OWoman Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 If people were truly honest in life they would own up to being disrespected when the MP they're having an A with doesn't think they're worth leaving their spouse for. That's honesty. Brutal but true. Sorry no one likes hearing that. Sometimes the MM wants to leave the W but the OW doesn't want him to. I've had a number of MMs leave their Ws and since it wasn't what I wanted, I dumped them. You seem to be labouring under the misapprehension that, deep down inside, all OW want to conform to YOUR idea of what a R should look like. Many don't. To many, the A actually IS the ideal R and isn't merely some second best, do for now kind of substitute in the absence of the real thing. For them, it IS the real thing, by choice. MMs see the OW when they feel like it, if she isn't available, he'll find someone who is willing to be there when he wants some. That's the nature of a cheater. Again, this is just so misinformed it's ludicrous! All the As I've ever had have been on MY terms. I've been the one calling the shots, I've been the one to decide when I wanted to see someone and if that person happpened to be unavailable (out of the country, stuck in a meeting, etc) then I've called in a replacement. Not that that happened often - most would be there in a flash, whatever time of the day or night. I'm sure there are SOME MMs who see their OW on the MM's terms, but those are only some, and should not be considered representative of all As anymore than Hs beating their Ws should be considered representative of all Ms. If your friend's MM had wanted to leave his M, for her or himself, he would have without her opinion or permission. Men are funny like that. Only the dumb ones. If what he really wanted was HER, and he knew that what she really wanted was the A as it is, he'd be a fool to destroy that and to lose her forever. Suffering it out with his W may well be the price he has to pay to be able to stay in the A with the woman he loves - his OW. A woman who CHOOSES an A DOES NOT WANT some guy to dump his wife for her. Perhaps some people cannot understand that, but they should at least consider that their choices are not everyone's.
frannie Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 MMs see the OW when they feel like it, if she isn't available, he'll find someone who is willing to be there when he wants some. That's the nature of a cheater. This is funny It bears absolutely no resemblance to reality.
Havn_a_life Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 Wasted years... Well it depends on who the person is if they're wasting anything... I think alot of people waste years staying married... Well, that's true enough said. I know several who should D but don't, but not for reasons of one spouses being a cheater. LOL
Havn_a_life Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 Like I said before.... Take the W out of the M and replace her with the OW...then you'd have the most happiestest of MM... If the OW is not available, he'll wait.. they don't go from OW to OW in a second... you obviously have no idea what an A is... lol The OW doesn't take what he's throwing at her... in my case, it's quite the opposite, he takes me whenever I feel like it... and whenever I AM available... He'll wait... trust me he'll wait... Unfortunately I do know all about A's, thanks to my FWH. Thanks very much. If that's what keeps you going back for more to someone else's H, then more power to ya.
Havn_a_life Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 Sometimes the MM wants to leave the W but the OW doesn't want him to. I've had a number of MMs leave their Ws and since it wasn't what I wanted, I dumped them. You seem to be labouring under the misapprehension that, deep down inside, all OW want to conform to YOUR idea of what a R should look like. Many don't. To many, the A actually IS the ideal R and isn't merely some second best, do for now kind of substitute in the absence of the real thing. For them, it IS the real thing, by choice. Again, this is just so misinformed it's ludicrous! All the As I've ever had have been on MY terms. I've been the one calling the shots, I've been the one to decide when I wanted to see someone and if that person happpened to be unavailable (out of the country, stuck in a meeting, etc) then I've called in a replacement. Not that that happened often - most would be there in a flash, whatever time of the day or night. I'm sure there are SOME MMs who see their OW on the MM's terms, but those are only some, and should not be considered representative of all As anymore than Hs beating their Ws should be considered representative of all Ms. Only the dumb ones. If what he really wanted was HER, and he knew that what she really wanted was the A as it is, he'd be a fool to destroy that and to lose her forever. Suffering it out with his W may well be the price he has to pay to be able to stay in the A with the woman he loves - his OW. A woman who CHOOSES an A DOES NOT WANT some guy to dump his wife for her. Perhaps some people cannot understand that, but they should at least consider that their choices are not everyone's. Yeah, a MM is dumb for cheating on his W. lmao If he's not capable of D her then finding another woman, then I guess the OW isn't worth being with for more than a few hours at a time. That would really suck to have to live with, if I were the OW. Of course, I wouldn't want to be some guy's stand by, but that's just me...
