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Posted

How often do you argue?

 

My fiance and I almost never argue. And if we do it is almost always about chores.

 

what do you argue about?

Posted

I only argue with my SO when he's been out drinking/wants to go out drinking. Other than that we get along well. I'm not a very argumentative person.

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Posted

sometimes I think it is weird we don't argue. But my parents argue all the time so that is probably why it is weird.

Posted

Actually, it is good to argue in the sense that discussions with opinions are needed to grow together. How you argue is the key to success or failure in a marriage.

 

We argue as needed. As soon as she sees that once again I am right, the arguments stop. :D I wish. She is an opinionated woman...something I love and something that can make my life a little more difficult. No, I would not change her.

 

And we "fight" when our moods are incompatible. For instance, if I had a bad day at work, this stress may spill out into our discussions. What would have been a simple problem becomes "an issue." But as we have adjusted over the years of marriage (almost 18), we have learned to offset the bad days of our partners. When I see that she is having a bad day, I try not to aggravate her with a confrontation that is really not necessary. It can usually wait. And she has learned the same. The morning is not the best time to ask me to make a life changing decision. :laugh: Wait until after my coffee is gone. This helps us avoid fights.

 

The problems occur when we both have a bad day together. Ahh, that takes commitment to decide to avoid the emotions that will make the little problems become a "ruin my day" kind of problem.

 

How often do these happen? Maybe once or twice a month at max...if even that. And still we have not let these type of disturbances last for more than a day. We love each other way too much to stick to our guns for any length of time.

Posted
sometimes I think it is weird we don't argue. But my parents argue all the time so that is probably why it is weird.

 

Yeah I come from a family where everyone argued. I can remember getting slapped by my mom and my older sisters in the middle of arguments. I used to argue A LOT with previous boyfriends. I've been in therapy for over a year now, and am on prozac. That has helped with the arguments a lot. I rarely get my feathers ruffled now.

 

The only problem is that instead of getting angry, nowadays I'll cry. So I tend to just guilt-trip my SO into submission.

Posted
And still we have not let these type of disturbances last for more than a day. We love each other way too much to stick to our guns for any length of time.

 

My Dad always told me - never go to sleep angry. I've always taken that advice to heart.

Posted

I hate arguing but I think it's inevitable. Because no two people are alike and if they were they'd clash anyway. I've argued with almost every long term relationship I've had. That's an incredible thing that you guys don't argue hotgurl. Very cool though.

Posted
My Dad always told me - never go to sleep angry. I've always taken that advice to heart.

 

I too have been told this. By many people. It's great advice in relationships though often hard to follow.

Posted

the crying might be tied into the preggo hormones ... I know my girlfriends & nieces have said that they get weepy when pregnant!

 

we don't argue as much as we did when first married, but when we do it's mostly about money. And when not that, it's because one of us is in a bad mood and nothing comes out of the other person's mouth right :laugh:

 

but I do agree with the part about applying your parents' coping skills to your own relationships: My dad kvetched about everything and usually made people feel inadequate, which I hated, and I swore that if I ever found someone to love I'd never pull that kind of sneaky stuff on him. And I'm very conscientious about that, too – I've often told my husband that even if I'm so angry I'm spitting, it's important for him to know that my love for him doesn't change. And that's important, I think, for a relationship to remain stable. Because otherwise, the other person starts doubting their partner's love and that just adds to the problems.

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Posted
Yeah I come from a family where everyone argued. I can remember getting slapped by my mom and my older sisters in the middle of arguments. I used to argue A LOT with previous boyfriends. I've been in therapy for over a year now, and am on prozac. That has helped with the arguments a lot. I rarely get my feathers ruffled now.

 

The only problem is that instead of getting angry, nowadays I'll cry. So I tend to just guilt-trip my SO into submission.

 

me too I used to never be that way until recently.

 

The only time I get really upset is when he freaks about money. And it makes me feel guilty that I don't make as much. (not that he makes me feel guilty I just do than I cry)

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Posted

but I do agree with the part about applying your parents' coping skills to your own relationships: My dad kvetched about everything and usually made people feel inadequate, which I hated, and I swore that if I ever found someone to love I'd never pull that kind of sneaky stuff on him. And I'm very conscientious about that, too – I've often told my husband that even if I'm so angry I'm spitting, it's important for him to know that my love for him doesn't change. And that's important, I think, for a relationship to remain stable. Because otherwise, the other person starts doubting their partner's love and that just adds to the problems.

 

 

I try not to be like my mom. she is very nit picky. And calls my step-father names when mad. But I don't do that because I always hated it.

 

His parents relationship was pretty messed up too. His father beat him and his mom.

 

So we are very different form our parent. If anythign we use humor in bad situations to alievate the stress.

Posted

We argue sometimes but it usually gets resolved in les than 15 minutes. It's never vicious though.

Posted
How often do you argue?

 

My fiance and I almost never argue. And if we do it is almost always about chores.

 

what do you argue about?

 

Very rarely do we argue, which is a very nice change from what I use to deal with.:)

 

I would say maybe once every two weeks or so.

 

I have no idea what we argue about.:o Its stupid things that quickly get resolved.

Posted
How often do you argue?

 

My fiance and I almost never argue. And if we do it is almost always about chores.

 

what do you argue about?

