iamjustagirl Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 my husband & I had been together for 15+ yrs,they were long & hard..we have 2 kids & alot of interference from both families. Well this year was the worst, we just fell apart, i began work, he worked more, he drank more, I stopped talking to him about my fears & worries...When he went to work he drank alot there too, he went to strip clubs with guys from work...I know he was not cheating but it still hurt that he was always there. As we grew farther apart things were just bad...no real talking, not much sleeping together,,he would come home,have a drink & go to bed especially if the kids & I were in moods...I began to work more,,...well ...1 morning I left him..I took the kids...a week later we lost our home, our vehicle & the life we knew....It got worse from there...I was terrified I stopped talking & trusting him, I believed others over him. I made "friends" with a guy from work...we slept together..My husband found out & said it was definatly over for us..He then went to a bar & went home with someone else...I was devastated & realized the pain I had caused him...We talked 2 days later...I begged him to come back to me...whatever I had to do...He was the most important person in my life..I wanted & needed him..Now he is here with me & our children..we all live together..We lost everything & have to start over completely..It is very hard...I need to earn his trust & his faith again...He says he loves me very much & will never leave me...I am worried that he may never ever beileve in me or ever forgive me,it's a chance I must take...I lost it all because I could not talk or tell my feeling to him or his to me...I let others into our life. I want this to work so bad i never thought we would end up this way. I never knew how much he meant to me or what i would be like without him..he says he wants to get re-married or re-committed on our anniversary...this is what I want to...I just want to be the wife & mother that i need to be...I really want his forgiveness & to just prove to him that i will love only him & want & need him forever....any suggestions,ideas,thoughts...please help me save my marriage...thanks
ElvenPriestess Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 Wow. That's alot to have happen all at once. I feel for you greatly. As much as he needs to forgive and trust you you need the same from him. You cheating was wrong and of course him taking revenge and cheating was wrong too. Thus you both have to forgive each other. There is obviously deep seeded pain and a lot of building back up that must happen. The fact that you both want the same thing is a very good thing. Have you two considered marriage counseling? The way for your marriage to survive is to rebuild it all, the things that were lost, and letting everything out. Communication is a huge thing here, and you two need to be very open and honest. Nothing can be swept under the rug. It will take time, sacrifice, compromise, and a lot of work. If you both are equally committed to this it can succeed. I do recommend marriage therapy as you can both lay out everything that's in your hearts and have a third professional person there to help you both sort things out. I'm not an advocate of divorce and I think you both are strong and true for not going that route. A lot has come between you two. You have to find a way to come back together and battle the root issues at hand together. Be a team in this and build your marriage to be better than it ever was. I do hope you two can get through this. I really do.
Author iamjustagirl Posted January 8, 2008 Author Posted January 8, 2008 Ok just to make things clear...when he told me he "went home' with someone..he clearly told me that he never had sex wth her..that they "made out" and she was given all the passion that night that he had for me..I am clearly responsible for most of this mess...yes we failed to communicate and we lost each other but I chose to leave him...I left him with nothing..i lied to him about all I had done, he made assumptions about me having sex with someone else..when he asked me I out & out lied to his face...I know this was the worst thing I had done & regretted doing it but yet I still continued to be friends with the guy at work even after i had told my husband everything...this ade things even worse & that is why he went to a bar & home with someone else...he had to let me go, so that he could "move on" & stop feeling so bad. I really am ashamed of myself & my actions...it was my family & my actions that caused him so much stress...I believed all that my parents said about him & never trusted what he said...I now know that he was & is my best friend,the only person who took time to know me for me & that still loves me despite all I have done. I know it will take time to repair the damage i caused ..not only to him but to my kids as well. i love him & will try my hardest to never disappoint him again..it took me losing him to realize that he is all I ever wanted or needed.
ElvenPriestess Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 It's good to not disappoint your husband but more importantly remember that you should never disappoint yourself first and foremost. If you aren't disappointing you most likely you aren't disappointing him either.
Author iamjustagirl Posted January 8, 2008 Author Posted January 8, 2008 (edited) thanks for the words...I just want to make things right for him & i and our family...he really is the most important person in my life & i always knew he was...i second guessed everything...believe me there's not a day that goes by that i do not regret not telling him everything but there's also not a day that goes by that i am notgrateful for having him believe inme, & for him being by my side again... Edited January 8, 2008 by iamjustagirl
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