kimba Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 you 'let fly" ??/ did u call or text?? what happened exactly?
Author blon_dee Posted January 11, 2008 Author Posted January 11, 2008 Yeah, i just txt a whole heap of random stuff... a bit nasty really... we've had a few more txts back and forwards.. im not sending anymore. I apologised for being nasty.. As much as i want to be, im not that kind of person. I dont think i will ever move on if i remain this angry. i have to let it go. Hes just tol dme he just wasnt ready.. and that we have different needs right now.. that i need stability and someone i can trust (which is totally true) and that he needs to sort out what he wants and needs. He also admitted that the main reason is my 4 yo daughter, something he has always struggled with... I feel happier that i have a bit more of an answer anyway. Not that i can forgive him just yet for the pain and torture he has put me through these last few months.. but i feel a bit better on the closure thing. It was simply never going to work right now.. And i dont honestly think he will ever know what he really wants.. Hes 34, never kept a long term relationship, never even held down one job for too long.. He clearly has serious commitment issues i think!!
Author blon_dee Posted January 11, 2008 Author Posted January 11, 2008 BTW my daughter is not a little monster, far from it.. Hes just not the kid type and struggled with the responsibility of it all.. Fair enough i guess.. ALthough, its not like he hasnt known about it the whole YEAR we have been together... gggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.. Ooops, getting angry again... I dont think hes a very good person anyway, hes done some pretty ordinary things in the past..
kimba Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 It just sounds like he is going to try this over and over again and just use different emotional tacts each time. you know, empathy and understanding (wanting the "best" for u) and then anger, then crying/ begging...... its a question of how long you'll put up with it... i really dont think this guy is going to change and if your family/ friends dont like him then thats a red flag... cos they are more objective. he sounds like an a$$ REAL NC is what you need
Author blon_dee Posted January 11, 2008 Author Posted January 11, 2008 yep.. i think you hit the nail right on the head... I have no doubt he will start begging me telling me hes made a mistake, hes done it 3 times now, in the past 3 months.. And you're right, i keep letting him do it... Its just so hard when you love someone (or love what you thought someone was in my case, because he was right, he has not been the man i fell in love with a year ago.. he has turned into a bit of a selfish, immature whacko!!) But you know what i mean??? Its HARD>> and every time, i think, maybe he really means it this time...
Author blon_dee Posted January 11, 2008 Author Posted January 11, 2008 And he did have my family and friends all fooled.. The first time he screwd up was BIG time (involving looking for sex on the net_) and after his big crying spiel to my mum and step dad, THEY convinced me to give him a chance.. But since hes done the scared of commitment thing over and over, they say now that hes a total A**hole! So now they all hate him, because he keeps hurting me
kimba Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 yep.. i think you hit the nail right on the head... I have no doubt he will start begging me telling me hes made a mistake, hes done it 3 times now, in the past 3 months.. And you're right, i keep letting him do it... Its just so hard when you love someone (or love what you thought someone was in my case, because he was right, he has not been the man i fell in love with a year ago.. he has turned into a bit of a selfish, immature whacko!!) But you know what i mean??? Its HARD>> and every time, i think, maybe he really means it this time... It might have been the man you were in love with a yearago but its not him now. Read this: If I were to hand you a contract saying, if you sign you will be happy with this person in a relationship but after three years he/she would either: a) cheat on you b) become a substance abuser c) become abusive to you d) treat you coldly e) lie f) steal Would you sign? The romantic would say… better to have loved than never loved at all. But how true is that really? Wouldn't it be worse knowing that you had a GOOD frame of reference to compare to, and wouldn't the disappointment be that much more crushing knowing they weren't merely just a jerk all the time? Actually it is a kind of a trick question, when you get to the root of it. If the person did any of those things your relationship is already in trouble AND if the person was so sweet before, lo and behold they are not that person any more. People change and evolve and I find that everyone has a hard time accepting that, especially when people change for the worse. They use previous actions and behaviors to defend the person who isn't acting like that any more. I have done it a million times. It's called denial, and we all do it to protect our minds and hearts from excessive pain. The ongoing struggle of the Break-up recovery process is by definition facing the truth, and not dressing it up in your own traumatized logic. Think about it, are you thinking clearly now? How can you possibly hope to objectively come to any conclusions? My advice, don't make things overly complex. In other words don't trust your own thought process at this time. The real bottom line is you wouldn't sign the contract. Because on paper it would look like the cost far outweighs the benefits. You would wait for a better offer. So why don't you write down what the issues are, and how it has affected your life. Don't use examples of previous behaviors of the subject; describe what they bring to your life right now. Chances are one of the big things they bring to your life right now is stress. Evaluate what you have written and ask yourself would I sign this contract?
kimba Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 And he did have my family and friends all fooled.. The first time he screwd up was BIG time (involving looking for sex on the net_) and after his big crying spiel to my mum and step dad, THEY convinced me to give him a chance.. But since hes done the scared of commitment thing over and over, they say now that hes a total A**hole! So now they all hate him, because he keeps hurting me Ok Now I DO think you are seeing the guy I am seeing. What is the first letter of his first name?
Author blon_dee Posted January 11, 2008 Author Posted January 11, 2008 And thanks for that last post.. that made a lot of sense.... I deserve so much better than putting myself through this crap!! And so do you girlfriend!! :-)
Author blon_dee Posted January 11, 2008 Author Posted January 11, 2008 Phew... had me going for a minute... lol.. Not that it wuold have suprised me... Are you sure you know your guys real name??? These bas***** can lie!! lol
kimba Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 i know, they both could be lying....... ok, what is his occupation lol
Author blon_dee Posted January 11, 2008 Author Posted January 11, 2008 lol um.. technical consultant??? lives in suburb starting with P near city.. lol
kimba Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 are you sure he doesnt actually live in a suburb starting with a C a little further out of the city but sort of on the same side?? and that in fact he is actually in engineering??
Author blon_dee Posted January 11, 2008 Author Posted January 11, 2008 nope, been to his house... Definately right smack in the middle of P********. And it is an engineering type company.. But he is definately not an engineer.. maybe you should PM me with more details.. lol.. Im sure its not the same guy though... Mine is definately not 6ft2.... These scum bags though..... oh man... You just would never know sometimes what was true and what wasnt!! I feel like i have been living a lie!!
kimba Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 I know , I am joking, but i know that mine HAS A BROTHER:eek::eek::eek::eek:
Author blon_dee Posted January 11, 2008 Author Posted January 11, 2008 ha ha ha...... Nope, mine doesnt have a brother... Makes you so wary of men though huh??
kimba Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 anyway, yes they are all a$$es. except the ones on here:confused: have you heard back from him? I REEEALLLY think you go NC Lets make an NC pact
Author blon_dee Posted January 11, 2008 Author Posted January 11, 2008 shouldnt be,, i changed it today?
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