much he loved me and missed me and wanted to be with me. When he left...he barely even said by. I asked him if he would regret how he treated me and he said he already had and I asked if he missed me and he said as soon as I walk out this door I will. Blah blah mixed signals up the wazoo. Then he stopped contacting me and when he did he was MEAN and frustrated because I wanted asnwers. Finally in Nov he text messaged me saying and I quote, 'here's some closure I'm going to be a dad'. He would NOT answer his phone and would not call me - just email and text. He said it was my fault, he never loved me, I was a mistake, and the worst thing that ever happened to him. Then he said I gave him the best years of his life...he was all over the place. I have remained in NC besides a text message from him a week before Christmas saying happy holidays that I did not respond too. He keeps posting weird quotes on myspace like, best year ever, thank you for ending 07, I hate my past but continue to move forwards, my past was great but my future is better, life is great, etc etc. This man LOVED me. WE had a great relationshiop and I never doubted him for an effin minute. Now, he is having a baby with a woman who he says he loves and treats him like he deserves to be treated. Now I mean NOTHING to him? I don't get it. Why does he insist on telling me he is so happy? If he was happy...he wouldn't have to do that? It's been SO hard. He is still there and said he is moving there and won't talk to anyone from back here. PLEASE HELP ME UNDERSTAND!!! ps...this seriously is the short version - sorry so long. : )
Lee725 Posted January 9, 2008 Posted January 9, 2008 Finally in Nov he text messaged me saying and I quote, 'here's some closure I'm going to be a dad'. He would NOT answer his phone and would not call me - just email and text. Wow, my heart just skipped a beat reading that txt message he sent you. it reminded me of a call i got from an ex a long time ago. I am sorry, that must have been the biggest kick (to state the obvious). He sounds really confused and perhaps he may not be as happy as he seems because it's just my perspective but there seems to be a bit of "over the top", expression there from him. I really hope you find the strength to stop looking at his myspace, it is only hurting you more. Walk away and i really would not search for the answers as much as you want them because he is the only one who can answer the questions and he seems way to confused to have anything valid to say. I hope you find the strength to move on from this.
Lee725 Posted January 9, 2008 Posted January 9, 2008 While I'm here feeling guilty, feeling lonely, doubting my decision to cut off my ex for good and feeling bad because I told him I couldn't be his friend. He's out there having a blast, he's out there doing things with his new girl and living life to the fullest. When you meet someone and you are happy and having a blast yourself, these feelings which you have now will be gone. Hopefully during this time he will break up with this girl and watch you having the fun while he is sad. It can be hard to think of them out and about having so much fun when you are so use to being the one beside him enjoying it with him. As timjones said, he probably isnt having as much fun as you think. Hopefully inside he is miserable and sad and he is just portraying this image. Get out there whether it is with a guy or girls, go for it. Have a great time. I am trying to do the same thing, they say "Good living is the best revenge".
your star Posted January 9, 2008 Posted January 9, 2008 PLEASE HELP ME UNDERSTAND!!! ps...this seriously is the short version - sorry so long. : ) Confused, it seems maybe he feels the opposite of what he is telling you. The fact that he tells you those hurtful things may be his way of trying to fool himself. Honestly, if he was soo happy, why would he have to tell you it over and over? Normally someone doesn't do that if they are that happy and content. Possibly he feels stuck now that they are expecting a baby?
Confused9 Posted January 9, 2008 Posted January 9, 2008 Thank you yourstar and Lee for getting back to me. I believe he isn't as happy as he 'pretends to be...but I don't really know. I am rying hard to focus on me and not him but it's so hard. Its like...you just wripped someones heart out and now you tell them you are amazing when they ask how you are...unless he is one heartless pr*ck he must be trying to fool himself. He has not been changing his quotes and the one he has means nothing to me...perhaps it's over and he is done playing games. Either way...his mode still says 'excited' give it a rest already is what I say. baaaahstards. you're all wonderful.
your star Posted January 9, 2008 Posted January 9, 2008 I just realized something that hit me quite hard.... While I'm here feeling guilty, feeling lonely, doubting my decision to cut off my ex for good and feeling bad because I told him I couldn't be his friend. He's out there having a blast, he's out there doing things with his new girl and living life to the fullest. And there I was over the weekend feeling sad and depressed because I missed him so much....meanwhile...he could give a flying f*ck........ Sad...but SOOO true..........He doesn't care about me......why should he?..he only cares about himself...... who should care about me....ME....the same way he only does stuff that is good for him...I should do stuff that is good only for me as well. Man...it's so hard to let go......... Chiquita, I felt the exact same way this weekend. Why is it that when we try to forget them, we think about them even more ?? I kept thinking gosh, I'm here all sad and gloomy and he's probably out enjoying things. I think where we are at is just a phase in our coping. Today I feel a little better. My ex even text me saying, "just wanted to say hi". I of course am not responding. Why is he texting me anyway!!!? It's mind boggling to me.