 

If by "argue" you mean intellectual debate, we do that all the time! It's probably related to the work we do, but we can discuss and debate and contest an idea to death and back! Loudly, engagedly, and it neither side yields, someone plays dirty and resorts to tickling.

 

But if by "argue" you mean disagree of the kind that could get towards fighting - we haven't ever. When we disagree we deal with it promptly and discuss it rationally and if we can't reach a compromise, we drop it until we're feeling more creative and consider it in a fresh light then.

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Posted
If by "argue" you mean intellectual debate, we do that all the time! It's probably related to the work we do, but we can discuss and debate and contest an idea to death and back! Loudly, engagedly, and it neither side yields, someone plays dirty and resorts to tickling.

 

But if by "argue" you mean disagree of the kind that could get towards fighting - we haven't ever. When we disagree we deal with it promptly and discuss it rationally and if we can't reach a compromise, we drop it until we're feeling more creative and consider it in a fresh light then.

 

I didn't mean debate. To me debating is great. We debate all the time form a variety of topics.

 

I meant argue/fight. We used to argue a lot when we first started dating but now we almost never do and if we do it is about chores mostly.

 

I guess I am not used to being in a quiet relationship. we are getting married this July and I am so happy but I am waiting for the other shoe to drop so to speak.

Posted

My W and I almost never argue/fight. But we do have heated and sometimes emotional discussions. Without some way to air the issues you're having with your relationship, things will stay bottled up and resentments will form.

 

For so many years, the two of us kept everything inside. There was never conflict of any kind - fights or otherwise. We thought we had a perfect relationship because of this, but boy were we wrong! It blew up many years later, and we finally learned that you HAVE to air what's bugging you and work through it or it'll damage your relationship.

 

When people say marriage is work, they're right!

Posted

My husband and I argue constantly, everyday, mostly about stupid stuff like chores, but also about bigger stuff like money and communication issues, family, etc. Even when I try specifically to let things go, not let things bother me, etc. Something comes up anyway, if I don't start it then he does. We have actually been talking about MC a bit, haven't taken that step yet but something's gotta give. I am a bit jealous of these posters who say never or hardly at all. To have that kind of peace would be nice. I would think that if you don't now, you won't argue appreciably more later. Marriage brings certain issues but we argued alot before we were even married so I don't think it is marriage that brings it, it is personality clashes and the inherent personalities of the two people in the relationship.

 

I don't like to argue but it seems he really does. We also are both very outspoken and stubborn and that brings it too. We have alot of things in our corner that promote the arguments. These are things I hope to work on in the near future to bring some harmony to our union before we both get to the point where we are so sick and tired of it that we just call it quits. That is part of the reason I ended up finding LS in the first place but I haven't posted my story yet, still trying to figure out what I want to say and what I hope to accomplish by posting it. Regardless, I wish you a peaceful and relatively argument-free marriage! :)

Posted

Whenever she gets argumentative, I just put on my wife-beater t-shirt and she then realizes her place and then shuts-up. :D

Posted
Whenever she gets argumentative, I just put on my wife-beater t-shirt and she then realizes her place and then shuts-up. :D

 

Poopy! I just go outside and smoke a cig.;)

Posted
Poopy! I just go outside and smoke a cig.;)

 

Didn't know my wife started smoking again. :laugh:

Posted

We argue when I feel like it.

Posted
Didn't know my wife started smoking again. :laugh:

 

You didn't hear that:confused:;)

Posted
You didn't hear that:confused:;)

 

Well, next time you kiss me, i'll be waitin' to taste that nicotine.. lol

Posted

Oh, we have little arguments, or "tiffs" as my boyfriend likes to call them. I actually, several months ago, expressed concern to him about how many arguements we have. He said "yeah, we have a lot of tiffs, and we're gonna have 7000 more in our lifetime. That's part of life and love." And I agree. I've gone from thinking "OMG it's OVER!!!" every time we argued to knowing that all we have to do is talk it through, communicate and compromise (if need be). It's never over anything majorly serious, usually housework (as an earlier poster stated LOL) or other small things like that.

 

The important thing is, I think it's good/okay to argue on occasion. It means the lines of communication are open. And, boy, is our's open!! lol :laugh:

Posted

I'd say we argue a fair bit. We are both opinionated and head-strong and neither one likes to back down (I also think we both fear being walked on, so sometimes we dig in when it would be better to just let something go). We argue less now than we did when we were first together (close to 7 years ago)...we have learned to accept differences more easily and to let some things slide. Still, we tend to fire up over things and would like to lessen the amount we argue.

He gets really angry and I get really sensitive and upset. He walks away, I chase. I want to talk it out, he doesn't. The usual male/female type patterns tend to happen with us.

As for what we argue about....silly things normally, usually not the big stuff. Little things which escalate, until the argument becomes about the things said at the start of the argument! If that makes sense. :rolleyes: Or the lack of understanding, the harsh words spoken , the need to mention something or nag on something which isn't perceived as needed by the other etc.

We don't argue about money much. We do argue about in-laws, but less now, because that is an area where we have learnt acceptance.

I often wonder what's normal in terms of marriages/relationships myself. If we argue, are we bad, or hopeless?....or is that just part of how we both are/communicate etc.? And what's normal anyway!

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