Havn_a_life Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 This is funny It bears absolutely no resemblance to reality. Really? where do you live, BFE?
Havn_a_life Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 Sometimes the MM wants to leave the W but the OW doesn't want him to. I've had a number of MMs leave their Ws and since it wasn't what I wanted, I dumped them. The bolded words really made me realize why you dumped all those MMs. They weren't a challenge once they dumped their Ws for you. They didn't realize there was no fun in the R once the W was no longer a competition against. It was about the feeling powerful when you took some MM from his W. Oh, ok. I get it! Thanks for clearing that up for me!
OWoman Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 Sometimes the MM wants to leave the W but the OW doesn't want him to. I've had a number of MMs leave their Ws and since it wasn't what I wanted, I dumped them. The bolded words really made me realize why you dumped all those MMs. They weren't a challenge once they dumped their Ws for you. They didn't realize there was no fun in the R once the W was no longer a competition against. It was about the feeling powerful when you took some MM from his W. Oh, ok. I get it! Thanks for clearing that up for me! Wrong on all points. But hey, believe what you want since it makes you happy. You're clearly incapable of believing that some people CHOOSE to live differently to you, by different values and with different priorities, so there's no point in my even trying to explain.
herenow Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 Sometimes the MM wants to leave the W but the OW doesn't want him to. I've had a number of MMs leave their Ws and since it wasn't what I wanted, I dumped them. Wrong on all points. But hey, believe what you want since it makes you happy. You're clearly incapable of believing that some people CHOOSE to live differently to you, by different values and with different priorities, so there's no point in my even trying to explain. When I first came to LS there was an OW here that had realized why she was attracted to MM. She said that she was afraid of intimacy and MM were safe in that they were already committed. I don't remember her name, but the problem came when she feel in love with one of the MM she was having sex with and she felt the pain when he made the choice to stay and work on his marriage after D-day. Not that OWoman is the same, it's a possible answer to why some women continue to have affairs with MM.
Havn_a_life Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 Sometimes the MM wants to leave the W but the OW doesn't want him to. I've had a number of MMs leave their Ws and since it wasn't what I wanted, I dumped them. Wrong on all points. But hey, believe what you want since it makes you happy. You're clearly incapable of believing that some people CHOOSE to live differently to you, by different values and with different priorities, so there's no point in my even trying to explain. By very different values, priorities. And no, there's no further need for you to explain. I have already formed my opinion.
Havn_a_life Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 (edited) [quote=OWoman;1487778 When I first came to LS there was an OW here that had realized why she was attracted to MM. She said that she was afraid of intimacy and MM were safe in that they were already committed. I don't remember her name, but the problem came when she feel in love with one of the MM she was having sex with and she felt the pain when he made the choice to stay and work on his marriage after D-day. Not that OWoman is the same, it's a possible answer to why some women continue to have affairs with MM. Which is really sad when you think about it that way. I'm sure she can get a really good guy (who's S)that would do alot more for her and be alot better for her than who she has now, someone else's H. Edited January 11, 2008 by Havn_a_life n/a
OWoman Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 When I first came to LS there was an OW here that had realized why she was attracted to MM. She said that she was afraid of intimacy and MM were safe in that they were already committed. I don't remember her name, but the problem came when she feel in love with one of the MM she was having sex with and she felt the pain when he made the choice to stay and work on his marriage after D-day. Not that OWoman is the same, it's a possible answer to why some women continue to have affairs with MM. I can imagine that a fear of intimacy is a factor for some OWs. I suppose in my case I just had everything neatly partitioned - I had some very close friends for intimacy, a bigger circle of friends for fun, work for fulfillment and achievement, my kids for nurturing and taking care of, my hobbies and activities for interest and enjoyment, and lovers for sex. I did not want someone full-time, cramping my style or making demands for more of my time than I was willing to invest. MMs suited me perfectly. And besides, both as a single parent and because of my work, I had contact overload most days and did not still want to have to meet someone else's needs for affirmation and connection too! So why has it changed now? Well I suppose aside from the obvious (falling in love) it's also just timing - my kids are grown, I've hit key points in other dimensions (work, studies completed, etc) where I'm ready to move on to new challenges and have more space and time in my life. Or perhaps it was having that that allowed me to fall in love? Who knows...