burning 4 revenge Posted January 9, 2008 Posted January 9, 2008 Its true that they honestly don't care. Even if you died they wouldn't care although they might try to
timjones0674 Posted January 9, 2008 Posted January 9, 2008 (edited) I am very sorry that this happened.... You really sound like an outstanding young woman, and it is unfortunate that you were not rewarded with a mature guy.... (IMPORTANT NOTE: Women should always date older guys because we mature slower than you do) On the good side, I am amazed with how you handled yourself, though... In fact, the way you handled it is the reason he is responding with such varying signals and also the reason why he will never forget you... More on that below... In your specific case, I strongly suspect your relationship with him started to decline much earlier than you realize. For men, what normally happens is that as you start to get comfortable in the relationship, start to rely on him, and start to plan the future, the signal that the guy always gets is that he has caught you and that you are not as fun to be with anymore. The problem is that even if you give him great sex in the bedroom that will help for a little while, but even then he will continue to loose attraction to you over time. This is the #1 reason why married men loose interest in their marriage/relationship, by the way... Meaning, as you stopped making him chase you and he starts to perceive that he has caught you, it is just like a cat going after a bouncing ball of string. Once he has the string and it stops moving, it was no fun anymore. Once this happens, really bad things can start to occur in the marriage/relationship. There are ways to prevent this, I might add, but that is a story for another time... As far as the constant emotion swings. Let me answer that one for you as well. Most people do not realize it, but Love and Hate are actually allot closer than you think they are. Meaning, love is defined as something that brings powerful emotions out in you, no matter what type they are. Dont think for a second that his anger is saying he does not still love you. In fact, with feelings so strong, it no doubt shows how deep the attraction you have now built. This is most likely because of the way you responded during/after you broke up with him. Example: I had one experience where a young immature woman one time I was dating that told me that she hated me and never wanted to see me again, eventhough it was completely unprovoked. I told her I was sorry that she felt that way, but OK whatever and did not attempt to contract her.... Two weeks later she shows up at my place at 3am crying and telling me she loves me and wants to be with me forever. Starting to see my point here?? Powerful emotions, whether good or bad still show the power and depth of love.. Finally.., the guy you were with made a huge mistake and knows it. In time, once he realizes that being with a woman simply because she is pregnant with his baby is a really bad idea, then all he will do is think about you and regret what happened... Meaning, your heartbreak will be for a short time, and you will move on and have a happy life. For him, however, it will be a heartbreak that lasts for a lifetime... I hope this helps... Good Luck to you as you sound like one heck of a catch!! Edited January 9, 2008 by timjones0674
Confused9 Posted January 9, 2008 Posted January 9, 2008 AWWWWW Thanks Timjones. I appreciate your words. I hope they are true. I want to know that he misses me and still loves me. I still care for him very much! I appreciate your time in reading and replying. I just wish he made me feel worth the fight.
timjones0674 Posted January 9, 2008 Posted January 9, 2008 (edited) AWWWWW Thanks Timjones. I appreciate your words. I hope they are true. I want to know that he misses me and still loves me. I still care for him very much! I appreciate your time in reading and replying. I just wish he made me feel worth the fight. My suggestion would be that your NC to this point has been good and very effective, but at some point he will simply give up if you continue and it will be hard to recover from. Once the emotions die down (6 months or so), you might want to send him an ecard on a major holiday just wishing him a simple hello and if he replys then see if the two of you can build a friendship. Meaning, the two of you build something over the last 7 years and to completely walk away ideally would not be best if it can be avoided. Letting the emotions die down first, though, is very important to making this happening, and you not talking about or judging him on his mistakes is very important as well. This is the main reason why he is not answering the phone, by the way. What happened, happened, but a friendship can still remain out of it... Edited January 9, 2008 by timjones0674
Confused9 Posted January 9, 2008 Posted January 9, 2008 I have not tried to make people hate him or what have you...they have made up their own minds to do so. I mean...not hate but people are upset by what he did. I will always love this man and miss what we had. I don't know if I could EVER be his friend, but I would like to think, perhaps, one day. I still want to marry him, silly, I know. Thanks again. You are very wise!
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