sad and lonely Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 hello everyone... iv been reading through posts and joined because i wanted to share my experience... sorry for my english. i have been with my girlfriend for 7 years (almost 8 actually).. we were so happy together.. we shared everything and we overcomed any obstacle that any can throw at us. almost everyone knew all that was left was for us to marry... we lived together. went to work together, we even shared our money togher.... then suddenly.. during our 7th year... i found out that she had an affair... she had sex with her bestfriend twice. it was a couple of months apart. i was in total disbelief when i found out. i never thought she could do it. i loved her with all my heart and i was so heartbroken. even with what happened, i told her i love her still, because this is the truth. that im willing to overlook this matter and accept her back. we cried and cried and she made me feel how really sorry she was. that she cannot live without me. i know she loves me. she told me she has fallen for another guy but she is willing to change and give it another go. so time passed (around a month) and we were back together but now she is asking for space. she told me that she wants to find herself. she kept reassuring me that she'll be back into my arms and that she wants to be so sure of herself when she does that. she said she wants to know the reason why she had an affair and discover what she really wants, why she did it to me. she told me i will always be her loved one and that no one can replace me. the reason im writing this is because im so scared. i dont know if she will really go back to my arms again. right now im still waiting for her... i would try to call and text her once in a while and she would gladly respond. sometimes she would be the first to call me and ask me how i am. she even said that right now, she is not considering the other guy but rather more of finding herself and going back to me with all her heart. what should i do?
ElvenPriestess Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 Well cheating is a pretty messed up way to go about wanting to find ones self. Are you sure you want to wait for some one who did that to you to come back to you? You should be calling the shots, you are the victim here.
Author sad and lonely Posted January 8, 2008 Author Posted January 8, 2008 i know her all too much (7 years) that i have this feeling that i know she just made a mistake. this is why i chose to accept her again. before we parted ways for the space she wanted.. she kept crying to me and told me that she'll be back. when i try to call her... it seems that she is having really a hard time trying to piece things together. when i ask her if she loves me, she keeps on telling me that she really does and that she needs space. i feel pity for myself... as you said i am the victim here... but i love her so much.. i dont know if i could live without her... i know too that she cannot live without me... we were so in love.. i dont know why this happened.. im also afraid that what if we got back together... will it go back like it used to be? or will she be confused all over again?
cj1988 Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 Cut her loose no, she does not love you the way you deserve to be loved. SHE cheats and then says sorry and THEN tells you she is now feeling something for someone esle and needs space, she is historry and you should be GLAD....she would have cheated over and over again !
Cobra_X30 Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 i feel pity for myself... as you said i am the victim here... but i love her so much.. i dont know if i could live without her... i know too that she cannot live without me... we were so in love.. i dont know why this happened.. im also afraid that what if we got back together... will it go back like it used to be? or will she be confused all over again? You dont do that to someone you love. So please understand that she doesnt love you. She may have feelings for you... but it's not something I would call love. I just don't feel like she respects you. Can you explain what is so great about her that you would want her back after all this?
ElvenPriestess Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 i know her all too much (7 years) that i have this feeling that i know she just made a mistake. this is why i chose to accept her again. before we parted ways for the space she wanted.. she kept crying to me and told me that she'll be back. when i try to call her... it seems that she is having really a hard time trying to piece things together. when i ask her if she loves me, she keeps on telling me that she really does and that she needs space. i feel pity for myself... as you said i am the victim here... but i love her so much.. i dont know if i could live without her... i know too that she cannot live without me... we were so in love.. i dont know why this happened.. im also afraid that what if we got back together... will it go back like it used to be? or will she be confused all over again? Well, to be fair, no human needs another human to live. But I understand how you feel. This is the part I find selfish of her. She hurt the heck out of you. And nobody deserves to be cheated on. Then, you accept her back out of the goodness of your heart and she needs space to sort things out? If I were her and I REALLY felt like this, I'd want you to sort it out with me. I'd ask you to be my partner in time of need, help me battle against the things I need help getting over. I wouldn't leave you for "space" because that's a double slap in the face. You get hurt, you take her back, she leaves? You have feelings too, and she is too busy with herself to take that into consideration. Things probably wouldn't be the same if you were back together, because of all that's happened. Relationships change all the time. She needs to be right with herself, fix her own problems, and get her stuff together before she can be with anyone. And this she should have realized a long time ago. I'm sorry if I sound harsh but I have so much sympathy and compassion for you right now. None of this is fair to you. You truly deserve something much more stable.