OWoman Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 there's no further need for you to explain. I have already formed my opinion. Entirely independently of the evidence. There's a word for that, starting with a p... I'm sure she can get a really good guy (who's S)that would do alot more for her and be alot better for her than who she has now, someone else's H. The myth of the "perfect" single guy! I've had PLENTY of SGs as well as MMs and, guess what? There's a REASON they're single! Certainly in the age bracket I'm interested in, anyway.
Havn_a_life Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 Entirely independently of the evidence. There's a word for that, starting with a p... lol would that be prejudice? I can tell ya, if there's a prejudice bone in my body it would have to be for women or men who sleep with someone else's spouse, so I'm guilty as charged. But, like cheating with a MP, it's not a crime. The myth of the "perfect" single guy! I've had PLENTY of SGs as well as MMs and, guess what? There's a REASON they're single! Certainly in the age bracket I'm interested in, anyway. There's a reason MMs are M too. If more potential OWs would stay away from them or turn them away, they(MMS) would either stay M and OW-less or single,horny and have to resort to masturbation!
bentnotbroken Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 There's a reason MMs are M too. If more potential OWs would stay away from them or turn them away, they(MMS) would either stay M and OW-less or single,horny and have to resort to masturbation! :lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao:
luvmy2ns Posted January 14, 2008 Posted January 14, 2008 When I first came to LS there was an OW here that had realized why she was attracted to MM. She said that she was afraid of intimacy and MM were safe in that they were already committed. I don't remember her name, but the problem came when she feel in love with one of the MM she was having sex with and she felt the pain when he made the choice to stay and work on his marriage after D-day. Not that OWoman is the same, it's a possible answer to why some women continue to have affairs with MM. Oh, hell yeah. This is exactly what I was thinking as I read through this thread. I'm sure there are many women who have been hurt enough that they can't bear the thought of going through it again so subconsciously choose men who they know aren't an option for a real relationship, thus avoiding getting hurt yet again. Then again, some of us feel it's worth the risk to have something real.
jaslene2009 Posted February 1, 2008 Posted February 1, 2008 I feel the same lizze. Do what you have to do. What works for you works for you. No need for judgement, just appreciate the individual. Please don't try to understand me.. I will not post about my complicated lifestyle here ... it would take pages.. plus you'd probably manipulate each word to make it sound terrible or disgusting... I'm not stupid you know... and not interested thank you very much. I don't feel I have to explain my lifestyle here (I do here and there in my posts, just read all my posts LOL) I do not have to apologize for the personal choices I make in my own life... I know it's not for everyone..but I find it suitable for me and this is exactly how I want it... for now anyway.. I'm not saying I won't change.. but, for now I can't be happier. I get spoiled by these men... I go on vacation each year... I am a shopoholic (sp)... My philosophy: if you're going to get f*cked... (we all do) might as well enjoy it and get spoiled for it... I feel sorry for those women who are getting used for sex and not getting anything out of it except pain and rejection... Not my case...
padder83 Posted February 5, 2008 Posted February 5, 2008 heya lizzie, hope ur well! i dont think u have to defend anything of what you do, as you said before to each their own, and your partners are MM's anyway so its not like their angels and ur the bad one u know. i like sex myself, the thing i think sometimes is ther is TOO much free sex out there, what i mean is (& this is in no way directed at you) do u ever find that people just hook up for no reason at all, jus cause they are bored maybe??? like i always felt that when u meet someone you can be attracted to them but yet you walk away or be nice and say goodbye, in my hometown & people of my age 24, it seams everone is getting laid by complete strangers& its all casual. maybe its jus the age im at? my generation shouldnt be screwing all the time thers, plenty of time fore that....we should be building time machines and then we can all go back in time and give marrilyn monrone one!hehehe >> to go back to the original point of the thread, yea its easy to stay in an A, ive been in one for a year now, thanks for the wise words spoken earlier on girls if there is one big benifit of an A, i think its that it teaches you not to be so lovee dovey" and maybe it takes the nieve'ness out of what you mite have felt before about being in love& how u have to accept life as it is, it asks you to be grown up, it asks you to say ok, this is the situation, deal with it.... its not simple, heck its never simple, maybe its jus nice to find someone who accepts us the way we are and dosent want to OWN us or to OWN a Diamond Ring or or do we want to own them, kinda like bliss ehhh??!!!
