jejeez Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 Hi all, my girlfriend of 3 months broke up with me just over a week ago because she wasn’t ready for a relationship so soon as her previous relationship, I think mainly because I was getting to heavy into it and she said she needs space. Anyway we get along great still and last weekend we went out together and had a really great time, afterwards she came back to my place and we stayed up till 8 in the morning talking and drinking. In that time we started talking about us and I believe I made things okay for her by saying that yes we shouldn’t have jumped straight into a relationship because the exact term relationship connotes seriousness so why can’t we just see each other and have a fun time together like we did at the start, to which she seemed to agree. We ended up kissing that night too, she kissed me first out of nowhere really? As we stayed up till 8 in the morning we didn’t wake up till 6pm the next day and when she woke up she was so quick to leave that we never even had chance to speak beyond see you later. This left me kind of confused because now I’m not sure whether she was just drunk and was thinking, what did I do last night? Or whether simply she had to go because she had work 3 hours later and had to go home to get ready. I’m sure I’ve missed things out here, so if you have any questions I’ll be happy to answer. Anyway what I’m asking is, what do you reckon I should do next? She hasn’t contacted me since she left and I was planning on waiting for her to get in touch with me. But now I’m wondering if I should contact her first because her ex basically ignored her a lot toward the end of their relationship and I feel that if I don’t contact her then she may start to think I don’t care like her ex didn’t additional info Ringing her isn’t really an option because she never picks up the phone to anyone because there is something wrong with her caller ID so she never knows who’s ringing her, therefore never answers. The only ways of communication is either through text messaging or e-mail. Also it was actually 2 days ago now when she left and we haven’t communicated since she left that evening. See the reason I haven’t text or e-mailed so far is because I said that I would give her space as she is in a bad place right now, so its hard for me to understand how to do this properly, I mean if I text her now will she perceive this as not giving her the space I said I would let her have? But then as I said in my original post she was hurt by her ex in many ways including him distancing himself from her, so maybe she won’t like it if I wait for her to contact me…it’s a hard one? I’ve been thinking about her and why she isn’t ready for a relationship, and please tell me if this makes sense. Basically she fell in love with her ex and fully immersed herself into the relationship to have it thrown back in her face. Now does this mean she has trust issues with me because I have told her how much she means to me and if she accepts this and immerses herself in our relationship, is she afraid that I may do the same thing that her ex did? Is she basically at this point where she would rather destroy what is good before the good destroys her?
Sashy Posted January 9, 2008 Posted January 9, 2008 I would say it is possible that she left like that the other day, not only because of work pressure, but also because she needed some space, after so much of intense time spent together. Since she isn't ready for a relationship, it is not surprising that she did that. She ofcourse does feel good around you, else she wouldn't have spent so much time with you, but I guess at this stage, she isn't ready for much beyond that. She might also be feeling that by being with you, she is increasing your hopes and expectations, which she doesn't want to. I think it would be allright for you to text her and say something like "hope you are doing good. you can contact me whenever you are comfortable". This way, she knows you care, and at the same time, she won't feel obligated to reply or respond when she isn't ready. Ofcourse, use your own words... but you get the point..
Nomad1 Posted January 9, 2008 Posted January 9, 2008 It could be that she has not got over her ex yet? If she still loves him she may find it difficult to start a new relationship. I wouldn't text her since she asked to be left alone. If she really likes you she will come back, if not you will need to move on. Nomad1
Lee725 Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 Hi all, my girlfriend of 3 months broke up with me just over a week ago because she wasn’t ready for a relationship so soon as her previous relationship, I think mainly because I was getting to heavy into it and she said she needs space. Is she basically at this point where she would rather destroy what is good before the good destroys her? Your story sounds VERY similar to mine, but i am going to try not to go on to much about my situation here, just how i am dealing with it, as that may or may not help you. I have a suspicion that you are on the same journey i am. Just briefly: In the wash it came out that i was a rebound. that is why it all started so intensely, he seemed so into me so quickly and it ended the way it did. He had just come out from a 10yr relationship and has a 2.5 yr old. i feel hurt and lied to because he said that he was ready when he in fact was not, i asked him time & time again, because i did not want to get hurt, he knew this ad still kept it going. It hurts like hell because you meet these people you could so easily fall head over heels for and then they say - "I am not ready for this". I am on complete NC. Apart from one short message each way 6 days ago, it has been like that since the 28th of Dec. each day i wonder if i should contact him, after all he said so many things that made me feel like i could be with him long term. He made me feel complete in so many ways that i have not felt for a long time. I need to remember that right now, at this time no matter what i say, no matter what i do, it will not make him ready, only time will make him ready for me and that is if he ends up wanting me at all. I think maybe this attitude will help you too. I want him to love me, you want her to love you, but it can not be forced. I, much like you have to accept, that during this time even if we have them in our lives chances are they are thinking about someone else and are not truly devoted to us. We don't need nor want that. We don't want to fall in love with someone for it to be one way. Try to move on - if you think that time will make it better for her, then leave her with time, but you can not wait. Don't wait for her because you may find at the end of the day she may not want you at all. Good luck, let us know how you go.
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