Author sad and lonely Posted January 8, 2008 Author Posted January 8, 2008 actually that crossed my mind... id ask myself time and time again... what if i didnt catch her? would she have continued seeing her bestfriend behind me? i felt it was so selfish as i have dedicated my life for her... was there with her in all the downs and ups of her life... but again, knowing her for 7 years made me feel bad if i dont forgive her... this is the only thing that she has ever done and looked really sorry for what she have done. i know a lot of people will call me stupid... maybe that's why i feel so miserable.. waiting for her... but i really want to forgive... i want her to know that... and that everything will be ok... ahhh...
Author sad and lonely Posted January 8, 2008 Author Posted January 8, 2008 thank you for your compassion... it actually felt good knowing that someone understands me... right now i can only talk to you guys... i dont want to ask any friend's or close one's help because i know i will have to explain and be saying the things she has done which would make her look bad. i dont want that to happen to her. i dont want to risk that especially if she will be back to me.. to tell you the truth... now im wondering why good guys (assuming im a good guy) always get hurt. i never cheated on her.. never went to a bar... never talked to anyone that might make her jealous... i even left some of my friends for her...
ElvenPriestess Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 actually that crossed my mind... id ask myself time and time again... what if i didnt catch her? would she have continued seeing her bestfriend behind me? i felt it was so selfish as i have dedicated my life for her... was there with her in all the downs and ups of her life... but again, knowing her for 7 years made me feel bad if i dont forgive her... this is the only thing that she has ever done and looked really sorry for what she have done. i know a lot of people will call me stupid... maybe that's why i feel so miserable.. waiting for her... but i really want to forgive... i want her to know that... and that everything will be ok... ahhh... You can forgive but that doesn't mean hang around and dangle in the wind while she takes her sweet time. And only SHE can make everything ok in her life. I think you're taking too many of her problems on your own shoulders. Almost like a hero complex. Please don't take offense to that, it's just my opinion.
Author sad and lonely Posted January 8, 2008 Author Posted January 8, 2008 You dont do that to someone you love. So please understand that she doesnt love you. She may have feelings for you... but it's not something I would call love. I just don't feel like she respects you. Can you explain what is so great about her that you would want her back after all this? she's my first love... and i thought she will be my only love... she felt that way too before...
Author sad and lonely Posted January 8, 2008 Author Posted January 8, 2008 You can forgive but that doesn't mean hang around and dangle in the wind while she takes her sweet time. And only SHE can make everything ok in her life. I think you're taking too many of her problems on your own shoulders. Almost like a hero complex. Please don't take offense to that, it's just my opinion. i dont know whats happening to me... iv always been there for her every step of the way.. i asked her already if she could let me help her find what she really wants but she doesnt want it.. she wants to be alone.
Author sad and lonely Posted January 8, 2008 Author Posted January 8, 2008 sorry to add but i suddenly remembered what she said exactly.. she told me that everything was becoming automatic... that everything was like a routine already... the spark is lost... she felt that i was like an older brother to her already....
ElvenPriestess Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 i dont know whats happening to me... iv always been there for her every step of the way.. i asked her already if she could let me help her find what she really wants but she doesnt want it.. she wants to be alone. She wants to be alone. And while she doesn't want you with her you are a good guy, as you say you didn't cheat, didn't make her jealous, didn't go to bars (SO rare these days that the guy doesn't go to bars alone) you realize that you could move on. To someone who will treat you equally as good. I know it's hard to see because of how much you care for her. But please, do not hurt yourself and make yourself suffer to help her out when she doesn't even want your help. If you destroy yourself and your heart for some one who wants to be alone, what goos will you be to youself and who ever is out there later in life?
ElvenPriestess Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 sorry to add but i suddenly remembered what she said exactly.. she told me that everything was becoming automatic... that everything was like a routine already... the spark is lost... she felt that i was like an older brother to her already.... Yikes! That's um.... harsh and a little disturbing.
Cobra_X30 Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 she's my first love... and i thought she will be my only love... she felt that way too before... That's not enough for you to want her back! You will be happier with someone else. sorry to add but i suddenly remembered what she said exactly.. she told me that everything was becoming automatic... that everything was like a routine already... the spark is lost... she felt that i was like an older brother to her already.... She doesnt value you... she doesnt think that she can lose you. That spark comes from respect, appreciation, and value. So, what do you plan to do while your waiting for her to see if this other man is better?