Zolie Posted February 5, 2008 Posted February 5, 2008 Wasted years... Well it depends on who the person is if they're wasting anything... I think a lot of people waste years staying married... Outstanding, that was. Purely genius. I agree 1000%
Zolie Posted February 5, 2008 Posted February 5, 2008 I've had a number of MMs leave their Ws and since it wasn't what I wanted, I dumped them. Eeeek, that hurts to read. Not trying to criticize you, but I don't think that's something to brag about. Please tell me those MMs left their marriages because they wanted to leave, regardless of having an OW? I would hate to think a marriage was destroyed because the leaving spouse thought the OP would be there for them, only to have the OP "dump" them! But, if the MMs left because the marriages were unbearable, then kudos to them. Not many of them do, so it's admirable to see a man (or a woman) finally know when to call it quits, and doubly so if they leave for themselves, despite having an OP.
OWoman Posted February 5, 2008 Posted February 5, 2008 Eeeek, that hurts to read. Not trying to criticize you, but I don't think that's something to brag about. Please tell me those MMs left their marriages because they wanted to leave, regardless of having an OW? I would hate to think a marriage was destroyed because the leaving spouse thought the OP would be there for them, only to have the OP "dump" them! I was upfront about what I wanted and the conditions under which we were engaging. They knew I didn't want them to leave their Ws, and so thinking "I'd be there for them" if they did was never on the agenda. I made that pretty clear, and they knew the score. Some hoped I'd change my mind, maybe, but others went ahead knowing it would end the M and the A. Nor was I "bragging" about it, merely stating that not every OW involved in every A wants more than the A. Sometimes that really is just what the OW wants. Things have changed for me now, but then, that really was what I wanted.
Lizzie60 Posted February 5, 2008 Posted February 5, 2008 There's a reason MMs are M too. If more potential OWs would stay away from them or turn them away, they(MMS) would either stay M and OW-less or single,horny and have to resort to masturbation! Yes there are... we, OW, mostly love them for the same reasons you (W) love them.
Lizzie60 Posted February 5, 2008 Posted February 5, 2008 I was upfront about what I wanted and the conditions under which we were engaging. They knew I didn't want them to leave their Ws, and so thinking "I'd be there for them" if they did was never on the agenda. I made that pretty clear, and they knew the score. Some hoped I'd change my mind, maybe, but others went ahead knowing it would end the M and the A. Nor was I "bragging" about it, merely stating that not every OW involved in every A wants more than the A. Sometimes that really is just what the OW wants. Things have changed for me now, but then, that really was what I wanted. You're confusing... From the time I've been reading your posts.. you always stated that you were calling the shots... you didn't want them in your life... you dumped them if they wanted to leave their W.. now this... Things have changed for me now, but then, that really was what I wanted... Hummm...
OWoman Posted February 5, 2008 Posted February 5, 2008 You're confusing... From the time I've been reading your posts.. you always stated that you were calling the shots... you didn't want them in your life... you dumped them if they wanted to leave their W.. now this... Things have changed for me now, but then, that really was what I wanted... Hummm... Well, if you'd been reading you'd know that my current MM and I have decided we want to be together, so he's left his W and we're working on the paperwork so that we can. Previously, I wanted part-time As, not full-time Rs. Now, I'm in a full-time R that's set for the long haul. People's needs change over time. We're both in a space where this is what we want, so we're going for it. How hard can that be to understand?
Impudent Oyster Posted February 5, 2008 Posted February 5, 2008 (edited) I get spoiled by these men... I go on vacation each year... I am a shopoholic (sp)... Just one vacation a year? Do all the guys pool their money and send you, like a group gift? Oh and, your avatar, is that an advertisement? You might not want to be quite so obvious when you advertise, it comes across a tad desperate. Edited February 5, 2008 by Impudent Oyster
Recommended Posts