AngelinaS Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 My boyfried who only I know that is my boy friend. I work for him and he hides it to everyone though he said he is committed to me about a year ago. Now he does not call me, text me, we don't go out, we don't spend even 2 minutes together. He just says hello everyday in the messenger though we work in the same office. He makes comments like there are no beautiful girls in the office and that if a beautiful girl comes in he can try for them (like a joke he says). Now he is hiring all beautiful girls. I used to feel I look good but I don't feel anymore. When I question him about his behavior and indifference towards me, he gets offended and a big fight happens. He accuses me of taking away his peace. As a new year resolution he told me, this is all he could do in the present circumstances and I should not ask him about it. (about why we don;t go out any more etc). Also he does not call on weekends and absolutely there will not be any communication on weekends. All I get is a hello on weekdays. Is it really worth? All this is causing me a lot of pain everyday. I feel so depressed. I feel it's not going to work and eventually he will dump me(though he says he will not and that I should have patience). Shall I just break it with him than work and slog for him for another year and get dumped? Or am I not understanding him and thinking wrong? Please help. I do not want to feel bad for someone who is treating me this way. I really do not want to. But it's very painful. Everyday his indifference is causing a lot of pain and I feel depressed.
timjones0674 Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 (edited) Let me cue you in.. He is playing with you... Want to know how to fix it? Simple. Be nice, but not emotionally involved. The way you do this is simple. Pretend in your mind that you met the best guy in the world and you are now dating him. Meaning, when you come into the office, have this huge smile on your face everyday, and say good morning to everyone just like you had just had the best night of sex you have ever dreamed of having. When he asks what you are so happy about, just say... "Oh, nothing"... Smile and continue with your work. Give this some time and he will continue to think about it and try to probe you. After a while just put the biggest smile you have on your face and then say something like "well.. If you have to know I met someone.."... (Add sheepish smile for effect) Nothing will mess with a persons mind more than competition. As long as you have utter patience and do not crack when he tries to test you, you can no doubt get him to eat out of your hand..... Literally if you want him to... That is assuming you actually want this, though... Edited January 8, 2008 by timjones0674
ElvenPriestess Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 This whole situation sounds bad. I think you need to move on and be done with it. Hiring all beautiful women? You mean discriminating? I hope not because that's not even legal. Anyways, you're not getting what you need out of this. He's playing games with you and putting your feelings in last place. Why would you even think of sticking with this? There's much better out there for you.
Author AngelinaS Posted January 8, 2008 Author Posted January 8, 2008 Thank you Tim. But don't you think he is seeing someone else based on his behavior? We used to go out alot. He stopped all of it as if someone will notice. Even if I have to go to a movie, I am so scared thinking of seeing him (I just feel he might turn up there with someone. I am not ready to see that. My heart will break) with another girl in at the movie. I have literally stopped going to movies. He tells me I should have a life. I fell I will die with depression one day.
Author AngelinaS Posted January 8, 2008 Author Posted January 8, 2008 True. He says if beautiful girls are hired, guys will work properly. I don't understand that logic. May be for him. All other guys are pretty much happy with their lives. The first question that he asks the recruiter is if the girl who has come for interview is good looking. I heard it from the recruiter. I agree. I should move on. I tried that earlier. When i do that, he stops his car in front of my house, sends me texts, mails, messages and makes me come out and then we talk and I belive him and I go back. For a week/ month he will be ok. Later on the same thing repeats. Please help me be strong. Also I am a divorcee who comes from a broken home where as he is never married and comes from a very rich and influential family. May be I am asking for the moon. Probably I am expecting too much. But then why did he commit to me. How come he doens't care about how I feel? How can people be so mean...? Everytime when I ask about any of the above issues, I am made to feel sorry and as If I am asking for a moon. Should I not expect my guy to call me atleast for 2 minutes on weekends...leave alone taking me out or meeting me out.