Author sad and lonely Posted January 8, 2008 Author Posted January 8, 2008 That's not enough for you to want her back! You will be happier with someone else. She doesnt value you... she doesnt think that she can lose you. That spark comes from respect, appreciation, and value. So, what do you plan to do while your waiting for her to see if this other man is better? i dont know... i really dont know.... do you think 7 years is too much to give up? we shared the best memories and she changed me to the man i am today.. we have so many things to lose... so many things to change if we were to go our separate ways...
ElvenPriestess Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 i dont know... i really dont know.... do you think 7 years is too much to give up? we shared the best memories and she changed me to the man i am today.. we have so many things to lose... so many things to change if we were to go our separate ways... What changes are you afraid of happening should you guys go your separate ways? And you will still be the person you are no matter what happens. Just with more experience in your life.
Cobra_X30 Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 i dont know... i really dont know.... do you think 7 years is too much to give up? we shared the best memories and she changed me to the man i am today.. we have so many things to lose... so many things to change if we were to go our separate ways... No... 7 years is not too much to throw away. She has already done it... now it's your turn. Be grateful for the time you had together, hopefully it made you a better man. Now find someone who will appreciate that. Change is often good, do not fear change! You should be excited that you are now free to persue someone better. I think if you take the rose colored glasses off and look back, she was probably not the best person to be in a relationship with. Would you be willing to inform her that it's over and that you will be persueing other women?
Owl Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 She's still cheating on you. I'd bet money on it. The "need space"..."need to figure out why I did what I did"..."thinks of me as her older brother"..."lost the spark"...these are all classic signs of someone who is involved in an affair and emotionally invested/investing in someone else, rather than in you. Let me guess...she's still good friends with the person she slept with? Still calls and talks to him, etc...right? Your options are simple. Either decide that she's cheating, and she's not really 'marriage material" (being bf/gf is a test drive for marriage...she's failed the test drive already) and end the relationship and move on... Or, decide that you want to fight for the relationship, get proof of her cheating, and take active measures to end her affair and regain/rebuild your relationship. The first thing you need to do is to decide which of these two options you're gonna take. Then you get a plan to work that choice...
Chrome Barracuda Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 Forget her man. She's too young and immature to be in any serious relationship. She'll come back if the realtionship wasnt bad, give it time. But you need to stop with all that reminising bullcrap and get it together. She's a WAW, she pulled the same stuff like many of these wayward's on here pulled. She lied and cheated. Why would you want someone who couldnt be trusted and who possibly could do it again. All that talk about she's coming back is lip service to assuage your fears, letting you down easy. She's lying man, you need to move on and find someone else. Go NC with her. Watch she'll be knocking down your door later on.
BetrayedMM Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 She's stringing you along. She wants you to be there for her if/when it doesn't work out with the other guy. She sees you as something to fall back on... Kinda funny how that works sometimes- you meet one of a woman's most important emotional needs by nurturing a stable relationship, and they get 'bored'. This is not your fault. Don't let anyone (especially her) tell you otherwise. I guarantee if you cut her loose and move on, she will come crawling back sooner or later. She may have felt that the relationship was routine, but she will miss that security (what she previously called boredom)dearly! Now is the time to stop and think. Remove yourself from your emotions and think! Do you really want her back? Be careful what you wish for.
Chrome Barracuda Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 She's stringing you along. She wants you to be there for her if/when it doesn't work out with the other guy. She sees you as something to fall back on... Kinda funny how that works sometimes- you meet one of a woman's most important emotional needs by nurturing a stable relationship, and they get 'bored'. This is not your fault. Don't let anyone (especially her) tell you otherwise. I guarantee if you cut her loose and move on, she will come crawling back sooner or later. She may have felt that the relationship was routine, but she will miss that security (what she previously called boredom)dearly! Now is the time to stop and think. Remove yourself from your emotions and think! Do you really want her back? Be careful what you wish for. I gotta co-sign on that!!!
JustBreathe Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 I am also feeling the signs that she is still cheating. I know you love her but you can't make her stay with you or love you back. Do you really want someone who doesn't love and respect you? Also, she is still cheating and while she is doing that there is no hope to patch things up with you as she won't be committed to it. If you beg her to stay, she will only lose even more respect for you as a doormat is not attractive. My vote: Let her go until when and if she decides to make a true go of your relationship and quits cheating on you. That if you even want her back by then.
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