MystifiedByMen Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 I was just posting in someone else thread and it got me to thinking… I mentioned in there that my ex of 6 or 7 years never told me he loved me. We started dating when I was in high school. Needless to say, it was a mentally draining situation where he was a selfish jerk. I’m now 26 and it’s been nearly 8 years since I’ve heard those words aside from my high school sweetheart before my ex. I’m finally in a relationship of a little over 2 months which has been wonderful and healthy. Things are progressing along so perfectly and I’m finally being emotionally fulfilled for once in my life. Last night he told me that he’s so happy we are becoming close and he’s happy I’m opening up. I had a hard time accepting the relationship status and was very standoffish due to my ex. I didn’t know what ‘normal’ was for relationships. I’m learning now with this patient guy I have. I even have a hard time typing how I feel about that word. But, my question is when is a normal period of time in which people actually say it to each other? In your past experiences, how long did you and your partner wait to say it? I’m now so afraid of that word it’s disgusting and not right. Is there something wrong with me now because my ex never opened up and talked about how he felt? Never said those three little scary words, which was so painful to me when I was with him. I think I’m damaged now in that department. I think me and my guy are heading that way and I’m freaking out about it. What do you think?
SeraBella Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 there is no typical time period. it's just when it feels right. i'm sorry your past has made you this way because focusing on this can surely bring a relationship to it's demise. can you just try to focus on enjoying the time you are spending with this person rather than either one of you saying or not saying i love you? focus on all of the positives. it's really not the word that matters it's how you feel.
scottydog Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 Before my current girlfriend, I was in a 5 year relationship with a girl whom I was in love with. After she broke up with me, I was naturally devastated and I wasn't sure about opening up my emotions again and telling another girl that I loved her. After a little more than a year after the breakup, I started dating my now current girlfriend. We've been dating for about 8 months now. I fell in love with her and I've told her on several occasions. While she hasn't reciprocated, she tells me she wants to be with me. In fact, we're moving in together in a few months. My impression from what she's told me and from what I can gather indirectly is that she was hurt from her past relationship and is afraid to fall in love again. She knows eventually she will, but it would take a long time before she will utter those 3 words again. It bothers me a little, wondering if we should move in together before she is there emotionally, but perhaps that's just me. (I wouldn't move in with someone I wasn't in love with) I guess at the end of the day, it shouldn't matter if she is in love with me or not. People do use that word carelessly these days and it should be their actions that should show you how they feel about you. In my case, she's moving into MY city, not know anyone really and will have to look for a new job. To me, it's a big step in our relationship. If she didn't, we would have to continue doing the long distance thing (which we've done for all but 2 months of our relationship). I don't know if she would ever tell me and I guess for now, I can live with that. Does it bother me? A little. But I tell myself that she wants to be with me and that's pretty much all I can ask for for now.
Lucasarts Posted January 9, 2008 Posted January 9, 2008 When you honestly, in all your spirit, body, mind, heart and soul feel it. Otherwise you're simply lying about a feeling that you wish you felt for someone. I've only said i loved my parents and my brother (despite all the things they've done to annoy/anger me, they've done more to make me happy and be an integral part of my life) I see myself as being too young to truly be in love with anyone...but i secretly hope that one of the girls i meet along the way will give me that feeling.
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