timjones0674 Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 (edited) Keep in mind that him going out with someone else is not the important part. Building attraction in you is, however... Meaning, everyone wants what they cannot have, but right now he knows he can have you with no issue, so therefore he is not really interested in persuing you.. Think of it like bobbing a ball in front of a cat. As long as you keep taunting the cat, he will stay interested. Once you let him have the ball, however, he will no longer be interested... This is how all attraction in men and women is built, by the way... Meaning, in any successful longterm relationship one person always is more interested than the other and chases the other person. When the other person eventually lets themself be temporarily caught, then the chasing person is rewarded and the process starts all over again. Starting to see how this attraction thing works?? Edited January 8, 2008 by timjones0674
ElvenPriestess Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 True. He says if beautiful girls are hired, guys will work properly. I don't understand that logic. May be for him. All other guys are pretty much happy with their lives. The first question that he asks the recruiter is if the girl who has come for interview is good looking. I heard it from the recruiter. I agree. I should move on. I tried that earlier. When i do that, he stops his car in front of my house, sends me texts, mails, messages and makes me come out and then we talk and I belive him and I go back. For a week/ month he will be ok. Later on the same thing repeats. Please help me be strong. Also I am a divorcee who comes from a broken home where as he is never married and comes from a very rich and influential family. May be I am asking for the moon. Probably I am expecting too much. But then why did he commit to me. How come he doens't care about how I feel? How can people be so mean...? Everytime when I ask about any of the above issues, I am made to feel sorry and as If I am asking for a moon. Should I not expect my guy to call me atleast for 2 minutes on weekends...leave alone taking me out or meeting me out. I ask myself that every day. How can people be so mean and careless with another's feelings? He's selfish, that's how. And he plays games. He wants to be in control, that is the reason he texts you but only when you break off on your own. Then when he feels he has you in his clutches he reverts to where he was before. What you are asking is not out of the question. And as some one who has been a hiring manager what he does is disgusting. It's childish. Immature. He sounds like his background leaves him spoiled in certain ways. I probably shouldn't say this but in many ways I just do not like this guy. He tries to control you, is too selfish to care about your feelings, it's all about him. I know it's hard, but you HAVE to be strong. You know what you should do? Break off again like before. Don't call, don't anything. Then when he texts you, blow him off. If he asks why, be honest. Say because I'm done with this, you can't offer what I need from a partner. I truly encourage you to do this, as hard as it may sound. You can't hear my voice but when it comes time (normally I'd say picture me saying this) picture yourself reading this.
Author AngelinaS Posted January 8, 2008 Author Posted January 8, 2008 Thanks Tim . You are fun. But should I want him playing all these tricks is something I am confused about. What is the need to act and get him back.
SeraBella Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 Angelina, it doesn't sound like there's a relationship left at all. And he sounds like a pig that isn't worth trying to fix things with. I completely understand why it hurts so much. You should start looking for a new job and move on. I think if you stay there you won't be able to get over this. It will constantly poke at you.
ElvenPriestess Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 Thanks Tim . You are fun. But should I want him playing all these tricks is something I am confused about. What is the need to act and get him back. No no, no get back, just move on, Being the bigger person and moving on with your life with out getting back at him will drive him insane. Of course you could always convince the new pretty girls to come in looking terrible one day, but again as much fun as revenge is it's not becoming or a good idea.
Author AngelinaS Posted January 8, 2008 Author Posted January 8, 2008 Hi Elven, For some reason your reply made me so sad yet felt so good. Felt like a good friend is giving me a suggestion. I used to feel why is this world so bad. But it feels good that there are so many people that care about others who they do not even know. Thanks for the reply SeraBella. True. I believe it's not about not having a relationship left. I feel there was never any relationship at all. Otherwise why would he do this?
ElvenPriestess Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 Hi Elven, For some reason your reply made me so sad yet felt so good. Felt like a good friend is giving me a suggestion. I used to feel why is this world so bad. But it feels good that there are so many people that care about others who they do not even know. Thanks for the reply SeraBella. True. I believe it's not about not having a relationship left. I feel there was never any relationship at all. Otherwise why would he do this? Although I don't know you I will give you any help you need. That's what I'm good at:-) I hate it when good people hurt:mad: And you're a good person. What was said about there being no relationship to being with. I bet you're thinking "I don't want to think that, it can't be true." But if you realize and think that way it may just help you get through this. And if ever possible, the job thing is a FABULOUS idea (way to go sarabella) I can't wait for the day you come on here and say "You guys were so right, what the heck was I thinking? I'm so happy now!"
timjones0674 Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 Thanks Tim . You are fun. But should I want him playing all these tricks is something I am confused about. What is the need to act and get him back. I agree you should definitely move on, but I was only offerring advice for if you wanted to keep persuing. Sometimes in Love it feels good to "turn the screw" on the other person, so to speak. I am not saying this is right, but sometimes it definitely feels good. As I always say, there is a reason why they say "All is Fair in Love and War"..
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